A very complicated situation (LONG POST) about trying to get back with my sons mother

[Charlie Digital]

Hello everyone. I've been reading alot of your posts in this particular forum and, it's all been very informative. There is a certain situation that I am trying to figure out and understand. Hopefully you all can help me.

 

There's this certain girl that I love to death with all my heart that is also the mother of my 5 year old child.We're young (I'm now 23, she's 21) We dated for a good 4 1/2 years, got engaged and all that. Everything was looking good. I joined the army so that put our relationship on hiatus for a little bit but, when I returned, a huge mistake was made... we moved in together.. That wasnt for us, as we fought every day just about. It was mostly because I was a lazy fellow (even after coming back from the service, something that's supposed to instil responsibilty in a person.. go figure) so she ended up breaking it off with me...

 

well a month or so later we made up, but we decided to raise our child together but not be together... it worked for awhile... until she met.... HIM!!!! (CRAZY MUSIC FROM PSYCHO PLAYS*) She meets this guy that her mother introduced her to, moves him into her and my sons apartment within two weeks and, to make a long story short, he ends up cheating on her, and beating her... so that ended..

 

Fast forward 6 months and... we decided to talk to each other again to see if we can raise our child (we didnt talk for basically a year because of her brainwashing involvement with that idiot) Now, this is my question ultimately... is there any way possible that we can reconcile and be a family again? She's changed alot since that guy hurt her... She used to be a homebody, loving, quiet girl, and now she parties all the time, drinks and acts wild... I think that's partly to ease the pain from basically two bad breakups end to end.. But I love her and my son... and I would want nothing more in life than to marry her, and have a constructive, loving family.

 

Our 7 or so exchanges so far (6 phone calls, 1 visit) have been very smooth, and things seem good. When I saw her, she hugged me twice was talking to me so much that I couldnt even focus on my son (the reason i was there)!!! Gosh, she's a beautiful girl, and I realize that the "no contact" method has been taken to an extreme but, I really hope this can come to fruition one more time! I love them both to death and, the time away has really made me realize that. Anyways, Thanks for reading this long winded post... I just wanted to make sure I put in every detail so you all can understand my situation a little better and help me out. Thanks guys!!

[InLoKo]

What I don't understand is....why haven't you said all this to your ex? You come across as sincere and you say you love her deeply. Why not keep going as you have been, winning her back slowly? Or has she said she isn't interested? Are the sparks still there between you, do you think? From reading your post, I understand the history, but not the current situation. Perhaps you can expand on what exactly the problem that you have now is and what has been said.

[Charlie Digital]

Oh, I understand what you mean.. Well, she has been very sweet and kind to me, probably moreso than she's been since we were in love. But it's like, I guess I'm scared to ask her to get involved with me again. I mean, right now things seem perfect.. like everything is wonderful... we talked alot, very respectful towards other but, in the past she's told me that she would NEVER get back with me! And looking back on that point in my life, I don't blame her for saying that!!! Thing is, I feel that I've changed alot, and now have more to bring to the table in terms of a stable, caring relationship. I think I'm afraid that she's too far gone now.. Know what I mean? Like, she's dated a few people I believe (just threw together an assumption during one of our conversations) and has new friends, and don't forget that I haven't talked to her for 6 months until we recently contacted each other again.

 

I guess my ultimate ultimate question is, should I try to reconcile with her ONE more time? And if so, what are some signs that she might be interested? Reason I ask is, she's been known to play hard to get sometimes... I mean, check this out... She's been telling me about her new friends and how they party like mad, and blah blah blah.. Do you think she's telling me this to make me jealous, or do you think she's telling me this to basically tell me, "Get to steppin, I don't want you anymore, and don't even TRY to win me back!"? LOL, love is a trip... Hopefully that cleared things up a tad, thanks friend.....

[Errol]

You have a child with her and you havn't spoken with her in six months! Your child should come first and you should be involved in your sons life, know about his school and his friends - see him as often as you can and be a parent to him -- that will require you to have contact with his mother.

 

Try being a dad first and concentrate on your child. You and his mother will get to know each other better too and then you can let THAT relationship develop naturally.

[Charlie Digital]

Ahh, I know I know... She was very difficult during that time, allowing other people to control her. I know it's no excuse for not seeing my son but, I was an idiot, I allowed myself to be manipulated by her and that moron.. Stupid, I know, but all I can do now is make up for it... Thanks for your advice... I think I will try that (just focusing on my child for now, for we have alot of making up to do)

[Charlie Digital]

*Bump* I just want to see if I can get one more bit of good advice before I let this topic die.. Thanks