Keyloggers

[reboot]

With all do respect, yes it is true , "the two shall become one", although (I am basing this on the Bible, non denominational), I don't believe that God was speaking of the loss of identity in this case....We are to be "one" with Him, married to Him, yet we still do not loose our own identity.

 

I never mentioned, nor do my feelings have anything to do with "God".

[reboot]

Says the guy who is posting anonymously on an anonymous web forum, privately

 

That's not even close to the same thing and you know it.

[atlnay]

Two people become one, that's how I always thought it was supposed to be. Why would I need to have secrets?

 

Two people still equals two people. Your spouse, SO, friend, parent, whatever can TELL you anything and be 100% thinking something else, how would you ever know? Right. You wont. So what happens once you get snooping down to a science? When you leave no room for shenanigans. What's next? Probing their mind? You may not need to have secrets but can you respect & accept that your partner might?

 

I'm posting all of this in general, not specifically at you reboot.

 

I had a R where I snooped, because I suspected, and my suspicions were right. The elation of being proved right disappeared almost immediately when I realized who I was becoming. Him cheating said enough about his character. Me snooping wasn't my character.

 

One time my MM dropped his phone in my car there was a millisecond where I could see the fear in his eyes of me having access to his phone for 5-10 mins or pretending it wasn't there and having access to it at my leisure. I went to the car, saw it under the seat, picked it up, didn't even check to make sure it was his and gave it back to him. Not because I have unyielding faith in him but because once I got down that road, what's the point?

[In_Repair]

None of you will ever understand until it happens to you. I used my wife's cell phone one day, in front of her, and it said "new message" when I hung up from my call. I clicked on the messages button and found one from "him". She said that it was her ex boyfriend from when she was kid and that he had contacted her through a mutual friend, just wanting to catch up, and then he wouldn't leave her alone. They had it all planned, and he backed it up when I confronted him. I was STILL the trusting type and wanted to believe her, even went to marriage counseling... fast forward 8 months and I'm to the point where I'm falling apart. I KNEW something was wrong, but she has a damn good poker face. Then things got really strange. Money was missing... lots of money. People wouldn't talk to me anymore... my own mother would call me, almost crying, asking me to go "at least talk to someone"... **** like that, and I was just sitting there like WTF?!?!?! At the same time, she was telling me how much she loved me and making bull**** plans for the future... It broke me, and that made everyone believe her stories even more. It was pure hell.

 

By that time, I didn't really give a damn about her "right to privacy", and neither would any of you.

[crazycatlady]

I'm on the non-cheating side of things and I still don't agree with keyloggers. As for the don't ever tell that I've said, if you had read it you would know it was advice I had been given from my mother, but it is something I agree with. If I hadn't asked before, I would fully expect H not to tell me. And probably why he didn't tell me when I asked because at the time I would have totally flipped. Anyway.

 

I have a right to expect the stuff I do on my computer to stay mine. Sometimes he irritates me to no end and yeah I will b**** to my friends about whatever is irritating me. He doesn't need to see that. He doesn't need to see the problems they share with me that they are dealing with. I don't want him to know I snooped because he would be upset over my betrayal and I don't want him to know that I know. There lots of things I don't want him to see on my computer. He doesn't know I post here and I keep this hidden because I need a place where I can go to to help me deal with this.

 

But most importantly, I have the right to my own thoughts without his having to share them. And he has the right to his own thoughts without having to share them either. I am legally his partner, not his owner. We have combined where we live, how we raise our children, we share a bed, finances. But we don't own the other.

 

I have always told my H that its really the men who are usually the most controling in a relationship. He insists its the women. From what I see here? Its the men most controling.

 

And In Repair - the money would have been the last straw. I also gotta wonder what you behave like if your parents belived that of you.

 

CCL

[jwi71]

For those who say a keylogger is an invasion of privacy...

 

What is the BS to do?

 

I have heard the following:

1) Ask.

