He said he was in love with me while drunk

[shadowplay]

 

 

PS your user name doesn't have anything to do with Joy Division does it?

 

Of course it does.

[Art_Critic]

Is this the guy that a week ago was still logging into his dating site account ?

 

How long have you been dating him and how long have you been having sex ?

 

Right now the way it looks to me is that the guy is full of it and is telling you this because he thinks you want to hear it..

He was drunk.. he figured that he would tell you what you want to hear so you are hooked even more than you are now..

 

Does he love you ?.. only he can answer that..

Can he love you in the future.. Yes...

 

Can you love him ?

[pandagirl]

While I hope this does indicate he has sincere, genuine feelings for me, but something happened last night that made me uncomfortable.

 

He was having a restless sleep anyway, but around 5 AM he woke up, took his phone form my nightstand and was texting someone. I actually said to him, "Is everything ok? What are you doing?" And he said: "Just returning a text." It was almost like he was sleepwalking.

 

In the morning before he left for work, I brought it up again: "When you were texting, I thought you were sleepwalking." And he just replied with: "Actually, I have slept walk before."

 

Of course, I think he was texting some girl, but tell me I'm being paranoid. Or not? Would a guy cheating actually be so bold to text another girl in the middle of the next with this girl next to him in bed?

[Art_Critic]

It must've been an important text..

 

He replied while in bed with you..

He replied a 5am

 

No way in hell would I return any text while I was staying with a girl and certainly not at 5am while she was next to me

 

Maybe it was a work text..

If it wasn't then you have your answer to this thread ..

[shadowplay]

I would probably be embarrassed, too, if I were in his position. It's hard to be put on the spot like that. Why do you think he meant it, SP? Just from the way he reacted?

 

How he said it. That he was coherent enough to give you an explanation, that the explanation sounded legit, and that it fits with his consistently passionate behavior toward you from the get go.

 

I think if A_C's manipulation theory were correct he would have repeated it the next morning.

 

Now, this doesn't mean it isn't just infatuation (which it probably is), but I think he believes he's in love.

[pandagirl]

Is this the guy that a week ago was still logging into his dating site account ?

 

How long have you been dating him and how long have you been having sex ?

 

Right now the way it looks to me is that the guy is full of it and is telling you this because he thinks you want to hear it..

He was drunk.. he figured that he would tell you what you want to hear so you are hooked even more than you are now..

 

Does he love you ?.. only he can answer that..

Can he love you in the future.. Yes...

 

Can you love him ?

 

Yes, same guy. I addressed the dating site situation with him.

 

Been dating one month, talking on month before that.

 

We are "intimate," but we have not have sex yet.

 

Does he love me? I don't know, but sometimes I do think he has very strong feelings for me.

 

Can I love him? I think I can, but I need to be able to trust him first.

[shadowplay]

While I hope this does indicate he has sincere, genuine feelings for me, but something happened last night that made me uncomfortable.

 

He was having a restless sleep anyway, but around 5 AM he woke up, took his phone form my nightstand and was texting someone. I actually said to him, "Is everything ok? What are you doing?" And he said: "Just returning a text." It was almost like he was sleepwalking.

 

In the morning before he left for work, I brought it up again: "When you were texting, I thought you were sleepwalking." And he just replied with: "Actually, I have slept walk before."

 

Of course, I think he was texting some girl, but tell me I'm being paranoid. Or not? Would a guy cheating actually be so bold to text another girl in the middle of the next with this girl next to him in bed?

 

That might make me nervous too, but only if I didn't trust him first to begin with.

 

I don't know what to tell you. It could have been a girl. It could also have been some guy friend who texted him late last night and he was simply responding.

[Art_Critic]

Does he love me? I don't know, but sometimes I do think he has very strong feelings for me.

 

Can I love him? I think I can, but I need to be able to trust him first.

 

There ya go.. run with it...

 

I don't know how to figure the text thing into things.. maybe ignore it for now since you know he has feelings for you and watch his actions..

 

Trust..

 

That's a toughie... I'm an easy truster and then get hurt because I trusted too soon but then I always figured I'm all in or all out and I like who I am so I have never changed that about myself..

 

Do you trust fairly easily ?

[Art_Critic]

I don't know what to tell you. It could have been a girl. It could also have been some guy friend who texted him late last night and he was simply responding.

 

Yeah.. I agree

 

Since she doesn't know who the text was to then going half cocked about him texting another girl wouldn't be fair to him...

 

Since he was open about the texting that would indicate that it wasn't to another girl also...

 

Still something to keep an eye peeled about though ..

[pandagirl]

That's a toughie... I'm an easy truster and then get hurt because I trusted too soon but then I always figured I'm all in or all out and I like who I am so I have never changed that about myself..

 

Do you trust fairly easily ?

