Never let a girl you date hang out with men

[Payden]

I don't know how I would feel about my girl going out with a "friend" of the opposite sex.

Exceptions I could be really excepting too are guys that are her long time childhood friends or the like.

 

Gee... I really don't know what I would feel like...I am hoping enough trust would exists, but this day and age and seeing my sister being cheated on twice by sum bitches, really makes me question if I would ever have that much trust in someone.

 

Is it a bad trait to not trust your girl around other men?...

[carhill]

Is it a bad trait to not trust your girl around other men?...

 

IDK about 'bad', but I could sure see it as limiting, in many ways. Life's too short, IMO, to be that limited. If you could balance it by being with a woman who limits you similarly and without prejudice, then maybe things could find a balance. Sure seems hard in this day and age. Hope it works out

[Trialbyfire]

Is it a bad trait to not trust your girl around other men?...

Trusting someone is multi-faceted. A lack of trust in your partner, can be one or any combination of the following:

1. Your partner's actions are making your spidey-sense tingle.
   
2. You lack trust in another, due to lacking trust in your own abilities to judge another person.
   
3. You lack trust in another, due to seeing others through your own lens. In other words, projecting your own actions, onto someone else.
   

I've experienced #1 and #2. I've had #3 inflicted on me, from the ex-H. He was very possessive and territorial, and yet, cheated on me.

[torranceshipman]

Seriously, you can't start controling your girl just because you are insecure. For a start, girls are perfectly capable of viewing a friendship as a friendship. Guys are usually the ones that vy for a 'friendship' with a girl in the hope of more. Of course there are exceptions but this is generally the way of the world.

 

Also if you start telling her who she can and can't see - including some of her good friends who are male - she and her friends are likely to see you as controling and a bit of a bully and she won't be your girl for much longer.

 

The ex thing is contentious though - I can understand your thinking there.

[PinkToes]

And getting your jaw wired shut is a good way to lose weight. Because really, it's the food that's the problem, and not our inability to control what we eat, right?

 

I have close men friends I've known for years. But I would never so much as flirt with any of them. If I were in a relationship, I probably wouldn't go hang out with single men after work, but friends are different.

 

One of my guy friends was dating a woman who told him she didn't want him to socialize with women friends -- even those he'd known for years. They're no longer together. It wasn't about the women friends. She just didn't trust him.

 

So if you're in a relationship with someone you trust completely -- and I don't know why anyone would spend time with someone they didn't trust completely -- the issue really is with you, not them.

[BWLoca]

Eh, I kind of agree with the OP but mostly concerning marriage. It's not just cheating that may occur. Confiding in others and who may not have the best intentions for your marriage/relationship is a huge mistake.

[New_Life08]

I have to agree that exes or anyone else you have an intimate history with is baggage and needs to be left in the past. If a person has the NEED to hang out with opposite sex friends ALONE and fights their partner on this....has something to hide. And probably hiding more than you can imagine.

 

Whether it is a sexual issue or not doesn't matter, there is obviously an intimate one called "emotional affair" which has the same result....deception. People who find themselves in this emotional turmoil are not ready for a committed relationship....period.

 

This is not to say a person does not have opposite sex "friends" but there are limits with the opposite sex that needs to be recognized with respect to our partner...if our friend's needs takes priority over the feelings of our partner, then we probably shouldn't be in a relationship.

[sally4sara]

After I made sure I had indeed read the title properly, I was a bit taken aback at how many folks still think this way. Love is not restrictive. If you are in a relationship and it requires you to be told how to act, you either were not ready to be in a relationship to being with or you're much more a puppet than a partner.

 

Probably should not let them walk around with more than $5 at a time either with them being so naive and impressionable.

And no cell phones, especially when you're not around! You don't know what they might get talked into!

Everyday, you should check their call logs, texts and emails to make sure you are the only person they're dating.

 

And I wouldn't just give them a free reign with friends of the same gender either. I just KNOW you've see how blatant teh gays are with getting folks to switch teams!

 

Grow up. You don't own your SO. They're not the last piece of peach cobbler in the Brady Bunch House. You don't need to guard them so closely.

[Itzo]

You should never let a girl you are dating hang out with men. If you are dating a girl seriously then you should ask her not to put herself in a situation where she is going to be alone with another man.

