Abuse leaves an incredibly deep scar......

[blissfullynumb]

It has been almost 7 months since I was physically abused in addition to the months prior to that in which I was constantly emotionally abused.

 

I met what seemed to be a perfect man for me. 30 years old, very well established with his career, very attractive and to my luck, single! We started a relationship fairly quickly and every moment of it was amazing in the beginning. Little things started happening here and there that made me question the relationship but I kept going forward with it and before long, I was deeply in love with this person.

 

He got an assignment to move to another city for a year, we had only been dating for a short time but he asked me to move with him. Maybe it was the worst decision of my life, but I decided I would because I loved him and I thought we had a future together. Things were very rocky in the month leading up to the move. I discovered he was communicating with ex's and he was researching strip clubs and escorts on the internet. I have no clue if he was paying for their services but the mere thought of that broke my heart. The relationship was doomed before I even moved to be with him.

 

But, because I was convinced I loved him I believed his excuses for his behaviors, trusted him, and moved in with him. Shortly after, he began to resent me for "taking too long" to find a job in a city that was completely new to me. He told me I was a piece of sh*% and constanly degraded me. He blatantly checked out other women in front of me and even gave me crest white strips as a birthday present, I guess because my teeth weren't white enough for his liking. I was oblivious to how damaging this relationship was to my well being and I continued to endure it.

 

Well, It all came to a head when I went out of town for a weekend to visit a friend. I came home, after spending the weekend fighting over the phone with him and him threatening to break up with me, to discover what I am certain was that he had ordered an escort while I was away. I went through his phone and violated his privacy which I ashamed of, but I found several text messages that were blatant proof of deceit and cheating. When I confronted him, He became enraged.

 

I remember packing my clothes from the closet and him yelling at me, calling me a crazy b*%^h, etc etc. I can vaguely remember what happened next probably out of pure fear. He grabbed me by my neck and jaw and threw me down in the closet, crushing a container by the force of my body. When I stood up he repeated this. He threw me out of the apartment by my neck and tripped me over my suitcase (he had thrown most of my things out the door). Everytime I tried to stand up he would grab me and throw me back down. I begged him to just let me get my things. I began packing things from a dresser when he stood over me yelling at me more and slammed my finger and hand in the drawer while laughing at me for crying and cussing me out.

 

For whatever reason, I am unsure, I stayed with him a week longer after this happened. He said he loved me, he was sorry, ashamed, he cried, promised to change. blah blah. I could barely get out of bed I was in so much pain. I was covered in bruises, in the form of fingerprints. When I'd say I hurt, he would tell me to quit complaining. I finally got the courage to leave a week later, and I never went back.

 

The past 6 months of my life have been hell. I kept in contact with him hoping for an apology, a realization, but instead I continued to be hurt and emotionally abused by him. I finally have made a promise to myself to never talk to him again. He is dating a new girl, someone who is completely oblivious to what he's done, who he really is, and that he has cheated on her numerous times already. I am heartbroken by the damage he has done to me, but I honestly believe it would be worse to be in her shoes. I am going to counseling and pursuing dreams for my own life that I otherwise never would have been able to without all that I have learned from this experience.

 

I am hoping that my experience can help others who may be going through the same thing or those who have past experiences they are still affected by. I want people to realize how serious this is and the damage it causes in the long run. I feel that I am only in the beginning stages of recovery and have a long way to go, but am so THANKFUL I had the courage to leave. My heart and prayers go out to any and all who have been through this or are going through it now. Be STRONG!

[Angel1111]

Oh, sweetie. I am so sorry this happened to you. This is so damaging to a person's trust and spirit and so many other things. I just wanted to cry reading your story.

 

Did you ever file a police report on him? I know you were probably in shock and that's why you ended up staying another week after the horrible things he did to you. If you had filed a report and his new gf checked him out, she would see that he has a history of violence. But I'm sure that wasn't your first concern, and you've probably had enough to think about just healing yourself.

 

I hate these men with a pure and undiluted passion and as much as I hate talking about my situation with my verbally abusive ex, and as much as I hate reliving it or reading about what others have been through, I do it because I always hope that I can help someone. It's the most horrible thing to be betrayed to such an extent by someone we love and who we thought loved us.

