My mom is so controlling and its killing me!i cant take her bull**** anymore!

[kristinabopp]

My mom NEVER EVER STOP TALKING BAAD TO ME!IM SOOO TIRED OF IT!SHE WANTS US TO FOLLOW EVERYTHING SHE SAY!AND I DONT LIKE THAT!IM 20 AND WTF IS WRONG WITH PARENTS THIS DAYS!I HATE THIS!

 

THIS IS A LONG ONE, HOPE U HAVE TIME TO READ THIS.

 

 

ok heres my family story:

i came back home after i left my mom & my 2 brothers for 9months. I mean, i runaway because I HAVE TO and I WANT TO. i left because i wanted to go to school in DCand to be able to move out of the house and be independent AND TO BE WITH MY BF AS WELL. I runaway because MY MOM WONT LET ME GO! *WHICH IS SO ANNOYING BECAUSE IM 20 AND I HAVE TO LIKE RUNAWAY, RUNNING AWAY IS FOR BELOW 18!* I DID THAT BECAUSE WHEN THE TIME I TOLD HER IM GOING TO SCHOOL IN DC SHE WAS LIKE FCK YOU YOURE GONNA LEAVE US HERE AND I HAVE TO LIKE PAY EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOUR NOT HERE. *PRETTY MUCH SHE WANTS ME TO GIVE HER MONEY AND PAY SOME STUFF WHICH YEA I DO HELP HER BEFORE BECAUSE I HAVE A GOOD JOB AND I QUIT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE IN DC. so when i left i got a job but after 7-8months the restaurant im working has to closed so i got no job. so this december i came back here in this house which i called HELL. AND NOW IT STARTED AGAIN, MY MOM KEEPS SAYING THAT I SHOULD HAVE NEVER CAME BACK BECAUSE IM GIVING HER MORE PROBLEMS, AND NOW SHES LIKE GET A JOB, YOUR ALWAYS ON YOU LAPTOP, ITS LATE AND YOUR STILL ON THE LAPTOP *WTF IM JST USING MY LAPTOP WTF IS WRONG W/ THAT!* AND SHES LIKE TELLING ME TO HELP HER PAY EVERYTHING AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS IN YOUR MIND I DONT KNOW IF YOUR LEAVING AGAIN AND THEN IF YOU DO YOU WILL LEAVE ME IN DEBT!!! IM LIKE WTH! IM ALREADY DOING MY BEST TO LOOK FOR A JOB! IM ON THE LAPTOP COZ IM LOOKING FOR A JOB, I CANT GO OUT BECAUSE SHE HAVE TO LIKE DRIVE ME/US ANYWHERE WE GO AND THIS PLACE I LIVE AT IS LIKE AN EMPTY CITY!

 

ITS LIKE SHE NEVER STOP, SHE KEEPS SAYING STUFF TO ME AND MY BROTHER EVERY SINGLE MINUTE AND SHES GIVING US A VERY ANGRY FACE!I CANT DEAL WITH HER ANYMORE! ALL IM WAITING TO DO IS GO BACK TO DC FOR SCHOOL THIS FALL AGAIN AND I SWEAR IM NOT GOING TO LIVE WITH HER ANYMORE. I CANT TAKE HER VERY PAINFUL WORDS! I DO TALK BACK A LITTLE SOMETIMES BUT MOSTLY I JUST IGNORE EVERYTHING! BUT MY BROTHER DO THE TALKING BACK TO HER ALL THE TIME!IM SO GLAD MY BROTHER CAN TALK BACK TO HER, I CANT! COZ I DONT WANT TO GET KICK OUT YET *IF EVER SHE DOES*. BUT SERIOUSLY?! SHE WANTS ME TO DO THIS AND THAT?! i told her im going back in dc, and shes like she never heard it!she still keeps saying do this and do that! SHE EVEN TRIED ENROLLING ME HERE AND I WAS LIKE DONT BOTHER BOUT MY SCHOOL!I JUST NEED A JOB TO SAVE MONEY! since i came here since i came from asia, im like not in school for almost 3years just because she wants me to do this and that! and im tired of it thats why i runaway, and now i REGRET COMING BACK IN HERE! i hve no friends, my friends are in DC! everytime she talks crappy again i just wanna die at that moment until she go to her work! i just cant take seeing her everytime with that bitchy face!