 

I think it is fine for a girl to be friends with and have contact with men other then her bf. I just don't think she should be able to go out and do something alone with that person. I also don't think a girl should stay in contact with her ex boyfriends.

 

The same applies for men. I just think women are often naive about thinking it would be olright for them to just go hang out with a guy and just be friends with him outside of school or work ect. I say keep it at work or school, or at some group event like a couples dinner or a party ect.

 

Men and Women can't just be friends and I wouldn't want the stress of knowing that the person I date is out having a good time with a member of the oposite sex.

 

as I said before I think this aplies to men as well, but women in my experience are often more naive to this fact.

 

Mr. Green or whatever is your nickname here

Everything you said is IN EXACTLY OPPOSITE understanding about this things.

 

You are a control freak, if you DO NOT let your woman to hang out with other men (ALONE). This means that:

 

1. You do not trust her.

2. You feel insecured, because she's "hanging out with other men."

 

Either way, it is your own issue, and my advice to you is to get over with.

There is no reason for vexation when in comes to this, women might test you at the beginning by having conversations or meetings with other men, but this doesn't mean anything.

 

If you suspect that she's with another man, then you be with another woman Play the game ...

 

If happened to see your women with another man alone ... go over there and say ... "Hey you two look a great couple" tease her a little bit.

She'll love it. If you act like a control freak, telling her not to see other men ... she'll say to herself .. oh god, my boyfriend is a real pussy I do not need a man like this, maybe I should hang out for REAL with that person, it might be fun anyways. Do you know what I am sayin'?

[meerkat stew]

i like how you peppered this post with "the same goes for men" but then you felt the need to follow up that superficial sentiment with the insinuation that women are more prone to this sort of behavior because they are "naive." ok then.

 

Women are more prone to it because they are allowed to be. Few women I know will allow an SO to carry on lots of supposedly friendly, unsupervised relationships with other women, yet women today have a privileged attitude that it is somehow OK for them to do it.

 

There are some women who have legitimate male friends. It's easy to tell a real friend from a fake friend who is romantically interested. Fact is, many women prefer male "friends" over female because they know that women won't let them get away with the crap that a male friend will. Women will tell each other off and react more honestly when not treated as a true friend. Men with a hidden romantic agenda, or even not, will let a woman do anything under the guise of friendship. This is just as much bad behavior on men's part as women.

 

One of my favorite tests when women say a guy is just a friend and justifies a continuing relationship that way is to ask her 1. when's the last time you did something nice for your male friend? a favor or treated him? 2. Cool, let's take him out with us next week, I can't wait to meet him, maybe he and I can be friends too!, and finally 3. Have you ever slept with him, dated him, kissed him, or has he ever shown romantic interest? 90% of female/male friendships FAIL this basic test miserably in my relationships. If they pass, I'm more than cool with her hanging out with him. If they fail, he's gotta go entirely while we are dating. No flexibility on this going forward at all, am tired of having wormy men in the background undermining my relationships because they can't get their own GF, and so are a "good friend" to her hoping he will have a shot one day.

 

These days, when I hear a woman say "I have no female friends and prefer male friends" it translates to me as "I'm not a very good friend to anyone and have a problem with attention seeking." Sorry if that sounds unfair, just based on 30 years of experience.

[carhill]

Also, if someone abuses one's trust in this situation, that's instructional too. Better to let them go and find more trustworthy people

 

These days, when I hear a woman say "I have no female friends and prefer male friends" it translates to me as "I'm not a very good friend to anyone and have a problem with attention seeking."

 

Yes, balance is a good thing, along with transparency. Such a shift one way would cause me concern, and has. I can say I've had some female friends who have been sorely disappointed in my lack of propensity to 'overlook' things due to gender sexual tension.

Edited January 25, 2010 by carhill

[DiscoChick]

After I made sure I had indeed read the title properly, I was a bit taken aback at how many folks still think this way. Love is not restrictive. If you are in a relationship and it requires you to be told how to act, you either were not ready to be in a relationship to being with or you're much more a puppet than a partner.

 

Probably should not let them walk around with more than $5 at a time either with them being so naive and impressionable.