 

If you want to really understand a lot on this topic in order to make peace with it, there's a book out that I think is awesome. It's called 'Why Does He Do That? (Inside the minds of angry and controlling men) by Lundy Bancroft. I read a lot of books on abuse but his truly stands out. He's a psychiatrist who counseled men who were in trouble with the law because they physcially abused their spouses. So, these men were ordered by the court to see him. Because of this, Bancroft literally saw thousands of abusive men and he drew some really astounding conclusions. He even touches on the subject of why the women stay in these situations. But it gave me so much insight that I was finally able to completely walk away without looking back - because I finally understood what he was really made of. I liked that book, also, because it was written by a man. It just made a difference to me.

 

You were so smart to get out of there. Your situation is exactly why I always tell women who post here about their bf or husband having a bad temper. It's an early warning sign of worse things to come. There are so many women who stay with men like this for years and years. Sometimes all their lives. I don't know how they do it. But be thankful that you got out. I'm so sad for you but I also know that you're going to heal. And someday you'll love again and remember what it's like to be with a kind and warm person who wouldn't dream of ever hurting you. Hugs. Many, many hugs.

Edited January 23, 2010 by Angel1111

[sedgwick]

Did you ever see a doctor for or take photographs of your injuries? Can you take him to court? At the very least, if you have photos, I'd find a way to show them to the new girlfriend. I know you don't want to stir anything up, but really, if I were her I'd want someone to warn me before he killed me, y'know?

 

I am so, so sorry that happened to you.

[blissfullynumb]

Thank you so much for your support and advice Angel1111, I have been searching for a book that I could read that might help me get some kind of understanding and perhaps closure from all of this. Your kind words almost made me cry.

 

I never filed a police report for several reasons. I didn't tell anyone what happened to me until the day before I finally left. I confided in my best friend who was in town visiting me. She actually broke out in hives after I told her because it upset her so badly. That really got my attention. But, you are right, I was in complete shock immediately after this happened to me. I just kind of felt like a beaten animal, I layed in a dark room holding myself crying, unable to wrap my head around what happened. Because of his career, and his position, I knew if I reported him he would lose his job. I feared he would come after me for that because that is probably the most valued aspect of his life. So I kept quiet. I finally told my family but they vowed to not prosecute him out of fear for me. I have felt inclined to warn other women that he meets but I have to admit, I fear for myself.

 

The story gets better actually. Out of weakness and because I had maintained contact with him up until about a month ago, I made a huge mistake and met up with him one night. He filled my head with tons of lies about how he wanted to make things right between us, he loved me, he wasnt in love with his girlfriend that he would take care of things with her, because he wanted to be with me. We slept together. The next day, he obviously felt extreme guilt for what he did and blew me off. Told me he was dating someone, that he was falling in love with her, and that he was probably going to marry her. Basically just crapped all over me and threw me in the trash. I felt gut wrenching pain and shame for what I allowed to happen. I wanted to tell her but I didn't because I again feared for myself. I truly feel sorry for her because she has no idea what she is messing with. But, I feel that if she pays close attention to the things he does, and really examines the relationship she will soon realize the truth. He has so many issues and problems that he refuses to aknowledge and deal with. He is going to continue to fail at relationships until he actually admits to himself that he needs help. I wanted to help him, to be there for him.

 

Enough is enough though and I have so much damage to repair now. I can't even think about dating, I am very weary of men and sometimes just outright terrified of their intentions with me. I have basically sworn off dating for now and I fear that I will never fall in love again or get married. I hope that time will help me heal these doubts. I am working very hard on that.

 

And Sedgwick, you are right. I wish I could tell her. I really do. But I am so fearful of doing that. I will feel somewhat responsible if something happens to some other girl one day. What would you do??? Thank you for your advice and support to, It really helps!!

[Angel1111]

First of all, forget about the idea of telling his gf anything. Because it puts you in danger and it keeps you entangled with him in some way. Just forget it. His gf will figure it out, I promise. She probably already has, which is why he slept with you - they probably had a big fight.

