Tears.

[mishy]

so it is my fault isnt it?

[SadandConfusedWA]

The thing is, even if he liked you at the start, by allowing him to treat you like c#ap repeatedly and agreeing to all his conditions and still having sex with him anytime he wants - made him lose all respect for you.

 

You keep pushing for "more" even now. This guy is not going to give you more EVER. At this stage he is probably losing interest in hook up sex too.

 

There is absolutely nothing to salvage here. Let it go, let it go...

 

BTW people are not replying to you because you refuse to listen to anyone on here and are still asking yourself the wrong questions like "is it my fault that I want more?". No, it's not your fault for wanting more. But yes, it's your fault for staying in this situation as long as you did.

 

As a sidenote, you seem to be taking a completly passive, doormaty role in this. I do not know if it's your normal pattern in relationships but it's bad news. For example: you made a suggestion to meet up/hook up outside. He agreed. Then you asked him: "where do you want to meet?". Wrong! If you make a suggestion like this then follow through with a concrete plan like let's meet at place X at time Y. Do not let him make ALL the decisions, this is not attractive. BTW don't take this the wrong way - it's WAY too late with this guy and nothing you can do will help - I am just telling you for the future relationships.

[mishy]

The thing is, even if he liked you at the start, by allowing him to treat you like c#ap repeatedly and agreeing to all his conditions and still having sex with him anytime he wants - made him lose all respect for you.

 

You keep pushing for "more" even now. This guy is not going to give you more EVER. At this stage he is probably losing interest in hook up sex too.

 

There is absolutely nothing to salvage here. Let it go, let it go...

 

BTW people are not replying to you because you refuse to listen to anyone on here and are still asking yourself the wrong questions like "is it my fault that I want more?". No, it's not your fault for wanting more. But yes, it's your fault for staying in this situation as long as you did.

 

As a sidenote, you seem to be taking a completly passive, doormaty role in this. I do not know if it's your normal pattern in relationships but it's bad news. For example: you made a suggestion to meet up/hook up outside. He agreed. Then you asked him: "where do you want to meet?". Wrong! If you make a suggestion like this then follow through with a concrete plan like let's meet at place X at time Y. Do not let him make ALL the decisions, this is not attractive. BTW don't take this the wrong way - it's WAY too late with this guy and nothing you can do will help - I am just telling you for the future relationships.

 

Well i am listening, I am absorbing.

 

As for future relationships- no i am done with men. I am completely over it. I am sick and tired of it

 

There is no way i would ever let him come here for sex again, absolutely no way. Its over.

 

As soon as i retreat though he seems to contact me again, i just have to not respond to any emails he sends

 

I know how screwed up this is- i have no idea how i let it go this far, i just met him at a difficult time in my life (parents died and lost some friends) so in one way i understand it, I just hate the person i have been in this *thing* with him. Its liek its not even me.

 

I am not a doormaty type of person, I am just a doormat with him

 

He has got me so "trained" that it honestly is difficult for me to see how bad he is.

[xpaperxcutx]

You're going to have to break away slowly, but completely. Especially after being with him for 2 years, it's going to take some time for you to adjust not " being with" him. Go out and meet new people. Make new friends.

 

Choose your friends wisely.

[whichwayisup]

Mishy, do yourself a huge favour. Block his email address! Or close your email account, and open another one so he won't be able to contact you.

 

He has a hold over you, it's time to break that spell! It'll hurt and take time to get over him, but you will be OK.

 

Don't write off ALL men because of this. There are millions of great guys out there!

[skydiveaddict]

That's the whole problem with the fwb/sex buddy thing. sooner or later you're going start having feelings/emotions develop. You cannot stop it.

I avoid the fwb thing like the plague for just that reason

[mishy]

I just cannot get my head around his way of thinking.

 

HOW is it asking 'more' just to meet somewhere other than my house?

 

In two years we have not been ANYWHERE but my house. I havent even set foot outside my front gate with him.

 

When i emailed on friday abiut going somewhere he agreed, but by the time i saw his email the next day and replied he must have had time to think about it and ive heard nothing since.

