Struggling with my Long Distance Relationship

[wnec]

My girlfriend and i have been going out for almost seven months now. We started dating shortly after graduating high school. She is amazing, and i love her very much. We had an amazing summer together and went into college planning to stay together for a long long time. To give a little more detail, i lost my virginity to this girl. I know that probably by instinct makes me feel a little more attached, but she truly is amazing.

 

We go to school about 2 hours apart, which doesn't seem like too much i know. First semester went great for both of us. We visited each other on the weekends when we could, someones many weekends in a row. We really fell in love over these months. These are not just my feelings either, she did fall in love. We talked on the phone and web chat for hours, sharing our days and just anything and everything.

 

Towards the end of first semester, i began to see a change in her. I know its completely normal for people to change in college and only certain aspects of it worried me. In college, she has a good amount of guy friends. I'll admit it, i do get jealous and envious of them but i could control it. She began hanging out with this one guy in particular who really got to me though. She swears he doesn't like her, but being a guy i can see the signs. I can't be certain and i've never met the guy, which i do plan on doing when i go back down there. However, his constant messages to her and the way he talks with and to her and asks about me really hints at him liking her. The way he goes about it bothers me, and in many ways i am afraid of losing her to him.

 

I trust her with all my heart i do, however i don't trust the guys shes with. I know that i need to trust her and i am trying my best. However, the times that she does talk to me on the phone when shes with her friends its easy to see how flirty she is with them, and unfortunitly that gets to me everytime. She is always giggly and they always respond. She assures me that she loves me and only me, and she doesn't even see them as guys. I understand all that and i have been getting better.

 

 

Over christmas break, things went back to the way they were. We were happy together and had a great time. Her school started a week earlier than mine, and therefore she was gone a week sooner than me. Days after going back i noticed that she had reverted to the college her, which was fine for the most part. Over first semester she was a bit clingy. Unfortunitly, because of how much i loved her i responded to this clingyness. There were nights when i would be out and if she called i treated it as my first priority and occasionally left what i was doing to talk to her. I regret doing that greatly, however whats done is done. The new her is not only less clingy, but to a point it seems like she has almost lost interest in me. Maybe its because i was so used to how she used to be, i just don't know. Now it seems like rather than talking for ours, we might talk for a minute her or there and thats it.

 

This last weekend was the worst its ever been for me. I've been dealing with a health issue that seems to be resolved now, however it had me worried over the weekend so i was already stressed. I was at home, i hadn't yet returned to school. So friday, saturday came and her and i barely talked. A little bit here or there, but it seemed like the other people were her main focus, most notably the guy friends. I kind of lost it with all the stress and the slight depression that seemed to build up and we almost broke up the sunday before i went back to school.

 

I told her everything, about how i was struggling to deal with her relationships with the guys, how it seems like shes changed, and that i was just feeling awful. I told her i didn't think i could do it anymore. She broke into tears and we talked and she assured me nothing was happening or ever was going to happen with anyone but me. I really didn't want to break up with her and it just left me feeling more depressed at the thought of it. I love this girl, she loves me and i want to be with her. However, its getting to the point where i just can't deal with feeling like this all the time. I don't know what to do about it. I've talked to her, i've talked to my mom, and i've talked to friends but nothing seems to be enough.

 

What finally got me to write this was that over the last few days we talked here and there, mostly through text. I finally called her tonight to just talk a little bit and hear about how everything was going. She was with two of her friends, 1 guy 1 girl and was working on homework. I told her that we could talk later and that she can focus on that and them. She told me no and wanted to stay on the phone, which i hate talking to her in front of people because shes not herself. There was a nice 5 minute silence as she wrote a note, and than when i started to talk again and we got onto a conversation of us she began reading from her book outloud completely disregarding everything i was saying. I basically told her that she needed to do that and we could talk another time, she wasn't happy with it but gave me her sarcastic bye and i hung up. Again i am left feeling worse than when it all began and thats what finally brought me to seeking one more source of insight.

 

I am supposed to visit her this weekend and its getting to the point where i don't know if i even should anymore. She says shes happy and in love, and i know i am in love but i just don't know if i can keep doing this. There are times when i'm happy and times like this where i feel depressed and pissed off.

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

[trail_blazers_7]

wnec,

i'm really sorry to hear what you've been going through. this sounds eerily similar to an experience I had with a girl as a college freshman....long story short, we dated on and off for about 2 years and are now apart with absolutely 0 chance of ever getting back together...and i'm very happy for it.

i don't want to flat out tell you to break up with her, but i also don't want to tell you to stay in the relationship, especially since it sounds so obvious that you aren't happy.

go see her this weekend, go for a long walk or a drive or anywhere you two can be alone and without distraction; talk with her, lay it all out on the line what's bothering you.

you two are both fresh out of highschool and are now experience a whole new world.

my suggestion to the both of you is to take some time apart, break up for this semester, date other people, just enjoy the college world; then over the summer you two can talk again and see if you still have feelings.

don't obsess over her, go date around and be yourself!

 

best of luck to you my man,

peace