Got it Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Wow, this is way cool....it was a very humbling exerience for me too and also have learned a great deal about me.... Got it, I love how you communicated this....there are many that make the A sound soooo "seedy", you know? You just feel on the defensive and are put on the defensive all of the time. Those who constantly condemn have so many skeletons in their closet that it isn't funny most of the time, it's ironic how the quilt causes condemnation towards others. Well thank you. It isn't something that I want to scream from the rooftop but it isn't something that I am ashamed of either. We are human and far from perfect. I own the mistakes I have made, the hurt I have caused and the lies that I have told. I know that. But the affair doesn't/didn't define me. I am have always been the same me. So that would also be why I did not give him any allowances during it. There would be no waiting only for him to call, quick calls in the bathroom, midnight visits. No, it was like a regular relationship and he would have to act as such. Just because it was harder on his end wasn't my baby to rock, it was his. I was in the relationship for HIM. Not because of or in spite of his marital status, some competition of his wife, etc. It was because I liked who is is as a person, how he treats me and how he treats those in his life. I find it so silly how some think the OP is in competition of the spouse (and even sillier if the OP IS). It is never a competition between the BS and the OP. That is a ridiculous battle and one that no one wins but the WS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeff1962 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Share Posted January 20, 2010 I've talked and talked. I've been open and honest. Yes, I'll agree that SOMETIMES we get into it over this subject. I've tried. Pisses me off because we can make time for EVERYTHING else but we can't make time for us, to make love or go at it like animals in heat. I miss that. I need that. I've TOLD HER. She says, she's tired. Well, so am I but hell, I want to share myself with her, or she's had a bad day. Hell, we do communicate. We talk about things, it's not just like hey baby, let's jump in the sack. I romance her, I come onto her. DUCK! Today I was totally open and honest with her that I need this in my life more often. She made excuses, more excuses over last nite when I tried, she told a different story today than what actually transpired, pissed me off. I finally told her today that I was starting to think of other women in a sexual way. She blew up, freaked out. Can't blame her. I tried to tell that I WANT HER AND ONLY HER but I have needs that I need her to meet. Huge blow out. Walked away so here I am still frustrated over no ducking sex. One can only masturbate for so long. I appreciate all of your opinions and thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 I've talked and talked. I've been open and honest. Yes, I'll agree that SOMETIMES we get into it over this subject. I've tried. Pisses me off because we can make time for EVERYTHING else but we can't make time for us, to make love or go at it like animals in heat. I miss that. I need that. I've TOLD HER. She says, she's tired. Well, so am I but hell, I want to share myself with her, or she's had a bad day. Hell, we do communicate. We talk about things, it's not just like hey baby, let's jump in the sack. I romance her, I come onto her. DUCK! Today I was totally open and honest with her that I need this in my life more often. She made excuses, more excuses over last nite when I tried, she told a different story today than what actually transpired, pissed me off. I finally told her today that I was starting to think of other women in a sexual way. She blew up, freaked out. Can't blame her. I tried to tell that I WANT HER AND ONLY HER but I have needs that I need her to meet. Huge blow out. Walked away so here I am still frustrated over no ducking sex. One can only masturbate for so long. I appreciate all of your opinions and thoughts. I feel for you, my friend. It is hard when you try and try and it goes nowhere. At least now the truth of it is out in the open. I would suggest that you get into MC with her, because this is all headed in a bad direction. If you have been so honest as to tell her that while you only WANT her, you are starting to become sexually interested in other women, and she doesn't wake up and make some changes, then it will be up to you to decide the next move. Is loving her but not getting sex going to be enough for you for a lifetime? If you do not come to an arangement sexually that you can both live with, I forsee you being here as the MM in an affair, or over on divorce boards in the future. I can not imagine spending my life in a sexless marriage. I also could not imagine, if a man I was in love with told me that my constant refusal to have sex was making him want to have sex with other women, that I wouldn't do anything and everything in my power to fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 I've talked and talked. I've been open and honest. Yes, I'll agree that SOMETIMES we get into it over this subject. I've tried. Pisses me off because we can make time for EVERYTHING else but we can't make time for us, to make love or go at it like animals in heat. I miss that. I need that. I've TOLD HER. She says, she's tired. Well, so am I but hell, I want to share myself with her, or she's had a bad day. Hell, we do communicate. We talk about things, it's not just like hey baby, let's jump in the sack. I romance her, I come onto her. DUCK! Today I was totally open and honest with her that I need this in my life more often. She made excuses, more excuses over last nite when I tried, she told a different story today than what actually transpired, pissed me off. I finally told her today that I was starting to think of other women in a sexual way. She blew up, freaked out. Can't blame her. I tried to tell that I WANT HER AND ONLY HER but I have needs that I need her to meet. Huge blow out. Walked away so here I am still frustrated over no ducking sex. One can only masturbate for so long. I appreciate all of your opinions and thoughts. Jeff, I understand your frustration as I was in the same position. We went 6 month without sex and it didn't cross his mind till the tale end of that. I have definitely learned that we were just never compatible in the bedroom and never were going to be. Honestly? I would recommend MC. Before things get too bad. And, at some point, you have to accept that she is as she is. She might be willing to change things, she may not. And that is the reality, the reality you have to decide how you want to handle. Get a third party in the middle and see if that helps you find some middle ground. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeff1962 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Share Posted January 20, 2010 Thank you. I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeff1962 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Share Posted January 20, 2010 I feel for you, my friend. It is hard when you try and try and it goes nowhere. At least now the truth of it is out in the open. I would suggest that you get into MC with her, because this is all headed in a bad direction. If you have been so honest as to tell her that while you only WANT her, you are starting to become sexually interested in other women, and she doesn't wake up and make some changes, then it will be up to you to decide the next move. Is loving her but not getting sex going to be enough for you for a lifetime? If you do not come to an arangement sexually that you can both live with, I forsee you being here as the MM in an affair, or over on divorce boards in the future. I can not imagine spending my life in a sexless marriage. I also could not imagine, if a man I was in love with told me that my constant refusal to have sex was making him want to have sex with other women, that I wouldn't do anything and everything in my power to fix it. Yep, you are right. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Jeff, I understand your frustration as I was in the same position. We went 6 month without sex and it didn't cross his mind till the tale end of that. I have definitely learned that we were just never compatible in the bedroom and never were going to be. This is my experience as well: incompatible in the bedroom - I wanted more sex than my exSO. My advice to you is to think hard, how important is this, because the only way to really solve an incompatible sex drive is to move on and find a more compatible partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jeff1962 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Share Posted January 20, 2010 This is my experience as well: incompatible in the bedroom - I wanted more sex than my exSO. My advice to you is to think hard, how important is this, because the only way to really solve an incompatible sex drive is to move on and find a more compatible partner. This is a very important issue. Link to post Share on other sites
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