 

I FREAKIN HATE FAMILY DRAMA'S! its killing me inside and its like making me not want to be with them everytime my mom starts being bitchy and whenever she says *it seems like im the worst mom*-> well now for me she is! she is unsupportive! i just wanted to go to school and be focus, because when im around them i cant focus on my school i get so frustrated and i feel trap! i dont like being distracted just by them! i already stop college just for her and now that i wanted to go to this specific school she cant even support me!WTH! shes like she wants me to work and make money, money, MONEY! how bout my happiness! i love her but i dont like the way she treats us! she treats my 2 brothers like a baby! thats why they are so spoiled and they are annoying! they are like 16&14 and they are acting like kids!now that im here, im like the slave i cook for them i do everything!but i like it when my 16yrs old brother talks back to her because at least he says stuff that i cant say. im so mad that she cant respect our decisions!! she cant support us!she always wants us to follow her!is that what we get everytime she buys us what we want? its like she buys us this, but in exchange for that she wants us to follow everything she wants us to do!

 

aargghH!!! im so pissed! i cant wait to get a job and save money! all of this is now depends on my financial aid! as soon as i process everything, once i get that financial aid ill save it! i cant wait till its fall already! im already suffering from my emotional stress because my fiance just left me and now shes adding more depression in me! :mad::mad::mad:

[Angel1111]

These cultures where the parents expect their kids to give them money just floor me. If your mother has made such great choices in her life, then she wouldn't be in a position to need your financial help, would she? If I had to expect my son to help me out, I would consider myself a failure as a parent. And if I did have to ask him for help, then I sure as heck wouldn't verbally abuse him every chance I got.

 

I have a 19-yr-old son and I have never in his entire life spoken to him like this. Nor will I ever speak to him like this. I can't imagine any parent being so horrible to their children. My son's dad can be fairly demanding on him and even that drives him nuts. His dad was giving him money for college each month but he was also using it to manipulate him. My son finally told his dad to just keep his money, that he didn't need the hassle that was associated with it.

 

You just need to get away from your mother and never return to live there. What about getting loans for college? I know it's not the most favorable option but it will get you through college - and out of that house. I think if I were you, I'd find a friend or someone to live with in DC, and get a job until you can go back to college. Just walk away from your disrespectful mother and move on.

[kristinabopp]

i dont know why shes like that, she works 2 jobs, her and my stepdad are about to get a divorce *thats what i heard coz now my mom sleeps with us here in a small apartment instead in their house.. my stepdad is mean to us as well, thats the reason why my 2 brothers cant live with him because when i was in dc, he was lecturing my brother bout not cleaning the house and then my brother went nuts and got tired of him and he talk back and then my stepdad did something bad to my brother.* so thats why my 2 brothers doesnt want to live with him anymore. my moms 1st job is about to close this next 6months. so right now shes looking for a job as early as possible. but just because of that, doesnt mean i have to skip going to school again. i want to help her, but when i do, i feel like my future is going nowhere. im 20 and i havent even save enough money for myself. and im ashamed of that because my friends they are living on their own and they have their own savings.and i have NOTHING. I really want to help her, but what about my future you know.. it annoys me that my mom keeps minding about our business, she even gets mad when its late and im on my laptop.

 

I would like to ask help from my friends in DC but i think they wont be able to help me. My only hope is to get money from that financial aid, i dont know how loans work because this will be my first time college here in US. but thats the only thing i know to be able to move out, but im scared that my mom might get mad again and wont let me move out. what if when im telling her that im going to school she gets so mad that she curse me all the way? i dont want to runaway again though. this time i want everything right. im so scared and confused because no one is helping me, i dont even know how to approach her about her TAX because i might need some info when i file my financial aid.

