dennisflorida Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 my Mom and my Wife haven't had a super close bond. My wife is on the quiet/shy/a tad self-concious side, but she tries to be outgoing and is genuinely kind. My Mom can be judgemental at times, sensitive but always tries to be outgoing and kind. But she has a habit of talking sh** about people in front of my Wife and it's made Wife self concious and uncomfortable. Anyway my question is, What does this mean: The other day My Wife decided to send my Mom an email with photos and just be nice. My Mom was tickled because they don't converse much on email. They exchanged messages back and forth and then my Wife emailed her and asked "when you have time, can we please get a copy of the photo of me and Dennis (me) at Christmas time that you took, thanks so much, love Lisa" a week later My Mom finally replied with a photo attached and said "Sorry, been busy and stressed, here's the photo and if you want any other photos of other people, Like US, let me know....love Mom" What do you take from that? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 (edited) "Sorry, been busy and stressed, here's the photo and if you want any other photos of other people, Like US, let me know....love Mom" What do you take from that? Personally, I'd take it as an invitation to have a private and serious talk with my mother. Part of that talk would concern my personal boundaries regarding her behavior with my wife. With you, she's mom. You're perfect. With your wife, she's just another woman doing what women do. Nip it in the bud right now if you want your marriage to succeed. Edited January 21, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Anyway my question is, What does this mean: The other day My Wife decided to send my Mom an email with photos and just be nice. My Mom was tickled because they don't converse much on email. They exchanged messages back and forth and then my Wife emailed her and asked "when you have time, can we please get a copy of the photo of me and Dennis (me) at Christmas time that you took, thanks so much, love Lisa" a week later My Mom finally replied with a photo attached and said "Sorry, been busy and stressed, here's the photo and if you want any other photos of other people, Like US, let me know....love Mom" What do you take from that? maybe your mother was put out because your wife only wanted the picture of you two... not any of your family(aka- your mom). but like Carhill said, speak with your mother and let her know that her being petty and disrespectful to your wife- and extension of you, will not be tolerated. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 If your mother is the kind of person that just finds complaint with people in general, nothing is going to change her. You and your wife should have boundaries of course , that include not participating in conversations of that sort and ending a communication that is heading that way. Your wife might consider responding to that email with: Thanks for the offer! Send any pictures you think we might enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 It never ceases to amaze me how some people can take a simple request and turn it into a slight against them. Your mother could have said the exact same thing, leave out the "like US" part, and your wife could have continued the exchange with being thrilled at the offer and yes please send XYZ picture. Putting the "like US" bit in speaks volumes of how your mother thinks. *pluck* Here Mom, I think you left this knife in my gut, and I believe you left your guilt trip by the door. Sorry, feeling snarky today. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 My ex-mother-in-Law and I also had an uneasay relationship. I was very fond of her, and she of me, but she would much rather have had her son marry a good old English girl with english values (No, I have no idea what she meant either....! ) One day, she pushed it just a little too far. We had gone to spend Christmas with her one year, and actually, we didn't have to travel far - only about 45 miles or so. But we were staying with her over the whole period. In our haste to reach her home in time for Christmas eve supper, I had forgotten my little girls' cardigans, and a belt, specifically for the dress I'd set aside especially for Christmas day. Like any young first-time mum, I was a bit fretful about my little girl getting chilly... the house my MiL lived in was very old-fashioned, with no central heating and only open fires downstairs, and plug-in electric radiators upstairs... but I also wanted my belt. Christmas morning, my ex- was all ready to scoot home and pick up the stuff - he knew exactly where it all was - and I heard his mum say to him downstairs, "She only wants you to go back for that stupid belt"... Well, to my astonishment, he really turned on her. he made it quite clear that our primary concern was for our little girl, and that it really didn't matter to him what it was that I wanted, he was prepared to go back home to pick it all up, so she should just shut up about it, and sop criticising and making snide comments about his wife. From that moment on, she never said a single word about me to him, either within my earshot, or away from me. She kept any thoughts or comments to herself, and to my knowledge, never harboured any resentment, animosity or criticism about me at all. If she did, she was supremely accomplished at hiding it. it took a fit of temper on his part to let her know how things lay with him - with us. but it left her in no doubt. And she never over-stepped the line, ever again. Sometimes, you just have to let people know what you will stand for. Equally, you have to make it absolutely crystal clear what you won't stand for. I agree with Carhill. Time to give your mom a pep-talk..... Link to post Share on other sites
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