Nexa Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 It's been exactly one month since me and my ex have not talked to one another. And honestly I thought I would be feeling a little better about the whole thing but truth is I still feel like it's all my fault. You see he cut total contact with me for a whole week, I tried leaving messages on his phone, e-mails, and text messages. Still no response, till I decided to go over to his place and talk to him in person. He told me eventually he was going to contact me and let me know what the problem was, but something told me he was not telling the truth? He claimed just becasue he saw me wrestling with another guy and that I was leaving for 6months that we should just be "friends", and wait till I got back. At the time I told him that's what we would do, but he still did not call me or anything. I thought to myself what happens if he falls for another girl while I'm away? It is going to hurt bad! I saw him the other day, we passed one another I was so angry that I just passed him acting like was not even there. My big question is why did he choose the "no contact thing"? I know I have read a couple of post here and some of you all say that it's an easy way for them to get over you? Did this guy ever care about me? Did I hurt him that bad? or was he just trying to find a stupid excuse to get out of this relationship? I could not imagine cutting of contact with a person I truly cared about without getting some type of closure? I think I would get there side of the story and then make my decision. In my case anyway, but I guess I really messed this one up. I just can't let this issue go with myself, it's just to much for me. Please someone HELP!!! Any input is better than none. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Nexa, You didn't go into detail as to what 'type' of relationship you were having with this guy. It could make a difference on how he chose to end it. However, sometimes people choose not to give a closure to avoid hurting someone's feelings as to why they no longer want to remain in the relationship. You can demand one. You may get one. But it may not be the answer you wanted to hear. Sometimes, it's best to walk away and let it go. It SEEMS like it's harder......but wouldn't it be easier than him telling you face to face.....you just aren't the right person for him? I'm not being glib......I'm just stating how hard it is to say and receive the truth as to why some relationships have run their course. I DID demand an answer once.....and it was somewhat of a satisfactory answer. Then again, I wouldn't have felt any worse.....had I NOT received that answer. Let it go.....and move on. Dwelling on all the 'what if's' only makes it worse. Arabess Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 That sounds like a tough question. The "no-contact" thing works (or doesn't) for a wide variety of situations. It does sound like (and not to be critical) that you have been really trying to talk to him a lot, maybe too much. Usually when someone says "I'll call you" there is a reason for it. I would also think that if you were leaving for 6 months that would have a big thing to do with it. Maybe he just can't deal with an LDR. About the wrestling with another guy...what's up there? Were you at a party or his house? did you "over-step" something he might be stressed about? that could be a big deal too. You are probably best off with no contact especially since it was his sugestion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nexa Posted December 29, 2003 Author Share Posted December 29, 2003 Yeah it was Thanksgiving day and we had a bunch of friends over and the guy I was wrestling with he did not like very much. But we did not wrestle for maybe but 30 secs. I did notice that our relationship did not consist of much communication. We pretty much held alot of what bothered us back. I could see his fustrations when I did something that he did not like but he would never admit to it. I don't understand what is "LDR", and what he would not trust me for the time I was away? Oh and I appreciate your two's advice on my situation. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Hi again, LDR is "long distance relationship". If you go to this website: www.romulus2.com/articles/guides/shorthand/shorthand.shtml that will help you understand all the quick lingo around. I'd like to take credit for this discovery but...The credit goes to moimeme. The genius of finding anything! Man.. that girl is cool! The things I see that could be a problem: 1. The wrestling thing in front of him 2. Lack of solid communication (this is vital!) 3. And just the fact that you are going to be gone and that might bum him out I'm not sure why he didn't/doesn't trust you. you are going to have to develop a way to talk to him about that (calmly) Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 I personally think...without a "trust".....there is no basis for a relationship. Now, trust can be defined in many ways....some more liberal in thinking than others.....but overall.....if you have questions....or someone else has to question....every action of the relationship......whole thing is disjointed. If you can't relaxe in what you have without feeling threatened.....then you have nothing. It becomes a game. It bothers me how many people get caught up in a game.....rather than knowing that you know......nothing can come between you. If he feels threatened and has ended the relationship.....you guys need to talk. You need to reassure him and set some boundaries he is comfortable in. ..........without boundaries......how cool could a relationship be though.....how free......how full of love.....with no fear or trepidation?????.... Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Thanks Arabess, I didn't even think of that to tell her. Nexa that is true trust is paramount to a solid relationship. I got burned last relationship by an affair and I really put a lot into the word "trust" Right now there is some kind of damage done that you need to figure out. Figure out what that damage is, then discuss it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nexa Posted December 30, 2003 Author Share Posted December 30, 2003 Well I feel that he was feeling very threatened someway but he never voiced his feelings, and when I noticed I would be the one to try to talk about it, it worked once but not the second time. It's like Arabess mentioned about the "game", that is what it was between us, just one big game. I know that this relationship is gone. There is nothing I can do, the doesn't want anything to do with me. I fly out tommorow anyway. Who knows in 6 months when I return I'll hopefully forget about him, and I know he won't even remember me. I guess I'll let bye gones be bye gones. Thanks again Arabess and mjk for your advice and input. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nexa Posted January 3, 2004 Author Share Posted January 3, 2004 Has anybody had an exprerince like this before or similar and what happened? Did you guys get back together again? Link to post Share on other sites
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