HurtinginVA Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Does anyone else who has been cheated on totally feel like a victim of circumstance? I do. When I found out about my husband's infidelity, it's one of the only things I could think about. You know, how you can "what if" yourself to death? What if she hadnt given in to him or vice versa. What if she had gone to a different resturaunt and not been there to meet him? *sigh* How can I stop "what iffing" myself? LOL Its almost funny when I actually type it out for others to read, but from going around this site a lot of those things that I thought only I could be going through, I am SO not alone. Figured this would be that way too. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Nope. I believe cheaters, while they may not go looking for it, can always walk away they just choose not too. I would be more inclinded to start 'What of my husband had said no', 'What of my husband was a real man and loved me' etc Link to post Share on other sites
Tahoe_Insomniac Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Im doing this too... I just found out about my girlf being unfaithful... I have all those questions... And you know what... its so important that you get the answers to them. The ones that can be realistically answered that is. I actually helped and encouraged her to get a job where she met the other person.. so you can guess how much Im beating myself up about it too! What are you going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Realize that the choice to cheat was the cheaters and it does not matter what outside influences were around. If a person is going to cheat - they will. Many people have spouses that have been tempted -- or have been tempted themselves. They choose NOT to cheat. Opportunity affords a choice. Its difficult to not feel guilty and play the 'what if' game -- but its fruitless. What if that girl wasn't there? Someone else would have been there - or the cheater would have found someone to cheat with some place else. The fact that they chose to be totally selfish and to drastically hurt someone they claim(ed) to love is the reality -- there are no 'what ifs' to consider. Good luck getting past this. You will eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
bark Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 You're not a victim of "circumstance," you are a victim of your husband's betrayal. Studies have shown that even happily married men will cheat if presented with the opportunity. The fault does not lie with you. It lies with him. Instead of "what iffing" I recommend that (1) you learn as much as you possibly can about this affair or any other affairs you're husband may have had and (2) confirm that the affair is in fact over. Also, hope that the affair was short and just physical as opposed to long and emotional. Affairs of duration are like movie vampires--they keep rising from the dead. Also, note that when a spouse has an affair, there is usually a likelihood that he'll do it again. Once that moral boundary has been crossed... Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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