 

Please, don't ever let this man back into your life in any way, shape or form. You may want to change your phone number so that he can never contact you again - because he will try again. He doesn't care anything about his current gf and he will someday tell her about sleeping with you and use it against her; somehow making it seem like it was her fault. He is a horrible, self-serving, manipulative person and that's why you need to erase him from your life fully and completely.

 

People sometimes ask me if I know where my ex is living - because he was from England and they wonder if he's still in the States or back in the UK - and my answer is always the same: "I don't know and I don't care." I care nothing about him. He nearly destroyed my life and my spirit and he is non-existent as far as I'm concerned. This is the way you'll feel about your ex one day.

 

The reason he treated you badly after you slept with him the last time is because he's using it as control. He did it to make you feel bad about yourself again because that's how they maintain control over people. Oppress them and keep them down. It's highly effective, too, so don't underestimate the strategy. Even things like giving you a gift of whitening strips - that was a not-so-subtle form of a put-down; a little message that says 'I'm not completely happy with you' or 'you could be better'. This is exactly how these guys operate. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just learn from it and realize that every word, every action, every expression from him is about control and manipulation. These men are evil - particularly your ex because of what he did to you. You're actually lucky to be alive.

 

Don't even worry about dating right now. You need to give yourself time to heal. After I left my ex, I was so emotionally distraught and, worse, I didn't even feel like myself, that I decided that everything in my life that put any amount of pressure on me was going to be put on the back burner. I only did the things that I had to do - take care of my son (from another marriage, not from the abuser), go to work, pay bills, etc. The rest of the time, I did absolutely nothing. No pressure, no thoughts about what I should or shouldn't be doing. Whenever thoughts of my ex came into my head, I would make myself think of something else. I would not allow myself to think about him at all. I just basically checked out. And I did it until I felt better. It actually took about 6 mos but I came out on the other side of that a much better person.

 

That's not to say that I fully trust men again because I don't. About 8 mos after I left my ex, I got involved with a married man. In some ways it was a bad decision but I can't fully regret it because, in a very big way, he healed my soul because he was so kind and good. He made me remember that there were good people out there and that my ex was really the exception. I told MM very little about my ex but I did tell him some of it. He once said to me, "I'm sorry that happened to you. You don't deserve to be treated like that." He'll never know how much his words meant to me. Just to hear him say that. He once told me that he thought I was with him because he was safe. I didn't understand at the time, but now I believe he was right. He was a man I could love but also someone I could remain uncommitted to. It was my stand-offish way of loving again.

 

You will heal, my friend, and I strongly suggest that you nuture yourself right now, and for a long as it takes. Remove the pressures from your life as much as you can, and don't make unneccesary demands on yourself. The good news is that humans are extremely resilient and because of that, you will bounce back. Of course, you have learned something from this experience that you'll always take with you but it's not all bad - some of it is that you'll be much more protective of yourself. And that's a good thing.

[sugarmomma]

blissfullynumb, hi and thanks for sharing your story. There's an old saying that 'pain shared is pain lessened'. I too have been recovering from an abusive relationship for about 16 years (which is how long I've been gone from him). Because I didn't get into therapy and work on the issues at hand that relationship affected every major relationship I've had since.

 

The unfortunate thing is that I didn't know it until I started to heal within the last few years. I had to forgive him for hurting me and forgive myself for allowing someone to treat me in such a horrible way. He would spit on me and/or kick me and he didn't care where. He was also my son's father so I had to have limited contact re our son.

 

The biggest lesson I learned from the whole experience was that I had very weak boundaries meaning I would say certain behaviors were unacceptable but I would take no action when boundaries were crossed. I have since learned that abusers take pride in crossing boundaries. I also don't get involved with men quickly because they like to try to get you to fall for them fast. I take my time getting to know men to decide if I like them. I used to be more concerned with whether they liked me but that has changed.

 

My boundaries for ex. are do not use profanity at me, don't yell at me, don't call me names or disrespect me in anyway that devalues me. If a man doesn't know how to deal with strong emotions that is another huge red flag for me. Another is how he deals with other people.

