I have been blindsided... the MM does it to me again...

[stillafool]

 

I certainly don't think that we should "cheer" for him going back for the kids. I don't think it matters why he went home after the way he told them he was leaving. If he did that to his family, I can only imagine what he would do to IMTK's family. Her family has been through enough interrelated madness due to this affair.

 

And on the way that he "left". He packed a car full of things and spent the night at a hotel that he wasn't paying for. He didn't show any real initiative (other than packing the truck) to begin with. IMTK would be better served, and better serving herself, to deal with why she felt "blindsided", than anything else.

 

Neither do I. He didn't go back for the kids, he went back for himself. If he is a narcissis he definitely isn't going to give up his home life for someone else. He wants his wife, his kids, a mistress and everything else he feels he is entitled to. If OP isn't with him he will find another mistress sooner or later to fill his need.

[torranceshipman]

Jennie, thank you for your candid reply. I think there is some truth to what you say. If my MM were outwardly evil, conniving, and hateful, I would not be in love with him, He is the complete opposite of those qualities on the OUTSIDE. He is quite sweet, kind, extremely thoughtful, and romantic. He is a lover, not a fighter.

 

So this has got me extremely confused. You explained in your post how cold, callous and nasty he had been with you - and not for the first time. He has disrespected you and treated you really badly. So it is plain that outwardly he IS that bad. Even the fact that you drove for HOURS - on his request - to see him, booking a hotel, then he couldnt even get to see you the 1st night, then had various other 'important' things to go and do while you were in town, specially for him, like catch a beer with his buddy. Come on.

 

To be fair I think this is an example of how some OW and non-OW are a chas apart in their views. A lot of non-OW are just going to look at this post logically and see a story of some cake-eating liar who has treated you like crap repeatedly, but lots of OW have far more of a reason to find a positive spin on all of this. Just my two cents...

Edited January 25, 2010 by torranceshipman

[herenow]

Neither do I. He didn't go back for the kids, he went back for himself. If he is a narcissis he definitely isn't going to give up his home life for someone else. He wants his wife, his kids, a mistress and everything else he feels he is entitled to. If OP isn't with him he will find another mistress sooner or later to fill his need.

 

Absolutely. Until he gets some help, he will continue to look for a fix. Question is, are you willing to give it to him?

[bittersweet memories]

Why do you think it's obvious he went back to his wife? Why are you so convinced that his wife would take him back after he left her and told the kids?

 

You are also assuming that he told the truth about leaving in the first place. It's possible that his wife kicked him out. It's possible that he never told her or the kids. It's possible that he did leave and his wife isn't taking him back.

 

Anything is possible, so why do you assume that his wife isn't the one who wants the marriage to end?

 

As far as things that are typical. Many MM who have affairs don't realize how much they love their wives until they are about to lose them. For all you know, she took a stand for the first time and now he sees that he wants to stay married. It's typical, but not necessarily what has happened here.

 

None of us, except the MM, know what really happened

 

Excellent point..

 

 

I have a feeling he was lieing to IMHK about leaving his wife in the first place and returning to her in 24 hours. Just doesn't make sense or sound right.

Edited January 25, 2010 by bittersweet memories

[Brokenlady]

Excellent point..

 

 

I have a feeling he was lieing to IMHK about leaving his wife in the first place and returning to her in 24 hours. Just doesn't make sense or sound right.

 

Perhaps he was, but he may not have been. My xDM left once for just a few days several months before he left his xW for good. And they did divorce. That could have been his "false-start". Or not. who knows?

[I Miss the Kiss]

Everyone:

 

I just returned from my IC appt and was happy to see so many more replies to my post. My IC is not helping at all. I mean, he is trying, but he cannot heal my broken heart. I am intensely worried about xMM. I know that is crazy. But I am also very worried about me, first and foremost.