 

is it because i allowed him to give me nothing for so long that to him 'going somewhere' (even for sex this is) is asking too much??

 

whenever he freaks out like this , the pattern goes like this:

 

he freaks out

i go chasing emailing texting begging

we discuss it and i agree back to his conditions

he comes back a couple of weeks later like nothing happened

 

 

The difference now is that i absolutely cannot allow this man to come to my house for sex anymore. When he was emailing at the start of last week telling me when he was available, i didnt reply for a couple of days, and its because i knew i just cant do it anymore. Then when i did email him back thats when i suggested going somewhere

 

I havent actually slept with him since october, and it stopped then because i asked him to a movie, and he flipped out and told me it was over.

 

He didnt come and see me for 3 months, and stupid me spent 3 months convincing him, and he finally came a couple of weeks ago.

[mishy]

Mishy, do yourself a huge favour. Block his email address! Or close your email account, and open another one so he won't be able to contact you.

 

He has a hold over you, it's time to break that spell! It'll hurt and take time to get over him, but you will be OK.

 

Don't write off ALL men because of this. There are millions of great guys out there!

 

 

I cant close my email because its my work one. I can block him though

[txsilkysmoothe]

:(can someone please tell me how to get out of this. Is it me??? is it me who's wrong?? AM i asking too much?

 

Yes, it is you that is wrong and yes, you are asking too much from your FB. You need someone to be blunt with you, so here goes -

 

He told you from the beginning what he wanted and he has been consistent for two years. He wants to f**k you. That's it, that's all. It's cheaper than getting a prostitute and easier than picking up a woman in a bar. Make no mistake - this man doesn't even like you. He doesn't give a **** about you, he doesn't want to know you, date you, care for you, talk to you. If he could f**k you without being in the same room, he would!

 

Wake the hell up! You have been foolish and naive to think it would evolve into anything more. How dare you allow someone to treat you like a piece of s**t. Shame on you!

 

To get out of it, don't EVER contact him again. Delete his email address and every single email you have to or from him.

 

Read the following:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/

 

I am more angry about how this pathetic sob has treated you than YOU are! Doesn't that seem odd to you? Don't ever allow anyone to treat you poorly.

[mishy]

Yes, it is you that is wrong and yes, you are asking too much from your FB. You need someone to be blunt with you, so here goes -

 

He told you from the beginning what he wanted and he has been consistent for two years. He wants to f**k you. That's it, that's all. It's cheaper than getting a prostitute and easier than picking up a woman in a bar. Make no mistake - this man doesn't even like you. He doesn't give a **** about you, he doesn't want to know you, date you, care for you, talk to you. If he could f**k you without being in the same room, he would!

 

Wake the hell up! You have been foolish and naive to think it would evolve into anything more. How dare you allow someone to treat you like a piece of s**t. Shame on you!

 

To get out of it, don't EVER contact him again. Delete his email address and every single email you have to or from him.

 

Read the following:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/

 

I am more angry about how this pathetic sob has treated you than YOU are! Doesn't that seem odd to you? Don't ever allow anyone to treat you poorly.

 

well ouch..............

[txsilkysmoothe]

Ouch = hurt feelings! Don't be hurt. Get angry at me. Then realize why you are angry. Have I said anything that is NOT true? Be honest about this situation. Get angry at HIM. Anger will get you out of this heartbreaking situation.

 

Mishy, you deserve so much more. It's obvious that you have a great capacity to love. He doesn't see your worth, but you don't see it either. You need to start loving yourself and that means protecting your heart from this man.

 

Do you have friends, hobbies, things that keep you busy? I'm very sorry for what you are going through and I sincerely care. I find it frustrating, however, because YOU are the only one that can stop it and you refuse to do that.

[mishy]

Ouch = hurt feelings! Don't be hurt. Get angry at me. Then realize why you are angry. Have I said anything that is NOT true? Be honest about this situation. Get angry at HIM. Anger will get you out of this heartbreaking situation.

 

Mishy, you deserve so much more. It's obvious that you have a great capacity to love. He doesn't see your worth, but you don't see it either. You need to start loving yourself and that means protecting your heart from this man.

