TGO Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 Hey everyone. I'm a 20 year old male...paraplegic (recently) and single. I have a really hard time meeting people, especially girls. I personally find friendships with girls easier than with guys, at times, but I also want something more special with a girl. At the moment though, I just want to be able to meet some...but I've never had luck with girls at all. They just never seemed interested in me, and any that did either only wanted to be friends, or I only knew them online so their attraction to me didn't do much for my loneliness. What can I do? I've heard all the normal suggestions and ideas, but...still I just can't seem to get out there and mingle. I don't really go to many social events - I don't really have many chances - and I don't know how else to meet girls. I'm sure this issue comes up a lot in this forum, and maybe I sound pathetic or like everyone else, but I just had to get it out there. Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 , and maybe I sound pathetic No not at all.... you dont sound pathetic.... your just lonely.... unfortunately alot of us on LS knows how that feels.... and it sucks.... I wont give the usual you most likely hear like you said... however I just want to point out what just maybe the obvious to you.... and thats how can you meet anyone if your not willing to do so?. take a few buddies if your shy..... however you wont meet anyone if you dont actually make the effort..... New Years is an AWESOME time as well to meet people, what better way to mix and mingle with a bunch of people who have the exact same thing in common as you.... Ringing in the New Year!!! Or get yourself a dog..... chicks dig guys with puppies... trust me... lol Link to post Share on other sites
bark Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 get yourself a dog..... chicks dig guys with puppies... trust me... lol Thanks for the chick magnet tip, lost. I'm heading for my local pound right now! Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 Thanks for the chick magnet tip, lost. I'm heading for my local pound right now! rofl...... no prob!! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 i hope this was a joke - don't get a puppy unless you feel ready to be a responsible owner of a dog for the coming 15 years! as for loneliness - i can relate, so can many others, early 20s rock cuz you're free, and suck for the very same reason. my advice is to try and go to social events, after all - that's the only way to widen your circle. also, check out some "nice guys" related threads. good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 Loneliness is a feeling totally unrelated to the people surrounding us. We can be in a relationship, a marriage or be surrounded by dozens of people and still be very lonely. In order to avoid loneliness, you must become comfortable and at ease with yourself. You must become delighted in your thoughts and who you are. Occupy yourself with positive activities that you enjoy. Counting on others to take away that feeling of aloneness is not healthy. Oh, yes, it's nice to have special people around but they are a temporary distraction from...rather than a cure for...loneliness. There are many people in relationships and marriages who are lonely beyond imagination. Bottom line. Be happy with who you are, what you are and where you are no matter what your circumstances. Others will be attracted to that but they won't necessarily take away any loneliness. You will do that yourself with the comfort that you are your very best friend and others will just supplement that. You are the only one you can really count on in life. In the end, when it's all over...we go all by ourselves....it's always one to a box. We have only ourselves for the rest of eternity. Get used to it now. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 Some of us need people more than others, being comfortable with myself is just not enough for me (and I find myself downright fascinating!!) Being friends is a good start - it can be hard to summon up an instant girlfriend. You either have to get out or get folks to come in. Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 whoa Post: 5 | Quote: i hope this was a joke - don't get a puppy unless you feel ready to be a responsible owner of a dog for the coming 15 years! Well of course yes Im hoping that whoever decides to read this realizes that to get a puppy is at least a 15 - 20 years commitment.... im pretty sure the readers will know this. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author TGO Posted December 30, 2003 Author Share Posted December 30, 2003 Well, I know that my best chance of meeting girls is to go out and try to meet some. But, I think my biggest problem is that I just don't have the access to such social events as many people do. Some of my friends are always going to parties and know a lot of people, but for the most part the crowds they hang out with aren't the type of people I consider myself compatable with most often. And since many of my friends are off at college now, I'm sort of left to my own devices, even when I do feel like being social. So basically, I don't know where to go to be social! Usually the only time I'm around a lot of people, even when with my friends, is in public places. I always considered the best place to meet girls to be events like parties, gatherings, etc...it's not so easy (for me, at least...I know some people who have no problems going up to strangers in public!) to go around and strike up conversations with random good-looking girls in my local town, or at the mall, etc... What do you all think? Do I have any other options? What can I do to have more options? Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 You have special challenges, but these aren't insurmountable. I'm not a clinical psychologist or any kind of therapist for that matter, but I, too, have a disability, so I can kinda relate to your situation. In my case, I was born with my impairments, so I've had a lifetime to prepare myself for the realities of dating and the adult world. In your case, though, this is something more recent, and I'd imagine it will take some time for you to feel things out - what you're capable of, what you're not. The reality is, you may run into women who may not be interested in a romantic relationship with you. They might see your disability as "baggage". To which you must say "To hell with them." Focus on the positives, what you can do, what you can get out of life, and eliminate the negatives. It's as simple as that. Don't waste another moment of your life wishing you could do something you can't. Do whatever is within your power, and do it to the fullest, and don't look back. That's the best advice I can give. There are women out there who will accept you as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 if everybody realized it, animal shelters wouldn't be so damn full! Way too many people get a puppy/kitten/whatever, get tired of it after a year, and bring it to a shelter. Way too many don't realize what it means to live and take care of a pet, and don't realize that they're taking on a LIFE, not a toy. That's why i pointed it out =) -yes Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 TGO, have you had any luck meeting girls online? what kinds of stuff do you like to do? you're articulate, and that will take you a long way on the internet p.s. this is going in my LS loveshack quotables, it's bloody awesome: ...it's always one to a box Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 That's why i pointed it out =) well thank you yes...... im also certain it has to do with not spaying or neutering their pets as well as the time of season etc....... but thanks for giving a heads up Link to post Share on other sites
Author TGO Posted December 30, 2003 Author Share Posted December 30, 2003 Jenny, Well, fortunatley I have a lot of luck meeting girls online...but unfortunatley, that's about the only place I do meet them. And often they live very far away and that makes things all the more difficult. I wouldn't mind a long distance relationship if it was very serious and sure to evolve into something more than online, but usually that doesn't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 to lost - check a local shelter - there's plenty of adult animals, in addition to the unwanted baby-animals (true, plenty of those as well). to the original poster - When meeting people online, you can limit yourself to your local area, right? any luck meeting local girls online? Have you tried asking friends to set you up with someone? Have you tried joining clubs or organizations that interest you - i.e. just being more active in general, not seeking girls in particular? good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author TGO Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 I've actually tried signing up for multiple dating sites (i.e. match.com, americansingles, etc) over the past few years and every time I did I got not one single reply from anyone...which was disturbing because the one or two others I knew who have done the same often got many replies. Other than that, I've attempted to find local girls online in any way I could but I just can't seem to be able to. There have been times when I've tried having my friends set me up with someone, but normally none of them will know anyone single, and if they do then there's always something that won't make it work. I find that, for some reason, girls just tend to like me as a friend, but nothing more...if they even like me at all. Any girls I could date, as I said, are not quite local. And when it comes to clubs, I'm not all too interested in many of the things you could name clubs for, especially in my area. In fact I'm not even too aware of many clubs or gatherings like that which are in my area. Overall, I think it might boil down to my luck with girls in general. I sort of feel like any time there have been chances to meet a nice girl, something or other happened in which it just didn't work. More often than not, the girl just has no interest in me. Link to post Share on other sites
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