What are the signs of a future walkaway wife?

[Woggle]

When I look back I could clearly see that my first marriage was doomed from the start but back then I did not know. What are some signs a man should look for to make sure the woman he is commiting to is truly in it for the longterm?

[nobmagnet]

Woggle,

 

I would say spend as muchtime talking with them as possible. Look for the red flags on her previous relationships. Did she have affaires, did she leave, but no IMO you can never trully tell.

 

Same goes for blokes too.

 

Nobby xx

[carhill]

What are some signs a man should look for to make sure the woman he is commiting to is truly in it for the longterm?

 

She proactively invests herself emotionally in their future as a couple and values his relationships (family and friends) and his goals as equal to her own.

 

What are the signs of a future walkaway wife?

 

Retrospectively, it was lack of that emotional investment, combined with talking smack about my mother, prior to being married. My mistake for not seeing that for what it was.

[Simon Attwood]

When I look back I could clearly see that my first marriage was doomed from the start but back then I did not know. What are some signs a man should look for to make sure the woman he is commiting to is truly in it for the longterm?

 

This works with both men and women;

 

Check if they have a pulse, or not.

 

If there's no pulse, you can be sure

[sumdude]

She proactively invests herself emotionally in their future as a couple and values his relationships (family and friends) and his goals as equal to her own.

 

 

 

Retrospectively, it was lack of that emotional investment, combined with talking smack about my mother, prior to being married. My mistake for not seeing that for what it was.

 

This seems hauntingly familiar to me.

 

Another thing to look for. What are her relationships with her own parents and siblings like? I think the ability to create a lasting bond with someone starts with your parents.

Edited January 19, 2010 by sumdude

[floridapad]

What are her circle of friends like? Is she truly happy for herself. What hobbies does she have? What kind of life does she have outside of men and dating. Is she happy without being "in love" (romantic love, the first two years). Does she understand that love changes. Does she understand the phases of love and long term relationships. What has she learned about this and from where? Doers she blame her X for the demise of her marriage and not understand her part?

[norajane]

What are the signs of a future walkaway wife?

 

Being married to a man who:

 

- Is a misogynist

- Doesn't trust his wife when she tells him his friend is destructive to their marriage

- Hides his real thoughts and feelings from his wife

- Spends most of his free time reading sites where cheating wives post

- Believes all women are out to take advantage of men

- Believes all women hate men

- Is quick to believe all stories of bad behavior by women is because women are bad, but believes bad behavior by men is justified because the men are with bad women

- Isn't open to seeing that he might be sabotaging his own relationship through his warped view of women

- Is constantly looking at his wife for signs she may be controlling, cheating, trying to take his money, or about to walk out on him

- Is afraid his wife will walk away so holds back from opening his heart to her so he won't get hurt...and thus ensures that she will walk away because she can't develop true emotional intimacy with him

 

Yes, Woggle. Your marriage doesn't have a chance in hell of working out if you don't take a good, long look at your beliefs and attitude. She won't walk away - you'll drive her away.

[floridapad]

Being married to a man who:

 

- Is a misogynist

- Doesn't trust his wife when she tells him his friend is destructive to their marriage

- Hides his real thoughts and feelings from his wife

- Spends most of his free time reading sites where cheating wives post

- Believes all women are out to take advantage of men

- Believes all women hate men

- Is quick to believe all stories of bad behavior by women is because women are bad, but believes bad behavior by men is justified because the men are with bad women

- Isn't open to seeing that he might be sabotaging his own relationship through his warped view of women

- Is constantly looking at his wife for signs she may be controlling, cheating, trying to take his money, or about to walk out on him

- Is afraid his wife will walk away so holds back from opening his heart to her so he won't get hurt...and thus ensures that she will walk away because she can't develop true emotional intimacy with him

 

Yes, Woggle. Your marriage doesn't have a chance in hell of working out if you don't take a good, long look at your beliefs and attitude. She won't walk away - you'll drive her away.

 

 

Dead on Norajane. It works both ways. I learned from your post. Thank you.

[carhill]

Wogs, some other things I'd look for are long-term positive friendships, as well as healthy familial relationships. Lastly, accepting responsibility. Part of being emotionally invested is to take responsibility for one's role in the relationship and one's actions. If/when you see her proactively doing this, to me that's a positive sign.

 

I don't know what's going on in your M but would implore you to not ignore these positive signs, for they have, in the vacuum of indifference, a definitive shelf-life.

[phineas]

She proactively invests herself emotionally in their future as a couple and values his relationships (family and friends) and his goals as equal to her own.

 

 

 

Retrospectively, it was lack of that emotional investment, combined with talking smack about my mother, prior to being married. My mistake for not seeing that for what it was.

 

scary.

 

when planing the wedding it was all about her & I constantly had to be a referee between her & my mother & sister & constantly being forced to pick sides.

 

She didn't want my sister in the wedding ect.

 

it got real ugly for a while there.

I almost called it off.

 

If it wern't for my kids I'd wish i had.

 

I'd say her being an attention whore was something I somehow missed.