[sally4sara]

Yes, I agree.

If her mother had made better life choices we would all live in a better economy!

 

Family is family. You help them out because they helped you out.

I WISH my mother had been helpful enough for me to have at least found it physically possible to have lived under her roof to the age of 18. I WISH we had had a good relationship where all efforts (not just mine or her's) went to the betterment of our family unit from then to even now. It would mean we were close and expressed love and concern for each other rather than nothing at all.

Your mother provided for you and you grew to an adult age. Now, that the economy has effected her finances at the moment her marriage is crumbling - you find her to be a nag and drag.

 

My step father also did something "bad" to me. My mother didn't move me out from under his roof for my protection. You and your brothers are lucky to have a mother who would place more importance on you than her own love life.

[kristinabopp]

I know. but even since i got here, i never get to college anymore because she told me to work right away. I WANT TO FINISCH COLLEGE, but she keeps saying *go to college then* and then when i told her that im going to college and move out she became so bitchy to me and telling me what to do and what not so i have to like RUN AWAY just to do it and move out. and even when her marriage is still okay, she still dont want me to go to the school i want. before i even go here in US, she told me i can move out and do anything i want, but now that im here since i came here i felt trap and i cant do anything. since i got here ive been suffering from depression. I FEEL LIKE MY FUTURE IS GOING NOWHERE IF I STAY HERE AND NOT MOVE OUT. i feel like a total loser, my friends are now graduating, and how bout me? I HAVENT EVEN STARTED YET because i have to work work work.

 

i wanted to help her, but i cant do anything, because if i help her, whats gonna happen to me? im gonna be stuck with her for the rest of my life. Even since before back before i runaway from them, when were still living with my stepdad and 2 brothers, she knows how strict our stepdad is, he gets mad when we dont clean the house he gets mad at everything, WE HAVE TO LIKE STAY IN OUR ROOM WHEN HES AT HOME. WE CANT DO THINGS WE LIKE, I REMEMBER WHEN MY FRIEND WENT TO STOP BY IN OUR HOUSE, HE GOT SO MAD THAT MY STEPDAD CALLED ME A BITCH JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WANTS TO SAY HI TO ME!. but when i runaway to DC after 7months or so, when my stepdad pulled my brothers head/hair my mom decided to move out my 2 brother and get their own place. and she stays with my stepdad. NOw they are selling the house, and now that im back, were in a small apartment. i just find everything hard because i just wanted to do everything i have to do for myself/future. but i dont know because my mom is like being bitchy to me/us and telling me crappy ****. im tired of it. id rather die than hear those painful words out of her mouth. im a sensitive person. and i dont like family drama. i feel like she brought us here in US just for me to give her money? is that how it is?!

 

damn!i dont know how to do everything!!i dont know where to start specially that no one is helping me or supporting me!

[Angel1111]

A parent should never put the burden on the child to take care of them - especially at the expense of their child's well-being or education. Your mother is abusive and she's jealous. Let her figure out her life, and go figure out yours. The only reason she can treat you this way is because you let her. Walk away.

[BruceSmith]

HI Kristina

Look all this **** is because of money.

Your mom is not such what exactly you are thinking. I think you are only one person to whom she can get her frustration out.

 

My suggestion is not to live her alone in this way. About your future I totally agree with that. There are many ways to earn money by staying home. Why don't you try that. I think you can manage both your college as well as earning.

 

Once you earn little and help her, I am sure that she will change.

 

All you need is little be hard work. Just try it out.

Approach your mom with this thing taking in your mind.

[Norman Bates]

What exactly does she need the money for? it doesnt sound like you are giving us the entire story. Do you have any debts that your mother is paying off? Maybe she wants to split the bills up so its not always on her. So its her and 2 teenage boys she is looking after. That doesnt sound very cheap.