And no cell phones, especially when you're not around! You don't know what they might get talked into!

Everyday, you should check their call logs, texts and emails to make sure you are the only person they're dating.

 

And I wouldn't just give them a free reign with friends of the same gender either. I just KNOW you've see how blatant teh gays are with getting folks to switch teams!

 

Grow up. You don't own your SO. They're not the last piece of peach cobbler in the Brady Bunch House. You don't need to guard them so closely.

 

 

:lmao: I agree with you. One thing I hate about the idea of marriage is how men can sometimes become...controlling. I'm a free spirit. I talk to whomever I want and hang out with all my friends. Guys and girls alike. Well, mostly guys. I would never cheat on someone I was in a relationship with, whether with my male friends () or any other guy. Any guy that wants to limit who I'm friends with or who I hang out with is obviously not ready to be in any kind of relationship.

 

Also, my ex was my best friend before we got into a relationship. If he ever takes his head out of his ass, I would like that friendship back. He is the only of my friends that didn't get emotional or distant when talking about certain things, and I admire that in any person.

[meerkat stew]

Also, if someone abuses one's trust in this situation, that's instructional too. Better to let them go and find more trustworthy people

 

The problem, Carhill, is that speaking from my personal experience, if I just walked away from every woman who has "fake male friends" these days, it would cut my dating pool prospects down tremendously, and I already have a problem finding dateable women out there, it's that pervasive IME.

 

Actually, I find that the good ones understand and comply. We can all be kids in relationships with our hands in the cookie jar until we get caught, not doing anything truly bad, just fudging, the difference between quality and chaff is how we react when we are called on it. I have maybe 20 female acquaintances with whom something romantic or sexual is a real possibility and at my age and experience, I just steer clear of them entirely while involved with a GF. I just ask that women do the same. Real friends stick out like a sore thumb, so easy to spot. Those are fine.

[hoping2heal]

You should never let a girl you are dating hang out with men. If you are dating a girl seriously then you should ask her not to put herself in a situation where she is going to be alone with another man.

 

I think it is fine for a girl to be friends with and have contact with men other then her bf. I just don't think she should be able to go out and do something alone with that person. I also don't think a girl should stay in contact with her ex boyfriends.

 

The same applies for men. I just think women are often naive about thinking it would be olright for them to just go hang out with a guy and just be friends with him outside of school or work ect. I say keep it at work or school, or at some group event like a couples dinner or a party ect.

 

Men and Women can't just be friends and I wouldn't want the stress of knowing that the person I date is out having a good time with a member of the oposite sex.

 

as I said before I think this aplies to men as well, but women in my experience are often more naive to this fact.

 

I agree with this. My partner and I have a mutual understanding, no spending time with the opposite sex alone.

 

It isn't so much of me or him not "letting" either of us do that; I just said straight off the bat before things were serious what I'm not okay with and he made the decision wether or not he could agree with that and stay in the Rs. You can't force anyone to do anything (nor should you) but you should let your partner know what is fine and what will fly.

[carhill]

IMO, there's a difference between being trustworthy or not and having real or fake friends of the opposite gender or not. In fact, at my age, I can't imagine women not having a significant amount of male friends and acquaintances.

 

I used to (still do, once in awhile) get together for beers at my best friend's business after work and socialized with the employees, including a half-dozen or so female workers. We always had a great time (he's a great leader) and my stbx would sometimes come join us after closing up at the salon. Would it have been fair for her to deny me socializing, alone, with other women? Would it have been fair for me to deny her taking male clients out to lunch, either alone or with other co-workers? To me, that becomes a slippery slope of too many rules. No thanks. I'll keep my cat and remain single.

[hoping2heal]

Eh, I kind of agree with the OP but mostly concerning marriage. It's not just cheating that may occur. Confiding in others and who may not have the best intentions for your marriage/relationship is a huge mistake.

 

It's also a mistake to confide in others who may not have the best intentions for your Rs.

[threebyfate]

It's also a mistake to confide in others who may not have the best intentions for your Rs.

This isn't limited to opposite gender friends.

[torranceshipman]

Is this another short guy thread?

[threebyfate]

Is this another short guy thread?

Surprisingly, no. KMT/Green is pretty tall. He's just having problems in his relationship.

