coltsfan1 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 being their friend would be the hardest I think, my ex and I have some mutual friends and I dread the day that I have to see her. don't know if that is cause it would kill me to see her with someone else or if it would kill me to see her son. (he was 3 months when we started dating and 3 yrs. now) Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Yeah, that seems to be the trend. I remember that during the end of both of the relationships I got into with my ex... he made it seem as though I meant nothing to him. And that's when we were together. He had more respect for me when we weren't in a relationship (which makes me think that's why we aren't quick to jump back into another relationship together). It's hard though. Talking or being friends when you still care about them. It's very hard. All I wanted for the longest time was for him to leave me alone, but he never would. I don't know what's worse. Never hearing from them again, or being friends while still caring about them. You're right, talking and being friends is tough...I remember that month and a half after the breakup when I tried doing that...and then learning that she met someone new while going out every night with her friends...it definitely sucked...that moment felt like it hurt more than the breakup itself...so yea, I'm definitely glad that I'm not being her friend through all that... But at the same time, it'd be nice to one day hear from her...even if it's 10 years from now...with the way we left it, after many weeks of begging and pleading, I promised her that I would respect her time and space request and not contact her ever again...because I had screwed up a few times with it before... So from here on out, it's on her to decide if we'll ever again...and it just seems like this is what she wanted all along...a painless way to remove me from her life completely and permanently...and it just boggles my mind how someone is cool with doing that to another person...especially to one who at one point mattered so much to her... So I think in time it transitions from the difficulty of trying to be friends with them to the difficulty of never hearing from them again...and I get more afraid of the latter each day... Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 You're right, talking and being friends is tough...I remember that month and a half after the breakup when I tried doing that...and then learning that she met someone new while going out every night with her friends...it definitely sucked...that moment felt like it hurt more than the breakup itself...so yea, I'm definitely glad that I'm not being her friend through all that... But at the same time, it'd be nice to one day hear from her...even if it's 10 years from now...with the way we left it, after many weeks of begging and pleading, I promised her that I would respect her time and space request and not contact her ever again...because I had screwed up a few times with it before... So from here on out, it's on her to decide if we'll ever again...and it just seems like this is what she wanted all along...a painless way to remove me from her life completely and permanently...and it just boggles my mind how someone is cool with doing that to another person...especially to one who at one point mattered so much to her... So I think in time it transitions from the difficulty of trying to be friends with them to the difficulty of never hearing from them again...and I get more afraid of the latter each day... That's what NC is about though. It doesn't mean that they don't care about you, it's actually the exact opposite. They care so much about you that they can't have you in their life and move on at the same time. Being friends and going NC are both hard, but they are different levels of pain. Being friends is a little less harder than NC, but it prolongs the pain. Until eventually it becomes unbearable. Going NC is very, very hard at first... but over time the pain decreases until you eventually aren't in pain anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 That's what NC is about though. It doesn't mean that they don't care about you, it's actually the exact opposite. They care so much about you that they can't have you in their life and move on at the same time. Being friends and going NC are both hard, but they are different levels of pain. Being friends is a little less harder than NC, but it prolongs the pain. Until eventually it becomes unbearable. Going NC is very, very hard at first... but over time the pain decreases until you eventually aren't in pain anymore. As much as I'd want to believe that...I understand it and accept it, but doesn't it just seem like a bit of a paradox...? They care about you sooo much that they don't want to talk to you ever again...? And I know the deal about NC...I've been here long enough to appreciate it's glory and preach it for all the newbies...I think I'm just being a little snippy tonight...it's been a long weekend... Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I would be stunned if my ex calls on the 14th. It won't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I would be stunned if my ex calls on the 14th. It won't happen. I am actually stunned that people still post legitimate responses to the original question...even after 27 pages of pure random conversation...but I'm with you on that one, sugarandspice... Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 As much as I'd want to believe that...I understand it and accept it, but doesn't it just seem like a bit of a paradox...? They care about you sooo much that they don't want to talk to you ever again...? But it's harder to be friends with them. It's really choosing the less painful route. And it's not 'ever again', it's until they fully heal and move on. I've gone NC with the majority of my ex boyfriends, but now I can talk to them and hang out with them with no problems. It's used until the hurt and pain are over. Who wants to deal with more pain than they need to? And I know the deal about NC...I've been here long enough to appreciate it's glory and preach it for all the newbies...I think I'm just being a little snippy tonight...it's been a long weekend... It's alright, I know how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I am actually stunned that people still post legitimate responses to the original question...even after 27 pages of pure random conversation...but I'm with you on that one, sugarandspice... I was thinking the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I was thinking though, if she contacts me on V-day (which, again, I doubt she will ever contact me again - but the thought still popped in my head)... I don't know how I would handle it. What about you? If my ex contacted me on V-day (which ex? Most recent I'm assuming). I would respond fairly and cordially to her, see how she's been, how work is, etc. and then eventually ask her why she called? if she needs my help? etc. Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 If my ex called me on V-Day I would look at it as a slap in the face. Why would you need to call me on THAT day? Why not the 13th or the 15th, or how about now? In a healthy relationship, every day should be valentine's day. Link to post Share on other sites
annxxdisaster Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I wouldn't want you to fall for me just b/c my family has money. Me? I'm a broke ass PhD candidate.. (I classify my student status b/c you know it's true that way LOL). I'm a good jewish boy... sometimes It's not about the money, it's all about the Jew-hood! I'm a broke undergrad, but don't worry in a few years I'll be able to join you among the ranks of being a broke grad student. We can bitch and moan together, and it will be going great until I start to dissect your psyche. That's when it'll all turn dark and we'll get sucked into some black hole of different neurosis. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 It's not about the money, it's all about the Jew-hood! I'm a broke undergrad, but don't worry in a few years I'll be able to join you among the ranks of being a broke grad student. We can bitch and moan together, and it will be going great until I start to dissect your psyche. That's when it'll all turn dark and we'll get sucked into some black hole of different neurosis. Oh that sounds hot. Where do I sign up? Link to post Share on other sites
annxxdisaster Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Oh that sounds hot. Where do I sign up? Just say we'll be together forever, baby. ;D Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 Just say we'll be together forever, baby. ;D Do you believe in prenuptials?? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Hola...como estas...? Link to post Share on other sites
Morgued Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Hola...como estas...? Yo, pretty good. You? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Yo, pretty good. You? Doing alright...just another day in paradise... Link to post Share on other sites
Morgued Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Paradise huh? Must be nice lol. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 So how are you doing? Joined in the random shenanigans of this thread...? Link to post Share on other sites
Morgued Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I'm alright, lonely, but alright. Yeah, I saw this topic pretty much turned out to be the 'chatting' section of the 'Coping' forum so...why not right? lol Link to post Share on other sites
annxxdisaster Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Sorry, USMCHokie. I pretty much killed your conversation with everyone else. :\ I didn't mean to. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Sorry, USMCHokie. I pretty much killed your conversation with everyone else. :\ I didn't mean to. Hahah, no worries. I was a little sad last night...the conversation shouldn't have happened to begin with...I should be beyond that by now... Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Hey Kelvin, how are you feeling today? Link to post Share on other sites
annxxdisaster Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Hahah, no worries. I was a little sad last night...the conversation shouldn't have happened to begin with...I should be beyond that by now... Have you ever considered or better yet do you practice mediation or at the very least, having a conscious mind--truly living in the moment? I've found the days I actively try to keep myself focused on what's going on around me, even if it's nothing, and refuse to let my mind wander I'm a lot happier. I know right now that if I miss my ex or get sad about the situation, it's because I'm causing it and allowing it to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Hey Kelvin, how are you feeling today? Hey Erica, how are you? I'm still in Florida...my car started smoking even more today in new places! I might get to fly back again!!! Taking it to a local shop tomorrow to run some tests... Played some golf today in some crummy weather...just relaxing now...I'm better than I was last night, I guess...and I guess you were right about what you said...sorry I didn't get a chance to respond...I think I might have forgotten...but yea... How was your day...? Link to post Share on other sites
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