He said he was in love with me while drunk

[pandagirl]

Just spent the weekend with the guy I'm dating. After a very late night on Saturday, we were in bed talking, about to go to sleep, when he said: "I'm completely in love with you."

 

I said: "...what? You're drunk."

 

Him: "I'm in love with you."

 

Me: "That's sweet, but you're REALLY drunk."

 

Him: "I may be saying it because I am intoxicated, but the emotion I feel for you is constant."

 

The next morning, I asked him about it, and he didn't remember saying it. Or at least that's what he said. He didn't really respond to the conversation, nor he did seem awkward, but didn't repeat the words or refute them.

 

Was this just complete drunk talk? Some truth despite the alcohol?

[curiousnycgirl]

Who knows - almost 2 years ago my ex and I were in Seattle at his friends' house and he got sloppy drunk. Throughout the night he waxed poetic about how much he loved me, how much I meant to him, how he knew he had finally found the one.

 

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

 

A year and a half later he was behaving like he hated me (I still believe part of him does) - and pushed me away so far that even I the forever doormat who literally did almost anything for him finally said enough.

 

My point is who cares what they say? It's what they do that matters.

[Simon Attwood]

Some truth despite the alcohol?

 

 

Drink relaxes our inhibitions; we will do or say things that we might be too afraid to do or say sober.

 

If we said something while drunk that we wouldn't have said sober, when we are sober again, we might be embarrassed or afraid to admit that we made ourselves so vulnerable.

 

Fear of rejection is the most disabling hurdle we face on the path of building a relationships. When we expose our feelings, we expose ourselves to that fear of rejection and this can make us feel very vulnerable.

 

Just one possible reason why he might be denying knowledge of his drunken admission.

[xpaperxcutx]

There's no way he meant it.

 

I don't mean half the things I say when I'm drunk. And I usually blurt out some pretty weird stuff.

[pandagirl]

Maybe he didn't mean it at the time, but it does indicate that he has strong feelings for me, no?

 

Note: we were talking in bed last night and talking about our first crushes and loves. Turns out, he said he'd never been truly in love before.

[curiousnycgirl]

Maybe I wasn't clear enough. Words mean nothing. It is all said in his actions. Does he ACT like he is in love with you?

 

I'm sorry I don't remember how long you have been dating this guy. But can you possibly still be in the infatuation stage? If so nothing at this point can be considered permanent.

 

Regardless it's all in his behaviour not in his words. My ex put his arms around me when I was crying my eyes out after he had sat there yelling and screaming at me how I awful I am and told me he loved me. I told him I didn't believe him and his ACTIONS were to say well then there is nothing he could do and he fell asleep. I spent the next few days thinking really hard about his ACTIONS over the prior few months and realized that he did not love me.

 

In the words of Rogers and Hammersteing "SHOW ME!"

Edited January 18, 2010 by curiousnycgirl

[sunshine94]

I had an ex who after we broke up about 2 months later came to my house totally wasted and acted like we were still together.

He told me he loved me so much and never wanted to leave me.

He came another time again totally drunk. Then a few days later he called me again drunk and seemed suprised that he dialed my number.

When I asked him why he was so suprised he said he wanted to call someone else and got me instead, but he did not want to get off the phone. He kept talking and talking about how much he missed me.

When he was drunk he always seemed to tell me personal things he would not say when not drunk.

[xpaperxcutx]

Maybe he didn't mean it at the time, but it does indicate that he has strong feelings for me, no?

 

Note: we were talking in bed last night and talking about our first crushes and loves. Turns out, he said he'd never been truly in love before.

 

So he thinks he MIGHT be in love with you, but not necessarily so.

 

I agree with NYCgirl, unless he does something that confirms how he feels, I would chalk those three letter words as a momentary brain hot flash from too much alcohol.

 

Isn't he the same guy that's moving away for his job?

 

Now supposedly he decides to tell you straight out " Pandagirl, I've decided that you matter more to me than a job. I imagine the distance that will separate us if I went away, so I'm staying just because I love being close to you".

