boogieboy Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I have a friend like yours. He is a 30 year old guy and he constantly makes negative comments about me. I have recently turned 31 and he keeps telling me that I am "over the hill", "a cougar now" and points out 50 year olds and tells me to go for them. It might sound funny, but then he says things like "a woman over 30 can go straight to a trash can" and he only dates 22 year olds and under. So he IS actually serious about those comments (and I am very sensitive to getting older). When I gainied a few pounds, he looked me up and down and said "you sure have gained a few. fat and old is not a good look." I also have an Eastern European accent when I speak English and he makes fun of that too. He imitates my voice and accent and repeats everything I say in exagurrated Russian accent. It might not seem like a big deal to some but: I am insecure about my age. I am insecure about my weight. I am insecure about my accent. Any outing with him involved puts me in a bad mood and feeling low about myself. And you continue to hang around him? Looks like you enjoy his behavior towards you. BP, if youre really going to do something about your belly, all cardio. You dont need crunches. And I dont know why you camt here, you could easily tell him you have body image issues and to stop commenting on your stomach. But I hope youre not expecting positive reinforcement from him, Im pretty sure hes not that type. You will have to get the positive reinforcement from yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 What a load of crap. First off - I'd tell the friend he needs to shut his face. He's being an insensitive ass. (It's true. And if he's going to behave like a little kid - making fun - then he needs to be treated firmly.) As for it always being a dealbreaker - that is another load of crap. Hint: look for one that's not shallow. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I have a friend like yours. He is a 30 year old guy and he constantly makes negative comments about me. I have recently turned 31 and he keeps telling me that I am "over the hill", "a cougar now" and points out 50 year olds and tells me to go for them. It might sound funny, but then he says things like "a woman over 30 can go straight to a trash can" and he only dates 22 year olds and under. So he IS actually serious about those comments (and I am very sensitive to getting older). When I gainied a few pounds, he looked me up and down and said "you sure have gained a few. fat and old is not a good look." I also have an Eastern European accent when I speak English and he makes fun of that too. He imitates my voice and accent and repeats everything I say in exagurrated Russian accent. It might not seem like a big deal to some but: I am insecure about my age. I am insecure about my weight. I am insecure about my accent. Any outing with him involved puts me in a bad mood and feeling low about myself. So why are you 'friends' with someone like that? Sounds like you are a sucker for abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 So why are you 'friends' with someone like that? Sounds like you are a sucker for abuse. I am not really friends with him. I never spend any time alone with him. He is a good friend of one of my good girl friends and he is always invited to group outings (by her). There is usually 9 of us there and he picks on me ALL the time. My girl friend offered to talk to him for me and tell him to stop (it didn't work). She did tell me however, that this guy is not mean and that's just his idea of humor. Apparently he used to tell her that no men will want her because she is 6 foot 2 tall (and she is very insecure about her height). If I want to avoid him, I would have to avoid any outings with the the whole group and sometimes those are fun... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boundary Problem Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 Dear boundary problem, it sounds to me like your friend is violating your boundaries whether he "means it well" or just being a jerk. If it doesn't feel good to you to hear what he says you need to just tell him straight up. The question is, do you really enjoy and do you want to continue to hang out with him if he keeps saying things like that to you? It may be a good idea to just let him know that if he doesn't stop making comments about your body you will not hang out with him. That is the best way to set boundaries with people. Otherwise you will just resent him. He is a tell it like it is kind of guy. He may or may not know he was hurting my feelings. I think he was trying to explain what he likes. And he was oblivious as to the emotional effect on me of what he was saying. He is a little 'rough around the edges' and whenever I tell him that I have a problem with something - he fixes it immediately. It is just that he inadvertently touched this wound from the past and I was shy about bringing it up. But I told him and he was really good about it. Link to post Share on other sites
exheartwinner Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Who is not interested in getting back their relations with much more love and affection.? At least i m not so... I made it back in 48hrs only.... do you want to make yours like me.. Link to post Share on other sites
fiatflux Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 BTW, your tummy is probably mostly loose skin, not fat, and losing weight is not going to do much for it. (Yes, loose skin can *feel* like "flab"...it's still just skin). The only thing that can "fix" it is a tummy tuck...or acceptance. Link to post Share on other sites
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