 

You will heal. Learn all you can about abusers and your reasons for allowing such behaviors ( alot of times it stems from low self worth, weak boundaries and plain old fear).

 

Either way your life takes on a whole new meaning. You are now a woman recovering from a physically/emotionally abusive relationship.

 

This site also helped me a lot. I wish you the best!!

 

http://lifemadesimple.typepad.com/abusednomore/2006/11/characteristics.html?cid=6a00d8345228c869e20120a52d92b2970c#comment-6a00d8345228c869e20120a52d92b2970c

[ssuzanness]

EVERYTHING...that these people are telling you is true...i especially know angel and sugarmomma...i am s l o w l y gettin out of an emotionally/verbally/slightly physical abuse relationship and the things they have told me have helped ALOT!! check out my thread..if you want.."emotionally abusive relationship"...maybe some of the things they said and others said will help you too!! i highly reccommend the book angel spoke of...i got it right away and really opened my eyes...hang in there...you can be stong too!!!!!

[HeyThere]

 

You will heal. Learn all you can about abusers and your reasons for allowing such behaviors ( alot of times it stems from low self worth, weak boundaries and plain old fear).

 

 

These are painful and liberating threads. The resentment that builds up towards men in general is understandable. But please know that these rotten apples are just that.

 

I come from an emotionally abusive family and my healing process deals with the wishful idea that my parents should be “normal” loving, caring, and nurturing individuals. Every time they would humiliate me, insult me… and I’d protest they’d laugh or state that it’s me being overly sensitive and other excuses…So for me, my response to their poor behavior/attitudes became dulled and unexpressed. I never accepted the insults inside and because of that the pain is still very raw. The pain they’ve inflicted on me for over a half century has taken a toll. I know they have serious issues they are unwilling to address – it is their issues not mine. I still seem unable to forgive myself, one day I’ll get there and I hope the same for you.

[blissfullynumb]

First off, I really want to thank all of you for your support and advice, you really have NO idea how much it helps and means to me! It is great to be able to communicate with people who truly understand because you all have been there. So thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

Angel, reading your post the other day made me feel powerful. I know everything you have said is true. Reading these things helps me feel like I can really let go of all this, for that I am truly appreciative! I have deleted his number, considered having it blocked by Verizon. He is blocked on my facebook account. I have not communicated with him in over 3 weeks now and I have absolutely NO intention of ever talking to him again. I finally feel strong, like I can do this without caving in and sending him a text. I realized that even when he said things that were nice to me, it was still painful. More importantly, I realize that if I don't stay true to myself and really extract him from my life, there will never be room for anyone else in the future. My life has drastically improved in the past month. I thought this time last month that I was done for. I could barely get out of bed after he used me the way he did. The pain was unreal. I prayed to God to show me the way and what I needed to be doing with my life. The next day, no joke, things began moving forward and I am succeeding in a way that I never thought possible. I am focusing on my own personal success. I am no longer worried about dating a guy, I've realized that who I do or don't date doesn't define me, I define ME!

 

I can't say that I regret what happened with me and this horrible excuse for a man. I can't regret something that has taught me as much as this experience did. I do fear for the day that he tries to get in touch with me though, because as you said, he will. I hope that I am really really strong by then. I want to forgive because I don't want to spend my energy hoping that he is never happy. I don't think he ever will be truly happy though unless he were to change the way he is. I highly doubt that will happen.

 

Sugarmomma, the quote you posted "Power is having the ability to walk away from that which I desire, to protect that which I love" is amazing!!!! I have said that to myself every morning since I saw your post. After 25 years of being my own worst enemy, I am finally falling in love with MYSELF!

 

HeyThere, I can fully relate with you. I also come from a very emotionally abusive family. I believe a large part of the reason I date the men I date is because I have never been close with my father. He was abused as a child, and he never knew how to love his own children as a result. He would pick on us, degrade us, laugh at us. My mother would join in, I guess to "stand-by her man," so to speak. It was awful and most of the memories of my childhood are very painful. I have learned to forgive them both though through the years and I am developing a relationship with my father (even his new wife) finally! I feel like this is a gift.

