EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Hey Erica, how are you? I'm still in Florida...my car started smoking even more today in new places! I might get to fly back again!!! Taking it to a local shop tomorrow to run some tests... Played some golf today in some crummy weather...just relaxing now...I'm better than I was last night, I guess...and I guess you were right about what you said...sorry I didn't get a chance to respond...I think I might have forgotten...but yea... How was your day...? Oh geez... I thought you flew to Florida to begin with? Was your car down there already? That really sucks though!!! I'm sorry to hear about that! Don't worry about forgetting to respond, I do that all the time by accident My day was alright... didn't have to end up going to the ER afterall!! Apparently i'm not only brilliant, but i'm a natural doctor Besides that though, i've been feeling really tired all day for some reason. All day yesterday too. My sleeping habits are soo off though, some nights i'll get 3 hours of sleep, and the next i'll get 10. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Have you ever considered or better yet do you practice mediation or at the very least, having a conscious mind--truly living in the moment? I've found the days I actively try to keep myself focused on what's going on around me, even if it's nothing, and refuse to let my mind wander I'm a lot happier. I know right now that if I miss my ex or get sad about the situation, it's because I'm causing it and allowing it to happen. I've been trying really hard to start living in the moment...it's the best approach to life, and I feel that I'm doing a great job...never tried meditation... I agree that it's very useful to keep active and focus your mind on whatever you're doing at that moment...but I sort of have daydreaming ADHD...? I guess I can be completely focused on something and still be able to think about other things...I dunno... Even when I'm walking on the golf course, I'll sing to myself along with the IPod...and it'll be songs that remind me of her...and so I'll end up thinking about her...it's terrible... Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Oh geez... I thought you flew to Florida to begin with? Was your car down there already? That really sucks though!!! I'm sorry to hear about that! Don't worry about forgetting to respond, I do that all the time by accident My day was alright... didn't have to end up going to the ER afterall!! Apparently i'm not only brilliant, but i'm a natural doctor Besides that though, i've been feeling really tired all day for some reason. All day yesterday too. My sleeping habits are soo off though, some nights i'll get 3 hours of sleep, and the next i'll get 10. Well, I drove down before Christmas for the cruise, then stayed there until about two weeks ago...planned on driving back, but car died, so I had to fly back and leave the car there...picked up the parts from home to fix the car, and fly back down this past weekend...and more things fell apart... Well that's good that you didn't have to go to the hospital for your mystery ailment... And yea, I know about your ridiculous sleep habits... Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Well, I drove down before Christmas for the cruise, then stayed there until about two weeks ago...planned on driving back, but car died, so I had to fly back and leave the car there...picked up the parts from home to fix the car, and fly back down this past weekend...and more things fell apart... Well that's good that you didn't have to go to the hospital for your mystery ailment... And yea, I know about your ridiculous sleep habits... Ah, what a mess! That sucks your car is acting up. Is it worth repairing or are you going to get a new one? Mystery ailment is never to be remembered again. It's one of those things that i'm going to make myself completely forget about until one day someone wants to embarass me and bring it up again. My friends are great Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Ah, what a mess! That sucks your car is acting up. Is it worth repairing or are you going to get a new one? Mystery ailment is never to be remembered again. It's one of those things that i'm going to make myself completely forget about until one day someone wants to embarass me and bring it up again. My friends are great Yea, it will be repaired regardless of cost...I've already sunk so much money into it that it will live once again... Hahah, that is awesome...I can only dream of the day when I learn of such ailment... I'm hoping to be back on Wednesday...whether it's by car is it's repairable in a day or by flying machine... So how's life...? Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Yea, it will be repaired regardless of cost...I've already sunk so much money into it that it will live once again... Hahah, that is awesome...I can only dream of the day when I learn of such ailment... I'm hoping to be back on Wednesday...whether it's by car is it's repairable in a day or by flying machine... So how's life...? I hate those flying machines, if it were up to me i'd never take one again! Life is alright at the moment. I go through phases where I don't allow myself to get stressed out about anything. The only downfall to that, though, is that I become apathetic towards the things that should make me really happy. Oh well, I guess that's the price I pay! Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I hate those flying machines, if it were up to me i'd never take one again! Life is alright at the moment. I go through phases where I don't allow myself to get stressed out about anything. The only downfall to that, though, is that I become apathetic towards the things that should make me really happy. Oh well, I guess that's the price I pay! This has been the number one problem in my life since the breakup... Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 This has been the number one problem in my life since the breakup... Have you tried to figure out why? Are you not happy when you go out with friends? Or is it that you think too much while you are out with friends (about your ex)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 Hey Erica, Hey Kelvin. K, how are you today... sorry I wasn't so supportive last night.. I was in a deep funk and really didn't want to whine to you guys ... and bring you down even more... I hope you're feeling better. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Hey Rob! Hope you're feeling better today too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 Let's first make sure Kelvin is ok... I've done enough whining... Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Have you tried to figure out why? Are you not happy when you go out with friends? Or is it that you think too much while you are out with friends (about your ex)? No, it's not that I'm not happy going out with friends or doing my own thing...I have a great time, and I'm happy that I get to see them when I can... But it's more of an apathy over things that should make me happy, as you said...life accomplishments...the things and people I have in my life...health and fitness...it's just all very eh, to me...not a big deal...so what...whatev's...and it's a terrible attitude to have...I remember that it pissed my ex off a lot when we first started dating...and I definitely worked to fix that attitude...but I feel it start to come back again...which I know means that I still need to work on myself, huh... Hey Erica, Hey Kelvin. K, how are you today... sorry I wasn't so supportive last night.. I was in a deep funk and really didn't want to whine to you guys ... and bring you down even more... Let's first make sure Kelvin is ok... I've done enough whining... Hey Rob...thanks for the support, as usual...yea, I'm doing alright...it was just a long weekend...was a little frustrated at certain things while I was out getting ridiculous at the pirate fest...but after looking back at it and thinking about what Erica and BJ said, it's not so bad, I guess...such is life... And don't worry about last night, we all have our days in the sh*tter... How was the rest of your weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 No, it's not that I'm not happy going out with friends or doing my own thing...I have a great time, and I'm happy that I get to see them when I can... But it's more of an apathy over things that should make me happy, as you said...life accomplishments...the things and people I have in my life...health and fitness...it's just all very eh, to me...not a big deal...so what...whatev's...and it's a terrible attitude to have...I remember that it pissed my ex off a lot when we first started dating...and I definitely worked to fix that attitude...but I feel it start to come back again...which I know means that I still need to work on myself, huh... There's nothing wrong with needing to work on yourself. I'm constantly working on myself. That's nothing to be ashamed of! In fact, it's very admirable! Most people don't take the time of day to work on their flaws, they are perfectly content with the way that they are. I don't want to just be content, I want to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 There's nothing wrong with needing to work on yourself. I'm constantly working on myself. That's nothing to be ashamed of! In fact, it's very admirable! Most people don't take the time of day to work on their flaws, they are perfectly content with the way that they are. I don't want to just be content, I want to be happy. I had been pretty much single my entire life before meeting my ex...and to be perfectly honest, I had been quite content doing that for the rest of my life...when I went to school, I'd come back to the house after class and stay in my room alone or on the golf course alone or pretty much whereever alone until it was time for class the next day...I used to challenge myself to do things alone that other people would never want to do solo (ever go to an amusement park by yourself...? heheh...) I was satisfied with being content with life...and then I felt what I thought was "happiness" when I started dating my ex...it was quite amazing...and I thought that was what happiness in life was all about... After the breakup, I wanted so badly to return to my former self...the one who was content with what he had...needing only himself to be satisfied...but soon after that, I realized that wasn't the way to go in life...it wasn't enough to be simply content...so I put on my big boy mask and turned things around... But now I feel like behind the mask still lies the old "content" me who wants to come out so badly and tear off the mask permanently... Link to post Share on other sites
