Never let a girl you date hang out with men

[Green]

You should never let a girl you are dating hang out with men. If you are dating a girl seriously then you should ask her not to put herself in a situation where she is going to be alone with another man.

 

I think it is fine for a girl to be friends with and have contact with men other then her bf. I just don't think she should be able to go out and do something alone with that person. I also don't think a girl should stay in contact with her ex boyfriends.

 

The same applies for men. I just think women are often naive about thinking it would be olright for them to just go hang out with a guy and just be friends with him outside of school or work ect. I say keep it at work or school, or at some group event like a couples dinner or a party ect.

 

Men and Women can't just be friends and I wouldn't want the stress of knowing that the person I date is out having a good time with a member of the oposite sex.

 

as I said before I think this aplies to men as well, but women in my experience are often more naive to this fact.

[betamanlet]

I dated a chick who was "best friends" with a guy, she even told me how she appreciated how I didn't have a problem with her hanging out with him.

 

Guess who got cheated on... Though she denied it, she admitted to having sex with him both before and after we had dated.

[Green]

I dated a chick who was "best friends" with a guy, she even told me how she appreciated how I didn't have a problem with her hanging out with him.

 

Guess who got cheated on... Though she denied it, she admitted to having sex with him both before and after we had dated.

 

Yeah you should have had a problem with it.

 

Truth is there are alot of girls who just feel guys make better friends, and in my opinion that just isn't true.

 

If I date an attractive girl who has guy friends I am cool with it to a point, but I'm her bf and she is not going to be hanging out with these guy friends with out me or having some kind of emotional affair with the guy. She can't be calling this guy her best friend and talking to him all the time and ect.

 

A girl needs to have close gf to spend her alone time with. And I don't necesarily think a girl with guy friends is going to cheat, though I do think it is more likely. I just personaly don't like the idea of a girl I'm dating having guy friends who she goes out with and does stuff with and calls regularly whether or not cheats.

[littlebittle]

If you are dating a girl seriously then you should ask her not to put herself in a situation where she is going to be alone with another man.

 

why would you even ask her? just force her to do whatever you want. shouldn't she be in the kitchen cooking food for you anyway? that seems to be the only way to distract her from yielding to her innately whorish ways, amirite?

 

i like how you peppered this post with "the same goes for men" but then you felt the need to follow up that superficial sentiment with the insinuation that women are more prone to this sort of behavior because they are "naive." ok then.

[ImaManDammit]

I dated a chick who was "best friends" with a guy, she even told me how she appreciated how I didn't have a problem with her hanging out with him.

 

Guess who got cheated on... Though she denied it, she admitted to having sex with him both before and after we had dated.

 

Same thing happened to me. She said, its just the guys at work, and we just go for a few drinks. Guess who got drunk and apprently having a few drinks means shagging them too.

[carhill]

Looking to reduce that dating pool to, what? Nobody?

 

Seriously, I'd recommend a good long look in the mirror. Imagine telling a woman who she can and cannot associate with. Say those words into the mirror. Examine the reflection. Good luck

[counterman]

A girl needs to have close gf to spend her alone time with. And I don't necesarily think a girl with guy friends is going to cheat, though I do think it is more likely. I just personaly don't like the idea of a girl I'm dating having guy friends who she goes out with and does stuff with and calls regularly whether or not cheats.

 

I agree with this, but it's also difficult because she wouldn't like being told who she can be friends with. I usually accept it and if something happens, then I'll just cut her out.

[ImaManDammit]

why would you even ask her? just force her to do whatever you want. shouldn't she be in the kitchen cooking food for you anyway? that seems to be the only way to distract her from yielding to her innately whorish ways, amirite?

 

i like how you peppered this post with "the same goes for men" but then you felt the need to follow up that superficial sentiment with the insinuation that women are more prone to this sort of behavior because they are "naive." ok then.

 

I think he's giving the post from his perspective. I think both men and women can be naive.

 

I also think woman are more prone to it, because men tend to be the ones who will push the limit of a friendship in both scenarios. But I could be wrong.

[OndaChin]

I hate to say it- but I agree with you on this.

 

For some reason (millenium of evolution perphaps) we just know something is going to happen when our woman is "having fun with guy friends".