 

So you wanted to be independant. First mistake was that you moved back home. Why didnt you stay with your boyfriend? You say that your mom has to drive you places. Do you not have a drivers licence?

[Angel1111]

Yes, I agree.

If her mother had made better life choices we would all live in a better economy!

 

Family is family. You help them out because they helped you out.

 

The current economy has nothing to do with the past 20 or so years of her mother's life. All I'm saying is that if she's going to beat up on her daughter for making bad choices, she had better be a sterling example of someone who made great choices. And from where I'm standing, it doesn't appear that she has done that. Because if she had, she wouldn't be in this financial bind that she is apparently in.

 

Yes, I totally agree that family can help family. If I won $10 million in the lottery, my family would be taken care of immediately. If someone in my family needs help, I'm there. But no one should have the sense of entitlement that the OP's mother has. It's selfish and it's bad manners.

[2sure]

Sounds rough, but you are only 20 and there is an end in sight. As it stands now you are not in college and not working. So, that would be frustrating to any parent. Additionally, it sounds as though financially your Mom , even though she is working 2 jobs will be unable to help you financially because she still has other children at home to support. So, you will get financial aid for college. But that probably wont leave you enough, without any other source of income - to also live on your own.

 

Its possible you will not be able to do both. Going to college part time and working enough to have your own place and pay for essentials of both life and college could mean you would not graduate or would graduate in like, 8 years.

 

BUT going to college immediately and full time while living at home (you wont be there much with classes ) would make graduation, financial freedom, and independence something you can have as opposed to something you would like to have.

[kristinabopp]

BRUCESMITH: i did that before already, thats why i runaway, coz when i approached her about me going to college she went crazy and started being bitchy to me and giving me the face. i was helping her since before i got here in US. theres no month that i didnt give her money that time. but when i came back here w/ her shes still the same.. she starts controlling me again telling me what to do and what not. i will save money for now by staying, but when FALL SEMESTER is about to start, i will go back to DC and go to school. *this time ill make sure i will never live with her again.*

[kristinabopp]

Normanbates: She needs money for everything payment for the apartment and everything she needs to pay. i WILL NEVER EVER LET HER PAY MY DEBTS. thats my problem and i dont like her getting in to my problems. i wanted to help her financially but i cant. im looking for a job everyday online. even if i do have a drivers license, i still wont be able to go anywhere because she is always using the car because she goes to work. i didnt stay with my boyfriend because we broke up. and I REGRET COMING BACK IN HERE. she wants everything her way. even my brother is pissed by that because my mom even tells him what to wear and what not. and my brother stand up on it because he doesnt like my mom telling him what to do. i really made a big mistake of coming back in here.!

[kristinabopp]

ANGEL111: i agree with you all the way. a PARENT should be a role model to their kids. they should support them not CONTROL them. if they always do that, they are pushing their kids away. they might think they are just doing that for the best, but no. thats not how it works. they have to respect our decision/my decision specially if were over 18 yrs old. HOW ARE WE GOING TO LEARN if they keep controlling us and telling us what to do,right? thats why people learn from their mistakes. none of us can be perfect. some mothers out there thinks that if we follow them all the way, they think we will have a good life and be rich/successful. yes, some of the kids had a good life but what about the others who followed their parents and end up being a total bum? if i will be like that, id blame that to me and my parents. well mostly them, coz they controlled me and im stupid enough to obey them. you get my point, im doing everything i can to be able to go to dc before fall semester start. and i will make sure i do everything right so i dont end up coming back to her.

[kristinabopp]

2sure: it doesnt seem frustating to my mom. she never talk to me about college, well she talks to me what she WANTS ME to take in school. like she told me that *why dont you take this course and do this* and i said *ook,im not going to take that major/degree that i dont like, its just a waste of time. id rather go to college and take the major i wanted to take at least i know where my future is.* and then she started saying stuff again. i just ignored her. i dont ask money from my mom about school, i will never ask her money about school. she already had so many financial problems, and i dont want to add up in it. thats why im getting a financial aid or loan, i know one of my friend he gets like enough money to be able to live on his own and still go to class and hes not working, hes just saving the money. eventhough his mom is not helping him financially.

