LoyalGuy87 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 I have been with this girl for a year now and i love her very much and she told me she loved me too. But during the festive season she had to go back home to for the holidays to be with her family. She was gone for about 4 weeks and when she got back things just seemed normal to me even though while she was home she sounded a bit weird over the phone, she also called me from time to time saying how much she missed and loved me. I even travel to her hometown to see her 4 the day. Two days after she gets back she tells me(over the phone) how she was in a kissing relationship with a hometown friend of hers whom she has known for six years and that the relationship was still on going when she told me (I saw her on the first day she got back). She said that she would end the relationship(loose all contact with this guy - end friendship). She told me that she loved me and that she really wants our relationship to work and that she has no feelings for the other guy, It was a one time thing that will never happen again. Somebody hooked them up. So I forgave her. Within the same week i found out that she has been in contact with this guy on more than one occasion and when i asked her about it she said that they are in a business venture together. This guy knew she had a boyfriend when he was with her and he keeps sending her messages saying that he loves her and he wants her in his arms-wtf? I feel that this guy is a serious threat to our happiness and maybe i should tell him personally to back off. It makes me sick to my stomach that she lied to me for 24 days and that when i saw her during the holidays that she was seeing this guy(She lied to my face). She says that they only stay in contact for business but this cheating thing might come up again. I don't know what to do it's got me mixed up. Please help Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 i can only speak from experience. last year my ex went out on her bday. wouldnt let me go. told me the next day she made out with a dude (this is after a month of being distant) so i said it was over. she came running back. 2+ weeks of that and we were back to normal ( i even brought her bday gifts) but basically she became distant a year later. i thought something was up. and the whole thing fell apart and she dumped me! and then i was sad for so long. but ya know what that thread of distrust...is what ended it. no doubt in my mind. so watch out yo. forgiving = forgetting. if you cant forget you will never forgive and will always be wondering where she is or who she is with. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 I'm going to leave it to others to comment on whether or not you should break up with her, and give you my suggestions on what you should do if you want to continue the relationship with her. Behind the cheating issue is another, in some ways more critical, issue. When two people are in a relationship, I'm a firm believer that they are both entitled to have their own friends. Even friends with whom they have, in the past, been intimately or romantically involved. PROVIDED, however, that each one of those friends can be defined as a "friend of the relationship". That means that those friends are supportive of the relationship between you and your SO, or at least not doing anything to undermine, threaten or damage it. The guy with whom she was in a "kissing relationship" (whatever the hell that means... I'd bet a pound to a pinch of shyt that it went further than just kissing) during the holiday season does not fall under that definition, particularly given that he knows she has a boyfriend. You need to put your foot down. Don't tell her she can't see him. Tell her that it's up to her: she gets to have him in her life, or you. NOT both. Then give her 24 hours to decide. I said above that I'd be willing to bet she did more with that guy than just kissing. That's based on a couple of factors: 1) Cheaters almost never come completely clean on the extent of their cheating. 2) She deceived you and continued contact with him after she promised to cut it off. ("Business venture"... well, if that's what you kids are calling it these days...) Good luck man... Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Sorry this happened to you. The others have given some great advice I think. I would add, that she has revealed a very important fact about her basic personality here to you...she is capable of LYING for quite some time and to your face, and she is capable of at least some degree of CHEATING in a relationships where everything should be new, and temptations minimal....What will things be like 10 yrs down the road?? Then the fact that she says she is in a "business relationship" with him??? WTH??? How convenient for her.. you see, "I CAN"T just NOT see him".... Very, very convenient.... You need to alpha up in a good way, and set boundaries with HER. Confronting the other guy will just be turned on you as "agressive" and "over-reactive crazy". Why can't SHE set limits with him? What is this business anyway...her livelihood? She is not trying very hard in my opinion. I would personally dump someone like this, but of course, I am not you! Link to post Share on other sites
Robbed Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 I don't know what to do it's got me mixed up. Please help Well...it seems pretty simple of an action to take...dump her. She's gone dude. She pulled a "fickled chick" move on you. I'm so sorry this happened, and I'm sure you deserve much, much better. Girls are easy to find and a dime a dozen, but a real women will understand the seriousness of being with you. You have my best, good luck to you. Rbd Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 buddy, your girlfriends riding the train---the ho train. do you really think all she did is play kissy face with him? now that you've forgivin her,she's got no respect for you,hence the continued phone calls. dump her azz and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Stop loving her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoyalGuy87 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Share Posted January 22, 2010 I'm definitely gonna "Alpha Up" and I will make things very clear that she can have him, or me and NOT both. I will also try to forgive and forget (i say try because this experience has torn my soul apart and dealing with this has not been the easiest thing to do). Thank all for your advice it really means alot to me and i appreciate it. Please keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1962 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Loyalguy87. Dude. Do yourself a favor, live your life. Don't confront this guy. If she wants him out of her life SHE will tell him. This is not YOUR choice. YOUR CHOICE is to stay with her or leave her. Do you enjoy being lied to or cheated on? I'm sure that you don't enjoy it. Link to post Share on other sites
mlh5046 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 whats up pal. I know how you feel but let me tell you something. you do not want to be with someone "long term" who has cheated on you. I know it must feel like shes the only one for you and all that love stuff, trust me been there. But once you get your swagger going and start meeting other girls, while acting confident, is the greatest thing you can do for yourself. Maybe if you go out out on your own for a while you'll find someone, better looking, nicer and someone who won't cheat. Haha. But you lower your value by going back to someone who cheated on you, and it lets her think she owns you. Push back and tell her your gonna be single for a while, and enjoy. If anything she will like you more. Link to post Share on other sites
H1N1 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 She stomped on my testicles, but I can still walk. Link to post Share on other sites
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