4 months of dating, both still virgins, is this normal?

[thebear08]

Let me first start off by saying i'm 19, male and in college. My girlfriend and i have been dating for about 4 months now. We are both virgins and have never had sex but we both want to. I am her first boyfriend, and she is my first real girl friend. I how ever have had 2 past (about a month long)relationships both ending very shortly after i got whiskey dick while hooking up with both of them. When my current GF and I hook up, we usually just out going no further than maybe a bit of rubbing on each others genitals. I feel so much pressure to have sex with her, but every time we do hook up i get the fear of not being able to get it up, causing me to not be able to get it up, which in turn makes her feel like she is doing something wrong. We have however talked about it but since then we only kiss each other for about 10 seconds when she arrives at my apartment and when she leaves my apartment. When ever she is over my apartment i am afraid to do anything with her because of this weird anxiety i have from the past.

 

Another thing that bothers me is the fact that i am not crazy about this girl, i just like her personality. I think she is really cool, but i feel like i suppose to be madly in love with her, which i know i'm not. Is this normal? i feel like if we broke up i would be sad, but i wouldn't be train wrecked unable to function balling or something. Where as, i think for her, if we broke up she would be crying for days on end and i would be the most evil person on the face of the earth to her. I think this is another factor of why i am scared to take our relationship any further. I always mess things up some how and then that person hates me for it and we never talk or do anything together again.

 

I just want to have a normal relationship, have sex, do things together and not feel weird or have a care about what could possibly happen in the future. I just don't understand what i am doing wrong? why am i so relationship retarded?

[carhill]

I just don't understand what i am doing wrong? why am i so relationship retarded?

 

You seem to have a firm grasp on your challenge; it's getting over performance anxiety due to past experience.

 

Can you identify and explain where the anxiety comes from? Is it that, in the past, those other girls were or seemed much more 'experienced' and you felt inferior? That's one example. Figure out what your story is.

 

Since your GF is a virgin, it might make the dynamic a bit more difficult, since her status infers lack of experience. However, if you are defining virginity by vaginal-penile intercourse, she could have other experience which could be helpful. Can you feel comfortable allowing her to stimulate you manually without expectation of results? Just have her do it, while you are kissing, through your pants. If you get an erection, cool. If not, cool. Rinse and repeat. No 'sex'. Just become comfortable with her touching you. Relinquish control. Show her what you like. Take her hand. I presume you know how to masturbate. That's not 'dirty'. So you know how to pleasure yourself with your hand. Teach her

[Scottdmw]

Have you talked with your girlfriend about what the two of you would do in case of pregnancy?

 

Birth control is nowhere near 100%. Look it up on the Planned Parenthood website sometime. Typical use failure rates for condoms or the pill are around 10% per couple per year. If you and your girlfriend are together for a year having sex, there is roughly a 1 in 10 chance that you will be parents by the end of it, unless you are really a “perfect” user of birth control (not many are) or you double up methods.

 

If you haven't had the talk, you are not ready.

 

Scott