 

eventhough it takes me 8yrs to finish college while working and going to school. i dont mind, because i know for sure i will GRADUATE with a good grade. i just want to be independent. i dont like adding more problems to her, how will you feel if she says this to you:

 

*you should have not came back here, you're just giving me more problems.*

*if you dont get hired in that job, just go back to DC!*

and many more..

 

how will you feel when your parents say that to you almost everyday? of course you will feel horrible, i know i feel horrible like i wanted to cry but i dont want them to see it. i really regret coming back in here.. its like one of the worst decision i ever did. i dont want to give her more problems..

 

seriously, when i was in my country back when i was in school. i dont have any parents in the house, and i was independent. i have good grades all the time. point is, when im around my family, i cant focus because i feel trap and i cant do things. i feel like i will be a loser if i dont move out im not use to being around them. all i know is when im by myself, ill be able to handle things, stand up on my own, be organize and be able to focus more on college.. im doing everything i can to be able to go to college this fall in DC. i will be back there and ill make sure not to come back to live again with my mother so that she doesnt have to worry bout me and me adding more problems to her. i feel happy in DC, and the university i wanted to go is in there.

[Angel1111]

DC is an awesome place to live and be. Just keep your eyes on what it is you want to accomplish. It doesn't matter how long it takes, don't give up.

 

The unfortunate thing is that when you live with someone else and not paying rent, then you're pretty much at their mercy. And parents do have the right to tell their kids what to wear so until your brother is grown and out of the house, he should do what she says. The thing is, her approach is so disrespectful and demeaning that she doesn't have the respect and cooperation of her children. Just understand this is the way it will always be with her, regardless of whether it's right or wrong. Being away from her just made you realize that being around this is not for you. Not having a car is just working against you even more.

 

If you just can't live anywhere else until the fall, then I would suggest that you find as many jobs as you can - flipping burgers at McDonald's or whatever. Work at least 2 jobs, maybe 3. That way, you'll be out of the house most of the time and you can help your mom with money and maybe even save some money. If you don't have a car, then you need to find something that's close enough to walk to, or get a bike, figure something out. If you do have a car and your mother is using it, she's going to need to figure something else out so that you can work. There are jobs out there you just have to look.

Edited January 22, 2010 by Angel1111

[Template]

KB... I can certainly relate what you are going through as it seems to be that way with almost every asian culture I encounter (and for the record I am asian as well.

 

It almost seems as if the only reason your mom concieved you was to do chores, and help pay bills doesn't it. Growing up you were a braggin point - you were worse than other asian kids, or better than other asian kids. When you were young, she might even have told you to become something grand like a docter, or engineer, and really with the sole purpose to make money and support them, and/or be a bragging point... "MY child is a DOCTOR <nose in the air>"

 

It's how they raised you, subconsciously makes you think that you owe them your servitude. The funny thing is, they felt the same way about their parents.

 

I'll tell you what I did, and I wish my siblings and cousins do the same, as they are under their parents oppression as well. I moved out of state. I struggled yes, but it's made me stronger as a person. I don't take lip from my parents anymore, and I'd like to think they respect me more now that they realize I'm my own man, and I truly don't need them. They may ask for help every now and then, and if I could, I do. But the main point is that they ASK, and not EXPECT me to help them.

 

I know you are in DC, so maybe you could consider going to another school, in another city. Raleigh has many fine schools (i just moved back from there), and the standard of living is quite low. I've met many a college students such as yourself work, go to school, and have their own apartment. It's all about the sacrifices you make now which will make for a stronger foundation for the rest of your life.

 

Good luck with the parents situation and I hope it turns out well. I have a cousin in SF that's going through the same thing.