[HeyThere]

I don’t want to come off on a soap box – more or less being protective of future situations.

 

Never forget the pain inflicted by this troubled man, so as not to be repeated again in future relationships. This is similar to being surprised by the ugliness and not responding appropriately. The fact that you are embracing the concept of forgiveness is a saving grace.

 

Take your time in future relationships – lots of time. Don’t fall in love with the idea of being in love, which connects to “Power is having the ability to walk away from that which I desire, to protect that which I love”. If a man is interested in you, you will know it, because he wants to know what makes you tick and vice versa. If a red flag comes up of any infraction – explore it. If the man is secure with himself he won’t mind.

 

Just my .02

 

Best of everything.

[Angel1111]

I realized that even when he said things that were nice to me, it was still painful.

 

I prayed to God to show me the way and what I needed to be doing with my life. The next day, no joke, things began moving forward and I am succeeding in a way that I never thought possible.

 

I do fear for the day that he tries to get in touch with me though, because as you said, he will. I hope that I am really really strong by then. I want to forgive because I don't want to spend my energy hoping that he is never happy.

 

I'm really glad to hear that you're doing better. Just remember that being forgiving doesn't mean telling him that or having conversations with him about it. It just means that you don't hold any hatred or resentment in your heart toward him. As someone once said, "Not forgiving someone is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die." But, having said that, I think you need to let yourself go through the normal process and stages of healing. I think you should hate him for a time, I think you should feel resentment toward him, etc. And then you can get in the place where you can forget all of this in the sense that it no longer rules your life.

 

I love to hear when people pray and get results like that. It's really inspiring. I'm not religious but I am a spiritual person. It's nice hearing that things start going in your favor.

 

I think that as long as he is able to contact you, then there will be a part of you waiting in animated suspense. It would be much better for your peace of mind to change your phone number, if you can do that, so that he can never call you again. It gave me a lot of peace to change my phone number. Once, after months of separation, I went to work and there was a message from my ex. He had called at like 2am (which was typical). He was so drunk that at first I thought it was a prank call and almost deleted it. Then I realized it was him telling me that he had gotten fired from his job (not a surprise). This was a college educated man who had a total dream job and he screwed it up by being....well, himself. Anyway, my point is, if he had known my phone number, I would've gotten that call at 2am.

 

As far as hoping that your ex will never be happy again, I can save you the suspense - these guys will never experience true happiness.

[blissfullynumb]

Angel, you are right about so many things, its amazing! I am really trying to learn to forgive, I think I am slowly, but surely. I do think about him every single day though. I wonder if thats beyond my control?

 

Hearing you say that someone like that will never experience true happiness is very satisfying. I do question why it seems that his relationship with this new girl is "working" out.When he first started dating her he would call me and talk about us. He also told me only a month ago that he was just going through the motions and that he was jaded about dating because of me. He told me he would say "I love you" to her but that he wasn't in love with her and she knew it. I wish I didn't wonder about these things. Whatever the case is with he and his gf, isn't going to do anything for me. I really want to know how to let that curiosity go.

 

I guess I should get his number blocked. As much as I don't want to admit it, I guess I am somewhat waiting for him to iniate some kind of contact eventually. I guess I feel like that would be satisfying although I would never under any circumstances respond to him. I guess it would be best to just handle it once and for all myself and put a definite end to it....

[sugarmomma]

I do think about him every single day though. I wonder if thats beyond my control?

 

 

....

 

 

Play the entire tape out and what I mean about that is.....just go back and read your original post.

 

It is very easy to forget the pain of a month or even a week ago.

 

You have to keep the pain up front. Please don't forget what it was like to be around this guy and the treatment you received from him.

 

Belive me when I tell you- it gets worse, not better.

