Omg!my ex called me!!after 1 month nc!

[Howitzer]

Aw nice. I like to cook too, but I hate cleaning. So you don't know anyone in cali? Did your parents move there after college started or something? I know a guy in a similar situation.

[DenverBachelor]

OMG! WILL HE EVER CALL ME AGAIN OR WHAT?!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! IM SO SCARED! IM SO CONFUSED! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT!! I DIDNT REALLY EXPECT THAT HE WILL CALL TODAAAY! WTH!! IM SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW! I DONT KNOW! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH MORE THAN ANYTHING BUT WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AGAIN! I HOPE HE CALLS ME AGAIN! AHHHHHHHHHH! IDK! AHHHHH!

 

Hey, I know you feel good and also confused about this, but I'll be brutally honest with you. You typed in all caps -- you're hysterical about this. That means he still has too much power over you and you're in a submissive position to the relationship as a whole. You're in no place to reconcile or continue the relationship. I'm sorry, this may not be what you want to hear, but this is fact. You need to move on and focus on yourself and not worry about him or if he calls.

 

You really need a large break from this past relationship and grow as an individual. You need to "let go." It is the hardest of things you will ever do, but no good can come from this -- especially considering the position you are in relative to the power he has over you.

 

Try and remember who you were before the relationship and focus on that person and regain your independence. Become stronger and more resilient as an individual. Learn how to be completely independent and march forward and better yourself.

 

I'm sorry and I know it is hard. But you need to do this for yourself because I know you're a great person with a lot to offer, but you can't offer your greatness when you're subversive to your own personal growth with regards to your heart being held back behind you.

 

You're better than him and you're stronger than you realize. So overthrow the pain and march forward and take the love you did share as a spark to ignite something greater within yourself.

[kristinabopp]

I know no one here in california, even if i do, i dont want to be here in california. i want to be in dc, because in dc, i can just go anywhere i want by walking,train,bus,bike,jogging. when i was in dc whenever im sad, i just go out and go to the park and read books and observe people and take a walk. but here in my place, uh it so dull, its boring. i just cant take it living in here,i cant live here. i dont see any future of me just knowing im here. specially that im with my family, i cant do anything i want, i need to follow what my mom say all the time, im trap, i have no life, i have to take care of everything. they think im always here for them to cook for them, clean for them and help them. but now im trap, i stopped college for 3yrs already and i want to go to college soon because if not ill end up being their slave forever.

 

actually my real dad is in our country, my mom is divorced to him so my mom is with my stepdad. my mom said that she live here in cali because this is the place where she got the job and stuff like that, and i didnt mind because all i wanna do is go to my dream college/city and start living on my own and far from them so that i dont have to worry and i dont get distracted.

[Howitzer]

Maybe you could use this time to pursue a hobby? I assume you have access to a car at night? Maybe you could learn to be a really good cook. Or start a physical activity somewhere, like biking, or swimming, or something.

 

If there's not much for you to do in Cali, it would be great if you could at least come out of this experience with something gained. This happened to me one time; I was living in Charlotte for a summer, working, and I knew no one. I didn't have much fun there, so I resolved to study really hard for my GRE, and I ended up getting a really good score on it later.

[kristinabopp]

no, i cant use the car because my mom is using it all the time. she doesnt go home in here, she goes home with our stepdad. the only choice is to just stay home cook, clean, use the laptop after that. u cant do anything anymore. im just waiting for time to pass so i can just get out of here whether my mom likes it or not im moving out. why did u go to charlotte in the first place?

[Howitzer]

Maybe you could take up running? It'd be a good way to get outside, get your mind off things, and look great. I'm not sure how cold it is at this time where ever you are in California. At the very least, it'd be a welcome change from staying in all day, where you're just killing time on your laptop.

 

I went to Charlotte for an internship. I worked in a titanium melting plant as an engineer. It was a pretty cool experience; I got to experience the south, eat good food, live on my own (basically by myself) for awhile. I was pretty lonely there though. I didn't know anyone, and the people at work were all older, and had a different culture than what I was used to. I did my best to keep busy, by watching movies, working out, and cooking. It did get really boring at the end though, I was so glad when I finished the summer.

[kristinabopp]

omg. cant believe you survive going there in charlotte.like i mean, i can survive but with old people and with different culture?hmm. ill probably end up talking to myself alone. haha. and ill be sooooO freakin happy going back home. damn, ur tough. so are you living on you own right now? or you went back to your family? right now, in whre im staying, its freezing cold and its been raining so hard lately. made it more lonely because of the rain. but tomorrow im going to an orientation, my mom wants me to work in that job so i can give her some of my money.. i swear i wont last 2-3months in that job, im just going to use that and save half of my money for me to be able to go to dc and then half of it give it to my mom.. i just want the time to go faster you know. so, you didnt go out with any coworkers when you were in charlotte?