[Agoraphobianebula]

 

Actually, I find that the good ones understand and comply. We can all be kids in relationships with our hands in the cookie jar until we get caught, not doing anything truly bad, just fudging, the difference between quality and chaff is how we react when we are called on it. I have maybe 20 female acquaintances with whom something romantic or sexual is a real possibility and at my age and experience, I just steer clear of them entirely while involved with a GF. I just ask that women do the same. Real friends stick out like a sore thumb, so easy to spot. Those are fine.

 

I would actually argue that "good ones" don't understand and comply, rather they tell you to snap out of the immaturity and get over yourself. Women for the most part don't keep men they are attracted to as friends. There are exceptions sure, but generally, if you are my guy friend, it means, I'm not in the least bit attracted to you so that means, there will be no "oops, we ended up in bed together" someday, contrary to popular believe.

 

There is such a thing as approaching people as people not as a means to an end. Which means genuine friendships do arise between members of the opposite sex because they see each other as people not as potentially accesible walking penises or vaginas.

 

The "good ones" know how to properly balance their opposite sex friendships and their relationships. The good ones watch out for and nip any kind of innapropriate behavior in the bud. The good ones recognize that their relationship is a priority and convey that sentiment to their friends (male or female). Most importantly, the good ones usually drives it home to their male friends that 'Johnny Boyfriend' is the sexiest, most eligible specimen walking the earth so that even if any male friend starts to get any ideas, he knows he can't compete with Johnny boyfriend so why even try.

 

The moral of the story is if you get to the point of needing to dictate who your mate hangs out with, then the damage in your relationship clearly goes beyond those friends. Either you are grossly insecure or you picked a mate who doesn't know how to set proper boundaries.

[DiscoChick]

Is this another short guy thread?

 

They are quite popular, aren't they?

[threebyfate]

I just think that you can't expect your partner to live in a bubble, that you create. If someone is of the cheating variety, they're going to find a way to cheat, whether it's in the open or covertly.

 

Either trust your partner or not. If you don't trust them, whether it's due to their actions or something within you, why are you with them?

[GroupFitness]

You know, if someone is an attention whore, telling them they can't hang out with certain people will not make him/her any less of an attention whore.

 

That will be like slapping a band-aid on a massive hemorrhage.

[DiscoChick]

You know, if someone is an attention whore, telling them they can't hang out with certain people will not make him/her any less of an attention whore.

 

That will be like slapping a band-aid on a massive hemorrhage.

 

I was going to ask what being an attention whore has to do with who her friends are, but then I remembered that one girl from that show "Fairy Odd Parents." I think her name is Chelsea. She surrounds herself with people that think [and tells her] she is pretty. She needs people to to dote on her. She has to be the center of attention. Is this what you mean?! I don't know any women that do that.

[Green]

Sometimes alone, sometimes with other friends, sometimes with my stbx. Depended on the occasion and location.

 

 

 

I can't answer for myself since I never did any, but my stbx would go out with her girlfriends dancing sometimes and I presume there were men around. I don't ever recall her going out dancing specifically with one male friend.

 

I think it basically comes to us having different viewpoints on women. I know I can't in any way control or change a woman's behavior. She has to want what she does. All I can do is react in a way which is healthy for myself.

 

I don't think I can chage a woman either, I just refuse to be with some one who does these things. What I wrote "never let a girl you date hang out with men" all I meant was ask her not to and break up if thats the only option.

 

I would ask myself why I would care about that if I were you. Is that a personal insecurity, what you feel is a boundary as preventative maintenance in a relationship to avoid future conflict, or other?

 

It seems to me if your so wanted to be in a relationship with the ex that would be happening. I know with my ex, if he phones me up and asks if we want to do something, he already knows our time with him has limitations, as my time with my so is much more important than time with him. He understands that and respects that. The same goes with he and his gf where we are concerned.

 

It is definetly personal the reason I feel the boundary needs to be there. I just hate the idea of having a gf who is close friends with her ex, and hangs out and has fun with men who are not me even if no cheating was involved. It feels almost primal inside me but I have no urge to change the way I feel as it is working for me. The reason I posted this thread was because of situations I was reading about in other threads involving ex's comming back into gf's lives.

