I ended up paying more than him on a first date...is that a big no no?

[conehead]

So we had a first date Saturday night. For dinner, the bill came out to be $35, which he offered to pay which was nice. Then we went to get desert and drinks. The bill came out to be $45. I slowly went for my purse to see if he'd offer to pay. He slowly went for his wallet too lol. And I mean I was really slow, but he didn't seem keen on paying, so I opened up my purse and put my card in the bill while he watched me fiddle with the broken flap. I put the bill on the table THEN he takes out his card and was like 'want to split it'? At that point, it was just awkward since I already put in my card so I just said 'no it's fine I'll get it'. He thanked me. Eventhough he offered to split, he wasn't sincere about it. He texted me the day after and called me this morning. But to be honest, I was pretty turned off that I ended up paying more than him on our first date. Is this a yay or nay??

[alphamale]

Is this a yay or nay??

i don't know, its your money and your call

[conehead]

Also, for the whole night, the prices of what we each ordered was 50/50, yet I ended up paying more. It's not bout the money, its about chivalry

[BWLoca]

If you didn't want to pay, why even offer?

 

I don't think a $10 difference is that big of a deal. And this is from someone who thinks the guy should pay on the first date.

[alphamale]

It's not bout the money, its about chivalry

oh trust me, its about the money sister

[conehead]

I didnt' offer. He basically was the one who waited for me to put my card in the flap before 'offering' to split. Even if we did split, I'd still say he's cheap.

 

As for the $10 difference, see my post above.

[Kristine]

Find a new guy, one who isn't so "cheap".

[empty906]

It's not bout the money, its about chivalry

 

In your title, you mention money not chivalry. I agree with the earlier post, if you honestly didnt want to pay then you shouldnt have pretended you were ok with it. Now you have set the bar lower than you want it to be and he will most likely expect you to pick up the tab in the future.

 

But you can easily correct it by talking with him about it, if you want to continue seeing this guy.

[alphamale]

Even if we did split, I'd still say he's cheap.

so? he may be great in bed...who knows. i say give him another chance

[squeaky]

i don't think it's a big deal. it's a $10 difference. do you like the guy? did you have fun? it's really only an issue if you think it is. personally, i'd be more concerned with how the rest of the date went.

[conehead]

In your title, you mention money not chivalry. I agree with the earlier post, if you honestly didnt want to pay then you shouldnt have pretended you were ok with it. Now you have set the bar lower than you want it to be and he will most likely expect you to pick up the tab in the future.

 

But you can easily correct it by talking with him about it, if you want to continue seeing this guy.

 

Just because I didnt mention it earlier, doesn't mean its not true. I make a lot of money, $10 is not a big deal if we were just friends. But it's a first date where he suggested we go get dinner then get desert at that place afterward...

[BWLoca]

In going for your purse, you indicated that you wanted to pay. Next time, either ignore it if you don't want to pay, or speak up first and offer to split it.

[conehead]

Gentlemen aren't cheap like that.

 

So I suppose I will just ignore his texts/calls from now on.

[OnlyJake]

$80 is kind of an expensive first date, IMO...

 

Really, it's up to you; I personally would be very turned off by his passive and insincere behavior, so I understand where you're coming from; regardless of who paid what, the situation could've been handled in a more assertive manner.

 

What were your impressions of him and the date, aside from the money/bill thing?

[conehead]

In going for your purse, you indicated that you wanted to pay. Next time, either ignore it if you don't want to pay, or speak up first and offer to split it.

 

I think I'm just going to pass on this guy. I suppose I'm used to dating a guy who despite me offering to pay, will not let me pay and insists on paying for everything. Those guys tend me treat me better in the long run and overall than the other guys.

[conehead]

$80 is kind of an expensive first date, IMO...

 

Really, it's up to you; I personally would be very turned off by his passive and insincere behavior, so I understand where you're coming from; regardless of who paid what, the situation could've been handled in a more assertive manner.

 

What were your impressions of him and the date, aside from the money/bill thing?

 

I enjoyed his company but there weren't real sparks there. Had he paid for the whole night, I'd probably go out with him again just to see if things grow between us. But due to his behavior with the bill, I do feel turned off right now and have no desire to return his call.

