I'm always the one contacting him for sex!

[xpaperxcutx]

This is ridiculous. How is it that I'm always the one that ends up contacting him for sex? He never contacts me. Even when I try to slightly " will" the phone to ring, I always end up being the one texting him about meeting up.

 

Seriously, what's the whole point of being FWB if he doesn't want to get any?

[2sunny]

hmmm, maybe he knows that the one who wants it the least has the most power.

[xpaperxcutx]

hmmm, maybe he knows that the one who wants it the least has the most power.

 

Hahaha... if he's that devious, the game would be more fun. But all he wants to do is eat and play basketball.

[Angel1111]

hmmm, maybe he knows that the one who wants it the least has the most power.

 

...and, apparently, dignity too.

[xpaperxcutx]

...and, apparently, dignity too.

 

Yes, yes... every time I initiate contact I feel like I just stooped another level.

 

But it's not like I'm going around telling him " we have to meet up, we have to meet up!"

 

We barely even see each other all that much.

 

I have needs, apparently more so than him?

[Dolos]

I remember reading your other thread and i think hes playing a game with you, though i don't know enough about the situation to wager a guess at what hes trying to do. Telling you that "youre incompatible" with him, bringing up another girl when hes with you, never calling you to initiate sex. Of course he could have just as easily been telling the truth at the beginning, like to bring up things at inappropriate times, and have a much lower sex drive than you, but i tend to assume people are being devious because im generally devious myself.

[Angel1111]

Yes, yes... every time I initiate contact I feel like I just stooped another level.

 

Then go with your feelings and stop doing things that make you feel like you're selling yourself out. This would make me feel so low. Why do you feel the need to have sex to the point that you lower yourself to this level. Have you ever considered self-control?

[xpaperxcutx]

I remember reading your other thread and i think hes playing a game with you, though i don't know enough about the situation to wager a guess at what hes trying to do. Telling you that "youre incompatible" with him, bringing up another girl when hes with you, never calling you to initiate sex. Of course he could have just as easily been telling the truth at the beginning, like to bring up things at inappropriate times, and have a much lower sex drive than you, but i tend to assume people are being devious because im generally devious myself.

 

I don't know about any game playing ( since it's obvious that I don't really want anything from him except sex) but I agree that he may have a lower sex drive than me.

 

I've done things he's never done before, and he doesn't really flirt ( at all). The only thing that really turns him on is eating and I've seen him eat. Could food be lowering his sex drive? He's not fat by any standards, he's pretty tall and his size and weight is proportional. But he eats endlessly and I'm afraid he's going to get chubby in two years time.

[xpaperxcutx]

Then go with your feelings and stop doing things that make you feel like you're selling yourself out. This would make me feel so low. Why do you feel the need to have sex to the point that you lower yourself to this level. Have you ever considered self-control?

 

But I'm not selling myself out. I just don't like initiating all that much ( it really does feel like a power play).

 

The only reason I even like this FWB is because I can fullfill my needs without the need to worry about a relationship. There's no pressure and I'm actually quite happy.

[Angel1111]

But I'm not selling myself out. I just don't like initiating all that much ( it really does feel like a power play).

 

And how is this not selling yourself out?

 

Yeah, I get the thing about being with someone where you don't have to worry about a relationship but these things always become a relationship in one way or another. You see? You're already starting to feel like some kind of game or power play is going on. I have a theory that there really is no such thing as casual sex. And by that I mean that we'd all like to think that we can just have friendly sex with somone over and over again and that it wil never become more than that. Maybe this happens in very rare cases but for the most part, it just doesn't work that way.

[Art_Critic]

This is just a guess but maybe he knows you will call so he doesn't have to..

 

Another option might be that he is guaranteed sex if you call but if he calls he may be turned down so he only wants the "for sure thing" and won't risk being turned down.

 

He also might be having sex with another FWB so it isn't like he is craving it so bad but he takes it if it falls in his lap so to speak

 

My 3 guesses

[xpaperxcutx]

This is just a guess but maybe he knows you will call so he doesn't have to..

 

Another option might be that he is guaranteed sex if you call but if he calls he may be turned down so he only wants the "for sure thing" and won't risk being turned down.

 

He also might be having sex with another FWB so it isn't like he is craving it so bad but he takes it if it falls in his lap so to speak

 

My 3 guesses

 

 

The first and second ones are plausible, since I always jump at the chance of dragging him into his bedroom when we're alone...

 

The third... the only sex aside from me is food. He'll food f u c k his baklavas if he can...

[xpaperxcutx]

And how is this not selling yourself out?

 

Yeah, I get the thing about being with someone where you don't have to worry about a relationship but these things always become a relationship in one way or another. You see? You're already starting to feel like some kind of game or power play is going on. I have a theory that there really is no such thing as casual sex. And by that I mean that we'd all like to think that we can just have friendly sex with somone over and over again and that it wil never become more than that. Maybe this happens in very rare cases but for the most part, it just doesn't work that way.

 

You're very right, that there is no such thing as casual sex. But we both made a pact that if one of us fall in love, we will stop seeing each other. Or if one of us get into another relationship, we stop what we're doing.