 

I understand what your doing works for you, all sorts of things work for different people or atleast they will say it does. I don't agree. If I were your boyfriend when things started to get seriouse I would have told you how I wanted things as far as boundaries with men and your ex. If you didn't agree we would end things.

 

That's perfectly fine, YOU think that your girlfriend hanging out with members of the opposite sex solo is crossing boundaries. Hey, your relationship, your boundaries, no one can begrudge you that.

 

But the title of your thread and the gist of it is "Never let a girl you date hang out with other men". Which is essentially trying to impose YOUR personal boundaries on others.

 

If you don't want your girlfriend galavanting with other males, fine, pick a girl whose point of view is in line with yours and your relationship will be honky dory. There are many women out there who don't care for friends outside of their relationship. But to want to take a fullly functioning adult and dicate to her what you will or not let her do..um..I don't think that works well in a civilized society.

 

If I wrote a thread that says never let a man beat you would you think that meant take a man who beats women and get him to stop or that women could always spot such a man?

 

look the thread is titled never let a girl you date hang out with men. I then elaborated. All I meant is in my eyes you should break up with a girl if shes not happy with that. I didn't mean you force a woman to your will and there is no way of knowing a person till you start dating them.

 

i will elaborate. your point is invalid because your argument is poorly thought-out, poorly written, and unsubstantiated. all things considered, it's ironic that you would be referring to anyone as naive.

 

you are absolutely entitled to whatever opinion you have. i am entitled to my own opinion that what you believe (and how you are expressing said beliefs) is nonsensical.

 

If I'm entitled to my opinion why do you attack me for it? What scares you so much about what I am saying? If you meet a guy and you like him and he likes you and things get seriouse and he says I don't want you being alone with that guy and you say no you don't think he has a right to dump you with out being bashed as imature?

 

Green, who's issues are you describing, a partner's or yours?

 

Let's put the shoe on the other foot. If your partner told you "you're not allowed to wear anything but suits, since anything else makes you look slovenly", would you happily abide?

 

This is my personal view.

 

I think if the shoe were on the other foot and my partner wanted something out of the relationship I didn't agree with I would be honest and it would be up to my partner to decide how she liked the reality. The fact is your example is a little silly with the suit thing but people have expectations they want their partners to live up to all the time.

 

I don't think you can make the comparison of not wanting your SO to be around the opposite sex, to what style of clothes they should or should not be wearing.

 

Everybody has insecurities, and though I think asking anyone NOT to do something is not really a good way to be in a relationship, I definitely think there is a bit more foundation for asking them not to be around the opposite sex.

 

Look when you get in a relationship the feelings arn't as strong and things do change. You can ask some one not to do something, but don't expect the result. For instance if some one wanted to join the peace core and move away for a year, you could ask them not to but if they joined break up with them.

 

In this thread my point of view is allowing yourself to be in a relationship with no boundaries on male female interaction is not enough. I would not want a relationship with a girl who hangs out with other men regardless of if she is cheating or not.

 

The only difference is how she acts towards opposite gender friends. If she's flirting with intent, NEEDING the validation, you have a serious problem on your hands. If she treats them like people, without that spark of interest, it's no different than demanding that someone wear different clothing.

 

Sure, everyone has insecurities. I'll provide you with a little story:

 

I got involved with someone who deliberately solicited opposite gender interest. This was after a divorce, from a cheater, so I carried some trust issues. Seeing this open solicitation, caused me to withdraw from him and he noticed it, so he addressed it with me. I basically told him that I didn't want to be with someone, just like the ex-H. He quasi-amended his behaviour but it didn't make him happy, and anyways, a portion of trust and respect had already been lost on my side. In the end, it turned out that he NEEDED this type of external validation, hence proved to be an incompatible personality type for me, amongst many other incompatibilities.

 

Moral of the story, your spidey-sense will tingle, when it comes to opposite gender "friendships" rather than honest friendships. Rather than blanket generalizing that most or all people are the same way, gauge your partner by a combination of words and actions, ensuring that both line up.

 

Also, your spidey-sense should be giving you warning signs, if someone isn't on the level.