[Angel1111]

Honestly, I don't think forgiveness is the stage you need to be at right now. I think you need to really comprehend what he did and realize that this is something you don't ever want to forget until you're completely over him. When you don't care if he lives of dies, then you'll know he's no longer important to you. Forget about being the nice girl - you did that with him and it backfired on you. It's time to get pissed off and start protecting yourself. It's time to strongly define your boundaries and learn a sense of love for yourself. Which means that if anyone ever hurt you again, it would be completely offensive to you because you can't comprehend such a thing. Then you can talk about forgiveness. As sugarmomma pointed out, it's very dangerous to forget and you need to keep the pain clearly in front of you. Put another way, you need to keep the vision of who he really is in front of you.

 

Surely you know by now that no relationship that he's a part of will ever work out, don't you? This man hit you, he violated your very being, nearly killed you, and betrayed you in every sense of the word.

 

Do you honestly think that he has become a different person overnight? Do you think that this new woman has miraculously transformed him? Not even a chance. If anything, he's more angry than ever because he has to live with the memory of what he did to you. And this fuels his anger even more, because we can't do something to another living thing without doing it to ourselves. We can help a sick person and feel invigorated by this kind act, or we can beat a dog and feel tainted by our own poisonous actions. So, given that, how do you think he feels? What do you think he thinks about almost daily? Besides, he already betrayed his gf by talking to you about her and telling you the things he told you about how he felt about her.

 

I know you want to think you were special and that he won't be able to live without you and that he'll come running back to you, and that God will send a ray of light in his direction and take away all his anger.

 

It's not going to happen, sister.

 

You may have been special to him but that's not the point. It's not relevant. What is relevant is that he's a monster. He tried to destroy you. He insulted you in the worst way. He is sub-human for what he did. He is trash.

 

Blocking his number doesn't stop him from calling you from another number. I can only tell you how it felt from my own experience - that no matter how curious I was about whether he would call or not, once I changed my number, that curiosity went away and I finally knew peace.

Edited January 29, 2010 by Angel1111

[HeyThere]

Many of the monikers on this board say much about the expression of the writer. In your case if blissfullynumb is more than a moniker in its description and the horrific experience that you described is becoming a fleeting memory then the healing process has a long, long way to go. Please pay close attention to Angel1111, sugarmomma and the others that share your specific experience. They’ve been in your shoes and that’s guidance you can’t buy.

[Satisfaction]

Don't worry about moving to another state or the length of time it took you to leave him.

I think you genuinely took him to be a decent person who made mistakes. A decent person will never ask so much from you, will never put you through so much or make you contact them for an apology.

Although the stain of what he did will probably stay on your mind for a long time remember that you can make new happy experiences for yourself

Its really important to talk about your feelings with someone you can trust! I wish you a productive recovery and all the happiness for the future!!

[Ashkayi]

Your post really affected me because I just cant wrap my mind around why people can treat other people that way. His gf will figure it out, I was the gf after a failed marriage and trust me, I figured it out a month in. He is very verbally abusive, very mentally abusive and tries to manipulate me but it fails because ive built up enough resentment that his words and stupidity doesnt hurt me. He has pushed me up against the back door, hes gotten in my face and screamed at me while I had a migraine, and hes tried to physically pull my engagement ring off my finger. Hes thrown a stool at me, and hes said things to me that i cant even start to tell you because id end up writing a book. I love him, but the love is fading because everyday he treats me like im just a object in the corner of the room... One day ill learn my lesson.. One day..

[blissfullynumb]

ashkayi, I am always pained to hear of anyone else that has been or is going through something similar to what I endured. It hurts me to hear that. I totally relate with you on having little understanding of why and how people can hurt and abuse others in such ways...I can tell you, it's been months since I left this relationship and I still find myself trying to figure it out and gain some kind of understanding, I can't. One question I struggle with, and maybe it's just my curiosity, is that I wonder if he treats this new girl better than me. I know it is something I shouldn't waste time thinking about, but it is involuntary on my part.

 

You deserve something better than this, NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. I know you've probably heard that over and over. Read the posts these other people have responded to me with, they have helped me a great deal.