[sagetalk]

When he says it sober, then you know.

[ella23]

I wouldn't read too much into it. My boyfriend said that while he was drunk while we were out over the weekend, doesn't really mean much because I say stupid stuff when I'm drunk and so do most people.

[OnlyJake]

Don't read into it. I had a guy tell me that twice when he was really drunk; he definitely didn't mean it, and he didn't say it sober and for real until months later. It's just one of those things.

[paddington bear]

Never believe 'I Love You's' when the guy tells you this when he's:

 

drunk

just about to have sex with you

has just had sex with you

 

Him denying any recollection of it afterwards could well be true, but if he did love you, what a perfect opportunity for him to say 'I don't remember saying that at all, I was totally wasted, but yeah, I do love you' and he didn't.

 

When he says it in the sober light of day, believe him. And I second the 'look at his actions, not his words' advice

[make me believe]

Never believe 'I Love You's' when the guy tells you this when he's:

 

drunk

just about to have sex with you

has just had sex with you

 

Him denying any recollection of it afterwards could well be true, but if he did love you, what a perfect opportunity for him to say 'I don't remember saying that at all, I was totally wasted, but yeah, I do love you' and he didn't.

 

When he says it in the sober light of day, believe him. And I second the 'look at his actions, not his words' advice

 

I agree with all of this!! My bf said to me "I'm in love with you" for the first time once when he was drunk. But when we talked about it the next day he said that he did mean it and was sorry he cheapened it by saying it when he was drunk. We kinda dropped the subject and then he said it for real (soberly ) a couple weeks later.

 

I especially agree that if he really meant it, your asking about it the next day would have been a great opportunity for him to say it without alcohol involved. So don't take it too seriously.

[stevejohnson1976]

I've been 'that guy' before. I think I meant it, but was definitely persuaded to say it by the alcohol. I dont think you say something like that unless you have STRONG feelings for the other person.

 

I think he was a little embarrassed the next day and thus the blow off. No 2 ways about it, this dude is into you....

[shadowplay]

What he said here makes me think he meant it: "I may be saying it because I am intoxicated, but the emotion I feel for you is constant."

 

He was drunk, but sober enough to be coherent when he addressed your concern that he was just saying it due to his intoxication.

 

I think the next morning he was just awkward and embarrassed because he felt it was too soon to say it.

 

I told my boyfriend when I was really high that I was falling in love with him, and I meant it. But I would have never said it sober, because it was so early on.

[pandagirl]

So, I'd apt to believe that, yes, he does have strong feelings for me, but the "love" proclamation was alcohol-fueled. Safe assessment?

 

Also, I when brought it up the next morning, it went something like this:

 

Me: Do you remember anything we talked about last night?

Him: I don't know really.

Me: You said you were in love with me.

Him: <nothing, looks at me>

Me: [as to cover up the silence] I just told you, you were drunk though.

Him: It's nice that you are so rational.

 

This was all said in a very jokey, affectionate way.

 

Maybe my response of "I just to you, you were drunk" wasn't very encouraging for him to reveal if he meant it or not, but I just wanted to let him off the hook and take off the pressure.

Edited January 18, 2010 by pandagirl

[shadowplay]

So, I'd apt to believe that, yes, he does have strong feelings for me, but the "love" proclamation was alcohol-fueled. Safe assessment?

 

Also, I when brought it up the next morning, it went something like this:

 

Me: Do you remember anything we talked about last night?

Him: I don't know really.

Me: You said you were in love with me.

Him: <nothing, looks at me>

Me: [as to cover up the silence] I just told you, you were drunk though.

Him: It's nice that you are so rational.

 

This was all said in a very jokey, affectionate way.

 

Maybe my response of "I just to you, you were drunk" wasn't very encouraging for him to reveal if he meant it or not, but I just wanted to let him off the hook and take off the pressure.

