Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 That's not a real relationship. Don't you see that? Don't you want the real man? Faults and all not the perfect personna he puts on. I see his flaws... they are a part of him that I love.. I love the whole man, just as he loves the whole me, that is why when we are together we are always happy, smiling, laughing and loving, because with each other, we can be exactly who we are, flaws and all, and still know that we are loved unconditionally. You can't ask for a better emotional connection than that. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I see his flaws... they are a part of him that I love.. I love the whole man, just as he loves the whole me, that is why when we are together we are always happy, smiling, laughing and loving, because with each other, we can be exactly who we are, flaws and all, and still know that we are loved unconditionally. You can't ask for a better emotional connection than that. You don't even know the whole man. The whole man has a whole other life that doesn't include you. I wish you could see that. Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 So, is this the guy you met on AFF?? A MARRIED man on AFF you are going to see? What do you think he has been doing for sex since you saw him this summer? Link to post Share on other sites
Author oxfordsocks Posted January 25, 2010 Author Share Posted January 25, 2010 Well I told my husband as we were saying goodnight--i asked him if he would rather hear bad news sooner or later. He said sooner.... We sat on our bedroom floor and talked about all the plans --he said that he is so glad that i tried not to hide it-and he knew about the last visit MM and I had so he said it doesn't really feel any different. He said that he wants a number to contact me-but said he would not intrude at all but only for emergencies. He said "wow you really love this guy don't you!!" He asked me if i thought he was going to freak and i said i wasn't sure. He said when i get back we will still work on the house but take our tiime to get optimal price (so he doesn't want to kick me to the curb) I know he is a really good guy--I wish i could love him like the love i feel for my MM--but it never has been like that . Whether it works out with married man or not me and my husband both deserve more in partners. He was a little shocked that i was leaving Friday but said not to worry about anything and asked how much money I needed to take with me. I am laying here in bed wondering what he is doing downstairs in his bed I am not happy or relieved but sad that life didn''t work out the way i thought it would with him. I am not a bad person and neither is he. We agreed to keep my destination private for all family members -our immediate and extended. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Well I told my husband as we were saying goodnight--i asked him if he would rather hear bad news sooner or later. He said sooner.... We sat on our bedroom floor and talked about all the plans --he said that he is so glad that i tried not to hide it-and he knew about the last visit MM and I had so he said it doesn't really feel any different. He said that he wants a number to contact me-but said he would not intrude at all but only for emergencies. He said "wow you really love this guy don't you!!" He asked me if i thought he was going to freak and i said i wasn't sure. He said when i get back we will still work on the house but take our tiime to get optimal price (so he doesn't want to kick me to the curb) I know he is a really good guy--I wish i could love him like the love i feel for my MM--but it never has been like that . Whether it works out with married man or not me and my husband both deserve more in partners. He was a little shocked that i was leaving Friday but said not to worry about anything and asked how much money I needed to take with me. I am laying here in bed wondering what he is doing downstairs in his bed I am not happy or relieved but sad that life didn''t work out the way i thought it would with him. I am not a bad person and neither is he. We agreed to keep my destination private for all family members -our immediate and extended. I think it is wonderful that you and your husband can be so kind, loving and comapssionate with each other, knowing that each of you has faced the disappointment of your marriage not being what you had hoped for. In the long run, I believe the two of you will end up happier than you could have ever been as a couple. I know that makes you sad now, but when you see him truly happy in the future, your heart will be at peace. And your marriage has not been a failure, you and your husband had beautiful children, and are leaving the marriage as wonderful friends. If only all of us could be so fortunate. Good luck on your trip, I hope it is magical for you! Hugs to you oxford, and kisses for that sweet H of yours.. please pass them to him for me! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Since you're a coward and cannot leave your husband, I HOPE your husband growns a spine and leaves you. It's low and sick that you would sleep with a man and ask him to share your bed while you're planning a trip to have sex with some other guy. I would give this advice to a women who's H was doing this to her as well. I'm shocked at how the women in here are being so coddling about this. If she were a women coming on here saying her H was doing this, you would be telling her to leave his sorry butt! Women always whine about double standards, well women, you create most of them Tell you husband you're off to meet your married cheater and grow some self respect and self love and leave your poor husabnd so he can have a life too ugh! Bravo. Now do you understand why men like myself feel the way we do? If more women thought like you maybe we would not be so bitter. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 OMG are you kidding? Where is the deception? She purchased plane tickets to another country ahead of time with planning and forethought as she asks her husband what he wants to do about the marriage. Then she hires house cleaners and whatnot to make it easier for the kids. She is planning on leavining without saying goodbye to her children or her husband. OMG and you ask where the deception is? This is CRUEL. Tell your husband so he can make plans for while you are gone and tell your kids. Don't lie to your children. They are going to have a hard enough time with this. I do not know if it is cruel. It depends if the husband is suffering, if he is accepting of it and has emotionally moved on...where's the cruelty? No, there is no deception...the fact that she planned for the trip is not deception...her husband KNOWS about the ongoing affair, she was just trying to tread carefully in letting her husband know....the kids are a different story...OP actually needs to have the husband's input in that....and I believe she did. Some of us here are projecting our own experiences and wishing people ill...it is disgusting. Look, not all people would crash and burn after a partner's betrayal ...obviously, OP and her husband are more progressive in their thinking. Why can't we all heave a sigh of relief that, at least, OP's husband is not drowning his sorrow in a bottle of scotch. Link to post Share on other sites
Passion4Life Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Well I told my husband as we were saying goodnight--i asked him if he would rather hear bad news sooner or later. He said sooner.... We sat on our bedroom floor and talked about all the plans --he said that he is so glad that i tried not to hide it-and he knew about the last visit MM and I had so he said it doesn't really feel any different. He said that he wants a number to contact me-but said he would not intrude at all but only for emergencies. He said "wow you really love this guy don't you!!" He asked me if i thought he was going to freak and i said i wasn't sure. He said when i get back we will still work on the house but take our tiime to get optimal price (so he doesn't want to kick me to the curb) I know he is a really good guy--I wish i could love him like the love i feel for my MM--but it never has been like that . Whether it works out with married man or not me and my husband both deserve more in partners. He was a little shocked that i was leaving Friday but said not to worry about anything and asked how much money I needed to take with me. I am laying here in bed wondering what he is doing downstairs in his bed I am not happy or relieved but sad that life didn''t work out the way i thought it would with him. I am not a bad person and neither is he. We agreed to keep my destination private for all family members -our immediate and extended. sad ? did u honestly want to work it out with ur husband ? when u say u r sad or not happy about this it sounds fake . the only person who might truly be sad about all this is only ur husband not u . Link to post Share on other sites
acac2323 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 OP meets a mm on AFF, and is off to see him again, and is in LOVE with him... lol...Now THAT sounds like it is a relationship that will grow into something special... I wish I could say I wish you the best...At least use protection... (wondering to myself) hmmm I wonder what the number of relationships that survive from meeting on AFF is... I would guess less than 10% (lets see, give up my family for a guy I met on AFF, and havent seen in a while) Makes perfect sense to me...I am quite sure he stopped using AFF when he met the OP... Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 oxfordsocks... IF your M is over then end it. File for D and move out. Look, the time between filing and actually getting the judge to sign off can be anywhere from weeks to years...you have plenty of time to straighten "the details" out. Speaking of, sit your H down and start dividing assets now. Once agreed, print off two copies and sign them so you can each present them to your respective lawyers. Then hammer out a custody agreement. Took us one weekend to do it all. Easy. After filing, in Texas, its perfectly FINE to move out. In fact, you can BEFORE hand as well with NO ILL AFFECT. Now you can be out of the M, you can begin to adjust your children to their new life (and they WILL, mine did) and you can focus on winning your overseas MM who you met on AFF. That bears repeating. Then you can focus on winning your MM who you met on AFF who lives overseas. <<shakes head>> You're making a mistake of herculean proportions. But you won't recognize it as such...nor will you hear this. I STRONGLY urge you to reconsider this... Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Wo falleangel you can not really believe that you are anything more then you MM's OW. Grow some confidence and realize that you are second in his life Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I think it is wonderful that you and your husband can be so kind, loving and comapssionate with each other, knowing that each of you has faced the disappointment of your marriage not being what you had hoped for. Wow. I am just floored by this statement. Praising the betrayed husband for being understanding about being cheated on since he wasn't up to par in the marriage. ??? Hugs to you oxford, and kisses for that sweet H of yours.. please pass them to him for me! And that there is any wonder why people say that the OP and married AP are in the "fog"? I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. And I probably will never get it. Such duplicity of thought and in deed. I can't wrap my head around this logic at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Wo falleangel you can not really believe that you are anything more then you MM's OW. Grow some confidence and realize that you are second in his life I am not second, no matter how many times you all try to convince me otherwise. It is me that he MAKES AN EFFORT to be with. It is me that he WANTS to be with. It is me that he goes out of his way to contact irregardless of what else is going on in his life that day. He doesn't turn off his phone when he is at his house with his W, leaving it on for me to contact him anytime I choose. But when he is in my home with me, he turns his phone off, so that our time is not interrupted. It is me he plans things with. It is me he makes time for. I am the one he makes effort to please. I don't call that being "second" in relation to his wife's position. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I am not second, no matter how many times you all try to convince me otherwise. It is me that he MAKES AN EFFORT to be with. It is me that he WANTS to be with. It is me that he goes out of his way to contact irregardless of what else is going on in his life that day. He doesn't turn off his phone when he is at his house with his W, leaving it on for me to contact him anytime I choose. But when he is in my home with me, he turns his phone off, so that our time is not interrupted. It is me he plans things with. It is me he makes time for. I am the one he makes effort to please. I don't call that being "second" in relation to his wife's position. *shrug* Fallen angel I am so sorry for you. Honestly I am. This man has you so brainwashed that you can not see anything clearly. You are convinced you are the chosen one. Why is he not with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Wow. I am just floored by this statement. Praising the betrayed husband for being understanding about being cheated on since he wasn't up to par in the marriage. ??? And that there is any wonder why people say that the OP and married AP are in the "fog"? I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. And I probably will never get it. Such duplicity of thought and in deed. I can't wrap my head around this logic at all. Wow, you are reading things i did not type.. i am sure I never once said that her H wasn't "up to par" in the marriage. Where do you get that? All I said was that they were both disappointed that the marriage was not what they had hoped for. You are twisting my words. Her H is sweet, he has been kind, and compassionate and understanding and a true friend to her. Again, what is hard to understand about that. Their marriage was obviously not working for either one of them. They both knew it, but they are FRIENDS. And yes, I will applaud him for having a truly loving FRIENDSHIP with the woman he married even though the romantic aspects did not work out the way they had both hoped. Perhaps you would understand it more if he had called her names, maybe beat her up a little?? I am the one who is confused.. it seems that you think he should hate her, for not being in love with him, when he clearly is not in love with her either. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Fallen angel remember saing this? you know the truth. Snap out of it for your sake. The most hurtful... "I love you, and you are worth so much more than I can give you." It is the most hurtful because it implies that if he could he would give me more, but the truth is, he can, he just chooses not to. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Fallen angel I am so sorry for you. Honestly I am. This man has you so brainwashed that you can not see anything clearly. You are convinced you are the chosen one. Why is he not with you? No need to feel sorry for me.. save your pity for someone who wants and/or needs it. I am happy being loved!! And as to why he is in his marriage that question has been beaten to death.. you have read my story in several threads.. it is just the antagonistic fall-back question.. lmao. you are starting to become so predictable. 1.)Pattern: OW is pitiful, sad, and feeling guilty... thread response: push her guilt buttons, tell her she is on the path to "seeing the light" about how truly horrible her MM is. 2.)Pattern: OW is content in her realtionship.... thread response: try to hurt her, try to convince her she is not loved by her MM, try to convince her MM is happy in his marriage and she is just sex on the side. 3.)Pattern: OW is thinking of breaking off relationship... thread response: Push NC at her until her ears want to bleed, and she is contemplating throwing herself off the nearest bridge, even if that is not the best thing for her at that time. 4.)Pattern: OW refuses to cave to peer pressure and say that her MM is an A$$clown thread response: attack, attack, attack and if that fails repeat pattern number 2. lmao.. sorry, but it doesn't work on me anymore. I have come to a place internal peace about my relationship. It may very well turn out not to be a forever relationship, but right now, today, he makes me happy, and he makes me feel loved, and valued, and special, and beautiful, and I intend to enjoy every minute of it!