Now I agree with this. I did...I asked and she lied about it. Unfortunately for her, I already had the proof. Had I not had the proof...she would have continued to lie. In fact, the VAST majority of WS do. Given this, what is the BS to do? It seems the answer is...well, suck it up and do nothing.

2) Divorce NOW.

Yikes. I mean, one spouse, for whatever reason, suspects something is "going on" and the first step is D? Sometimes, one spouse or another may feel less confident...or even misinterpret signals or just feel threatened. It happens. I would, to be frank, not believe ANYONE who says they are always secure in love/marriage. It is, to me, part and parcel of the normal ups and downs and ebb and flow of a M. So having that "feeling" is normal (lets not argue the degrees ok). Im not sure I agree that the first solution is to leave...I'd say ASK. I now refer to you number one.

3) Do nothing.

Because the BS is to BELIEVE the words of a potential WS...who will lie. And the potential/fearing BS has, well, no recourse after that. Else the BS violates the privacy of the other. This doesn't seem to "fair".

 

And when end up in this vicious process:

IF the WS is cheating...they will lie about. Lets face it, its reaction number one, two and three.

IF the WS is NOT cheating...a sufficiently insecure BS may NOT believe it.

 

And we have a BS in limbo...not believing the words of his/her spouse. And, according to this thread...given NO recourse to alleviate those fears REGARDLESS if an A is happening or not. For some, there are limits to "proving their love"...ie no keylogger. And exactly how is that received by the BS? As something to hide.

 

And this downward death spiral begins.

 

And yes, this issue is driven largely by the potential BS.

 

Or not...especially if the WS is in fact cheating.

 

To ME...the best way to break this cycle is to simply allow the keylogger. If there is NOTHING to hide than there is nothing to worry about. Might it feel uncomfortable for some...maybe. But do it for LOVE. Do it because its required.

 

Then go to MC and IC...for the BS.

 

I simply believe that the accused potential WS should do ANYTHING to save the M. And that might require do something one finds distressful or intrusive or "violating".

 

I think all M's have some component of doing something for the spouse that one finds "icky"...like romantic comedies. IS there a genre more vile? GAG.

[scorpmale009]

jiwi,

 

they are not going to answer those questions,because they do not have....

 

to answer OP(thread starter question)...here are two guys LAVASOFT and SPYBOT(which will trace any spyware on your system with some exceptions)

 

but here is the kicker SPYTECTOR and REALTIME SPY(latest version)... can not be detectable through any antivirus software(well most of them)....can be sent and deployed through a mail.

 

i hope you know about bigstring email service...with it you can not trace my ip , can not copy the content, can not be seen once you open the mail(if it is sent in self destructive mode)

 

 

 

 

[atlnay]

To ME...the best way to break this cycle is to simply allow the keylogger. If there is NOTHING to hide than there is nothing to worry about. Might it feel uncomfortable for some...maybe. But do it for LOVE. Do it because its required.

 

What happens when the day comes that there is no longer a way to leave a trail? Someone marries a guy, having been busted before, does NOTHING on the computer and does all communication at the office.

 

You have the same suspicions, but without proof, you ask, they lie, you can't prove it. Then what? You snoop into their brain?

 

Do you see what I'm saying? As society advances, there may come a time where there is no digital trail. Add that to a "decent" liar and you'll never really know anything.

 

As for your original question, what's a BS to do? I'd say it depends. If they are really ready to walk, walk. If you know you aren't going anywhere, stop looking for proof and do things to improve your situation.

[scorpmale009]

yes, they get better with lying and covering their tracks,

BS gets better with hacking(social engineering) and covering his/her tracks....

 

"NOTHING on the computer and does all communication at the office"

 

until and unless he/she uses love letters as a mode of their communication and stores it in a locker ,apart from that every thing is accessible and very much hackable...

[pureinheart]

I guess I'm the one that has a weird idea of what marriage is.

 

Someone please explain to me this all consuming need to have everything you do be completely and totally kept from your spouse. This "right" to privacy.

