Ever had a crush that just will not fade?

[TheButterShave]

I met this girl about a year or so ago at my job and just instantly became attracted to her. We've never actually had a conversation about how I feel about her because it's hard to approach another woman for me but I'm almost positive she knows. The bottom line is that although I am sure she knows I'm attracted to her and she knows how to get in touch with me if she wanted to and she hasn't, I cannot let go of this crush for some reason.

 

Even though her inaction has given me the answers I should need to move on and let it go, it just doesn't happen. I've got so many "what ifs" and "maybes" in my head and sometimes I almost feel like there'll be something there in the future. Probably wishful thinking huh?

 

Anyone else ever have the crush that won't disappear? Do you think it's true that you can't get over someone you don't want to get over?

[amagordos]

Yeah all the time. My crushes usually last a long time too, which is really annoying. The best thing you can do is to tell her how you feel, that way if she has feelings for you, you can initiate something, but if she doesn't you can move on and not wonder what if. I did that recently with one guy i liked in one of my classes, well i didn't tell him how I felt, but i did talk to him and found out that he wasn't into me. Now I am over my crush for him. Another thing you could do is to find other people who share similiarities to you and see if you could make a connection with them. I also did that and got over another crush. I hope this helps.

[dyzfunctioned]

How long have you had the crush for..?

 

I know I had one that lasted almost 2 years and well, I guess just like with a breakup, after a while it just goes away.

[TheButterShave]

I don't really talk to her so trying to tell her how I feel now would be odd. I have her number and know people that know and work with her but since we haven't spoken in months (aside from holiday greeting texts), it'd be pretty weird. If we ran into each other again, I probably would just spill it because I agree that getting a definitive answer one way or another would help.

 

I have had this crush for a little over a year when I first met her. I hope time and/or someone else gets me over her. Unrequited love is the worst.

[DiscoChick]

Unrequited love is the worst.

 

Your next drink would definitely be on my, sir.

[DiscoChick]

Your next drink would definitely be on me, sir.

 

Sorry, that should say me.

[Hot Carl]

I do. I'm seeing her tomorrow for coffee. Her idea. She broke up with her boyfriend and got her own place a couple months ago.

[H1N1]

I do. I'm seeing her tomorrow for coffee. Her idea. She broke up with her boyfriend and got her own place a couple months ago.

 

Bring condoms.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I have had a crush on my married boss for around 3.5 years now. I finally felt it fade in the last year or so - but I definetly still feel pangs of attraction when he looks at me.

 

I rarely crush on anyone, but when I do it's intense and lasts a long time. Once it fades completly though - it's gone forever and nothing this person does can bring it back.

[Hot Carl]

Bring condoms.

 

Oh, no. I'm just going to be nice to her. That should make her fall for me.

[TheButterShave]

"Bring condoms." LOL!

 

I have had a crush on my married boss for around 3.5 years now. I finally felt it fade in the last year or so - but I definetly still feel pangs of attraction when he looks at me.

 

I rarely crush on anyone, but when I do it's intense and lasts a long time. Once it fades completly though - it's gone forever and nothing this person does can bring it back.

 

 

This is interesting. I think I'm the opposite in that I often have little crushes on people but they're very short-lived, regardless of if the person feels the same. I lose interest easily unfortunately. This is the only one that has carried on with me for so long so I'm in unfamiliar territory. I'm sure that I'll get over it eventually but sometimes it'll fade a little and then I'll have a dream about her or one of my friends will bring her up and I'll be back to square one. After that, it's done. I can't get her smile out of my head.

[deux ex machina]

...I hope time and/or someone else gets me over her. Unrequited love is the worst.

 

I tried coming up with the right reply, but to me a crush and unrequited love are different things.

 

I think that when it's unrequited love, the potential and barriers can add to the emotional intensity.

 

If there's a part of you that doesn't want it end, it's not going to be an easy road to walk.

[TheButterShave]

I tried coming up with the right reply, but to me a crush and unrequited love are different things.

 

I think that when it's unrequited love, the potential and barriers can add to the emotional intensity.

 

If there's a part of you that doesn't want it end, it's not going to be an easy road to walk.

 

Can you elaborate on this a little?

 

They can be different things in the sense that one seems to be a little heavier than the other but for me, at this point, it's one-sided affection so I used the term. Actually, I guess unrequited love fits a little better than crush LOL. Sometimes I do think I don't want it to end because sometimes I do feel like we'll have something. I don't know...it's hard to explain without sounding crazy LOL. I guess the easiest way to put it is that since I've never actually been turned down, there is still a possibility, however small, that something can happen between us. It doesn't stop me from seeing other people and it doesn't interfere with other relationships. I just find that she's the one I haven't been able to shake. You're right though...it won't be an easy road if I don't want it to end and the reality is that I don't.