 

MM did leave her the other day. I know that to be true. whether she took him back remains to be seen, but what is more concerning to me now is whether he is getting help and from where. He refused further counseling before, but now I'm sure he has no choice if he wants his family back. That being said, I'm not sure if he can even be helped. I mean that. This insecurity is ingrained in him deeply. I don't agree with him running to me if his W wouldn't let him back in. I think he has at least a couple of brain cells left to know that he can't just show up at my door after what he did, not to mention I am 3.5 hours away, and he still has to work. I am starting to really feel that she probably blocked him from returning until he gets help... so he will be walking the line if he has any sense, and that wouldn't include running to me.

 

My IC is of the opinion that MM probably DID NOT own up to the fact he spent the night with me and that she probably has no idea still. My IC thinks his W deserves to know at this point, because of the severity of the situation and the repeated nature of his lies and cheating. I'm not calling her though. I just can't do it. It would set me back miles, even though I am not ahead all that far right now... maybe a couple of centimeters ahead, but that's it.

 

I did have what I had longed for right in the palm of my hand, for about 24 hours. He walked out of that hotel room that morning and took my heart and my self-esteem and self-worth with him. I wouldn't treat my very worst enemy this way... I mean that.

[I Miss the Kiss]

So this has got me extremely confused. You explained in your post how cold, callous and nasty he had been with you - and not for the first time. He has disrespected you and treated you really badly. So it is plain that outwardly he IS that bad. Even the fact that you drove for HOURS - on his request - to see him, booking a hotel, then he couldnt even get to see you the 1st night, then had various other 'important' things to go and do while you were in town, specially for him, like catch a beer with his buddy. Come on.

 

This is true... He was not cold and callous until after he dumped me on Saturday after he left my hotel. Prior to that is what I was referring to... he had been the picture of sweetness and gentleness.

 

I was a bit confused as to him having a beer with his buddy, though. I confess that crossed my mind. But I knew he was in shambles, and this is someone he confides in his darkest secrets. I overlooked it at the time, but in looking back, he needed to come straight back to me. I do recall, though, that he thought his cop brother-in-law was having him followed, and he didn't want me caught up in the mess directly by him being followed straight to my door.

[greengoddess]

I think you should call her and talk. You have all these police/authority figures getting involved and I am sure you are painted as the evil villain. I think she needs to see that you have been severley led along and damaged also. She needs to know how bad this is has gotten and how far.

 

You could help each other heal also when you learn all the lies he told you and the ones he told her. You will have a new perspective. Call her.

[jwi71]

My IC is not helping at all. I mean, he is trying, but he cannot heal my broken heart.

 

That's because you spend the WHOLE time talking about your MM. Hard for an IC to help YOU when all you do is OBSESS over the MM.

 

I am intensely worried about xMM. I know that is crazy. But I am also very worried about me, first and foremost.

Lie. You are worried about your MM first and foremost. Don't think so? Re-read your posts...in fact, go back and find ONE that doesn't just gush about him. Go on...try and find one..(I bet you find one...if you look)

 

MM did leave her the other day. I know that to be true. whether she took him back remains to be seen, but what is more concerning to me now is whether he is getting help and from where. He refused further counseling before, but now I'm sure he has no choice if he wants his family back. That being said, I'm not sure if he can even be helped. I mean that. This insecurity is ingrained in him deeply. I don't agree with him running to me if his W wouldn't let him back in. I think he has at least a couple of brain cells left to know that he can't just show up at my door after what he did, not to mention I am 3.5 hours away, and he still has to work. I am starting to really feel that she probably blocked him from returning until he gets help... so he will be walking the line if he has any sense, and that wouldn't include running to me.

Worried about who first and foremost?

 

And look, NiD is RIGHT.

Your MM, for whatever reason, CHOOSE HIS W AGAIN.

Does it matter why? Ok, how about this IMTK...what reason can he give YOU that's acceptable for him going back? What's the "good reason" for again LEAVING YOU? Because everyone here, yourself included, is FIXATED on the why...not the fact HE DID. And since its SO important here...lets just make a list of "good reasons" for going back and "bad reasons" for going back FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

 

My list:

He LEFT YOU AGAIN.