 

Do you have friends, hobbies, things that keep you busy? I'm very sorry for what you are going through and I sincerely care. I find it frustrating, however, because YOU are the only one that can stop it and you refuse to do that.

cant actually get angry at him, as that will look like caring

 

i am very angry though, he doesnt even know who i am.

[mishy]

to get over something i need to understand it

 

When he doesnt reply, ignores me as he is doing now, is this his way of keeping me engaged in his game?

[Hot Carl]

You don't need to understand it. That's just an excuse for obsessing.

 

All you need to understand is this relationship makes you feel miserable, and you will never get anything satisfying from it. If he wanted more, or even to treat you well, it wouldn't have to get so bad before he started showing it.

 

You need to figure out what your own boundaries are so that you can live within them and feel content. Until you do that, you'll just continue making excuses.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Yes, it is you that is wrong and yes, you are asking too much from your FB. You need someone to be blunt with you, so here goes -

 

He told you from the beginning what he wanted and he has been consistent for two years. He wants to f**k you. That's it, that's all. It's cheaper than getting a prostitute and easier than picking up a woman in a bar. Make no mistake - this man doesn't even like you. He doesn't give a **** about you, he doesn't want to know you, date you, care for you, talk to you. If he could f**k you without being in the same room, he would!

 

Wake the hell up! You have been foolish and naive to think it would evolve into anything more. How dare you allow someone to treat you like a piece of s**t. Shame on you!

 

To get out of it, don't EVER contact him again. Delete his email address and every single email you have to or from him.

 

Read the following:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/

 

I am more angry about how this pathetic sob has treated you than YOU are! Doesn't that seem odd to you? Don't ever allow anyone to treat you poorly.

 

Yes, I second this. It may sound mean, but mishy you need to get angry!!! I am also angry for you. Two years of this treatment? Please, please block his e-mail. This man views you as something to ejaculate into. Wake up!!! He doesn't even care enough to give you mixed signals.

 

Answer me this question: by contonuing this FWB what do you hope will happen? Do you hope that he will fall in love with you? He is not even your friend!! Do you enjoy sex with him so much? Is his d^ck made of 24k gold? WTF mishy! In the last two years how many happy moments has he given you? How many depresseing, soul destroying moments? To continue any relationship, be it lovers, friends, business associates, THE GOOD NEEDS TO OUTWEIGH THE BAD! Is the good outweighing the bad here? ARGHHHHH!

[txsilkysmoothe]

to get over something i need to understand it

 

When he doesnt reply, ignores me as he is doing now, is this his way of keeping me engaged in his game?

 

He isn't playing a game and he isn't ignoring you. He doesn't reply because he doesn't want to have sex with you right now. Honey, the only time he gives you any thought is when he wants to have sex. I imagine he has had numerous relationships during the last two years. He only calls you when he is between women.

 

I think it is a very good start that you haven't had sex with him since October. That's the beginning of breaking the connection. Please don't go back.

 

In life, we don't always get to "understand" a bad situation. We don't get an answer to "why?" We have to learn to just let it go. Otherwise, it will drive us crazy.

 

Anger means you "care" about yourself.

[WTRanger]

cant actually get angry at him, as that will look like caring

 

Well asking him to do things other than sex, shows that you care. Constantly being buried by your emotions shows that you care. Feeling crushed when he doesn't respond shows that you care. Posting on the internet for advice from random strangers shows that you care.

 

So admit it. You care about him. Then get royally pissed off at him. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Make that a reality. Then ditch this loser out of your life and find a man that is right for you. You will be floored at what it is like to be treated as you are supposed to be treated by a man who cares about you.

[mishy]

Well asking him to do things other than sex, shows that you care. Constantly being buried by your emotions shows that you care. Feeling crushed when he doesn't respond shows that you care. Posting on the internet for advice from random strangers shows that you care.

 

So admit it. You care about him. Then get royally pissed off at him. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Make that a reality. Then ditch this loser out of your life and find a man that is right for you. You will be floored at what it is like to be treated as you are supposed to be treated by a man who cares about you.