 

So when your seriously dating a guy you go out alone to concerts with guy friends? Do you go to Dinners with guy friends just you and the guy? Write back and forth with you ex on eachothers facebook wall?

 

because yes any of these things would raise my spider senses, and my point is I wouldn't care if there was cheating or not because I don't want a relationship like this with any of those elements.

 

I don't know how I would feel about my girl going out with a "friend" of the opposite sex.

Exceptions I could be really excepting too are guys that are her long time childhood friends or the like.

 

Gee... I really don't know what I would feel like...I am hoping enough trust would exists, but this day and age and seeing my sister being cheated on twice by sum bitches, really makes me question if I would ever have that much trust in someone.

 

Is it a bad trait to not trust your girl around other men?...

I think it is a bad trait to not trust your girl around other men. I think there is a difference between not trusting your girl and not wanting your girl to be in certain situations. Even if I trust my girl I still don't want some guy getting to enjoy her company at a dinner for two, or private time at his house watching a movie or bowling or what ever. I should be the only man enjoying private time with my gf and that has nothing to do with trust. Like others have said if some one wants to cheat they will find a way so its not strictly about that.

As far as your exception for old friends, I would have none. Look stay in touch with you old friends, heck if they have a gf we could go out on couples dates what ever, invite them to our parties. But no I would not want my gf going over to her old guy friends house to watch movies alone, or out dancing, or to a concert just them or anything else just them alone.

the only exception I would make is work. If she needs to have a business dinner or she is at work and goes to lunch with male colegues. No exceptions for after work drinks or anything purely social.

 

Trusting someone is multi-faceted. A lack of trust in your partner, can be one or any combination of the following:

1. Your partner's actions are making your spidey-sense tingle.
   
2. You lack trust in another, due to lacking trust in your own abilities to judge another person.
   
3. You lack trust in another, due to seeing others through your own lens. In other words, projecting your own actions, onto someone else.
   

I've experienced #1 and #2. I've had #3 inflicted on me, from the ex-H. He was very possessive and territorial, and yet, cheated on me.

 

 

Lack of trust in your partner stems from lack of trust in yourself. If you don't trust some one then you should leave them. Possessive and territorial people can of course be cheaters themselves not to mention when some one has no trust in you why should you have trust in them.

 

Boundaries can help maintain trust. Relationships in my mind are all about boundaries and promises.

 

Seriously, you can't start controling your girl just because you are insecure. For a start, girls are perfectly capable of viewing a friendship as a friendship. Guys are usually the ones that vy for a 'friendship' with a girl in the hope of more. Of course there are exceptions but this is generally the way of the world.

 

Also if you start telling her who she can and can't see - including some of her good friends who are male - she and her friends are likely to see you as controling and a bit of a bully and she won't be your girl for much longer.

 

The ex thing is contentious though - I can understand your thinking there.

 

I'm not looking to control any one just be in a certain type of relationship. And yes guys are usually the ones that vy for a friendship hoping for more and that doesn't change my stance.

 

I never said she couldn't see her male friends just that she couldn't be alone with them. If she is out with a mixed group of men and women that is different. If she is out just her and one male friend having private time its not something I am willing to have in my relationship.

 

And getting your jaw wired shut is a good way to lose weight. Because really, it's the food that's the problem, and not our inability to control what we eat, right?

 

I have close men friends I've known for years. But I would never so much as flirt with any of them. If I were in a relationship, I probably wouldn't go hang out with single men after work, but friends are different.

 

One of my guy friends was dating a woman who told him she didn't want him to socialize with women friends -- even those he'd known for years. They're no longer together. It wasn't about the women friends. She just didn't trust him.

 

So if you're in a relationship with someone you trust completely -- and I don't know why anyone would spend time with someone they didn't trust completely -- the issue really is with you, not them.

 

If we became seriouse and you insisted on it being okay for you to hang out alone just you and one other guy friend having private time I would not be okay with that. I would be honest with you and if we broke up that would be that. If you wanted to stay in touch, or invite them to our parties or go to their parties that would be fine. But any alone time you may have had would have to end. I'm just not comfortable being at work or being at home and knowing my gf is out at some movie or eating dinner at some mans house just her and him all alone. Really all the trust in the world wouldn't make me happy about that situation.