 

It's not foolproof, but at least we'd set the ground rules.

[Mel001]

This is just a guess but maybe he knows you will call so he doesn't have to..

 

Another option might be that he is guaranteed sex if you call but if he calls he may be turned down so he only wants the "for sure thing" and won't risk being turned down.

 

He also might be having sex with another FWB so it isn't like he is craving it so bad but he takes it if it falls in his lap so to speak

 

My 3 guesses

 

I totally agree. I am currently in such a relationship but itäs exactly the opposite. I almsot never initiate contact, because I know he will. Also, it is guarantedd sex if he calls, but if I do then he's playing hard to get. So I prefer letting him initiate contact.

Also, I was having sex with another FWB at the same time so it wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't have sex with him. So, there it goes!

[Crow9726]

Maybe I'm mistaken...but wasn't it about a year ago when you were complaining about being a FWB with the artist guy...and decided that you couldn't do such a thing without getting emotionally involved...and swearing off casual sex?

 

It seems you did a complete 180.

 

I have since read about you trolling Craigslist for a bisexual/lesbian female lover...and now this...

 

Maybe I need to step away from LS...reading all these stories and changes in points of view and perceptions is making my old head dizzy...

 

But since I have always needed the emotional connection to make sex the most satisfying and gratifying...I view it as an event and not an act...I cannot understand younger people...or anyone for that matter...who spread their legs or unzip on a whim.

 

Guess my age/upbringing are showing...oops...

[citygal1]

If one person is making all / most of the contact, then the other person simply may have less interest in maintaining the relationship. Whether it is a FWB or a LTR.

[mishy]

I think you have feelings for him.

[xpaperxcutx]

Maybe I'm mistaken...but wasn't it about a year ago when you were complaining about being a FWB with the artist guy...and decided that you couldn't do such a thing without getting emotionally involved...and swearing off casual sex?

 

It seems you did a complete 180.

 

I have since read about you trolling Craigslist for a bisexual/lesbian female lover...and now this...

 

Maybe I need to step away from LS...reading all these stories and changes in points of view and perceptions is making my old head dizzy...

 

But since I have always needed the emotional connection to make sex the most satisfying and gratifying...I view it as an event and not an act...I cannot understand younger people...or anyone for that matter...who spread their legs or unzip on a whim.

 

Guess my age/upbringing are showing...oops...

With Artist, it was well over half a year ago, and I did enter the whole thing expecting more. I guess there as a difference.

 

I wasn't trolling on Craigslist, but I did went on a few dates with a few girls and there were no chemistry.

 

 

I'd swore off sex for half the year. I think I'm entitled to getting some?

[xpaperxcutx]

I think you have feelings for him.

 

I think I'm slightly infatuated.

 

But that's besides the point. If I have to, I can just end it and find someone who actually doesn't mind having sex from time to time.

[xpaperxcutx]

I totally agree. I am currently in such a relationship but itäs exactly the opposite. I almsot never initiate contact, because I know he will. Also, it is guarantedd sex if he calls, but if I do then he's playing hard to get. So I prefer letting him initiate contact.

Also, I was having sex with another FWB at the same time so it wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't have sex with him. So, there it goes!

But I'm not willing to put myself in a position to sleep with 2 people at once. Even I know that's risky.

 

I know I need to back off on the contact, and I'm mostly busy during the week to bother. During the weekend, I only contact him because I haven't made plans or my friends back out on me. So you see, my FWB is basically my backup plan.

[boogieboy]

Stop calling him and see what happens. Youve dissolusioned yourself into thinkng that he isnt having sex with another girl. But THATS why he isnt calling you. He doesnt need you for sex, but you are an extra bonus for the ego when you call.

 

Id be willing to bet that he never calls you if you stop calling him.

[paddington bear]

I think I know where you're at. I went through this with my lover (I won't call him a FWB because he insists on telling me he loves me, while behaving like a FWB).

 

Anyway, a couple of months ago I was getting my knickers in a twist over the fact that he hadn't called, then after a week he'd call and then the gaps between contact were getting longer and longer. So, in between I'd call and say hi and then think 'right...it's his turn, I need not feel guilty' and then days and days would guy by and I'd just be thinking 'ok, so I'm not hearing from him ever again' and come to terms with that, and then he'd spring from nowhere again.

 

Around this time I wondered if I was falling for him or not because I was feeling, like you, somewhat put-out about his obvious lack of motivation or interest in seeing me, even if that meant guaranteed sex for him at the end of it.

 

But it's down to your ego, in a FWB situation, you still want to be desired on some level and I got all "well, if I haven't got a proper boyfriend and my FWB isn't that bothered either, what's the damn point? The whole point is to feel desired and have some sex, not to feel as unwanted as I did when I was single with no dates whatsoever and anything with potential turning to crap!".

 

And it annoyed me that even a compromise on my part to take on a lover when I do want to meet someone and fall in love, still leads to me feeling undesireable, when it was supposed to do the opposite.