 

Humans just don't get jealous "because" we want to. There's a deeper sense at work that we all are pre-programmed for.

 

As for me- I only need "ONE" woman and thats the one I'm currently "Doinking".

[carhill]

I don't particular enjoy it when she's laughing and teasing around with these guys and I'm getting none.

 

Of course you don't, and that's healthy. Leave her to attention whore with the others and move on to a woman who values your attention and gives you hers. That's my point with the OP. Why would you want to be with a woman who seeks attention from other men? That's far different from being with a woman who has healthy male friendships. Far different. I find a woman who has clearly defined boundaries for male friendship to be attractive, because this tells me she is self-aware and self-confident and knows how to manage relationships in a healthy way.

[Agoraphobianebula]

why would you even ask her? just force her to do whatever you want. shouldn't she be in the kitchen cooking food for you anyway? that seems to be the only way to distract her from yielding to her innately whorish ways, amirite?

 

i like how you peppered this post with "the same goes for men" but then you felt the need to follow up that superficial sentiment with the insinuation that women are more prone to this sort of behavior because they are "naive." ok then.

 

haha, right on Littlebittle!. Because she's a dog that you need keep a leash on at all times, lest she strays.

[Clep]

You should never let a girl you are dating hang out with men. If you are dating a girl seriously then you should ask her not to put herself in a situation where she is going to be alone with another man.

 

I think it is fine for a girl to be friends with and have contact with men other then her bf. I just don't think she should be able to go out and do something alone with that person. I also don't think a girl should stay in contact with her ex boyfriends.

 

The same applies for men. I just think women are often naive about thinking it would be olright for them to just go hang out with a guy and just be friends with him outside of school or work ect. I say keep it at work or school, or at some group event like a couples dinner or a party ect.

 

Men and Women can't just be friends and I wouldn't want the stress of knowing that the person I date is out having a good time with a member of the oposite sex.

 

as I said before I think this aplies to men as well, but women in my experience are often more naive to this fact.

 

I don't think people are property and we as people are delusional if we think that we can successfully allow another adult to do something or not.

 

Both women and men can be naive to the intentions of others. For me, their intentions are not something I even try to assume I know, nor do I waste my time with trying to examine them to determine them.

 

I have an ex I am still close to and my bf has the same. We go out with my ex and his gf and we hang out. Sometimes he sees his ex with out me and I do the same. If my ex just like with any other man was to say or do something inappropriate they would be told my clear boundaries. Should they choose to ignore that in the future I would have a decision to make, and it would be clear and final.

 

My values, conscience and boundaries guide me to do the right things in life. They allow me to make choices that put my relationship first and I am confident my bf knows that. He has seen me in enough situations and had prior knowledge of how I behave when he is not around.

 

Who cares if I am having fun with a member of the opposite sex. When we hang out with a couple I am having fun with the wife and her husband, not just her. My inner compass of guidance does not quit working based upon who I am around, or if my bf is there or not. It always guides me.

[Clep]

Of course you don't, and that's healthy. Leave her to attention whore with the others and move on to a woman who values your attention and gives you hers. That's my point with the OP. Why would you want to be with a woman who seeks attention from other men? That's far different from being with a woman who has healthy male friendships. Far different. I find a woman who has clearly defined boundaries for male friendship to be attractive, because this tells me she is self-aware and self-confident and knows how to manage relationships in a healthy way.

 

Beautifully said.

[Green]

why would you even ask her? just force her to do whatever you want. shouldn't she be in the kitchen cooking food for you anyway? that seems to be the only way to distract her from yielding to her innately whorish ways, amirite?

 

i like how you peppered this post with "the same goes for men" but then you felt the need to follow up that superficial sentiment with the insinuation that women are more prone to this sort of behavior because they are "naive." ok then.

 

Your incite into my mind is erie. I'm j/k of course but I took some of your post as humour meant to shock me from my tone.

 

I do think women are naive when it comes to friendships with men. If you are young girl, or pretty much any girl then the men who are your friends have alterior motives. As a man i can more clearly see this. I myself would never befriend a girl under the guise of pure friendship. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy and benefit from women it just means that if I'm going out with and hanging out with a women that friendship is getting close to something else.