 

Eh, I kind of agree with the OP but mostly concerning marriage. It's not just cheating that may occur. Confiding in others and who may not have the best intentions for your marriage/relationship is a huge mistake.

 

Seriouse relatioships may be heading toward mariage better have the talk sooner then later.

 

I have to agree that exes or anyone else you have an intimate history with is baggage and needs to be left in the past. If a person has the NEED to hang out with opposite sex friends ALONE and fights their partner on this....has something to hide. And probably hiding more than you can imagine.

 

Whether it is a sexual issue or not doesn't matter, there is obviously an intimate one called "emotional affair" which has the same result....deception. People who find themselves in this emotional turmoil are not ready for a committed relationship....period.

 

This is not to say a person does not have opposite sex "friends" but there are limits with the opposite sex that needs to be recognized with respect to our partner...if our friend's needs takes priority over the feelings of our partner, then we probably shouldn't be in a relationship.

 

Feels like you said what I'm trying to say but better.

 

After I made sure I had indeed read the title properly, I was a bit taken aback at how many folks still think this way. Love is not restrictive. If you are in a relationship and it requires you to be told how to act, you either were not ready to be in a relationship to being with or you're much more a puppet than a partner.

 

Probably should not let them walk around with more than $5 at a time either with them being so naive and impressionable.

And no cell phones, especially when you're not around! You don't know what they might get talked into!

Everyday, you should check their call logs, texts and emails to make sure you are the only person they're dating.

 

And I wouldn't just give them a free reign with friends of the same gender either. I just KNOW you've see how blatant teh gays are with getting folks to switch teams!

 

Grow up. You don't own your SO. They're not the last piece of peach cobbler in the Brady Bunch House. You don't need to guard them so closely.

 

I was trying to talk about one subject. Of course I woudn't enjoy certain disrespects involving same gender friends. Like it would be rude to go on girls nights out or guys nights out all the time to the point you ignore your partner or other scenarios with same gender friends. And I don't enjoy what I saw as a homophobic comment. I seriously wouldn't want a gf having alone time with a guy even if he was gay.

 

this thread wasn't about telling some one how to act, its about what I think you should be willing to accept.

 

Mr. Green or whatever is your nickname here

Everything you said is IN EXACTLY OPPOSITE understanding about this things.

 

You are a control freak, if you DO NOT let your woman to hang out with other men (ALONE). This means that:

 

1. You do not trust her.

2. You feel insecured, because she's "hanging out with other men."

 

Either way, it is your own issue, and my advice to you is to get over with.

There is no reason for vexation when in comes to this, women might test you at the beginning by having conversations or meetings with other men, but this doesn't mean anything.

 

If you suspect that she's with another man, then you be with another woman Play the game ...

 

If happened to see your women with another man alone ... go over there and say ... "Hey you two look a great couple" tease her a little bit.

She'll love it. If you act like a control freak, telling her not to see other men ... she'll say to herself .. oh god, my boyfriend is a real pussy I do not need a man like this, maybe I should hang out for REAL with that person, it might be fun anyways. Do you know what I am sayin'?

 

I'm not interested in being with other women and playing some game. I would never tease a gf of mine about looking like a great couple with another guy and how would I even be there to tease her if she was alone with him? I know what you are saying and I disagree completly.

 

Women are more prone to it because they are allowed to be. Few women I know will allow an SO to carry on lots of supposedly friendly, unsupervised relationships with other women, yet women today have a privileged attitude that it is somehow OK for them to do it.

 

There are some women who have legitimate male friends. It's easy to tell a real friend from a fake friend who is romantically interested. Fact is, many women prefer male "friends" over female because they know that women won't let them get away with the crap that a male friend will. Women will tell each other off and react more honestly when not treated as a true friend. Men with a hidden romantic agenda, or even not, will let a woman do anything under the guise of friendship. This is just as much bad behavior on men's part as women.