[Howitzer]

Haha. It was pretty hard. I talked on the phone a lot with my friends. It wasn't so bad because when you're working, there's not too much free time in the day after you get home. Max...5-6 hours. I ended up having one beer with a co-worker, but he was like 50's, a retired army veteran.

 

I'm back in my hometown right now, but I'm not living with my parents. I saved up a bit of money, and moved out after two weeks of apartment searching. It's going really well though, this break from school. I think the key really is to get out and put yourself amongst other people. The last thing you want to feel after a break up, is to feel even more lonely and isolated.

 

What is your school situation? Did you just graduate from highschool or something?

[kristinabopp]

howitzer! thats what i wanted to do, make myself busy with school or work and friends. all my friends are in dc. i have nobody in here. im 20 bout to be 21 this septmber. im done with high school when i was 16 yrs old. i wnt to college in my country for 1 year but i stop because i have to go here and when i got here, and my mom made me take a program and then i did it, and then she made me work in the office where shes working. i did everything that she said. now the only thing i want is to move out, and she cant give it to me. i mean, she gets mad when i tell her about DC. i dont want to runaway again. when i runaway before, damn it was awesome, i feel freeee. i can do anything i want. haha. and im getting impatient.. right now, i dont know where to start, i dont know how to process the financial aid/loan. im having a hard time doing those. but im doing my best though, i love looking for apartments or rooms.

 

wow, u must be really determined of moving out because it just took u 2 weeks of apartment searching and move out right away.ur very inspiring.

[Howitzer]

Hm. Sounds like your mom was pretty controlling. If you want independence, you have to just take it for yourself. I moved out because I was not going to stay in my parents home, with no car and nothing to do heh. I was lucky enough to have enough money saved up to tide me over these next few months. However, I'd have found a job or something to pay for things if I had to.

 

I'm not advocating running away, per se, but you gotta have control over your own life. If you need to do something, then you need to do it. Even if you're parents aren't 100% behind you. When you can do this, then your parents will know that you've grown up.

 

I have no idea how to process financial aid either lol. Again, I was fortunate enough not to have to deal with that. I may need to do that this year though. You are applying for FAFSA? You could contact the college financial aid office. They will probably be happy to help you.

[kristinabopp]

i will. and im doing it right now, im planning everything very neat. i know!! i was the same, i dont want to stay here with no car and being a pet. im tired of this life in here, i devoted myself only for them. its time for me to get back up again. this job that im going to, i will just use it to save money, i will quit as soon as summer classes is about to start. i know my mom will not be on my back, i mean, even if she is goingto help me, i still wont want too, i gave her too many problems already and i dont want to give her more. like she said before *i should have never came back because im giving her more problems.* and im more comfortable being on my own anyways. im more in control.

 

yea, im applying for fafsa coZ thats what it says in the university that im going to. i will email them, i cant call because my mom cut off my plan and transfered my number for my brother. and if i call im going to have to pay more since its outside the state.

 

you are so lucky for not having to worry about this stuff. geeez. your probably so organized. lol

[Howitzer]

Want to chat sometime? I don't really want to put too much more of my private info out here. Since we can't pm yet, you can email [email protected].

[kristinabopp]

i got it. i sent you a message!

[Angel1111]

Yeah, you need to calm down. You know, it's always a bad idea to tell a guy that you'll be 'waiting on him'. That puts you in the worst position possible. If he broke up with you, then I wouldn't be so quick to jump back into this with him again. He obviously has doubts, even though he misses you. I don't see this as a good sign. If you do get back with him, the two of you really need to work out the issues. Lots of people meet - it doesn't mean they're meant to be.

 

So, what were the problems between the two of you that caused the break-up?

[kristinabopp]

we dont have problems, the only problem we have was our debt and mostly.. his family.. his family is the one who kick me out. and then i think at the last minute, when his family found out that he is going to follow me here in california, i think they told him something thats why the next day he just broke up with me. while the day before that we were just so happy and asking me again so many times that he will marry me as soon as he gets here. we have so many plans and u wont even notice that he will broke up with me the next day. i think its about his family or maybe he just cant live without his family yet.. hes still kinda immature, like, he still likes to play video games or some yugioh's. but thats okay. thats our hobby sometimes. but i stopped playing those.