/end list

 

My IC is of the opinion that MM probably DID NOT own up to the fact he spent the night with me and that she probably has no idea still. My IC thinks his W deserves to know at this point, because of the severity of the situation and the repeated nature of his lies and cheating. I'm not calling her though. I just can't do it. It would set me back miles, even though I am not ahead all that far right now... maybe a couple of centimeters ahead, but that's it.

Set you back miles?

Darling, this continued pointless CONTACT and OBSESSION sets you back LIGHT YEARS. My God, you spent the enitre MC session talking about HIM, HIS GOING BACK and GUESSING why.

 

Its IC for and about YOU...not him.

 

Until you get that through your head, your progress will be ZERO.

 

I did have what I had longed for right in the palm of my hand, for about 24 hours.

And HE DIDN'T WANT YOU. Think I'm lying? Where is he again?

Oh yeah...at HOME. Don't worry though, I'm sure its a "split-self" A and that makes it ok. IT perfectly EXCUSES his ACTIONS.

 

He'll be back. He's "split". And you'll allow it. Again.

Eventually, you'll cry enough, you'll lose enough, you'll hurt enough, you'll be broken enough to walk. Until then...this little drama continues.

 

He walked out of that hotel room that morning and took my heart and my self-esteem and self-worth with him. I wouldn't treat my very worst enemy this way... I mean that.

This A is sucking the life out of you. Slowly and surely. You're losing "yourself" in this. Long gone is that strong, confident mother of three.

Replaced by this sad, quivering, slobbering mess of a creature who is SO wrapped up in this A and "her MM"...life passes by, devoid of light and virtue for YOU.

 

Gollum. Know him? From Lord of the Rings? Strong parallels between Smeagol, Gollum and the Ring and YOU, the MM and the A.

 

Walk. Run. Sprint. Warp Factor 10 or whatever. Get OUT.

 

There is NO point in concerning YOURSELF with HIM, his W, their LIFE or whatever. You GAIN NOTHING (but pain and madness).

 

IC is for you, not him.

 

Good luck...

[Ellin]

Hi IMTK

 

I'm so sorry about your pain. I understand very well what you're going through. I know the emotional rollercoaster of loving a MM.

 

But your MM sounds a little extreme. It actually sounds familiar and I do think he might be a narcissist. My xH is one and he came to my mind when I was reading your posts. And I think having an A with one may be even worse than being married to one.

 

No wonder you feel so close to the edge, no wonder you think you are the one crazy and no wonder you acn't stop thinking about it all in your confusion.

 

What helped me personally to get out of that destructive situation was knowledge. I came across a website on the subject of NPD incidently and it was like WOW. Everything became clear, I begun to understand why he behaved the way he did and he lost his grip on me.

 

That could be the way for you, because his actions seem to be not random, but quite cold and calculated. And if he is a N, then likely he's told you plenty of lies. As I said it might be harder for you because an A is more complicated than other relationships.

 

Wish I could help you more. Lots of hugs.

[fooled once]

That's because you spend the WHOLE time talking about your MM. Hard for an IC to help YOU when all you do is OBSESS over the MM.

 

Lie. You are worried about your MM first and foremost. Don't think so? Re-read your posts...in fact, go back and find ONE that doesn't just gush about him. Go on...try and find one..(I bet you find one...if you look)

 

Worried about who first and foremost?

 

And look, NiD is RIGHT.

Your MM, for whatever reason, CHOOSE HIS W AGAIN.

Does it matter why? Ok, how about this IMTK...what reason can he give YOU that's acceptable for him going back? What's the "good reason" for again LEAVING YOU? Because everyone here, yourself included, is FIXATED on the why...not the fact HE DID. And since its SO important here...lets just make a list of "good reasons" for going back and "bad reasons" for going back FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

 

My list:

He LEFT YOU AGAIN.

