My husband of 22 years tells me 2 weeks before Christmas he wants a Divorce

[cberry297]

My husband told me two weeks before Christmas he wants a divorce, after begging him to tell me what I did wrong, he said I've told you to stop smoking ( he smokes cigars) get rid of the dogs ( I've had them for many years he used to love them. Oh yes and the last thing was I had gained 25 pounds over our marraige and it disgusts him to have sex with me. I figure he has meet someone, he is out everynight till anywhere between 12-2 am. I have been a stay at home mom and now a stay at home Grandma. He never wanted me to work. I know Michigan has spousal support so my Lawyer said he will have to keep up the lifestyle I have had. i don't know how the court figures that out. It will cost me at least 2000 for monthly living expences. He brings home 2500 a month. I am sure they are not going to make him give me all his check between spousal support and child support. Does anyone know how they figure that out? I am also disabled so I can not work. I am still waiting on the Judges decision on my SS case, it was heard on December 1st. Anyone that has any answers please let me know!

[hopesndreams]

Do you own or rent?

[Tony T]

1. "My husband told me two weeks before Christmas he wants a divorce, after begging him to tell me what I did wrong, he said I've told you to stop smoking ( he smokes cigars) get rid of the dogs ( I've had them for many years he used to love them. Oh yes and the last thing was I had gained 25 pounds over our marraige and it disgusts him to have sex with me. I figure he has meet someone, he is out everynight till anywhere between 12-2 am. I have been a stay at home mom and now a stay at home Grandma."

 

All the above seems totally irrelevant to what you're really wanting to know here.

 

2. "He never wanted me to work. I know Michigan has spousal support so my Lawyer said he will have to keep up the lifestyle I have had. i don't know how the court figures that out. It will cost me at least 2000 for monthly living expences. He brings home 2500 a month. I am sure they are not going to make him give me all his check between spousal support and child support. Does anyone know how they figure that out? I am also disabled so I can not work. I am still waiting on the Judges decision on my SS case, it was heard on December 1st. Anyone that has any answers please let me know!"

 

Spousal support will be determined, first, by the dollar amount of marital assets you receive. If you get the house, he will have to continue making the payments or the mortgage or rental payments. If he has liquid assets, he will have to give you half of those. He will allow your ex husband to keep enough money to live on and you'll get the rest. It's highly unlikely you will be awarded $2,000 per month if he only takes home $2,500. Let's hope this can be mitigated by the dollar value of other things you have accumulated during your marriage.

 

Every jurisdiction has its own formula for figuring this out but, generally, what I have set forth above should closely apply. Many courts will order that the husband provide several years of support while the spouse, who never worked, learns a trade or a marketable skill and will specify a date certain when the spousal support will be terminated.

[cberry297]

We own the house. But in this market I am sure there is no equity. He wants the house so I am getting other cash if I leave the house and his Motorcycle out of the assetts.

[cberry297]

I am so hurt by this I have been an emotional mess. I didn't even know anything was wrong. I married him at 20. Moved right out of my parents house with him. I am afraid of being alone. This whole thing is just killing me. Please anyone some advice on how to control these emotions I am feeling.

[hopesndreams]

You will somehow find the strength that you never knew you had to be able to do this. It all seems so scary right now but you will adapt. You'll have to. You have no choice. It takes time and you may even surprise yourself at how well you do do and how you will thrive. It's you time. By what you have written, he is cheating, and you will be better off without him in your life. He's gone. Grieve and take care of yourself.

[Enema]

May we ask the type of disability you have that prevents you from working?

 

$2500 a month... Geez, how does a family with kids survive on 30k a year after tax?

[mimidarlin]

He may want the house but that doesn't mean he will get the house. If he wants a divorce have him move out. If he moves out it may set a legal precedent for you keeping the house.

 

If you are disabled and cannot work that may be another reason for you to keep the house since you wouldn't be able to support yourself through wages. However, you may want to get cash and move into a smaller place. You really need to protect yourself in this situation.

[Gunny376]

To Hell with what he wants?

 

The house is paid for, your disabled, he wants out after 22 years of marriage because you put on 25 pounds over the last 22 years?

 

Here's what you do!

 

Go to a local gas station or Wally World and get one of those maps of the United States. Not the laminated kind, but the paper kind. Pick up a Yellow hi-lighter while there.

