Still messed up and confused

[gwennebe]

Well here is a brief update on what I have been dealing with for the past month. In my previous post I explained my very bad breakup with my ex. We were together 3 mos. We moved very fast he told me he loved me after only 3 dates and I was stupid and didn't leave right then and there when I wanted. Basically he talked me into trusting him and I didn't take all the warning signs. I ended up falling for him. He had been engadged twice before I might add .Anyway, he basically dumped me during my grandmothers funeral process. It lasted 3 days with the viewings and the funeral. To top it off the last two fights we had he had gotten viloent with me.

 

I know, I know I've heard everyone tell me all about violence in reltaionships. Well I find out two days after he dumped me, the day of my grandmas funeral he takes some girl out to dinner. I suspected he liked her all along but he still says to this day he didn't break up with me to date her and he didn't like her before. I do not believe him but I can't get the truth out of him.

 

We have spoken about a handful of times since the breakup. He has called me twice and I have called him and it has basically been a struggle about being friends. I was mad because he didn't seem to concerned about being friends and he won't really explain anything to me at all. Anytime i've asked for closure I just seem to not get it. He for some reason just doesn't know how to communicate anything.

 

The other tough aspect of this is, it's a small town I run into him and his new girl. I've been nice to her when I have seen her it's not her fault all of this happened it's his and I hope he isn't using her for a rebound but I don't really know. Plus I have to hear from my cousin and other friends about him and hear and what they are doing. I found out tonight they are planning a little trip next week while he is on an 11 day vacation.

 

I don't know where ,I just have been told by someone that they overheard them talking about it being an 8 hour drive. I'm confused because I know I just want to be friends to try to get him back and it makes me mad because deep down I know he doens't even deserve my friendship. I don't know what to do. I've tried emailing him and telling him how I feel about the friends thing, that it doesn't seem to be working out and I asked for a response from him. I want to at least hear what he has to say but he won't even do that so I guess at this point I should forget him and her and tell everyone not to keep me updated on their relationship?

 

 

I don't even know if I want him back because I'm sure there is somone out there more suited for me. I have tried dating but I don't think I am ready yet and I took peoples advice and was honest about it so I didn't hurt anyone else over all of this. Regardless, I'm sure down the road I will meet someone when I'm ready. I just want some answers out of him. WE broke up before for a week and he came back because I told him I didn't want to be friends. Then 3 days later he breaks up with me again and said he wanted to be friends but now he's dating this new girl and he doesn't really act like he meant it.

 

I just want the truth. Is that so much to ask for? The other thing is my friends that see them together say they dont' see much chemistry between them and they don't seem that interested in each other at least not like he acted with me so I don't know what to think. It's obvious me trying to push for friendship isn't working so I guess I should do the opposite and dissapear? I just want closure. I know I'm being mean but he was so rotten and I want him to be unhappy just like he made me unhappy. I don't understand why he chose to break up with me in such a nasty way. Is this normal to feel this way? Sorry I've dragged this on, I'm just so confused and so hurt right now and I've been struggling for a little over a month.

[katy_katt]

A little over a month? That's too long, in my opinion. He obviously didn't treat you with any respect at all, and the fact that he got violent with you is a clear indicator that you should just forget about the whole thing. He may even treat 'the other girl' the same way...it sounds like this is a usual thing for him.

 

My advice to you is to just let it go, no matter how hard it seems. Wanting to get back at him for hurting you is normal, but it never really solves anything. Give it some more time...hopefully things will work out for the better.

[gwennebe]

I know you are right, I should just be happy he's out of my life. I wanted to break up before but I guess I didn't have the guts to do it or something. What they say is true, you want what you can't have even if deep down you know it isn't right for you.

 

Maybe I just hurt so much because I'm the one that was broken up with and he's already moving on with a new relationship. I don't know how happy he is but he must be happy enough.

 

Another thing is my cousin cofronted him about the violence because she saw the bruises on my arm and he tried to act like it wasn't a big deal. He basically said "I didn't freaking hit her" and she responded that it didn't matter if he can leave bruises like he did on my arm than he needs to revaluate his strength compared to a woman.

 

When I have run into him he wouldn't even look me in the eye. Do you think he's ashamed even if he won't admit it? I hope he doesn't treat this new girl as badly. She dumped her last boyfriend because he pushed her so I don't know. Maybe they haven't been together enough for any major conflict and it's still the infatuation period.

 

I know I have to get over this to the point where I don't care if he's happy with someone or not it's just killing me that people can change their mind so quickly after spending almost every day together for 3 months. I mean I keep thinking how can he not even be thinking about me. All I want is for him to come crawling back so I can turn him down and I know it's because I'm still hurt and hopefully I can heal so I don't feel that way anymore.

 

I hope I can meet someone that makes me happy eventually and that compliments my life not the opposite.

[AnGeLic_gAL]

hello..i like ur attitude...breaking does hurt but it wud save u from many

difficulties in the future....hope for the best!! n am sure u'll meet a person

who'll love u with all his heart!!

~AnGeLiCa

[mandarincool]

Please let this disturbed man go. He sounds like a very confused and destructive, and probably unhappy person. In your search for someone to love, please try and understand what pulled you towards this strange guy and what keeps you interested, when it would make more logical sense to be relieved that he is gone, rather than stalking you or some such thing, which people like him sometimes do!

 

Good luck in your soul searching and remember- it's not about him anymore. You hardly knew him, just the flattering things he says. It takes a while to get to know the real deal about a person. Try and imagine what kind of person you would like- what kind of person on the inside, i.e., smart, introspective, able to communicate frustration and anger without being physical or abusive, happy, etc., or an insecure, unstable, sociopath who says whatever feels good in the moment, to get what he thinks he wants...

[gwennebe]

You are totally right!!! You hit everything right on the button!! Now that I think about it he was a little unstable and I believe probably will always be. I'm starting to feel grateful for not being in the relationship anymore and dont' care if I ever talk to him again.