/end list

 

Set you back miles?

Darling, this continued pointless CONTACT and OBSESSION sets you back LIGHT YEARS. My God, you spent the enitre MC session talking about HIM, HIS GOING BACK and GUESSING why.

 

Its IC for and about YOU...not him.

 

Until you get that through your head, your progress will be ZERO.

 

And HE DIDN'T WANT YOU. Think I'm lying? Where is he again?

Oh yeah...at HOME. Don't worry though, I'm sure its a "split-self" A and that makes it ok. IT perfectly EXCUSES his ACTIONS.

 

He'll be back. He's "split". And you'll allow it. Again.

Eventually, you'll cry enough, you'll lose enough, you'll hurt enough, you'll be broken enough to walk. Until then...this little drama continues.

 

This A is sucking the life out of you. Slowly and surely. You're losing "yourself" in this. Long gone is that strong, confident mother of three.

Replaced by this sad, quivering, slobbering mess of a creature who is SO wrapped up in this A and "her MM"...life passes by, devoid of light and virtue for YOU.

 

Gollum. Know him? From Lord of the Rings? Strong parallels between Smeagol, Gollum and the Ring and YOU, the MM and the A.

 

Walk. Run. Sprint. Warp Factor 10 or whatever. Get OUT.

 

There is NO point in concerning YOURSELF with HIM, his W, their LIFE or whatever. You GAIN NOTHING (but pain and madness).

 

IC is for you, not him.

 

Good luck...

 

I agree with basically all of this.

 

After this LOSER (and yes, I am going to call him names because his actions to me equal a LOSER) hurts you repeatedly, you are still "worried" about him.

 

For heavens sake, he isn't a victim. He is a destructive a-hole. He seems to have NO qualms hurting his wife, his kids, his family, his girl on the side, etc.

 

He is a taker. He is a user.

 

The fact that you and the W (if she took him back) continue to not let him have repercussions for his sh*tty behavior astounds me.

 

You would take him back in an instant - wouldn't you? If he showed up NOW, you would open the door to him. You would chastize him for being mean to you, but you would then take his coat off, rub his back, fix him food, open your bed to him. You seem willing to do ANYTHING for him and put up with ANYTHING from him just to be with him.

 

That is what you should be working on in IC. WHY you continue to allow yourself to be trampled all over. Why you continue to feel sorry for this loser.

 

I don't mean any of this to be hurtful to you (and I know some will think that is why I post) but I have BEEN there. I know how much it hurts. I am trying to HELP you because until you stop allowing him to walk on you, he will continue to.

 

Very few affairs turn into real true relationships. Some OW are content to stay the OW, which is why they continue to do it for years. MANY OW do not want to share, they want the "whole package" and they want to be out in the open with these men.

 

I will never advocate staying in an affair when the OW is 'hidden' and when in reality, the OW wants a normal relationship. Many OW do NOT want to share these men. They want these men full time, in their lives, in their bed and in their future. I just don't get why some OW get so pissed off when so many do not want to continue to see these women used by these men -- these poor men who are self split or fence sitting or trying to decide who they want more and how much it is going to cost them to be TRUE to themselves and these women. I think it is heartless to string someone along. I will always stand by "If they want to be with you, they will move heaven and earth to be with you".

 

IMTK -- please continue with IC -- please. You do need it and you WILL get more out of it if you stop focusing on the MM and how hurt he must be and focus on yourself and how hurt you ARE and why you keep allowing him to hurt you.

[Virgo1982]

I do not think he is malicious, but confused and slightly retarded. He made his decision on a whim and told his children as well. Sounds like he got excited by the fact that you were there and jumped the gun. Regardless, his lack of intelligence and indecisiveness should be unattractive to you at this point. The fact that he put all of you-including his children-through this without being absolutely certain and doing this so abruptly tells me that you are better off without him. Not because he's all of the names others have called him, but because he is not ready for a committed relationship right now. He is extremely confused and lost. Unfortunately, his W has to work with him on that or leave him. Fortunately, you are free to go to counseling and work on yourself. Whatever resentment he allowed to build up allowed him to justify his actions until he actually thought about what he had done.