 

In any case, it's gone on much like this for months now. And I've realised that it is what it is. Every now and then I've not heard my phone and the next day I'll get a panicked phonecall from him saying that I didn't answer and that he thought that I didn't like him any more...so I don't know what he's playing at really...

 

I've gotten over the ego-blow of his lack of interest - and that's what it is, an ego-blow, not that you are in love, not that you want to have his children and marry him, but you want to be desired as a woman.

 

I say just stop calling. You may never hear from him again and that might be just as well, because if your FWB can't muster up the enthusiasm for sex with you, might as well find yourself a new buddy who is.

[stillafool]

This is ridiculous. How is it that I'm always the one that ends up contacting him for sex? He never contacts me. Even when I try to slightly " will" the phone to ring, I always end up being the one texting him about meeting up.

 

Seriously, what's the whole point of being FWB if he doesn't want to get any?[/QUOTE]

 

 

Oh, you can believe he is definitely "getting some". When you are a FWB and he isn't calling it is because he has put you on the low end of the FWB pole. I don't mean to hurt you but people know when you are in a FWB relationship you can't expect anything but sex when it is conveinient for both partners. The other problem with falling into this type of relationship is you might just get used for sex while the guy is looking for someone he wants to get serious with. He will have sex with you while waiting with her for something more meaningful. He may figure if you are FWB with him you may be with others as well.

 

My advice is to not get in a FWB relationship unless you don't give a f--k about the person because if you do you will get hurt.

[xpaperxcutx]

I think I know where you're at. I went through this with my lover (I won't call him a FWB because he insists on telling me he loves me, while behaving like a FWB).

 

Anyway, a couple of months ago I was getting my knickers in a twist over the fact that he hadn't called, then after a week he'd call and then the gaps between contact were getting longer and longer. So, in between I'd call and say hi and then think 'right...it's his turn, I need not feel guilty' and then days and days would guy by and I'd just be thinking 'ok, so I'm not hearing from him ever again' and come to terms with that, and then he'd spring from nowhere again.

 

Around this time I wondered if I was falling for him or not because I was feeling, like you, somewhat put-out about his obvious lack of motivation or interest in seeing me, even if that meant guaranteed sex for him at the end of it.

 

But it's down to your ego, in a FWB situation, you still want to be desired on some level and I got all "well, if I haven't got a proper boyfriend and my FWB isn't that bothered either, what's the damn point? The whole point is to feel desired and have some sex, not to feel as unwanted as I did when I was single with no dates whatsoever and anything with potential turning to crap!".

 

And it annoyed me that even a compromise on my part to take on a lover when I do want to meet someone and fall in love, still leads to me feeling undesireable, when it was supposed to do the opposite.

 

In any case, it's gone on much like this for months now. And I've realised that it is what it is. Every now and then I've not heard my phone and the next day I'll get a panicked phonecall from him saying that I didn't answer and that he thought that I didn't like him any more...so I don't know what he's playing at really...

 

I've gotten over the ego-blow of his lack of interest - and that's what it is, an ego-blow, not that you are in love, not that you want to have his children and marry him, but you want to be desired as a woman.

 

I say just stop calling. You may never hear from him again and that might be just as well, because if your FWB can't muster up the enthusiasm for sex with you, might as well find yourself a new buddy who is.

 

P_B, you've hit a lot of points. I'd a talk with my best friends and she said the same things. What was the point of contacting if his unenthusiasm is such a turn off?

 

You are right that I'm not in love with him, but it does always feel good to know at least in bed, I'm still desirable.

 

And that was all it was. I didn't expect him to treat me like anything special, especially like one of his friends ( because he had done this). He knows what I wanted, I was blunt, straightforward and no game playing. Unfortunately he couldn't respect me on this point. I did contact him over the weekend about meeting up, but he keeps evading the question and goes cold after a text or two.

 

That was that. I can't play hide and seek with this guy because I don't want to chase a FWB.

[xpaperxcutx]

This is ridiculous. How is it that I'm always the one that ends up contacting him for sex? He never contacts me. Even when I try to slightly " will" the phone to ring, I always end up being the one texting him about meeting up.

 

Seriously, what's the whole point of being FWB if he doesn't want to get any?[/QUOTE]

 

 

Oh, you can believe he is definitely "getting some". When you are a FWB and he isn't calling it is because he has put you on the low end of the FWB pole. I don't mean to hurt you but people know when you are in a FWB relationship you can't expect anything but sex when it is conveinient for both partners. The other problem with falling into this type of relationship is you might just get used for sex while the guy is looking for someone he wants to get serious with. He will have sex with you while waiting with her for something more meaningful. He may figure if you are FWB with him you may be with others as well.

 

My advice is to not get in a FWB relationship unless you don't give a f--k about the person because if you do you will get hurt.

 

Even if I don't know him all that well, he hasn't set off any alarm in my end about sleeping with other girls. I know this because I've been to his place and met his roommate ( who I've gotten to know on a personal level) and from what I can tell, he has a typical bachelor pad.

 

And he would tell me if he's seeing someone else- he was clear on this point as was I when I told him that I just wanted to sleep around without the complications of a relationship.

 

I really don't give an f--k, except when people starts wasting my time.