Trust betrayed: My boyfriend read my posts on this site despite me asking him not to

[The Velvet Vixen]

I agree with meanon. Blockhead, in the space of this thread, you have referred to vixen as evil, manipulative, arrogant, sadistic, a bully, a liar, a manipulator, a coward, a "cold fish," a bitter and angsty "infection" that spreads to others, and "something that is really ugly." What's your point? Once everyone, including vixen herself, has accepted that vixen is Evil Incarnate, then what? Are you out to destroy her because she reminds you of someone you know? I think that perhaps you are a little too close to this situation to see it clearly and objectively. By bullying vixen, it would seem that you are doing the same thing to vixen that you're accusing her of doing to others. I think your attitude is extremely heartless and harmful. Your words will only cause her to feel even more insecure and perhaps even worsen her need to befriend "weak" men who will be flattered by her attentions and provide her with the worship and admiration she so desperately needs to feel good about herself. A better strategy might be to focus on the individual's actions in the given situation rather than the individual herself.

[BlockHead]

The Velvet Vixen

I agree with meanon. Blockhead, in the space of this thread, you have referred to vixen as evil, manipulative, arrogant, sadistic, a bully, a liar, a manipulator, a coward, a "cold fish," a bitter and angsty "infection" that spreads to others, and "something that is really ugly."

I didn’t call her a bully, a liar, or evil. If evil acts make a person evil, then we would all be evil.

 

The impression I get from people like her is that they seem to sleepwalk. They don’t seem to be fully aware of what they are doing, and I think they willingly refuse to deal with the truth. Call it denial if you want. Maybe they need something to snap them out of it.

The Velvet Vixen

Are you out to destroy her because she reminds you of someone you know?

Good question.

I do have a strategy for dealing with the woman that manipulated me. Whenever she makes a pass or tries to make conversation, I play the part of the unassuming and unintelligent person. I try to deny her the satisfaction of knowing that I’m hurt in any way, or could be manipulated. By playing dumb, I deny her the payoff. In other words, “what good is a joke if the person doesn’t get it?” In fact, I don’t she likes it.

 

If I seem that angry, imagine three more angry guys.

The Velvet Vixen

By bullying vixen, it would seem that you are doing the same thing to vixen that you're accusing her of doing to others.

How am I manipulating her? I tried to interpret what she said, and her actions using what I know.

 

You want me to introvert. What gives you the idea that vixen did that?

The Velvet Vixen

I think your attitude is extremely heartless and harmful.

I am thinking about the three guys. I have a hard time sympathizing for her, after reading about what she is doing. I think she has a lousy attitude.

The Velvet Vixen

Your words will only cause her to feel even more insecure and perhaps even worsen her need to befriend "weak" men who will be flattered by her attentions and provide her with the worship and admiration she so desperately needs to feel good about herself.

I think she is trying to get some of that from us LoveShackers.

The Velvet Vixen

A better strategy might be to focus on the individual's actions in the given situation rather than the individual herself.

I studied her actions, her choice of words, and the tone of those words.

The Velvet Vixen

I think this entire thread has turned ugly and should be deleted.

Sometimes, the truth hurts. Maybe someone else could benefit from it.

The Velvet Vixen

Where's the love, people?

I think the original intent of this thread was to beat up Mr. X for reading her posts on this forum.

[moimeme]

I agree that name-calling is inappropriate, but I don't think most of us 'ganged up' on her. Sometimes people post to report their own behaviour and a bunch of members reply to suggest that behaviour was not really appropriate. This is what happened in this case. People need reality checks - heck, she posted a conversation with one of her own friends, who said basically the same things to her that most of us said.

 

She can persist in thinking that she's the benevolent saver-of-pitiful-men, or perhaps if enough people weigh in with a differing opinion (but not insults), she might be persuaded to rethink her behaviour and attitudes.

 

You do know that if you find a post to be particularly offensive, you can report it. There is a 'report this post' below every single one.

[The Velvet Vixen]

Originally posted by BlockHead

You want me to introvert. What gives you the idea that vixen did that?

1 WRONG + 1 WRONG ≠1 RIGHT

 

 

 

Originally posted by BlockHead

The impression I get from people like her is that they seem to sleepwalk. They don’t seem to be fully aware of what they are doing, and I think they willingly refuse to deal with the truth. Call it denial if you want. Maybe they need something to snap them out of it.

I agree that vixen made a mistake and seemed to be unaware that her behavior was harmful to others. However, I do not believe that vixen intended to hurt this guy. An action is only "evil" if it is executed with actual malice on the part of the executioner. Vixen isn't evil; she is a human being who made a mistake and, yes, should accept responsibility for her actions and the negative effects thereof. Each one of us has, at some point in our lives, engaged in selfish behavior that caused harm to others—including you, Blockhead. How would you feel if you were on the receiving end of this hostility? From what I observed, your method of approaching vixen was very destructive (as opposed to constructive), and could actually serve to perpetuate the very attitude/behavior that you say you're trying to prevent. Your goal seems to be to convince her that all she is is a destructive, cancerous force that causes harm to others. How does this help her? Are you trying to drive her to suicide?

 

 

Originally posted by BlockHead

I have a hard time sympathizing for her, after reading about what she is doing.

Perhaps making a mistake does not make one any less deserving of empathy and compassion, otherwise none of us would be deserving of it, including the guys whom you are defending so adamantly. Maybe they have made much worse mistakes during the course of their lifetimes than vixen has.

 

 

Originally posted by BlockHead

How am I manipulating her?

I didn't say you were manipulating her, but that your approach in particular was really making me squirm. You could say that that is my problem, but I just couldn't sit back and watch someone being run into the ground any longer.

 

 

Originally posted by moimeme

I agree that name-calling is inappropriate, but I don't think most of us 'ganged up' on her.

In my horror, I may have exaggerated. You're right...most people did not gang up on her.