 

Same thing happened to me. She said, its just the guys at work, and we just go for a few drinks. Guess who got drunk and apprently having a few drinks means shagging them too.

 

You should have put your foot down to. Of course she is to blame also but so are you for being afraid to ask her to stop or lose you.

 

Looking to reduce that dating pool to, what? Nobody?

 

Seriously, I'd recommend a good long look in the mirror. Imagine telling a woman who she can and cannot associate with. Say those words into the mirror. Examine the reflection. Good luck

 

So when your in a relationship you just ascociate with who ever you want? you have lady friends who you go to concerts with and go dancing with after work? Being in a relationship is all about the respect it takes to meet some one half way.

 

I never said your telling a woman anything, after all I believe in the end the women choses you. I just believe in telling a woman the way you want things and let her choose what she wants cause there are I'm sure plenty of guys out there willing to put up with anything I'm just now one of them.

 

it has worked fine for me.

 

I agree with this, but it's also difficult because she wouldn't like being told who she can be friends with. I usually accept it and if something happens, then I'll just cut her out.

 

You don't have to accept it. You do have to be willing to leave her if she isn't willing to choose you over her lifestyle. She may never cheat on you, its just uncomfortable to be with a girl who has such blured lines with the other men in her life.

 

I think he's giving the post from his perspective. I think both men and women can be naive.

 

I also think woman are more prone to it, because men tend to be the ones who will push the limit of a friendship in both scenarios. But I could be wrong.

 

Yes it is from my perspective and wonder why she chose to attack me for it. Men of course can be naive.

 

I hate to say it- but I agree with you on this.

 

For some reason (millenium of evolution perphaps) we just know something is going to happen when our woman is "having fun with guy friends".

 

Humans just don't get jealous "because" we want to. There's a deeper sense at work that we all are pre-programmed for.

 

As for me- I only need "ONE" woman and thats the one I'm currently "Doinking".

 

I agree I have no control over my jealous even if I try to rationalize it. I just don't like the idea of my gf having fun with some other guy and I do feel pre-programed in this sense and really don't have any drive to change that programing.

 

why do you hate to agree on this?

 

haha, right on Littlebittle!. Because she's a dog that you need keep a leash on at all times, lest she strays.

 

Not at all where I was going with this. It was more from the perspective of why would you want a gf who spends time with other guys. sure let her go out, let her go to concerts, piano bars what ever. But let her do it with her female friends or with the guy she is dating. theres a difference between having work or school friends and getting lunch, or going out after work or over the weekends which crosses the line. Let her have other female friends.

 

And if she wants that life then let her date some one other then me.

 

Of course you don't, and that's healthy. Leave her to attention whore with the others and move on to a woman who values your attention and gives you hers. That's my point with the OP. Why would you want to be with a woman who seeks attention from other men? That's far different from being with a woman who has healthy male friendships. Far different. I find a woman who has clearly defined boundaries for male friendship to be attractive, because this tells me she is self-aware and self-confident and knows how to manage relationships in a healthy way.

 

and please outline a clearly defined male friendship. This thread is basicly about moving on from a women with out these values.

 

I don't think people are property and we as people are delusional if we think that we can successfully allow another adult to do something or not.

 

Both women and men can be naive to the intentions of others. For me, their intentions are not something I even try to assume I know, nor do I waste my time with trying to examine them to determine them.

 

I have an ex I am still close to and my bf has the same. We go out with my ex and his gf and we hang out. Sometimes he sees his ex with out me and I do the same. If my ex just like with any other man was to say or do something inappropriate they would be told my clear boundaries. Should they choose to ignore that in the future I would have a decision to make, and it would be clear and final.

 

My values, conscience and boundaries guide me to do the right things in life. They allow me to make choices that put my relationship first and I am confident my bf knows that. He has seen me in enough situations and had prior knowledge of how I behave when he is not around.

 

Who cares if I am having fun with a member of the opposite sex. When we hang out with a couple I am having fun with the wife and her husband, not just her. My inner compass of guidance does not quit working based upon who I am around, or if my bf is there or not. It always guides me.