 

Then you draw with the hi-lighter a "road-trip" from Michigan to say Panama City Beach, Fl or Myrtle Beach, SC.

 

Then you give it to him! You can wrap it up, put a bow on it ~ whatever?

 

When he opens it? And ask you what this all about?

 

I wanted you to know how to know how to get on your precious motorcycle to a beach so that you can go pound sand in your @ZZ!

 

You might want to throw in some Ram-en Noodles, or Ra-men "Cup A Soup" because that's what he going to be eating the rest of his life! If he gets to eat some Campbell's Chicken and Rice now and again ~ he's going to think he's gone to a five-star restaurant!

 

10 freaking million years ago, it was pretty much feast of famine. Mother Nature doesn't give a damn about this or that. She only continues with the continuation of the species.

 

When a woman become pregno? A message was sent to her brain and her body!

 

Store on fat. Because when food becomes scarce? You body fat will feed the off-spring! The species will continue!

 

Women's bodies are intentionally designed to store fat reserves.

 

That's not to say you should just eat anything you want. You need to eat fruits and vegetables. some fiber, and some protien, (Hey Veggies ~ people need protein which means soy at the least, if not meat)

 

1, 2, five million years ago? There weren't any "McDonald" trees around, with quarter pounders hanging off of the limbs.

 

Forget this clown!

 

And after twenty two years of marriage? If he thinks he's going to go to the University of Michigan and pick up some 18 to 22 year old HB10 (Hot Babe X 10) cheerleader co-ed? Then he's smoking crack!

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THAT HOUSE!

 

That's yours! As they say, "Possession is Nine-tenths" of the law.

 

He's already set a legal precedent by moving out of the house.

 

Its called "abandonment"

 

He had a wife, he had a family, he had a house, he had a place to go. He abandoned it! (Please don't get me into abandonment, squatters rights law)

 

All in all I would say your sitting pretty good!

 

And no the court isn't going to give you 100% of his pay! But they are probally (at least in Michigan) going to give you all of his pay and him just enough to live off of bread and bologna sandwichs for lunch, a hot plate (Maybe a mircowave) to heat up his Ramen Noodles, Cup-A-Soup or Oddles of Noodles!

 

But that's really not your promblem now ~ is it?

Edited January 18, 2010 by Gunny376

[Gunny376]

Calm down all will be well.

But you have to face a few facts; men despise needy women.

- Enroll with an adult learning course(the government usually pays for these)

and get a job, no matter how low paying its a good start.

- Lose weight and get in shape.

At the end of the day, you will have gained your self esteem and he will give you some respect.

 

Some memories will never end!

 

Some tears willl never dry?

[LisaUk]

Hi

 

First I know how much this hurts, my ex left 10 months ago, after 18 years, but you are going to get through this. I still have my moments, this week has been particularly bad, but as usual the wonderful people on here are helping to pull me back up.

 

His "reasons" are frankly BS. If these are truely the reasons he feels he would be better off with someone else then he is in for a very rude awakening, you only have to look at some of the spouses of those on here that have walked, to see what kind of women are out there. He's throwing away a loyal, devoted, loving women and mother of his children.

 

Do not move out of the house, if he wants out, let him move out. I don't know much about US family law (I am a student of law in the UK), but here the courts will take into account the children and the length of your marriage. I think it is more flexible in the US, my understanding is that they take account of you rasing the children, household labour and your disability.

 

I would guess given his age and the classic Mid life crisis that he is cheating. Sorry. I know that hurts to hear someone say that, but before you discount it as a possibility, do some digging.

 

Whatever happens, DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THAT HOUSE. I can't stress that enough from a legal point of view. Litigation can go on for years and recovering money spent on rent is difficult, time consuming and costly. Just b/c he wants the house does not mean the judge will award him it, particularly as you have a disability and children. You might want to mention to your lawyer the fact that your H tried to manipulate you into giving it to him and into not listing the motorcycle for extra cash. Courts tend not to like it when people try to defraud the system and use other peoples emotions to get what they want outside the law! In fact they will look very unfavourably on that kind of thing!

 

Keep posting hun, were here for you. Hugs.

Edited January 18, 2010 by LisaUk

[cberry297]

Its is hard to survive on this amount of money. He went fron making 100 grand in December of 2008 after he lost his GM job. It now takes two checks to make the house payment.

[cberry297]

Its funny you say u of m because he is working at Mott and I think that is where he has meet someone!!