 

I can tell you this, I was in your shoes. I hid what happened, I made excuses for him to my family, friends, even made excuses that I somehow convinced myself to believe. I drove myself crazy, constant suspicions, finding myself getting angry with him even when he was on his best behavior--the reason being that deep down I knew he was a mean, deceitful, careless man (not even sure if he's worthy of being called a man honestly). But anyway, I started losing everything that made me who I was. I am a complete goofball, I am witty and I have a way with jokes, I love making people laugh and I live for laughter! I never laughed, I barely smiled, I faked it. I lost interest in the things that mattered most to me. I became reclusive, insecure, and angry. I started to hate who I was. It took me a while to realize that it was because of him. Its like he knew I was losing my self-esteem, he would realize it was SO low that he couldn't beat me down, so he would build me up, be nice, treat me well....only to have something to tear back down again. What fun would have been if there was nothing for him to take from me?

 

The day I left him, it was like God was sitting in the car with me. My foot touched the gas and there was no turning back. I drove for 12.5 hours that day/night, all alone, unfamiliar with where I was. I got home at midnight that night, I ran to my mother and burst into tears in her arms. The days, weeks, months, that followed were gut wrenching. I went through various phases of recovery. I didn't think I'd see the end of the pain, I wondered how I'd get through it. Well, I'm telling you all of this hard and probably unpleasant stuff to hear, because I want you to know what is on the other side. I woke up one day, and I said NO MORE! I had maintained contact with him, I cut it off that day. I haven't spoken to him, seen him, nothing in over a month. My life is INCREDIBLE!!! I have never been more happy in as long as I can remember. I finally found myself, I am regaining my self-respect, confidence, getting in touch with my own personal goals and beliefs. It is beautiful on this side, I promise you. If you get to the point where I was, and you have to leave.....please think about what I've said to you, about what's waiting for you when you really let go. You won't be dissapointed. And I'll help any way I can if you ever need that.......

 

BE STRONG

[ssuzanness]

wow...bliss..you said it perfectly!! it helps me as well reading what you just wrote. I wish i could get out of this town, so i wouldnt'have to worry about running into him...it's hard to be strong..i too wonder if he is treating new girl better...but from what everyone says..he will at first..then..the real person will show through...

[Angel1111]

You guys need to get this into your heads once and for all - abusive people are not capable of treating anyone close to them well. The abuse will go on until they draw their last breath. I remember my ex's dad barking at his wife (my ex's stepmom) while I was standing right there (they had just met me) - they were in their 60's. Does it ever stop? Nope. Just be thankful that you're away from these soul-destroyers and pray for the poor future victims who get trapped in their webs.

[blissfullynumb]

yea, you are totally right Angel. I don't really want to invest time thinking about that but I'm having a really hard time with it. And, I have this constant feeling or thought in my head that he is going to propose to this new girl, and the only thing that I fear with that....is how am I going to handle that emotionally when I find out about it? (as I'm sure I will somehow whether I want to or not). What should I do to alleviate this worry? Thats where I am now and what I want to get past!

[Angel1111]

What should I do to alleviate this worry? Thats where I am now and what I want to get past!

 

One thing is to remember that he nearly killed you. Literally. Then remind yourself that if he does marry this girl, it will be a living hell for her. He may even end up killing her or putting her in the hospital. Try to get your head out of thinking that they will live in eternal bliss. I won't happen. And try to get out of the emotion of this and look at him for who he really is - a coward who beats up women.

[ssuzanness]

i'm trying too , to get him out of my head!! It's Friday nite and all I can think about is that is going out and having fun, being nice, and even having sex with this new found girl!! it kills me inside...but i keep TRYING to get him out of my head EVERY time a thought enters. BUT no mattter what it is SO HARD!!..UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ssuzanness]

thx...bb..i have good moments and bad...i think cause its fri nite..it's just really bugging me tonight for some reason....prob too cause there is not much going on tonight..and this is the first weekend since he said he supposedly has a new gf

[Angel1111]

It's Friday nite and all I can think about is that is going out and having fun, being nice, and even having sex with this new found girl!!

 

Yeah, he's having such a great time with her that he takes these little breaks in between to text you and bug the hell out of you. So much so that you've had to change your phone number twice in a few weeks. I see what you mean - he's real devoted to this new person. This new person who probably doesn't even exist.