 

I would care. I wouldn't want to date a girl who goes and sees her ex with out me.

[Agoraphobianebula]

My values, conscience and boundaries guide me to do the right things in life. They allow me to make choices that put my relationship first and I am confident my bf knows that. He has seen me in enough situations and had prior knowledge of how I behave when he is not around.

 

 

Thank you!,

 

OP, if you pick a woman who has so little integrity that she goes around tripping and landing on other men's penises, then that is your issue--her LACK OF INTEGRITY. Your problem is not "allowing" her to hang out with members of the opposite sex alone.

 

A person that will cheat on you will find ways to do it no matter what. Controlling whom she hangs out with has nothing to do with her choice to remain faithful.

[littlebittle]

Your incite into my mind is erie. I'm j/k of course but I took some of your post as humour meant to shock me from my tone.

 

I do think women are naive when it comes to friendships with men. If you are young girl, or pretty much any girl then the men who are your friends have alterior motives. As a man i can more clearly see this. I myself would never befriend a girl under the guise of pure friendship. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy and benefit from women it just means that if I'm going out with and hanging out with a women that friendship is getting close to something else.

 

i'm sorry, but you sound like a 14-year-old.

your point is invalid.

[carhill]

So when your in a relationship you just ascociate with who ever you want?

Absolutely. I was married and both my stbx and I had friends of the opposite gender. I proposed to her at an old boyfriend's house after playing Santa to his daughter. Perhaps we just have different viewpoints on gender relations. Different paths.

 

you have lady friends who you go to concerts with and go dancing with after work?

I don't dance worth a spit but sure I'd hang out with other female friends at concerts. We've been to such events all over the world and have friends in many places. I work at home so generally would grab a beer with the guys after work, if anything.

 

and please outline a clearly defined male friendship. This thread is basicly about moving on from a women with out these values.

That's easy. It's transparent, I'm included and I'm prioritized. The example I gave above about when I proposed is a perfect example. This was a lifelong friend of my stbx. Attention whoring with men was not an issue in our marriage at all. Girlfriends, OTOH, watch out for them.

[Green]

Thank you!,

 

OP, if you pick a woman who has so little integrity that she goes around tripping and landing on other men's penises, then that is your issue--her LACK OF INTEGRITY. Your problem is not "allowing" her to hang out with members of the opposite sex alone.

 

A person that will cheat on you will find ways to do it no matter what. Controlling whom she hangs out with has nothing to do with her choice to remain faithful.

 

Yes a person can cheat on you no matter what. That still doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't want to date a girl who was currently a stripper for instance. Whether the girl cheats or not doesn't matter its the boundaries that are being already crossed.

 

i'm sorry, but you sound like a 14-year-old.

your point is invalid.

 

Don’t be sorry. Its fine if you don’t agree with what I say but please argue the point instead of making it personal.

 

...Perhaps we just have different viewpoints on gender relations. Different paths...

 

...I don't dance worth a spit but sure I'd hang out with other female friends at concerts. We've been to such events all over the world and have friends in many places. I work at home so generally would grab a beer with the guys after work, if anything...

 

...That's easy. It's transparent, I'm included and I'm prioritized. The example I gave above about when I proposed is a perfect example. This was a lifelong friend of my stbx. Attention whoring with men was not an issue in our marriage at all. Girlfriends, OTOH, watch out for them.

 

Its hard to know if we have different veiwpoints because I'm having trouble pinpointing exactly what you mean.

 

When you said you don't dance does that mean if you did dance you would see no problem going out alone for the purpose of dancing with other women or vice versa your wife going out with a male friend to dance? Were you going to concerts alone just you and a girl or was it a group of people?

[carhill]

Were you going to concerts alone just you and a girl or was it a group of people?

 

Sometimes alone, sometimes with other friends, sometimes with my stbx. Depended on the occasion and location.

 

When you said you don't dance does that mean if you did dance you would see no problem going out alone for the purpose of dancing with other women or vice versa your wife going out with a male friend to dance?

 

I can't answer for myself since I never did any, but my stbx would go out with her girlfriends dancing sometimes and I presume there were men around. I don't ever recall her going out dancing specifically with one male friend.