 

One of my favorite tests when women say a guy is just a friend and justifies a continuing relationship that way is to ask her 1. when's the last time you did something nice for your male friend? a favor or treated him? 2. Cool, let's take him out with us next week, I can't wait to meet him, maybe he and I can be friends too!, and finally 3. Have you ever slept with him, dated him, kissed him, or has he ever shown romantic interest? 90% of female/male friendships FAIL this basic test miserably in my relationships. If they pass, I'm more than cool with her hanging out with him. If they fail, he's gotta go entirely while we are dating. No flexibility on this going forward at all, am tired of having wormy men in the background undermining my relationships because they can't get their own GF, and so are a "good friend" to her hoping he will have a shot one day.

 

These days, when I hear a woman say "I have no female friends and prefer male friends" it translates to me as "I'm not a very good friend to anyone and have a problem with attention seeking." Sorry if that sounds unfair, just based on 30 years of experience.

 

Great post, I enjoyed every word. Especialy asking if they had ever kissed because often in my experience they have had atleast a silly kiss. But seriously even if the guy passes every one of your tests I'm still not cool with alone time. Let her male friend come to a party with us, hang out with us as a group but no alone time. Only alone time I'm cool with is strictly school or business related.

 

:lmao: I agree with you. One thing I hate about the idea of marriage is how men can sometimes become...controlling. I'm a free spirit. I talk to whomever I want and hang out with all my friends. Guys and girls alike. Well, mostly guys. I would never cheat on someone I was in a relationship with, whether with my male friends () or any other guy. Any guy that wants to limit who I'm friends with or who I hang out with is obviously not ready to be in any kind of relationship.

 

Also, my ex was my best friend before we got into a relationship. If he ever takes his head out of his ass, I would like that friendship back. He is the only of my friends that didn't get emotional or distant when talking about certain things, and I admire that in any person.

 

I wouldn't date a girl who wanted alone time with her ex who was one of her best friends and had an attitude of I'll do what ever when ever and its not cheating.

 

IMO, there's a difference between being trustworthy or not and having real or fake friends of the opposite gender or not. In fact, at my age, I can't imagine women not having a significant amount of male friends and acquaintances.

 

I used to (still do, once in awhile) get together for beers at my best friend's business after work and socialized with the employees, including a half-dozen or so female workers. We always had a great time (he's a great leader) and my stbx would sometimes come join us after closing up at the salon. Would it have been fair for her to deny me socializing, alone, with other women? Would it have been fair for me to deny her taking male clients out to lunch, either alone or with other co-workers? To me, that becomes a slippery slope of too many rules. No thanks. I'll keep my cat and remain single.

 

yeah but this was a group of people, I'm talking about one on one alone time and who cares if its fair. Whats so fair about anything in life.

 

I would actually argue that "good ones" don't understand and comply, rather they tell you to snap out of the immaturity and get over yourself. Women for the most part don't keep men they are attracted to as friends. There are exceptions sure, but generally, if you are my guy friend, it means, I'm not in the least bit attracted to you so that means, there will be no "oops, we ended up in bed together" someday, contrary to popular believe.

 

There is such a thing as approaching people as people not as a means to an end. Which means genuine friendships do arise between members of the opposite sex because they see each other as people not as potentially accesible walking penises or vaginas.

 

The "good ones" know how to properly balance their opposite sex friendships and their relationships. The good ones watch out for and nip any kind of innapropriate behavior in the bud. The good ones recognize that their relationship is a priority and convey that sentiment to their friends (male or female). Most importantly, the good ones usually drives it home to their male friends that 'Johnny Boyfriend' is the sexiest, most eligible specimen walking the earth so that even if any male friend starts to get any ideas, he knows he can't compete with Johnny boyfriend so why even try.

 

The moral of the story is if you get to the point of needing to dictate who your mate hangs out with, then the damage in your relationship clearly goes beyond those friends. Either you are grossly insecure or you picked a mate who doesn't know how to set proper boundaries.

 

I wouldn't care if my gf was attracted or not its the entire situation, its the fact that I have no trust for the guy. Would I leave a trusted friend of mine alone with my gf sure although I really don't like that situation either. The fact is I want her all to myself as far as private one on one time goes. has nothing to do with her attraction to other people.

 

You know, if someone is an attention whore, telling them they can't hang out with certain people will not make him/her any less of an attention whore.

 

That will be like slapping a band-aid on a massive hemorrhage.

 

Agreed and that is a different issue. If a girl agrees not to hang out with guys but does other disruptive things then that could also end a relationship.