 

No, I don't trust most people at all. It's a major problem for me and a roadblock in romantic relationships. I'm partly in therapy because of it. I got myself into a bad relationship when I was younger, and ever since then I've hyper aware of protecting myself. The thing is, I'm aware enough to usually discern when I have a REASON to be suspicious and when I'm just blowing things out of proportion. Right now, the lines are getting blurred and it's confusing my judgment.

 

Yeah.. I agree

 

Since she doesn't know who the text was to then going half cocked about him texting another girl wouldn't be fair to him...

 

Since he was open about the texting that would indicate that it wasn't to another girl also...

 

Still something to keep an eye peeled about though ..

 

The weird part is it's not like his phone beeps or indicated a text. He just woke up and picked up his phone, started texting, then fell back asleep.

[shadowplay]

I think you really need to have a talk with him about some of these concerns. Whenever I've been in a situation like yours and talked with the guy it's always cleared up confusion and left me feeling better. In the one instance where it didn't, it made me even more certain that I couldn't trust him. Having a talk will tell you a lot, and it shouldn't scare him off at this point if he's genuinely into you. If it does, then you'll have your answer.

 

Reserve it for when you're in bed together, not having sex or leading up to it, but just talking/cuddling. This is a good time to bring it up because people feel more comfortable in bed and are less likely to have their guard up.

 

Be completely honest with him.

 

Remind him that you have strong trust issues and a few things have been making you nervous.

 

Tell him that the general ambiguity of things is confusing to you.

 

Tell him you want to be in an exclusive relationship with him, and you're uncertain about where things were left on that front.

 

Also, don't let him off the hook. If he gives you a vague response, call him on it.

Edited January 18, 2010 by shadowplay

[Kristine]

Well when my mom's boyfriend was drunk he said he didn't want to spend his last days with her, she left and he wasn't sure why. So I'd say what he says he means on some level. But you can't totally take it seriously until he says it sober.

[pandagirl]

That's the thing Shadowplay, I have had a few of these heart-to-heart talks with him. He knows I have trust issues and a tendency to push people away. He's been very patient with me. Just last weekend, we were in bed in the morning and I just started crying because I told him how I didn't know how to be close to him, but that I want to. He just held me and wiped away my tears, and told me he wants me to feel more comfortable around him and that he isn't going anywhere. He's promised me he'll always be honest with me. I've told him my fear of being "played" by him and he ensures that he will not do that. I brought up the OK Cupid thing to him and he knows it makes me uncomfortable and hasn't logged in since.

 

But of course, I'm still untrusting, spying on his dating profile, and suspicious. He trusts me. I know this. It's part of why I know he is developing deeper feelings for me.

 

I just don't know HOW many more "talks" I can have with him before looking like an insecure, crazy girlfriend.

[shadowplay]

That's the thing Shadowplay, I have had a few of these heart-to-heart talks with him. He knows I have trust issues and a tendency to push people away. He's been very patient with me. Just last weekend, we were in bed in the morning and I just started crying because I told him how I didn't know how to be close to him, but that I want to. He just held me and wiped away my tears, and told me he wants me to feel more comfortable around him and that he isn't going anywhere. He's promised me he'll always be honest with me. I've told him my fear of being "played" by him and he ensures that he will not do that. I brought up the OK Cupid thing to him and he knows it makes me uncomfortable and hasn't logged in since.

 

But of course, I'm still untrusting, spying on his dating profile, and suspicious. He trusts me. I know this. It's part of why I know he is developing deeper feelings for me.

 

I just don't know HOW many more "talks" I can have with him before looking like an insecure, crazy girlfriend.

 

Did you ever bring up the exclusivity thing again in a more direct way and verify that you are indeed in a relationship? If so, what exactly did he say to you?

 

I'd like to hear more specifically from you how he responds when you ask him these things in regards to how he feels about you and the nature of your relationship. If he just says "you have nothing to worry about" but never volunteers anything about how he feels (like "I'm really happy to be with you, and I feel very strongly about you") then you might be justified in your concerns.

[pandagirl]

Did you ever bring up the exclusivity thing again in a more direct way and verify that you are indeed in a relationship? If so, what exactly did he say to you?

 

I'd like to hear more specifically from you how he responds when you ask him these things in regards to how he feels about you and the nature of your relationship. If he just says "you have nothing to worry about" but never volunteers anything about how he feels (like "I'm really happy to be with you, and I feel very strongly about you") then you might be justified in your concerns.

 

No, there has been no official verification that we are in a relationship, except for the fact that he refers to himself as my boyfriend.

 

He always says things like: "I'm really happy right now," when we're just hanging out by ourselves. He says often I'm "perfect" (though I don't like that "compliment"); he tells me he is crazy about me; he says that he admires me for my career choices and personal integrity.

[Simon Attwood]

Of course it does.

 

 

I never got to see them live, unfortunately. I'd had plans to just before Ian killed himself.

 

Still one of my favourite bands, 30 years on.