[D-Lish]

Do you think he actually told his wife and kids he was leaving?

Afterall, you're dealing with a seasoned liar here.

[NoIDidn't]

Do you think he actually told his wife and kids he was leaving?

Afterall, you're dealing with a seasoned liar here.

 

Yeah, the fact that not even 24 hours went by before he ran back home, regardless of the reasons he told the OP, are why I agree with this.

[Chingaling]

Yeah' date=' the fact that not even 24 hours went by before he ran back home, regardless of the reasons he told the OP, are why I agree with this.[/quote']

 

Ouch! If I ever find myself in this situation, I hope you guys are all still here to kick my a** too. I know it hurts to hear (read) it, but a best friend couldn't give better advice than any of you (after passing the kleenex box of course!). A good dose of sensible advice never hurt anyone.

 

My thought is that MM is incredibly selfish. If he really truly loved his OW he would never have done what he did - narcissist or not. There is no excuse for his behaviour - none. Even if the OP did give him opportunity he should have been mature enough not to take advantage of the situation and then immediately snap her heart in two. That was not a mistake on his part - that was uncaring and cruel to her and his family.

[awkward]

You have to give yourself time to get over him. If you keep answering his calls you are opening yourself up to more pain. Stay NC for yourself.

 

If he contacts you again, try to remember that this is the same man that kind of sorta wished a tragedy would happen to his BW so he could be free. There is something wrong with him and him backing out is a blessing in disguise.

[D-Lish]

Yeah' date=' the fact that not even 24 hours went by before he ran back home, regardless of the reasons he told the OP, are why I agree with this.[/quote']

 

Agreed. It just seems so transparent.

[RedDevil66]

Fooled, yes she would take him back if he came to the door. Just like any addict would take a hit of their drug of choice if it was put in their face for free.

 

She's in an addictive situation here. No one in their right mind would put up with this sort of behaviour unless they are not in a place of addiction.

 

She needs sort of an intervention to withdrawal from this madness in order to clear her mind to see the forest through these trees.

 

One she sees clearly and is in recovery, she will never go back to him or find another man like him.

 

This is all about HER healing and HER choices and working our HER pains.

There is something about this man and this siutation that is working out some past issues. These issues need to be worked out in long term therapy.

 

Really, she has little control right now because she is deep into it

[Angel1111]

Have you considered the idea that he might just be a really good actor? Maybe he never told his wife. And who told you about these calls to his family and friends? Him? That's extremely bizarre behavior for anyone to make threats like that. Sounds like something out of a soap opera. You know it's very possible that he made up the whole thing about telling her he was leaving. It's possible that he planned it all out and knew that once you left, he'd play the same game again.

 

I'm not going to say that you asked for this but you did ignore the signs. He has done this to you before. He has already proven to you that he can't be trusted. I hope you have plans to change your number, email address, everything, because you should never, ever speak to him again. If he calls you at work, hang up the second you realize it's him. If you let him talk to you, you're just putting yourself back in this mess. And, worse, it tells him that you're still willing to talk and forgive even when he has done the unforgiveable. It tells him that he can do anything he wants to you and that he can always talk his way back in. If you want to send a different message, cease all communication with him...forever. This is the point of no return because he has destroyed the trust between the two of you completely. It cannot be regained, it cannot be fixed.

 

There's someone on this site who wrote about his wife leaving him 3 times. She just disappears without a warning. When people do these kinds of things to you over and over again, you have to be the one to put a stop to it because they will continue to screw you over as long as you let them.

 

I know it hurts and I'm sorry you're hurting so much. One day you won't feel anything for him because you'll realize what a horrible person he is for doing this to you. I know that if my xMM had done this to me, I would've been completely stunned and speechless and heartbroken. But, at the same time, I can assure you that he'd never get the opportunity to do it again. And that's what you must do if you don't want a repeat performance.

