How can I get her trust back!!!!!

[cugo999]

I have been with my girlfriend for two years. she was nineteen and a vergin when I met her. She told me she was abused when she was a child and has never trusted men. It was difficult when I met her. she could not even get into my house, leave a lone giving her a hugg. I worked so heard until she came to trust me. We tried having sex occassionally which was not pleasing at all. So we ended up doing other stuff.

 

She has been a good friend . She told me everything. I don't think I will ever meet somebody who could trust me like she did. This year I was so much into my school work that I gave very little time for us. She complained about it. Now I am done with my college and she is now very busy with college work too. Late this year, she told me she was extremely busy and could only see me once every other weekend. I tried to understand but it was really heard.

 

Mid december this year, When I confronted her about the time we spent together, she told me at her place that she needs time a lone for a while. I could not believe hearing that. I asked her the following questions:

 

i) Are sure you really need time a lone right now?-- she said yes

ii) Have you really thought about this, and she said yes.

 

I told her, well, I'll always respect your decisions. From that point I left and went home. I could not describe how I was feeling then.

When I reached home, I found her voice mail , just checking to see if I reached home well.

That night she called me three times, of which I never picked up.

The next day she insisted she wanted to meet me. So I set a date with a week later.

 

When we met she was so nice , she never even talked about having time a lone. It has been great between upto the week of xmas. She left to another state without telling me. I felt really bad. She called twice to tell me she was ok.

 

Now the main problem. There was something she told me in secrect that I ended up telling a nother friend of mind. She learned about this while on her visit to this state. She called me about it. When I tried to explain things to her, all she could say was, How can i trust you gain. How can our friendship be the same again.

And she hang up on me. She has not called me for a week and a half now.

 

What should I do to win her trust back. I love her so much. She has been a true friend. I am ready to give her the time she needs. Is there anything else I should do?.

 

I called to wish her a merry xmas. A day ago sent her e-mail telling her that I know how she is feeling about the whole thing and that I am ready to give her all the time she needs to clear up her head and sort her self out and when her emotions are over i'll be able to explain everything.

 

Please somebody advice me

[InLoKo]

You didn't say why you broke a confidence by telling someone else her secret. To me, that would mean a whole lot. If your answer is that you don't know why you did it, I'm not sure I would trust you again. If there is a very good reason, my suggestion is that you try explaining it, honestly, to your ex. Then, you may just have a slim chance with her. Otherwise, you'll need to move on and learn your lesson.

[jp13370]

The main thing is why did you tell this other person? If her trust in you is that difficult you just confirmed for her many fears she's had. Once trust is broken it is hard to regain.

 

Maybe in time she'll ease up but if you've already apologized and asked for forgiveness and she doesn't want any part of you - give her space.

 

Learn from this and don't gossip or say things that intentionally hurt others. It's human nature to want to tell someone "I've got a secret!!!" but when you gossip it usually comes back to haunt you and make you look bad.

[werty]

im sorry about this,man... ur situation is somewhat the same as mine. its just that i didnt say anything but the thing is that one person knew about our secret... i gues its hard when uor girl loses trust on us. mine ended up as a break-up & a no contact relationship coz she can trust me anymore & she has to let go of the pain she is feeling alone.... the thing here is that i did nothing, but still she got hurt of what she heard....

 

now if u did everything to have her back, but still she doesnt wants a part of you, den its time u give her space she needs and just hope that ur relationship is strong enough to let her feel that your situation is worth another chance.....

 

this hurts man,especially when u wana get in touch,get her call but u jst have to respect the space she wanted... maybe hopes & prayers would do... its the only thing i can do now....

 

take care....

[cugo999]

Here is the secret:

 

She used to stay with a very close family friend of mine. I got to know her when she was staying with this family. Being young with the parents somewhere far off, she confided in me a lot. She could tell me of some minor mistreatments from this family and my advice to her was that, this was part of life.

 

when she finally moved out, she hated these people so much that she did not wanna see them or hear from them anymore. She could not pull herself to get back this house no matter how much I tried to hav her back there. I later learned that , this family was tough on her on grounds that they had a younger daughter, younger than my ex, and they suspected that she might be exposing her to guys..s'thing like that. So they used to monitor her phone calls and the like. My ex never like this idea and henc ethe bad blood.

 

She told me how she feels disgusted with them that seeing them is like being in hell. She would rather die than to talk to this woman. It is at this point that I tried to intervene . I tried to explain to my friends how my ex. feels about them and all the things she is saying about them. I never meant to hurt her, but just to get a solution so they may talk a gain. I couldn't stand it seeing her not in god relations with my friends. I know they are great people.

 

Once I talked to them, they confronted my ex. with everything. It is at this point that she felt i betrayed her by telling these people all that she had told me.

As you can see, I wasn' trying to reveal no secret as such, I was just trying to bring them back together. I didn't know she was gonna take it that way.

 

Prior to learning about this, she had already told me she needed time alone. Do you think this has made matters worse and I might not see her again?.

[jp13370]

Ok, now that you said what your secret was - my opinion is you were just trying to help patch things up between the two sides. From what you say it sounds like your girlfriend has alot of issues.

 

You seem to be truly concerned about her.

 

Here's what I think you should do. Back off and give her plenty of space. If you do this she will suddenly miss you not being there. She'll think about things and maybe realize you had her best interests at heart.

 

You need to see how she truly feels about you as well. Give her room and just sit back in the shadows. I think when you stop coddling her and lay low she'll snap and realize she misses you and will come running back.

 

Good luck - let us know how it works out.

[werty]

well, i do hope it would work.. just sitting and waiting in the shadows is gona be very very hard... btw, have u both talked about breaking this up or ur just assuming...

[cugo999]

This is the situation:

The las time we talked was a week and a half ago.It was this time when we tried to talk about the whole thing . She got mad and hang up on me. Since that time she has not called. I can't assume it is over between us, coz she never said something like that. I don't know know what to do. I am wondering whether the no no contact thing can work in my case. Furthermore we go to the same sunday school. Should I quit the sunday school or what???. It is gonna be tough seeing her there and not saying hello.

 

I need more help please.

[InLoKo]

I wouldn't quit Sunday School. I would go and be absolutely charming when you see her. I would also write her a letter explaining what your real intentions were for divulging her secret and saying that your only intention was to see her happy, etc, etc. Or you could buy a card and write it in that. Ask her to forgive you, too. Then leave it. See what she does.