[alphamale]

I enjoyed his company but there weren't real sparks there.

well thats the real crux of the matter here innit? had there been sparks flying all over the place and he made you pay for everything then you'd still go out with him again.

[conehead]

well thats the real crux of the matter here innit? had there been sparks flying all over the place and he made you pay for everything then you'd still go out with him again.

 

 

Haha had he made me pay for everything, I think that'd kill whatever sparks were there! I'm old-fashioned or whatever I suppose and think that even if a girl offers, a guy should always insist on paying on a first date..

[Enema]

I enjoyed his company but there weren't real sparks there. Had he paid for the whole night, I'd probably go out with him again just to see if things grow between us. But due to his behavior with the bill, I do feel turned off right now and have no desire to return his call.

 

I didn't really feel a connection but I would use him for dinner again if I knew it was going to be free.

[OnlyJake]

I enjoyed his company but there weren't real sparks there. Had he paid for the whole night, I'd probably go out with him again just to see if things grow between us. But due to his behavior with the bill, I do feel turned off right now and have no desire to return his call.

 

I didn't really feel a connection but I would use him for dinner again if I knew it was going to be free.

 

Harsh!

 

Regardless of who paid what, it sounds like you just weren't very interested in him, period.

[BentSpine]

I'm old-fashioned

No you're not. You are merely expecting your partner to be. Traditional as a woman would be earning very little if any, and knitting in your spare time.

I suppose and think that even if a girl offers, a guy should always insist on paying on a first date..

Be honest and don't offer if you don't mean to.

[Chicago_Guy]

So we had a first date Saturday night. For dinner, the bill came out to be $35, which he offered to pay which was nice. Then we went to get desert and drinks. The bill came out to be $45. I slowly went for my purse to see if he'd offer to pay. He slowly went for his wallet too lol. And I mean I was really slow, but he didn't seem keen on paying, so I opened up my purse and put my card in the bill while he watched me fiddle with the broken flap. I put the bill on the table THEN he takes out his card and was like 'want to split it'? At that point, it was just awkward since I already put in my card so I just said 'no it's fine I'll get it'. He thanked me. Eventhough he offered to split, he wasn't sincere about it. He texted me the day after and called me this morning. But to be honest, I was pretty turned off that I ended up paying more than him on our first date. Is this a yay or nay??

 

Did you tell him when he paid for dinner that you wanted to pay for the drinks? If so, I don't understand why you are upset about this. I am assuming that this guy must have thought that you wanted to pay for the drinks/dessert.

[Chicago_Guy]

I didn't really feel a connection but I would use him for dinner again if I knew it was going to be free.

 

I was thinking the same thing!

[harmfulsweetz]

Hm. It's tricky, because yeah, I'm an old fashioned gal too, and if I had to pay for a first date, it would sort of put me off, but if I were interested in him, I'd probably let it pass. For me, it wouldn't be about the money, it would be about the lack of assertiveness in handling the bill-if he wanted to split it, he should have piped up before you put your card on the table. If he wanted to pay, again, he should have piped up. But then again, you shouldn't have reached for your purse if you didn't want to pay.

 

I had a date with a guy once, we went to lunch at a sushi restaurant (his choice) I don't eat sushi. But he suggested we grab sushi, me being young went along with it, and the next thing I knew I was lumbered with the bill. His bill. I ate nothing, only had a drink which was next to nothing. I must have paid around 15 pounds for his meal, because of course, he wanted to try this, he wanted to try that, all the while knowing he had no money! By the time of the bill, I didn't have much choice but to pay. He was damn lucky I had money in my bank! Needless to say, he didn't get a second date, not because of the money, but because of the very fact he went out without money, and completely expected me to foot the bill.

[O'Malley]

Harmfulsweetz, that was a jerk.

 

OP, who made the offer to get the drinks and dessert? That individual should have expected to pay the bill and also should have been realistic about what they could afford beforehand. You weren't even obligated to tip, if you didn't invite (although it's never a bad idea to do so).

 

I have had no problems in the past asking men out and choosing the activity or dinner and treating them. I also enjoy being invited on a date where the man pays for me. It's the height of rudeness to invite someone out and then expect them to pay some portion when the check comes (unless you're upfront with them about going dutch and they agree).