You need to get you one of those

[smurfy73nik]

I have been married for 6 years. And, my husband does something that makes me feel bad and irritates me at the same time. But, I don't think he does it on purpose. He will see a petite blond wearing thigh high boots and he'll say, "Look at that girl right there . . . you need to get you some boots like that". Or, he will see, sexy brunette, and say, "See that mini - skirt she's wearing, we need to get you one of those". OKAY, here is my complaint. I have seen many "unattractive women" or "slightly over weight women" wearing sexy pieces of clothing, but he never points to them and says, "you need to get that". He always points it out on the beautiful, thin women. And, I bet this is where I'm going to get blasted by the men . . . BUT, in my head, I'm thinking, he's really saying, "you need to get you a body like that" Or he wishes he had a woman like that. I've tried to do the role reversal thing . . I've said to him, "see that guy right there (as I point to the finest guy I see), you need to get a pair of blue jeans like that". But, it doesn't phase him. He just says okay. And, he knows I get "upset" when he does this. And, then he gets all "offended", like "what did I do?".

 

What is really going on here? Am I over-reacting, or am I in the right to be upset?

[Errol]

He knows it upsets you but he does it anyway? Maybe he is teasing you, or maybe he sees you as beautiful as those women and would like to see you in those outfits. Next time haul him down to a good shoe store and buy a pair of $400 thigh-high boots - make him pay for it. !

 

Have you plainly told him that you don't find his comments at all humorous and that they make you feel bad, and that you want him to respect your feelings by not saying anything like that in your presence? Sometimes men don't realize just HOW upset the wife/gf can be over these comments because the wife/gf downplays it or doesn't explain it clearly. He needs to explain himself too - ask him point blank if its the clothes he wants you to have, or the body.

[quankanne]

going to ask a very personal question here -- tell me to mind my own business if you feel I'm being nosy -- but are you overweight? by a little or by a lot? the reason I ask is that maybe your husband doesn't really think you're fat or heavy or plump, but just one hot mama he'd like to see dressed up in a sexy miniskirt or slinky thigh-high boots.

 

I knew a guy in college who asked if I'd consider wearing garters for him. I weighed much less back then, but still I was heavy; however, he didn't see it that way, he just wanted me to indulge in a little fantasy of his. And I'm thinking maybe your guy is hoping you'll dress up like that for him ... there's something about certain outfits that just drive a man wild, excess weight or no.

[gingerelle]

I have to agree with Quankanne here, I think more than likely it is just a fantasy of his to see you in clothes like that. Becuz he's saying "you need to get" or "we need to get you" - he's saying he really wants to see you in something like that. If it was the pretty girl he really wanted, then "you" wouldn't be included in there.

 

Also, if he was really lusting after other women, I don't think he would it bring it to your attention. Men, as well as women, like to look at attractive people and sometimes even briefly fantasy about them, but that's all it usually ever becomes... a momentary fantasy that is forgotten in five minutes. And that certainly does not mean he doesn't still find you attractive!

 

I do understand though how this could upset you and you should definitely let him know that it does hurt your feelings. What you have to do is when he makes these comments - don't let the negative thoughts in (which are always the first to come to mind) just tell yourself he does find you attractive and he does love you. Cause you know, if he didn't - he wouldn't be with you.

 

I think you should surprise him on night and put on a miniskirt and some of those boots and have yourselves a really fun night!!!

[smurfy73nik]

Thanks everyone for all the great advice.

 

Errol, I couldn't help but laugh at the $400 boots idea. Good one.

 

Quankanne, I could stand to lose about 30 pounds. My husband thinks I'm "sexy" and "beautiful". Well, at least that's what he tells me. And, yes he is big time into lingerie and sexy outfits.

 

Gingerelle, I do tend to jump to "negative" thoughts first. I guess, I just don't have the confidence I use to have before I gained my weight.

 

 

Well, it seems to be, I need to "not stress out" so much over these comments and try to take it as he really wants to see me in those outfits. I WILL TRY. But, I will be honest with you all . . . I think I might still be intimidated by it.

BUT, I WILL TRY!!!!

[quankanne]

My husband thinks I'm "sexy" and "beautiful"

 

some food for thought:

if you have access to a TV station that plays country music videos (okay you guys, stop the groans, country music is pretty dang cool) keep your eye peeled out for one by Trace Adkins, called "One Hot Mama." It's really quite cute. In the video, he's got a handful of kids and his wife is run ragged just keeping up with them and her household, but he still sees her as hot hot hot. And I think this is how we see our loved ones: not as too old or too bald or too heavy, but sexy, because we love who they are.

 

personally speaking, my Love Monkey is really the only guy who gets me excited, I'd pick him any day over the hotties I see on TV, even Tyler Florence!

[HurtinginVA]

Quankanne, I could stand to lose about 30 pounds. My husband thinks I'm "sexy" and "beautiful". Well, at least that's what he tells me. And, yes he is big time into lingerie and sexy outfits.

 

Gingerelle, I do tend to jump to "negative" thoughts first. I guess, I just don't have the confidence I use to have before I gained my weight.

 

Been there done that LOL Gained 52 pounds when I got pregnant and that last 20 pounds or so has been (until recently) hanging on to my hips and butt for dear life. LOL I used to give my husband a hard time for telling me I was beautiful and sexy and all that good stuff bc I just didnt see it in myself. 2 years and 1 affair later(him not me), Ive lost that from him. The comments and what not. And it bites. I miss it, more than anything and if I could go back and take him seriously, I would.

 

Someone said it..........he's putting the "you" in his comments. That's a really good thing!! Kinda like he's thinking about you in those boots, not that other person.

 

Go get dressed up in some thigh highs!! LOL

 

Good Luck!

[smurfy73nik]

I'll have to check out that video. It sounds like my real life.

 

If I ever do get something he wants me to wear, it will have to be in the bedroom. He may want to see me in it, but I think the rest of the world can do without it. LOL

 

And, I too think my hubby is the sexiest man alive.

 

Thanks everyone!

[jenny]

all advice above, agreed.

i think he could stand to lost the excuse to eyeball other girls so obviously though. there is nothing wrong with looking around, but it's declasse to do it so pointedly. ah well, if you don't mind it too much, maybe try it out on him.

 

wait until you're at a restaurant, stare at the waiter's midsection intently, and suggest he get himself some pants like that as soon as possible. repeat procedure with guys with great abs or pecs, or suggest he get himself some hair like john stamos.

[quankanne]

nah, jenny, the better thing to do is to take him shopping, and try on some of these outfits for him -- and be sure to wear something that'll really show off her legs when she's trying on those thigh-high boots. I think he'd get a kick out of seeing her just even trying them on!

 

entice them and tantalize them, I say.

 

lol, last night we were on our way to the van after running around WalMart and I just gave my husband an "mmm-mmm-MMM, you look damned good" look, and he asked what was up with the gleam in my eye! I didn't think I was being that obvious!

 

entice and tantalize ...