[hoping2heal]

Just spent the weekend with the guy I'm dating. After a very late night on Saturday, we were in bed talking, about to go to sleep, when he said: "I'm completely in love with you."

 

I said: "...what? You're drunk."

 

Him: "I'm in love with you."

 

Me: "That's sweet, but you're REALLY drunk."

 

Him: "I may be saying it because I am intoxicated, but the emotion I feel for you is constant."

 

The next morning, I asked him about it, and he didn't remember saying it. Or at least that's what he said. He didn't really respond to the conversation, nor he did seem awkward, but didn't repeat the words or refute them.

 

Was this just complete drunk talk? Some truth despite the alcohol?

 

 

Tells you he is in love with you and then tells you he doesn't even remember ever saying that? Ouch

 

I don't drink anymore, but I can remember alchohol amplifying the feelings I had for a person and it's likely this is what happened with him.

 

Do I think he has feelings for you? Yes. But I worry about that whole type in general of "oh I got drunk but don't remember".

[shadowplay]

I never got to see them live, unfortunately. I'd had plans to just before Ian killed himself.

 

Still one of my favourite bands, 30 years on.

 

That sucks. Are you originally from Manchester?

 

I've thought about this before, and if I could go back in time and see any band live they would be it.

 

It goes without saying that they're one of my favorite bands, and I'm always excited to meet fellow fans.

[Simon Attwood]

That sucks. Are you originally from Manchester?

 

I've thought about this before, and if I could go back in time and see any band live they would be it.

 

It goes without saying that they're one of my favorite bands, and I'm always excited to meet fellow fans.

 

 

n'ah, London boy born and bred. Shall we let panda have her thread back now?

[sfsassy]

Never believe 'I Love You's' when the guy tells you this when he's:

 

drunk

just about to have sex with you

has just had sex with you

 

Him denying any recollection of it afterwards could well be true, but if he did love you, what a perfect opportunity for him to say 'I don't remember saying that at all, I was totally wasted, but yeah, I do love you' and he didn't.

 

When he says it in the sober light of day, believe him. And I second the 'look at his actions, not his words' advice

'

Or having sex with you. I had told my ex I loved him, but didn't expect it of him yet. Then he told me he loved me you jknow, while he was, lol. Then later he told me at a regular time. I commented how happy I was he finally said it, and then he said "but I said it during sex too", LMAO. Like I would take that as anything but lust.

[gtrguy]

Come on Panda.. We have been through this story several times already. Why are you holding on to this dude? You don't wake up at 3-4 am to text your buddy. He obviously texted some girl. Isn't this the same guy who said he was moving or some BS? I think you seriously need to work on your self-esteem issues. Until then, you will consistently end up in bad situations with crappy guys like this.

Edited January 18, 2010 by gtrguy

[alphamale]

Was this just complete drunk talk? Some truth despite the alcohol?

its both pandagirl

[pandagirl]

Come on Panda.. We have been through this story several times already. Why are you holding on to this dude? You don't wake up at 3-4 am to text your buddy. He obviously texted some girl. Isn't this the same guy who said he was moving or some BS? I think you seriously need to work on your self-esteem issues. Until then, you will consistently end up in bad situations with crappy guys like this.

 

He's not a crappy guy. First of all, we've been on 10+ dates and we still haven't had sex, I've been meeting his friends -- who are all very nice so far -- he wants to spend time with me. He's met many of my friends and they all like him. Now, I'm not saying this couldn't all go bad at any point, but he's by no means a complete jerk like you say. And my self-esteem is not so poor that I'd put up with such behavior.

 

its both pandagirl

 

Fair enough.

[gtrguy]

He slept over all weekend and you still haven't had sex? Why? And I find it hard to believe it's because he is a good guy. Is this because you told him you have herpes? I find that odd and the fact that he is texting someone randomly at 3am. DOUBTFUL it's a guy friend. Isn't he still on the dating site you met him on as well?

[pandagirl]

He slept over all weekend and you still haven't had sex? Why? And I find it hard to believe it's because he is a good guy. Is this because you told him you have herpes? I find that odd and the fact that he is texting someone randomly at 3am. DOUBTFUL it's a guy friend. Isn't he still on the dating site you met him on as well?

 

Yes, and he slept over all last weekend, too. First, I was on my period, and then he got a coldsore (not from me, he said he gets them from time to time) and it hasn't healed yet. He said he doesn't want to sleep with me until he can have the, uh, "full course."

 

I asked him straight out if he was seeing anyone else and he said, "No." I asked him about the dating site and he said, "NO. I am not looking." He said he had wondered the same thing -- because he could see I was online, too. We both agreed to take down own profiles in due time (we've only been dating a month).

 

As for the late night texting, I have no explanation for that, except he was sort of talking in his sleep all night, and doing weird half-asleep type things. When I asked him about it today, he said he had a horrible night's sleep.