jagm Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 My son is married almost 3 years with 3 kids, his wife keeps going out drinking, leaving for days, and then we found out that she is doing drugs. This has been happening on and off for 2 years. sometimes he will wake up in the middle of the night and she will be gone, not to return for 8 hours to 4 days! then she says she's sorry but it's not her fault it's his! well the last time he told her she needed to get help, so she finds a counsellor.... 2 hours a month? My son gives her everything she wants, she doesn't have to work and all he asks is that she be a wife and a mom to their children (his step child 8yrs, theirs are 2 yrs and 8 months) I finally told him that if she doesn't get serious help I was going to step in and even call the authorities if necessary. She has gotten on my last nerve! I have stayed out of it for this long, but this last eppisode has got me riled! I can't bear to see my son and my grandchildren go thru this. Am I wrong for stepping in? Link to post Share on other sites
FleshNBones Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 He should get a paternity test just in case. I believe he gets everything, including custody, if he can prove infidelity in a divorce. I don't know how drug abuse can factor in. He may love her, but he may be forced to divorce her for the sake of the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 No, you're not "wrong" for caring. Possibly misguided in what you're seeing as the best or only 'solution' for this situation. Your son needs to be much more proactive. Individual therapy can help him figure out why he is being so passive, what is compelling him to continue to enable his wife, and why he is not more concerned about the children's mental, emotional and physical well-being. He could consider attending a 'Codependents Anonymous' meeting, as well as Al-anon. Both organizations can help him learn effective ways of dealing with his wife and offer support. He can also check with a drug addictions clinic or crisis centre for help on what to do and how to cope. It's a difficult situation, and I do empathize with the position that you are in. But your son is an adult and needs to be taking the responsibility of fixing his life and his children's lives, as well as helping his wife get the help that she needs and supporting her through her recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
BruceSmith Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 HI!! I suggest just drag her out of your house for few days. Don't provide any think not even food. Do some steps otherwise I am sure the child will get spoiled and once the child get spoiled there is no way to catch them.. Link to post Share on other sites
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