So complicated...

[alwaysthinking]

I don't even know where to start...my story is so similar to so many posts on here, yet in some ways, seems more complicated. I have developed a friendship with a co-worker over the past 6 years. We are both married- he, in an arranged marriage (is muslim), and I in a 15yr marriage that has definitely seen better times. Approx 3 years ago, something in our relationship changed- feelings seemed to deepen. It took me almost a year to admit to myself that I had developed feelings for him that went beyond friendship. His behavior suggested the same. To add to the complexity of this relationship, he is an extremely private and somewhat shy individual- not shy in casual interactions, but shy when he gets close to someone. It also appears that he may suffer from either a personality disorder, and/or some type of bipolar disorder- his extremes in mood are remarkable. This all being said, he is a kind man with a huge heart, and clearly, many issues. Why is this even going anywhere? Not sure- if I could figure it out, it would be easier to walk away.

 

So, over the past couple of years he and I have kept in touch outside of work- the odd phone call, email, or "coffee" after work. We have exchanged Christmas gifts, hugged on many occasions, and he has initiated long lingering kisses on the cheek, and an intense kiss on my neck. Between each of these episodes, he "drops off the radar" for months at a time- won't return calls, emails, etc- can also be downright mean/aggressive at work. Then suddenly, he resumes friendly behavior and the cycle goes again. In all of this, I am ALWAYS the one to initiate contact- he may or may not respond. Up to this point, I think I have figured out that we share deep feelings for each other, and he has a difficult time coping with emotional intimacy (possibly the first time he has had such "romantic" feelings for someone).

 

Bringing us up to the recent past! After months of silence from him, he "resurfaced" and was very intent on showing interest- replying to emails, making arrangements to meet after work, etc. We had arranged to meet one day when he was done work- he made a point of leaving me a message and following up with a phone call to confirm the details. Funny thing is, he didn't show up to meet me. When I was able to get ahold of him 2 days later, he sounded angry, and said that he had not stayed to meet me b/c I had snubbed him. The incident he was referring to, was me walking with a coworker to get "report" from another coworker so she could go home- he was at a computer in the middle of shift change, in front of many other coworkers- he didn't acknowledge me, I didn't acknowledge him- really no reason to at that point and time. I was absolutely stunned. Such childish behavior from a "professional", who supposedly has feelings for me. Since then, I have apologized for any misunderstanding, I have sent follow up apology emails, and tried to reach him by phone. NO RESPONSE!! I am so frustrated- feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I haven't worked with him since the incident, but I see we are scheduled together next week- not sure what approach to take with him. Any thoughts, perspectives, insight? I don't know where I would like this to go, but at the very least, I don't want to lose him as a friend. I can see that he is someone who is hurting, has a hard time trusting- trying to show him unconditional love....