Edited January 26, 2010 by Angel1111

[donnamaybe]

Can someone please tell me what he is thinking?

Why should you care?

 

is he going to try to do this to me again? I can't handle any more pain...

 

The important question is this: What will YOU do now? He no longer matters.

[I Miss the Kiss]

Good morning everyone~

 

I am trying SO HARD to be strong today. I wake up and can't believe this really happened to me. I know its been bad all along, and he has broken my heart countless times, but this time was beyond my comprehension. What he did to me, using me, then telling me to forget him only a few hours after he left my bed... it is heartwrenching. And all the while, as he was telling me to forget him, he was telling me he loves me!

 

I am reading and re-reading each and every post here until it sinks in. I KNOW you are all right. I KNOW I have to work on myself and stop worrying about him. This morning I am in a place where I am not so much worried about him, but just missing what I thought we had. We were so close, we talked about everything, we laughed. I miss that.... I miss his voice and his lips and his beautiful smile. I miss that he knelt to his knees that morning while I was sitting on a kitchen counter stool in the hotel, and I said, "Get up! You don't have to sit on the floor. We can go sit on the couch." He replied, "But I am a puppy dog at your feet... I just love you xxxx." ...and he put his face in my lap and just stayed there for a while...

 

This is what is ripping my heart out... the man I thought he was. It is gut wrenching. I loved this man. I loved him. I know I have to love myself more, and I just want this all to leave my head so I can move on. I KNOW what's best for me, and I wish I could make it happen right this second. I want to hate him. Why can't I hate him?

 

I will continue to read all the posts. I am thinking of printing them and putting them in sheet protectors and making a binder. I'm serious! I need to be able to read this over and over until it sinks in.

 

I read someone's quote in their signature line here on LS, or maybe it was just in a post, but last night I saw it: "If he loves me, he will move heaven and earth to be with me..." I woke up thinking about that. Its so true. I deserve someone who will do that for me. I was nothing but FAITHFUL to a MM. I would tell him at times that I just wanted to go out and find someone to sleep with because I had no human touch since I had seen him in September. I would never entertain going to my STBXH because that would only hurt him (the H), so that was out of the question. So I waited for MM. I waited and my heart was true. No matter how stupid I KNEW it was, I waited for someone who wasn't even mine. It wasn't that he asked me to. He never once askedme to. But my heart was so intertwined with him that I couldn't fathom being with another man. I still can't...

 

Then I finally got my human touch on Friday/Saturday, only to have what was left of my heart completely shattered, stomped on, and set on fire. I can't say that I regret sleeping with him, as bad as that sounds. I only wish he had not used me. He said he didn't use me, that he loved me when we were together and he loves me now. He just can't leave his family... and apparently he couldn't look me in the eye and tell me that. But this was beyond being used. I don't even know what to call it, its that bad....

 

I hope he doesn't come back. Maybe this time he will stick to his own words: "We can't talk, you have to let me go..."

 

I'm hurting today, everyone

[Angel1111]

I loved this man. I loved him. I know I have to love myself more, and I just want this all to leave my head so I can move on. I KNOW what's best for me, and I wish I could make it happen right this second. I want to hate him. Why can't I hate him?

 

This is the very fallacy that we have all committed in our lives at one time or another. Thinking that because WE love someone, that it changes things. Thinking that because WE feel a certain way, then it must mean something. Well, it does mean something to us, but it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing to the other person. I think your xMM loves you but it doesn't translate into the behavior that you would expect. He says one thing, and does another. This makes him a liar. And this should be totally unacceptable to you. So, despite how you feel about him, you can't let that be a reason to ignore the fact that he's toxic to your life.