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Wow, you are reading things i did not type.. i am sure I never once said that her H wasn't "up to par" in the marriage. Where do you get that? All I said was that they were both disappointed that the marriage was not what they had hoped for. You are twisting my words. Her H is sweet, he has been kind, and compassionate and understanding and a true friend to her. Again, what is hard to understand about that. Their marriage was obviously not working for either one of them. They both knew it, but they are FRIENDS. And yes, I will applaud him for having a truly loving FRIENDSHIP with the woman he married even though the romantic aspects did not work out the way they had both hoped. Perhaps you would understand it more if he had called her names, maybe beat her up a little?? I am the one who is confused.. it seems that you think he should hate her, for not being in love with him, when he clearly is not in love with her either. No FA. You are misreading my post. I am insulted that you think that I would like it if he called her names. My post was not about HIM, it was about YOUR logic. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Fallen angel remember saing this? you know the truth. Snap out of it for your sake. I remember everything I have said. That is how I felt that day, today is a different day. I am taking my happiness from him, for MY SAKE. not for his sake.. it is a wholely selfish act on my part.. I am in my relationship with him because it makes me feel good. There is nothing to "snap" out of. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 No FA. You are misreading my post. I am insulted that you think that I would like it if he called her names. My post was not about HIM, it was about YOUR logic. Then please explain how my logic is flawed. I said he was sweet and kind, and compassionate and a true friend to her.. how is that flawed logic? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Then please explain how my logic is flawed. I said he was sweet and kind, and compassionate and a true friend to her.. how is that flawed logic? You are misreading my post. I see no point in explaining it to you, as you have already reached your own conclusion. Isn't that what you accuse others of frequently? I also notice you don't address the insult in your previous words of accusing me of wanting a violent exchange. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 You are misreading my post. I see no point in explaining it to you' date=' as you have already reached your own conclusion. Isn't that what you accuse others of frequently? I also notice you don't address the insult in your previous words of accusing me of wanting a violent exchange.[/quote'] You are right, I did not address that, if you took offence to that, I am sorry. I did not intend to accuse you of wanting that to happen, just that by what you wrote it seemed that you felt that would be a much more normal response from the BH. I find it refreshing that he is behaving in such a loving manner, as people who are friends should behave when the physical attempts at a relationship and even the intended romantic emotional relationship does not work as planned. They were good friends, that obviously were not meant to be a romantic couple, it happens, he is being very considerate in understanding and accepting that. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Wow. Tell us how you really feel, why dontcha?! I don't think this is what the OP was seeking. Are you somehow *related* to this story? It seems to have triggered you. Maybe if I pray hard enough...burn enough incense...sit in the right drum circles...sacrifice the right lamb...chant long into the night...invoke the spirits of the dead...mix the right elixirs... Then maybe...just maybe...I can help create a separate Hell for adulterers...so they can watch and experience the hurt and pain and humiliation they have caused others...and maybe they'll even recognize and regret what they have done to innocents and even themselves. Talk about a bunch of self righteous hypocrites... I had to follow my heart... I had to feel his/her body entwined with mine... Nobody ever made me feel like that before... I knew I shouldn't have spread my legs/unzipped my pants...but I couldn't help myself... Yada yada yada...blah blah blah... It's amazing how the human brain can help us justify any of our bad actions...horrendous decisions... Adulterers...love to claim how good they are as people...long term jobs...education...financial security...great parents...well liked in the community... Get a grip...your lack of character is showing for all of us to see... I have no use for them...they are people I refuse to associate with...and have weeded some out of my life once their transgressions became known and verifiable to me. Harsh on my point??? Don't think so. Even though I am spiritual as opposed to religious...most religions are based on simple tenets and beliefs...and I seem to recall that adultery is a horrendous sin no matter what God you pray to and worship. Unless...of course...these selfish people worship only at the altar they built in honor of themselves...which is evidently more true than even I had ever imagined. Yet people here and on other forums condone the act and actually encourage it...wearing it like a band of honor on their sleeves...advising each other how to lie and hide and manipulate... Self delusion being practiced right before our very eyes... Get divorced...leave your partner...then sleep with whoever you want to. Wait...that would mean that the guilty parties would have some modicum of self respect and class...which is clearly a pipe dream... My bad... Link to post Share on other sites
Crow9726 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 The OP has already resolved her dilemna to her own satisfaction... Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Wow. Tell us how you really feel' date=' why dontcha?![/quote'] LOL...NoIDidnt.. Are you somehow *related* to this story? It seems to have triggered you. I'll say! Link to post Share on other sites
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