InmanRoshi Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 I work for a lot of local charities in my neighborhood, and for one of the non-profits I work for invited me to the year-end, formal black-tie diner in which I was to be awarded a distinguished service blah, blah, blah, award. I've posted on this board serval times that I am extremely introverted and most likely clinically depressed. So, I didn't have a date, I'm not the type of guy who usually has dates, so I asked one of my platonic female friends if she would like to go with me. She happily agreed. Really, I've liked this girl for a long time, but I know she could do much better than me, and she likely knows it as well. She's often made off-hand jokes about how she wishes that I was "her type", which has pretty much indicated to me that she considers me nothing more than a platonic friend. Still, something inside of me had hoped that maybe she would view the date as something more than strictly platonic, even though I admittedly gave no indication that I wanted it to be. The night of the diner, I was a bundle of nerves. Every top anxiety producing event rolled into one evening ... a date with a girl I have a crush on, being recognized in front of a large crowd, and giving a speech in front of it ... AND having to wear an extremely hot and uncomfortable tuxedo, on top of that. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly putting forth the cool and collected vibes that night around my date. So as the evening went along, I noticed she was continually talking to another man. In fact, she was pretty much blatantly ignoring me throughout the evening, as she was obviously quite smitten with this other guy. So I just kind of sat by my lonesome, except for the occasional passerby who stopped by to greet me and wish me a congratulations. Suddenly, a rather attractive girl stopped by at my table and wanted to know about my volunteer work and how I started and so forth ...and we hit it off pretty well. Later in the evening, she asked me if I would like to step outside for her while she smoked, and I politely agreed. We stepped out onto the terrace, and she leaned in to kiss me. I was pretty shocked, as this kind of thing never happens to me, but just as "the moment" was happening, my platonic date strolled by and saw us. She was visibly upset and stormed off. She evidently took a cab home, as I didn't see her for the rest of the night, even though I looked for her for about an hour. She left a message on my answering machine saying that she couldn't believe that I was "that type of guy", and evidently she feels as though I wronged her somehow, but honestly, I don't know what I did that was so wrong. Did I cross a line? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 She ignores you and talks to some other guy all evening and then takes off because you were with somebody else? Then she calls and accuses you of being some sort of 'type of guy' without finding out what happened? She doesn't sound like much of a deal to me. I hope you got the other gal's number. Link to post Share on other sites
InmanRoshi Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 I felt her (re)actions was rather unjustified and baseless, but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing something completely obvious to others. I tend to be rather oblivious and obtuse to matters of the heart, even my own (scratch that ... especially my own). I guess I just need to find a way to talk to her about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 I think she is acting like a spoilt brat. You didn't miss anything but the fact that she ignored you all night and then got ****ty at you for someone else kissing you. She isn't worth it from what you have told us Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 Like moimeme said, the most important thing is whether or not you got the new chick's phone number. Don't ever let a woman who isn't at least your steady girlfriend guilt you into playing around with another woman. Some women are sooooo good at the manipulation game, I tell ya. Now, about your "friend". Seems to me that your girl was possibly sending you some signals here and there. When she made that comment about "wishing you were her type", she could have meant any number of things by that, but the way I see it, this could have been her way of saying "make a move, dude." I think she probably had a read on you (as most women do about us clueless guys), and she figured you didn't have the courage to ask her out without some kinda hint, so she dropped one in your lap. About the date, her going off and talking with other guys was a bad move on her part. Any chick with class (even if it was just platonic) knows this is absolutely not cool, and it makes you lose face. Maybe she was hoping for some kind of reaction, or maybe she was just playing around and figured you'd be too passive to do anything. Who knows? Who cares? I was once dating a girl who invited me over to her friend's dinner party, and she then proceeded to start chatting up a storm with this other guy she knew, basically doing the same thing to me as she did to you - right in front of some friends I had invited over no less. After a few days of confusion, it finally dawned on me (as it should on you): that's just plain bullsh*t. Any woman who'd do that to a man ain't worth another date, that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 I think your friend’s behavior was both rude and thoughtless. Perhaps she wasn’t even aware she had left you in a rather awkward position until the tables were turned and the shoe was suddenly on the other foot. Unfortunately, she lacked the etiquette to handle the situation as gracefully as you did. I don’t think her reaction had as much to do with jealousy as it did with her ego. She probably felt as uncomfortable as you did and just didn’t like it. It speaks volumes about her character (or lack thereof) and let’s just hope she learned a lesson from it. Meanwhile, I wouldn’t let her lay any guilt trips on you. Remind her that the whole incident would have never happened if she hadn’t abandoned you. Not even a good friend, or male buddy, would have left the man of the hour standing in a corner all by himself if they had been fortunate enough to be invited. You’re a good man, Inman, and I’m glad fate stepped in and helped you out with this situation. Perhaps all your good deeds are coming back to you. And I also hope you got that other lady’s number! Let the fair-weather-friends fall by the wayside, cause someone’s got BETTER plans in store for you! Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 Wow you are soooo nice! I'm not nice as you because I am so glad that your date saw that chick kiss you!! That may be wrong of me but I'm like "Hooray for the good guy!" I wouldn't be surprised if "jealous chick" may decide to come after you since she saw this happen....women are strange creatures....I should know! Whatever you do as others have stated and if you are interested, find "kissing chick" and go out with her!!! Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 pffft...HAHAHA she got jealous and you know it!! score one for you its a good thing that she got jealous...its beneficial for us guys. for an introverted guy like you, good job! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 Did I cross a line? Yeah...you crossed a line into being highly desirable to two women! Enjoy it and ride it for what it's worth! And of course I agree with the others...the lady you invited clearly has a double standard about what a "platonic date" involves. As always, amerikajin has it right: unless you and your date have an understanding about exclusivity, you owe her courteous attentions only, no more. If you want to talk to other people, just be discreet and considerate of your date - which you WERE and unfortunately your invited friend WASN'T. Link to post Share on other sites
InmanRoshi Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 I met up with my platonic friend last night at a New Year's Party, as we share the same circle of friends. She apologized to me and admited she was rude. She said she was upset because even though she doesn't want anything serious right now, and she kind of looks upon me as a brother-type, she has me pegged as her "future husband" and a guy she would like to settle down with when she's ready for that phase of her life. She said she felt like she saw a woman kissing her husband, even though she knows she doesn't have the right to entitlement. I told her that I initially wanted for the date to be not-so platonic, but I needed a date for the event, first and foremost, and I didn't want to make the situation uncomfortable. Basically, she pictures me as her future husband and the father of her children, but right now dinner and a movie would be make her feel a little creepy. I know ... doesn't make much sense. Its amazing what a few New Year's cocktails will do. Its like truth serum. Although, the "truth serum" was probably a big ingredient to her outburst at the charity event. Thanks for all your input. Sometimes I'm in a foreign land and I don't speak the language. I find myself needing a translater. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 Thanks for all your input. Sometimes I'm in a foreign land and I don't speak the language. I find myself needing a translater. Basically, she pictures me as her future husband and the father of her children, but right now dinner and a movie would be make her feel a little creepy. I know ... doesn't make much sense. You aren't in a foreign land needing a translator, you're in a looney bin needing to call a shrink for one of the inmates! She figures you'll marry her but she would feel 'creepy' dating you??????? Link to post Share on other sites
ally507 Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 This platonic friend sounds like a manipulator. She doesn't want you, but does not want anyone else to have you either. I suspect that she has some serious problems with no sense of who she is and insecurity. Stringing guys along eases that for her. No one has the right to stake her claim on you now for their future plans, that is selfish and juvenile. I'm like everyone else, hook up with the new gal and see where it takes you. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
InmanRoshi Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 I don't disagree with any of your opinions. Its par for the course, and its uncanny how I attract maniplative women. I was born to one, afterall. I might as well have a sign over my head with the words "PREY" flashing in neon lights. I could be in a room with 100 normal women, and the one bad apple would be the one who would notice me right away. The girl I met at the event was kind of acting one-night-standish that night. She was hot and cold. I couldn't get a read on her. I asked her for her number, but she said she's going to be out of town so she'll be hard to reach. Then she asked me for my number before she left, but she hasn't called. That was about 2 weeks ago. I'm of the opinion, at least right now, that I'm not in a position to date anyone at the moment. I'm trying to battle depression, and it wasn't but about a month ago that I locked myself into my appartment every possible chance and took the phone off the hook. Link to post Share on other sites
ally507 Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 Hi, I have had my own experience with depression so I can understand where you are. You sound ahead of the game though, you know what you are ready to take on and what you are not. Atleast let the girl you met at the awards ceremony serve to show that you are attractive and the world will be waiting on you when you are ready and have yourself where you want and need to be. Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
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