 

Two people become one, that's how I always thought it was supposed to be. Why would I need to have secrets?

 

Sorry, but in my mind, if there's something you can't share with your spouse, it's more than likely inappropriate.

 

 

 

I never mentioned, nor do my feelings have anything to do with "God".[/QUOTE]

 

Pick one.....

[pureinheart]

None of you will ever understand until it happens to you. I used my wife's cell phone one day, in front of her, and it said "new message" when I hung up from my call. I clicked on the messages button and found one from "him". She said that it was her ex boyfriend from when she was kid and that he had contacted her through a mutual friend, just wanting to catch up, and then he wouldn't leave her alone. They had it all planned, and he backed it up when I confronted him. I was STILL the trusting type and wanted to believe her, even went to marriage counseling... fast forward 8 months and I'm to the point where I'm falling apart. I KNEW something was wrong, but she has a damn good poker face. Then things got really strange. Money was missing... lots of money. People wouldn't talk to me anymore... my own mother would call me, almost crying, asking me to go "at least talk to someone"... **** like that, and I was just sitting there like WTF?!?!?! At the same time, she was telling me how much she loved me and making bull**** plans for the future... It broke me, and that made everyone believe her stories even more. It was pure hell.

 

By that time, I didn't really give a damn about her "right to privacy", and neither would any of you.

 

Trust me, I know you "feel" like your the only one anything has ever happened to, although you'd be surprised....personally have had my share of not so good things in this life...and yes it has happened to me, more than once, although it still doesnot change a persons right to privacy, or how I feel about it.

 

I do understand what you went through, not every detail, although senerio is the same no matter how you look at it. I also am sorry you went through this...in fairness, it takes to to make a M and two to break one...most of what I hear is blame concerning the WS....I don't put all of the blame on my WS's....there was a post recently and I'm gonna find it and copy it concerning the BS taking their part in the breakdown of the M.

[Trojan John]

nevermind.

Edited January 22, 2010 by Trojan John

[reboot]

I guess I'm the one that has a weird idea of what marriage is.

 

Someone please explain to me this all consuming need to have everything you do be completely and totally kept from your spouse. This "right" to privacy.

 

Two people become one, that's how I always thought it was supposed to be. Why would I need to have secrets?

 

Sorry, but in my mind, if there's something you can't share with your spouse, it's more than likely inappropriate.

 

I never mentioned, nor do my feelings have anything to do with "God".

 

Pick one.....

 

I guess you'll have to explain to me why I must pick one. They are both true statements... for me.

[OWoman]

So you didn't have an affair with him?

And you don't have affairs with multiple men?

 

I'm not trying to be rude. I just want to know.

 

I'm making a point that it seems like the people who think its an invasion of privacy have no moral boundaries as far as marriage & relationships go.

 

 

You may not TRY to be rude, but by telling people they have "no moral boundaries" you sure succeed...

[Samantha0905]

...in fairness, it takes to to make a M and two to break one...most of what I hear is blame concerning the WS....I don't put all of the blame on my WS's....there was a post recently and I'm gonna find it and copy it concerning the BS taking their part in the breakdown of the M.

 

It does take two. It seems most every time a WS says that on this site, it is assumed they are just making excuses for their actions. There is no excuse for having an affair, but I don't think someone sets off to have one when they are happily married. I know in my own case, there had been a lack of communication for years and years. We did go to counseling, we have discussed the issues somewhat, etc. I say somewhat because my husband just does not communicate well. I honestly feel (at this point) he is doing what he knows how to do. He never learned how to be intimate with another person in my opinion. His entire family is a mess now. He's actually the most functioning of the group. We met so young (14 for me) and married young (21 for me) and it is difficult to know how someone is going to be as a lifelong partner at that age. There's also no convincing anyone of that at that age. Plus, people change a lot over time.

 

I'm not saying any of the above should break a marriage, but it DOES take two to make it work. I think I just got tired of feeling dissatisfied and nothing ever changing, regardless of what I said. We're both at fault for the unhappiness in our marriage. I'm at fault for having the affair.