 

Hmmm. I still think he meant it but he was completely embarrassed and unwilling to admit it. A lot of people are scared of saying it the first time, especially if it's early on. Give it a few weeks and see if he says it again. If he hasn't by then, maybe he didn't mean it.

[ella23]

Hmmm. I still think he meant it but he was completely embarrassed and unwilling to admit it. A lot of people are scared of saying it the first time, especially if it's early on. Give it a few weeks and see if he says it again. If he hasn't by then, maybe he didn't mean it.

This is possible.

How long have you been together?

[stevejohnson1976]

Hmmm. I still think he meant it but he was completely embarrassed and unwilling to admit it. A lot of people are scared of saying it the first time, especially if it's early on. Give it a few weeks and see if he says it again. If he hasn't by then, maybe he didn't mean it.

 

shadow speaks the truth!

 

if things stay the way they are or get better, I GUARANTEE it wont be long before he says it sober.

 

like I said, I've been there....his feelings are legit. If you love him, it might not be a bad time to beat him to th punch with an ultra smooth "i think I may be falling for you"...

[aerogurl87]

I don't believe anything a guy tells me when he's drunk anymore. Learned my lesson from one of my ex boyfriends who called me 2 weeks after he had left me. So we're on the phone and he's spilling everything to me like he did when we were together. Then he tells me he'll call me back cause he has to throw up. So he calls back professes his love to me, tells me he never stopped loving me and that I was always right about him. Next day I ask him about it and he says he's not sure how he feels anymore. So yeah unless backed up by actions his words mean nothing.

[Simon Attwood]

I can tell from that exchange that he knew what he had said. And I think you can too.

[shadowplay]

I can tell from that exchange that he knew what he had said. And I think you can too.

 

Just because he knew what he said, and didn't repeat it, doesn't mean he didn't mean it. As I wrote, he was probably just embarrassed since they've only been seeing each other for a few weeks.

 

I really have a hunch he meant it.

Edited January 18, 2010 by shadowplay

[pandagirl]

shadow speaks the truth!

 

if things stay the way they are or get better, I GUARANTEE it wont be long before he says it sober.

 

like I said, I've been there....his feelings are legit. If you love him, it might not be a bad time to beat him to th punch with an ultra smooth "i think I may be falling for you"...

 

The only reason I'm inclined to believe he meant what he said is because he repeated it three times. The first two times were in response to me being like, "Wait, what?" Then the third time explaining how he might be telling me because he is drunk, but what he feels for me is constant.

 

This is possible.

How long have you been together?

 

Been talking for two months (met online), but only dating for one month, although it seems like a lot longer! We've been on...10 or so dates.

 

Just because he knew what he said, and didn't repeat it, doesn't mean he didn't mean it. As I wrote, he was probably just embarrassed since they've only been seeing each other for a few weeks.

 

I really have a hunch he meant it.

 

I would probably be embarrassed, too, if I were in his position. It's hard to be put on the spot like that. Why do you think he meant it, SP? Just from the way he reacted?

[threebyfate]

Hey panda, I agree with Simon. I suspect he did know but due to your original response or that he didn't mean to say it, he's feeling awkward.

 

If he says it again, while drunk, instead of stressing that he is drunk, jolly him a bit, with something ambiguous like:

 

"I absolutely adore you. If you tell me the same thing in the morning, my answer might be even more to your liking and no, I won't tell you tonight, no matter what."

 

It's teasing, reinforces your caring and encourages him to say ily again in the morning, when he's sober. It also gives him an out in the morning, if he finds himself abashed at being alcohol-induced mooshy.

[Simon Attwood]

Just because he knew what he said, and didn't repeat it, doesn't mean he didn't mean it. As I wrote, he was probably just embarrassed since they've only been seeing each other for a few weeks.

 

I really have a hunch he meant it.

 

 

Hey Shadowplay

 

I wasn't implying he didn't mean it, read my earlier post

 

 

PS your user name doesn't have anything to do with Joy Division does it?