[nobmagnet]

thats an easy mistake to make my freind if you are a "Giver" Demanding people have a really clever way of attracting givers. DAMN!! hey my shrink told me the scales of personalities. Givers.......................................Takers/needy. He said if you can, as a giver remember to say NO from time to time the takers cant "take you" lowley took everything from me (I let him by not understaning what was happening)

 

The importance is being aware how much you give and feel you get just as much investment back. Nice people dont really expect much in return (ask any batterd spose) but when they get it they give even more back. Holding a little of that urge to me is important. Sometimes the more you give the more they expect and it becomes impossible to please them after time because you are spent and have run out of ideas.

 

Avoid needy people. Find somebody who in genuinly happy in them selves and you are too. Thats the most important thing. Givers give and want to help but help a stranger in the street not go into a relationship wanting to fix them.

 

 

Just my mistakes

 

Nobby xx

Edited January 19, 2010 by nobmagnet

[quankanne]

Being married to a man who:

 

- Is a misogynist

- Doesn't trust his wife when she tells him his friend is destructive to their marriage

- Hides his real thoughts and feelings from his wife

- Spends most of his free time reading sites where cheating wives post

- Believes all women are out to take advantage of men

- Believes all women hate men

- Is quick to believe all stories of bad behavior by women is because women are bad, but believes bad behavior by men is justified because the men are with bad women

- Isn't open to seeing that he might be sabotaging his own relationship through his warped view of women

- Is constantly looking at his wife for signs she may be controlling, cheating, trying to take his money, or about to walk out on him

- Is afraid his wife will walk away so holds back from opening his heart to her so he won't get hurt...and thus ensures that she will walk away because she can't develop true emotional intimacy with him.

 

yep. Incessant negativity from her husband will pretty much kill their marriage, and at some point, she's going to get tired of being the one who emotionally keeps the relationship afloat.

 

though I'm not sure I could term this woman as a "walk-away wife," because I imagine she will have given her all ... and thensome ... before finally getting rid of the deadweight.

[donnamaybe]

He should look in the mirror and see if he views a mysoginistic prick looking back at him.

[grogster]

People can change over time so there's no sure fire way to predict from the beginning whether a spouse will end the marriage.

 

Signs do often develop within a few years of the exit decision:

 

*increasingly noncommunicative and inactive at home

 

*mechanical sex or very rare sex and the feeling of emotional disengagment during sex;

 

*parallel lives: different friends, recreational activities, etc.;

 

*increased online browsing especially on sites like this, which provide the opportunity to cyber-bond with the similarly disaffected and alienated;

 

*depressed affect at home coupled with increasing irritability especially when around the other spouse.

[StalledGirl]

What's with the gender specific title? I've never been married but men & women walk away from relationships all of the time.

[donnamaybe]

What's with the gender specific title? I've never been married but men & women walk away from relationships all of the time.

 

Look at the REST of the OP's threads, and it will all become PAINFULLY clear.

[alphamale]

What are some signs a man should look for to make sure the woman he is commiting to is truly in it for the longterm?

when it comes to relationships no one can predict how long they will last

[StalledGirl]

Look at the REST of the OP's threads, and it will all become PAINFULLY clear.

 

I stopped after reading the title "How many women here will admit to being a misandrist".

Nothing worse than a bitter man! They aren't fun and think women all evil witches who are out to get them:laugh:

[sumdude]

What's with the gender specific title? I've never been married but men & women walk away from relationships all of the time.

 

a) The OP has developed some pretty extreme trust issues and resentments towards women after going through a particularly harsh marriage and divorce to a woman with some major issues.

 

b) In many ways women and men deal with relationships differently. A man might ask "why are women like X" and a woman will ask "Why do men do X."

 

For example from my experience in these boards it seems much more common for women to give the ILYBINILWY speech than men.

 

Married women having an affair seem more likely to leave their marriages for the affair partner.

 

Married men in a affair tend to stay married and keep the affair going.

 

These are tendencies I've noticed and there are plenty of exceptions for sure.

[Woggle]

What's with the gender specific title? I've never been married but men & women walk away from relationships all of the time.

 

True but it is mostly women who walk away from what seems to be a good marriage all of a sudden just to find herself. Men don't usually unless there is a damn good reason.

[donnamaybe]

What did I tell ya?!!!

 

He should look in the mirror and see if he views a mysoginistic prick looking back at him.

[Woggle]

I know you all want to turn this into the let's bash woggle thread but that is not what this is about. It is about what red flags a man can look for before he commits so he can lessen the chances of being a thrown away divorced man.

[donnamaybe]

I know you all want to turn this into the let's bash woggle thread but that is not what this is about.

 

No, it's yet ANOTHER of your ever tiring "let's bash women" threads. They are becoming too numerous to count, and it's old. So very, very old.

 

I say, just like I would say to Keith Brooking, hike up your skirt, pick up your purse, and head out to the waaaaahmbulance and catch a ride to Whinerville.

[Woggle]

It's not a let's bash women thread. It is a thread in the divorce forum about how men can avoid ending up like some of the other men that post here.

[carhill]

Watch how she handles conflict and assigns and accepts responsibility. Watch her priorities. Does she prioritize the relationship? How?