[atlnay]

until and unless he/she uses love letters as a mode of their communication and stores it in a locker ,apart from that every thing is accessible and very much hackable...

 

Sadly then you are still missing the bigger point of it all.

 

Anyway, not my job to sway snoopers to not snoop. It's something I succumbed to once and knew then I never wanted to go that route again. To each their own & I've learned in life people do what works for them.

[YoungG-d]

let me start with saying it's very much traceable,every key logger is a spy wear program

you can detect it by a spy wear detector (there are plenty available on the net)...with some you can make your system spy wear resistant(it will not allow your H to install another one)...again if your H is good enough with systems he can detect it

 

I was wondering if you could give me instructions on not only detecting it but also on deleting it? It's been installed on my computer for almost 2 years and it has been building up alot of anxiety within me, knowing I'm being watched and harassed for as much as browsing profiles on my personal computer. It would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

[In_Repair]

YoungG-d... download and install a new free copy of "Spybot Search and Destroy". Good spyware programs will catch most software based keyloggers. I learned this early on, and a good offensive spy step is to load the computers up with lots of spyware programs, but then go in and put your keylogger on it's "ignore" list. Then the computer user feels safe after running a spyware sweep. It's still easy to get past, but most people don't think that far into it. If you already have that program, uninstall it and download a new copy so that it's clean. It might not do the trick, but it's the first step.

 

Woggle... I completely accept my share of the blame for our failed marriage. I wasn't attentive and loving enough, I was often ill tempered, I was tired... all the time, and the list sort of goes on and on to an extent. I certainly had my share of issues, but I've worked my ass off to address them since. I'm a better man today than I have been for many years. The thing is, she had just as many faults as I did... yet I remained faithful. Then, after she was caught, she put ME through hell for it. I would have never done her like that. I do feel like I can claim the high road in that regard.

[pureinheart]

It does take two. It seems most every time a WS says that on this site, it is assumed they are just making excuses for their actions. There is no excuse for having an affair, but I don't think someone sets off to have one when they are happily married. I know in my own case, there had been a lack of communication for years and years. We did go to counseling, we have discussed the issues somewhat, etc. I say somewhat because my husband just does not communicate well. I honestly feel (at this point) he is doing what he knows how to do. He never learned how to be intimate with another person in my opinion. His entire family is a mess now. He's actually the most functioning of the group. We met so young (14 for me) and married young (21 for me) and it is difficult to know how someone is going to be as a lifelong partner at that age. There's also no convincing anyone of that at that age. Plus, people change a lot over time.

 

I'm not saying any of the above should break a marriage, but it DOES take two to make it work. I think I just got tired of feeling dissatisfied and nothing ever changing, regardless of what I said. We're both at fault for the unhappiness in our marriage. I'm at fault for having the affair.

 

Samantha, you have a good heart, I had an A also, I too got tired of not being heard and snapped...I remember my now ex was leaving for Saipan and I begged him not to go, he did (which was his choice and he had that right), at 4am in the morning (actually the morning he left) I was crying and cleaning the kitchen floor...my kids came in and said "mommy why are you crying"....having my kids see me like that caused me to shut down emotionally concerning the M. My heart hardened greatly and I became angry, although hid it.

 

Please don't beat yourself up, we all do things at times against what we know to be right and true....your really good people....

[pureinheart]

YoungG-d... download and install a new free copy of "Spybot Search and Destroy". Good spyware programs will catch most software based keyloggers. I learned this early on, and a good offensive spy step is to load the computers up with lots of spyware programs, but then go in and put your keylogger on it's "ignore" list. Then the computer user feels safe after running a spyware sweep. It's still easy to get past, but most people don't think that far into it. If you already have that program, uninstall it and download a new copy so that it's clean. It might not do the trick, but it's the first step.