 

I think it basically comes to us having different viewpoints on women. I know I can't in any way control or change a woman's behavior. She has to want what she does. All I can do is react in a way which is healthy for myself.

[Clep]

Y

 

I would care. I wouldn't want to date a girl who goes and sees her ex with out me.

 

I would ask myself why I would care about that if I were you. Is that a personal insecurity, what you feel is a boundary as preventative maintenance in a relationship to avoid future conflict, or other?

 

It seems to me if your so wanted to be in a relationship with the ex that would be happening. I know with my ex, if he phones me up and asks if we want to do something, he already knows our time with him has limitations, as my time with my so is much more important than time with him. He understands that and respects that. The same goes with he and his gf where we are concerned.

[Agoraphobianebula]

Yes a person can cheat on you no matter what. That still doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't want to date a girl who was currently a stripper for instance. Whether the girl cheats or not doesn't matter its the boundaries that are being already crossed.

 

 

That's perfectly fine, YOU think that your girlfriend hanging out with members of the opposite sex solo is crossing boundaries. Hey, your relationship, your boundaries, no one can begrudge you that.

 

But the title of your thread and the gist of it is "Never let a girl you date hang out with other men". Which is essentially trying to impose YOUR personal boundaries on others.

 

If you don't want your girlfriend galavanting with other males, fine, pick a girl whose point of view is in line with yours and your relationship will be honky dory. There are many women out there who don't care for friends outside of their relationship. But to want to take a fullly functioning adult and dicate to her what you will or not let her do..um..I don't think that works well in a civilized society.

[littlebittle]

Don’t be sorry. Its fine if you don’t agree with what I say but please argue the point instead of making it personal.

 

i will elaborate. your point is invalid because your argument is poorly thought-out, poorly written, and unsubstantiated. all things considered, it's ironic that you would be referring to anyone as naive.

 

you are absolutely entitled to whatever opinion you have. i am entitled to my own opinion that what you believe (and how you are expressing said beliefs) is nonsensical.

[threebyfate]

Green, who's issues are you describing, a partner's or yours?

 

Let's put the shoe on the other foot. If your partner told you "you're not allowed to wear anything but suits, since anything else makes you look slovenly", would you happily abide?

[ImaManDammit]

Green, who's issues are you describing, a partner's or yours?

 

Let's put the shoe on the other foot. If your partner told you "you're not allowed to wear anything but suits, since anything else makes you look slovenly", would you happily abide?

 

I don't think you can make the comparison of not wanting your SO to be around the opposite sex, to what style of clothes they should or should not be wearing.

 

Everybody has insecurities, and though I think asking anyone NOT to do something is not really a good way to be in a relationship, I definitely think there is a bit more foundation for asking them not to be around the opposite sex.

[threebyfate]

I don't think you can make the comparison of not wanting your SO to be around the opposite sex, to what style of clothes they should or should not be wearing.

The only difference is how she acts towards opposite gender friends. If she's flirting with intent, NEEDING the validation, you have a serious problem on your hands. If she treats them like people, without that spark of interest, it's no different than demanding that someone wear different clothing.

 

Everybody has insecurities, and though I think asking anyone NOT to do something is not really a good way to be in a relationship, I definitely think there is a bit more foundation for asking them not to be around the opposite sex.

Sure, everyone has insecurities. I'll provide you with a little story:

 

I got involved with someone who deliberately solicited opposite gender interest. This was after a divorce, from a cheater, so I carried some trust issues. Seeing this open solicitation, caused me to withdraw from him and he noticed it, so he addressed it with me. I basically told him that I didn't want to be with someone, just like the ex-H. He quasi-amended his behaviour but it didn't make him happy, and anyways, a portion of trust and respect had already been lost on my side. In the end, it turned out that he NEEDED this type of external validation, hence proved to be an incompatible personality type for me, amongst many other incompatibilities.

 

Moral of the story, your spidey-sense will tingle, when it comes to opposite gender "friendships" rather than honest friendships. Rather than blanket generalizing that most or all people are the same way, gauge your partner by a combination of words and actions, ensuring that both line up.

 

Also, your spidey-sense should be giving you warning signs, if someone isn't on the level.