WELL I AM ANGRY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Angry like i havent been angry in a long time!!!:mad:

 

So last night i was on this dating site that i have been on for a while, and who popps up in the "take a look at so and so" window BUT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Looks like he joined in teh last couple of days, and his profile is very brief, and the options he has ticked indicates he is looking for casual sex ("relationship" is not ticked)

 

And man i am so f%$#@&ing angry. Sooooo angry!!!

 

I couldnt sleep and i cant even fathom why i have suddenly got so mad!! He is so freaked out that i ask after TWO FRICKIN YEARS to go outside that he joins a dating site ?? I know he would have had other reasons to join and its not all about me but i am so Fickin mad, I just dont know what to do

 

I definately wouldnt tell him i know, and sooner or later he will see my profile on there anyway

 

But i am so mad that he just refused to reply about Friday and i just want to say the most cutting thing to him, but nothing i think of even comes close to the anger i feel

 

Help!! what do i do!!!?????????????

Edited February 7, 2010 by mishy

[skydiveaddict]

But i am so mad that he just refused to reply about Friday and i just want to say the most cutting thing to him, but nothing i think of even comes close to the anger i feel

 

Help!! what do i do!!!?????????????

 

 

How 'bout telling him to "get lost, dont ever speak to me again. " Don't you get how unhealthy this whole situation is for you? Go find a guy who will actually love you and stop messing around with this weirdo

[mishy]

How 'bout telling him to "get lost, dont ever speak to me again. " Don't you get how unhealthy this whole situation is for you? Go find a guy who will actually love you and stop messing around with this weirdo

 

I'm torn between just never speaking or contacting again , to calling him and yelling my tits off at him.

 

I am just so f@#$king angry I was wondering when id be angry and here it is.

 

I dont know whether its better to say nothing or actually make the effort to call him. I hardly ever call him, only email really

[mishy]

lol I love how you call him a "weirdo"

 

just hearing that really helps me, thankyou

[Hot Carl]

I think there's a lot of ego in this for you. There would be for anyone. Getting rejected is hard enough, but to get rejected like this is quite a slap in the face. You probably thought he'd fall for you, but instead he's acting like you weren't anything at all to him.

 

I can imagine that's where the anger comes from. For a long time you turned it on yourself, trying to be what he wanted and do things his way. Now that your eyes have opened up, you're turning it on him. From what I can tell, he's exceptionally callous, and doesn't deserve any of the effort you invested.

 

Getting out of this situation is the best thing that can be done at this point.

[mishy]

I think there's a lot of ego in this for you. There would be for anyone. Getting rejected is hard enough, but to get rejected like this is quite a slap in the face. You probably thought he'd fall for you, but instead he's acting like you weren't anything at all to him.

 

I can imagine that's where the anger comes from. For a long time you turned it on yourself, trying to be what he wanted and do things his way. Now that your eyes have opened up, you're turning it on him. From what I can tell, he's exceptionally callous, and doesn't deserve any of the effort you invested.

 

Getting out of this situation is the best thing that can be done at this point.

 

 

Yes you are right about the ego thing. I mean last week, when he contacted me i didnt even reply for 3 days because I knew i didnt want to have him come over for sex anymore, its so sordid.

 

Is it better to just say nothing, and dont contact, or should i contact and yell and scream? or at least tell him what i really think?

 

He will definately be expecting me to call or email today asking him why he never replied on Friday., and also asking to set up another time this week

 

He will definately NOT be expecting me to disappear by my own choice. No way.

[mishy]

He will not be expecting to just never hear from me again.

[Hot Carl]

I think contacting someone who cares and will respond to try to make things better is always a good idea. I think contacting someone who doesn't care and won't offer any kind of satisfaction is most likely going to be a waste.

 

You have a life to live. You're letting him dominate your every thought and waste your time. You'll be better off just letting it go.

 

You have the opportunity, any time you want it, to sit back and realize that you already have gained something positive from all this. First you have to face the fact that he didn't let you down. You let yourself down, by going along for the ride and letting every term be dictated by him. Now you can feel a bit calmer knowing that you won't do that ever again.