 

Woggle... I completely accept my share of the blame for our failed marriage. I wasn't attentive and loving enough, I was often ill tempered, I was tired... all the time, and the list sort of goes on and on to an extent. I certainly had my share of issues, but I've worked my ass off to address them since. I'm a better man today than I have been for many years. The thing is, she had just as many faults as I did... yet I remained faithful. Then, after she was caught, she put ME through hell for it. I would have never done her like that. I do feel like I can claim the high road in that regard.

 

I know someone else asked for this info, although my pc was hacked ....email...everyone on my list got an "email" from me asking for money....scared the hell out of me, I me I tripped hard about that one! Thank you!

[pureinheart]

I was wondering if you could give me instructions on not only detecting it but also on deleting it? It's been installed on my computer for almost 2 years and it has been building up alot of anxiety within me, knowing I'm being watched and harassed for as much as browsing profiles on my personal computer. It would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

 

Wow what a bumber, and I know this might be a stupid question, although how did it get there?

[pureinheart]

So you didn't have an affair with him?

And you don't have affairs with multiple men?

 

I'm not trying to be rude. I just want to know.

 

I'm making a point that it seems like the people who think its an invasion of privacy have no moral boundaries as far as marriage & relationships go.[/QUOTE]

 

To me, it would not matter who it was or what. I don't think it is as much of a moral issue, but a character flaw to invade anothers privacy regardless if you are M or not, we do not own our mates, in my belief system, they have to answer to God, if I start playing God in their life then God will graciously move out of the way to let me do that until the whole thing blows up in my face.

 

I have many moral boundries....most of which seem to be outdated in this age, but they work for me....some moral boundries I've comprimised in the past only to discover that by comprimising it hurt me so I reinstated them.

 

The ones I live by now are...I will not have sex before M, I will not live with a man ect...now that is just me...others have their moral boundries.

 

BEJ...I appreciate your honesty and not mensing words, you say it how you think it...that to me is very moral:D

[pureinheart]

I guess you'll have to explain to me why I must pick one. They are both true statements... for me.

 

Fair enough Reboot...

[YoungG-d]

"if you could give me instructions on not only detecting it but also on deleting it?"

 

i didn't get it...

 

 

if the above is not helpful...then do the fallowing,format your system and do the fallowing install Linux OS(it's really hard find a key logger caompatible with linux)...if you are not comfortable with linux install whatever you are comfortable with and install key logger hunter..which will enable your system from key logger resistant(70%)...

 

 

I meant if you could give me instructions on both detecting it, and then deleting it, because most programs I've tried can't detect it. Just plainly deleting it would be fine too. I'm looking into keylogger hunter right now, thanks for that one. I have thought about throwing my computer out the window on so many occasions.

 

Pureinheart - someone who had a problem with porn, and trust issues in the relationship, broke into my house and installed it. Later justified it as something she was in the right in doing because it confirmed 'her gut-feeling'. Analogous justification of some the people onhere.

 

Anyone else with information on how to delete it please share it.

[In_Repair]

Sorry but that is really, really bad advice telling someone to fill their computer up with other spyware. That's like telling someone to cut off their finger in order to fix the fingernail. Also.....Spybot is good, but any keylogger program worth a crap will not be detected by it.

 

The only absolute way to get rid of it is format and reinstall the OS......not so hard at all, just make sure the files you want to keep or backed up. Plus you'll get a smoother running CLEAN computer.

 

While I did type it incorrectly, I obviously meant spyware detection software. Then you put your keylogger on their ignore lists. When someone suspects a keylogger, after a little research, they usually do a sweep with existing and trusted software as a first step. Also, most people don't automatically jump to the commercial keyloggers, which are sometimes expensive and of unknown quality at time of purchase, and instead they use one of the free or cheap ones available online... which are usually picked up by any decent detection software, even Spybot. First steps...

 

But I did do all of this over a year ago, and I have to say that I might not be remembering details of it correctly. The keylogger was a minor part of my time spent spying on my WS, as she really wasn't computer savvy and used it very little.