Morgued Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I had been pretty much single my entire life before meeting my ex...and to be perfectly honest, I had been quite content doing that for the rest of my life...when I went to school, I'd come back to the house after class and stay in my room alone or on the golf course alone or pretty much whereever alone until it was time for class the next day...I used to challenge myself to do things alone that other people would never want to do solo (ever go to an amusement park by yourself...? heheh...) I was satisfied with being content with life...and then I felt what I thought was "happiness" when I started dating my ex...it was quite amazing...and I thought that was what happiness in life was all about... After the breakup, I wanted so badly to return to my former self...the one who was content with what he had...needing only himself to be satisfied...but soon after that, I realized that wasn't the way to go in life...it wasn't enough to be simply content...so I put on my big boy mask and turned things around... But now I feel like behind the mask still lies the old "content" me who wants to come out so badly and tear off the mask permanently... Ya know, as stupid as it probably sounds I kind of wish I was like how you were. One side of me always wants to be with someone (mostly in a relationship), but another just wants to go and hide away from people. But like Erica said, it's great that YOU want to be happy with yourself, not just content. -Sorry for butting in...Couldn't sleep- ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
angelaM Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I would take him back. I still miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I used to challenge myself to do things alone that other people would never want to do solo (ever go to an amusement park by yourself...? heheh...) Not an amusement park, but when I lived in Boston I would go to the movie theater and out to dinner by myself. I actually don't mind doing things alone once in awhile. Nothing wrong with that. Actually, now that I think about it, it never once crossed my mind that it might be weird to some people. Oh well. After the breakup, I wanted so badly to return to my former self...the one who was content with what he had...needing only himself to be satisfied...but soon after that, I realized that wasn't the way to go in life...it wasn't enough to be simply content...so I put on my big boy mask and turned things around... But now I feel like behind the mask still lies the old "content" me who wants to come out so badly and tear off the mask permanently... Your big boy mask? Do you realize that whenever you put on a 'mask' all you are doing are repressing emotions and feelings? You can never cover something up with the expectation of it not returning. That's like putting a bowl over a spider and thinking that it'll just magically disappear by the time you lift the bowl up. You may not see the spider, but it is still there. And once you lift that bowl, you have the same problem to deal with. You only delayed the inevitable. In order for this change to take place, something has to actually change. No covering it up. I would like to point out though that since you went from being content on your own, to being very happy with another human being... there will always be this feeling in the back of your head that the only way you will be happy again is if you have another person in your life. Which, we both know, is incorrect. But because that was your experience, it'll always be lurking in the back of your mind. If being alone doesn't make you happy, then I believe you should change something so that you are happy. Not saying that you should constantly be around people all the time, and definitely not saying that a female should be the source of your happiness. Find a happy medium. And keep in mind that you won't always be happy. I don't know one person that is constantly happy 24/7. Sorry it took me so long to respond, I wanted to sit on what you said and really think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 -Sorry for butting in...Couldn't sleep- ^_^ Noo, you aren't butting in! Your opinion is always welcome! And I can't sleep either. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 And hey, Kelvin, I wanted to add that these things take time. Don't feel as though you need to hurry up and figure yourself out. Take your time. Find out what makes you happy, and what doesn't. Don't stress yourself out about this either, I know you feel confused right now... but be easy on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Toki Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I Would laugh, and laugh, and laugh. And then I'd hang up. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I Would laugh, and laugh, and laugh. And then I'd hang up. I'm actually curious to see if we'll ever see any responses to the original question in this thread, but in reference to Valentine's Day 2011... That would be so freakin' awesome... Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 And I can't sleep either. I can't sleep either...just finished a behemoth of a post on another thread that I'm not quite sure makes complete sense, but it sure sounded good in my head... I suppose I'll start working on another one in response to yours, which, as always, I greatly appreciate...just thought I'd tackle a few small filler posts first.... Weeee! Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I can't sleep either...just finished a behemoth of a post on another thread that I'm not quite sure makes complete sense, but it sure sounded good in my head... I suppose I'll start working on another one in response to yours, which, as always, I greatly appreciate...just thought I'd tackle a few small filler posts first.... Weeee! This can be a great place when you can't sleep! Seems like the time I give the best advice is at 4 in the morning and I can't sleep. Or when I get 3 hours of sleep and am up at like 7 in the morning haha. Weirdddd. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Not an amusement park, but when I lived in Boston I would go to the movie theater and out to dinner by myself. I actually don't mind doing things alone once in awhile. Nothing wrong with that. Actually, now that I think about it, it never once crossed my mind that it might be weird to some people. Oh well. Yea, I used to do movies and dinner by myself all the time...still do...and yea, some people are weirded out by that and would never do those sorts of things alone...but I think the amusement park was the ultimate solo experience I did as far as weirdness to other people... Your big boy mask? Do you realize that whenever you put on a 'mask' all you are doing are repressing emotions and feelings? You can never cover something up with the expectation of it not returning. That's like putting a bowl over a spider and thinking that it'll just magically disappear by the time you lift the bowl up. You may not see the spider, but it is still there. And once you lift that bowl, you have the same problem to deal with. You only delayed the inevitable. In order for this change to take place, something has to actually change. No covering it up. After I realized that I needed change in my life, I took the steps towards learning to be happy by myself...not just content, but happy...and not needing someone else to be happy...and I truly felt that I was making change, not just covering up my old self...and you're right, these things take time...and I'm sure we all hit little bumps along the way...and it feels like I'm hitting one of those bumps after this past weekend... I'm just afraid that everything that has happened recently is just leading me back to the way I once was...that my indifference towards women wasn't just a reaction to a breakup, but my true nature...which was only solidified by a breakup...but I also wonder whether that's even a bad thing...that I can return to my old "content" self...and just be satisfied with what I have and not concern myself with what I don't have... So I guess I used the metaphorical "mask" because I fear that my change really wasn't change...I want the change to be real and lasting, but lately it just feels like it was just a phase... I would like to point out though that since you went from being content on your own, to being very happy with another human being... there will always be this feeling in the back of your head that the only way you will be happy again is if you have another person in your life. Which, we both know, is incorrect. But because that was your experience, it'll always be lurking in the back of your mind. If being alone doesn't make you happy, then I believe you should change something so that you are happy. Not saying that you should constantly be around people all the time, and definitely not saying that a female should be the source of your happiness. Find a happy medium. And keep in mind that you won't always be happy. I don't know one person that is constantly happy 24/7. These two paragraphs really made me think a lot about my past... I think I thought of myself as "content" back then because I was missing that relationship element in my life...so I automatically assumed that I wasn't going to be happy until I had that void filled...I thought I needed that person in my life to be "happy" like everyone else...so I wouldn't let myself be "happy" until I had that... Now looking back and really thinking about it, I think I really was happy all that time...life really was pretty good...great friends, family, health, education, career, and all that...but I just couldn't get myself to say I was happy because I didn't have that one thing that everyone else seemed to have except me... And that made everything else I had accomplished meaningless to me...because I didn't have one thing I wanted more than anything...and I beat myself up over it because I'd look around and see everyone else in their relationships...and all I'd think to myself was, "well, I have done all of these supposedly great things, yet I can't even do that..., so what good is all of what I've done...? Wow...that was rather refreshing to think about...I don't want to be just content...I want to be happy...and I know my life is something to be quite happy about...heck, I'm in f'in Florida... Sorry it took me so long to respond, I wanted to sit on what you said and really think about it. No worries. Thanks for the response. As always, it means a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 This can be a great place when you can't sleep! Seems like the time I give the best advice is at 4 in the morning and I can't sleep. Or when I get 3 hours of sleep and am up at like 7 in the morning haha. Weirdddd. Hahah, indeed...but I think I'm actually getting tired now... Yea...it's time for sleepy night night... Have a good night! Link to post Share on other sites
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