[Eve]

I just feel so sad for the OP. I feel sad for the Mum too - that she cant support her daughter.

 

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Angel1111]

KB... I can certainly relate what you are going through as it seems to be that way with almost every asian culture I encounter (and for the record I am asian as well.

 

I heard this before and I'm really surprised by it. It's incredibly sad. I'm so glad you extracted yourself from that situation and are doing so well. You're a great example for others in your situation.

[Angel1111]

I just feel so sad for the OP. I feel sad for the Mum too - that she cant support her daughter.

 

The mother isn't interested in supporting her daughter. And how can anyone justify the verbal abuse that goes on in that house?

[Eve]

The mother isn't interested in supporting her daughter. And how can anyone justify the verbal abuse that goes on in that house?

 

I felt truly sad because Mum and daughter dont know each other.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[kristinabopp]

TEMPLATE: im inspired by you! my friend is going through the same thng as well, she gives all her salary to her mom, and her mom needs to know everything like *what she bought using her credit card etcetc.* i feel bad for her coz shes not standing up on her own. but she said to leave it that way..

 

but seriously, im so glad im not the only one going through this parent thingy. some parents needs to learn the HARD WAY. my mom wants me to be a nurse/pharmacist. and i said *NO, i want to be a surgeon/doctor/anthropologist. and shes like saying nurse is more better than that.* i just ignored her when she said that, FOR ALL I KNOW, I WILL DO WHAT I WANT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME HAPPY. i dont like to be choke and stuff like that because it makes me wanna do something really bad like runaway or not talk to them forever! and idont want to do that again. if i leave this time, i make sure i told her im leaving whether she let me or not i will leave and not come back to live with her again. im so proud of you template! i wish some asian people here stand up on their own. because i get jealous when i see some family and their kids are in college and on their own and they are happy. I GET COMPLETELY JEALOUS! like i wanna cry that i wish my parents are cool like them. i told my mom one time *mom, were not in our country anymore! we need to adapt where we are living right now!this is not our territory so we need to adapt the environment! get used to it because you choose to be in here!you brought us here, and now that im adapting their culture like me wanting to be independent why cant u let me?* and idk what she said next, it was a long time ago. but im sure that when i leave, i will still help her with all my best. when i runaway, i became a strong person, i found happiness and i learned so many things. but the biggest mistake was to come back. damn! regret regret regret.

 

 

TEMPLATE im not in DC anymore, i came back to california, but ill be back in dc this fall for school. i know so many people who are younger than me and they live on their own, work to live and to pay for their expenses while at school. and im so proud and jealous. this time im looking for a job in DC online and also processing my financial aid/loan, looking for a cheap room or apartment. im doing it early so that when the time is near i dont have to panick.

 

you are very inspiring! i hope your cousing in sf do the same thing that you did.

[kristinabopp]

EVE: even if we have money, my parents will still wont let me move out. *asian parents are like that*

[kristinabopp]

ANGEL: im looking for a job all the time. im looking for a job here in california and also in dc. so when i get there i just have to go to the interviews or if im lucky, ill just get there and start working right away. TEMPLATE inspired me more, so pretty much im doing everything that i can, and asking help with one of my friends.

[Angel1111]

EVE: even if we have money, my parents will still wont let me move out. *asian parents are like that*

 

This is the craziest thing I've ever heard of. I had no idea this went on in Asian cultures. You know, no one can stop you from moving out.

[kristinabopp]

ANGEL. i know.. i know some of my friends cant move out because their parents only wants them to move out when they are getting married or if not, at least have a stable job. HELL YEA! no one can ever ever stop me from moving out, if i did it before, i can do it again.ijust dont like feeling bad when i leave. but oh well, its their fault, not mine, they gotta learn the hard way. plus she keeps telling me i should have never came back* and *i should just go back to dc if i dont get a job* i dont know if she mean it or not though. ohwell, either way im still leaving, its for me and my happiness.