 

You don't need to hate him. You just need to realize that this latest stunt of his was the showstopper. It's the leap off the cliff, it was the suicide of what the two of you had. You can love him until the world stops turning, you can worship the gound he walks on, you can keep replaying everything he said over and over again and try to make sense of it. But there is no sense, and your love for him falls on barren ground. Reverse the roles and envision yourself doing this to someone. I can't even imagine hurting someone on this level. I can't imagine being so arrogant as to think I had the right to treat people this way. It takes a special kind of jerk to do this to another person.

 

I remember that when I finally came to terms with the fact that my xMM was never going to leave his wife, then I also came to the realization that by making that choice, he betrayed what we had - and he was apparently ok with that. I thought we were best friends and lovers. But it didn't matter. I do know that he loved me - and I'm sure your xMM loves you - but love was not enough; it didn't surmount the other things in his life that were more important to him. Once that became clear to me, then I was able to walk away and never felt any real inclination to go back again. Nothing he can say to me right now would change that. If he said that he left his wife, I'd say 'great. Come back when you have the divorce papers in your hand and, if I'm still available, we might be able to talk'. Welcoming him back with open arms is not an option. He would have to earn his way back into my life. But if he did to me what your xMM did to you, he wouldn't even have that option. It would be over.

 

You're not going to be able to turn off your feelings like a faucet, but what you can do is protect yourself from letting this happen again. And, as you know, your feelings will change and the hurt will go away. I didn't think I'd ever get over my xMM - I loved in so much. But I hear his voice every week in meetings and it does nothing for me anymore. I never thought I'd say that, never thought I'd feel that way. But that is how I feel. Someday, you'll stop hurting. I promise.

[WhereToGoFromHere]

I'm sorry you're hurting. There are so many here that feel your pain. I'm so sorry I tried to defend him in the past and I won't do that anymore. He doesn't deserve you and your faithfulness. He doesn't.

 

I don't have any "tough love" advice because I'm not the kind of person that can do that, I'm more sympathetic. I will say that its time IMTK, it is. I know how much you love this man and its get wrenching to let something like that go. We all know how hard it is here. My AP has once again asked for NC and I finally had the strength to tell her that I couldn't do this anymore. I got the strength from here(LS) and all of the people here and some new friends! Its only day 4, and it hurts like my limbs are being ripped from my body slowly one at a time, but I'm doing it! You can do it too and you deserve to have a wonderful man in your life to worship the ground you walk on and to be there for only you! I know you don't feel that way, but you do. You don't deserve to suffer anymore!!!

 

Again, I'm sorry to have defended him in the past and I won't do that anymore. There's something wrong with him and you don't need that sh*t in your life.

 

Hang in there, okay!!!!

 

((HUGS!!!))

[OWoman]

I can't say that I regret sleeping with him, as bad as that sounds.

 

It doesn't sound bad. It sounds true to yourself, and honest. That can't be bad.

 

You loved him, and you slept with him in that context. And, for that time, it was magical.

 

The subsequent betrayal does not take that away. But it does demonstrate, once again, that for every magical moment, you pay.... very heavily. If there was no magic, you wouldn't love him. If there were no moments of complete connection, you wouldn't be struggling to walk away. It's because of the good that you can't... or can't easily. The bad doesn't erase the good. If it were all bad, you wouldn't be caught where you are now.

 

But the bad is as real as the good, and all the more powerful in its wounding because of how quickly it followed the good, this time. And as much as you want to hate him, you can't - because you also love him.

 

I don't think you should even try to hate him. Hating him, or loving him, both require investing emotional energy in him, and keep you tied to him. You need to feel nothing at all for him, either way - complete equanimity. That way he can neither please you nor hurt you - he ceases to have any power over you at all, because there is no attachment.

 

I'm not a religious type, but if you want to take a lesson or two on equanimity, the experts are the Buddhists. Perhaps some mindfulness meditation might help?

 

(((((hugs)))))

[donnamaybe]

Block his e-mails.

Change your phone number.

Do NOT view nor listen to further lies from this man.