[deux ex machina]

Can you elaborate on this a little?

 

Everyone defines their terms differently, but personally I always think of a crush as an attraction that a person doesn't put a whole lot of emotional energy into thinking too much about where it may go. It's more of fun distraction.

 

Unrequited love, on the other hand...I think that can take up a lot of rental space in one's heart and mind sometimes. A disproportionate amount.

 

They can be different things in the sense that one seems to be a little heavier than the other but for me, at this point, it's one-sided affection so I used the term. Actually, I guess unrequited love fits a little better than crush LOL.

 

I think so, too.

 

Sometimes I do think I don't want it to end because sometimes I do feel like we'll have something. I don't know...it's hard to explain without sounding crazy LOL. I guess the easiest way to put it is that since I've never actually been turned down, there is still a possibility, however small, that something can happen between us. It doesn't stop me from seeing other people and it doesn't interfere with other relationships. I just find that she's the one I haven't been able to shake. You're right though...it won't be an easy road if I don't want it to end and the reality is that I don't.

 

I think you answered your own question!

[skydiveaddict]

Anyone else ever have the crush that won't disappear? Do you think it's true that you can't get over someone you don't want to get over?

 

 

Yes I'm having the same problem. And yes I think it's true that you " can't get over someone you don't want to get over" At least I haven't been able to so far

[DiscoChick]

I have a crush. Crushes are fun. I'm glad I have a crush on someone I will never meet in this life. *sighs* That would take away all the joys of having a crush.

[threebyfate]

No, I don't have many crushes that aren't reciprocated, except celeb crushes and those are just for fun.

 

Consider attraction and how it works for different people. For myself, I can see someone and think, hmm...they're good-looking and not really be that attracted, until I get to know them really well. But if I or someone else is previously committed, I maintain an emotional distance, where it never gets to the point of a crush, regardless of pursuit.

 

When I'm single and there's an attractive man, unless he pursues me with clear and consistent signals, I don't crush on him.

[zebracolors]

I can see how it can stay a crush/infatuation as long as the feelings are not returned, be it for a few months or a few years. I think most crushes fade in time though, in that situation, as they are often meant to. At some point some people need to move on, and if it feels right they do.

 

I also agree with Threebyfate. There are people that catch my eye as having features that I find attractive but, I don't know them from the man in the moon. And I'm okay with that, because I know who feels I am "gorgeous".

[threebyfate]

Crushing on someone or unrequited love, makes zero sense to me. It's a waste of time and emotion.

[Jake Barnes]

Crushing on someone or unrequited love, makes zero sense to me. It's a waste of time and emotion.

 

Absolutley vintage TBF

[threebyfate]

 

Absolutley vintage TBF

Well...you must admit it's true. If someone has never been into you, why would you be interested in them? Rather than waste time and emotion on someone who doesn't give two figs about you, put that time and emotion into someone who does.

[tigressA]

Well...you must admit it's true. If someone has never been into you, why would you be interested in them? Rather than waste time and emotion on someone who doesn't give two figs about you, put that time and emotion into someone who does.

 

This is the logical way to look at it, of course. But most if not all people who harbor unrequited love struggle to look at it, and deal with it, logically. I've been there. Much of the time in instances of unrequited love, there is something that the person holds on to, be it a friendship or some other "sign", that is willingly interpreted as romantic interest.

[sumdude]

Well...you must admit it's true. If someone has never been into you, why would you be interested in them? Rather than waste time and emotion on someone who doesn't give two figs about you, put that time and emotion into someone who does.

 

Amen, learned that lesson the hard way. Back when I was about 18 or so I had an obvious crush on this girl. She knew, everyone knew. I made a new friend, within a month he ended up dating her for a couple years. I wasted three years of my life and numerous other opportunities because I was 'in love'.. heh never fool yourself that you're 'in love' with someone who doesn't love you back.

[DiscoChick]

I guess I can call my "crushes" infatuations. Seriously, three years on a crush? I'd rather watch bunnies get stripped and cooked. Wait...I'd rather squirt lemon juice in my eyes. That would be unpleasant.

[TheButterShave]

I agree that if you step back and look at things, it really doesn't make sense to continue to "crush on" someone who hasn't show the same interest. I think it's two things that keep people there, or keep me there I should say. One is that it is fun and I do like to think about what a relationship would be like and what I like about her and the time we've spent together. The other is similar to what someone else touched on and that's interpreting signs as romantic interest except I see it as clinging (horrible word in this case but true) to the possibility of a relationship.

 

I don't see crushes as a bad thing, nor a waste of time, unless they interfere with developing other relationships but that's just for me. Anytime you have any type of feelings for someone and they aren't returned, it stings. It's easier said than done to look at it logically sometimes.