Never let a girl you date hang out with men

[dark1san]

seems like there's a lot missing in the trust department for some men in this topic, if you can't trust your woman to hang out with their guy friends, why date them?

 

My fiance doesn't hang out with her guy friends alone, but she does ask them to come and hang out sometimes, there's not biggie in that, if I had female friends i'd do the same.

 

If you can't trust your significant other, get out of the relationship and stay single.

[D-Lish]

Let's say I have friends who are girls, which I do. Let's say one of these lady friends and I go out for lunch one day. Additionally, let's say that a friend of my girlfriend's, either a female friend of hers or a jealous guy friend, sees us and "misinterprets" what is happening. This friend then tells my girlfriend that I am seeing other people, leading to an interrogation. Even if my girlfriend "believes" me, things won't be the same, as there will always be doubt in the back of her mind as to whether I was cheating or not. I think when a girl or guy gets into a relationship, their opposite-sex friends need to take a back seat.

 

That makes no sense- you'd obviously tell your gf you were having lunch with your female friend.

 

I always bring my guy in to meet my friend group- because that's important.

 

Of course, as you start to get serious, your priorities will change somewhat- but my friends will always be an important part of my life- both male and female.

 

Oh I would so ban you from seeing those guys. I'd tie you to the bed and force you to think only of me. You'd forget any other guys even existed. At least for a little while.

 

mmm, what guy friends?

It's only you:love:

[Woggle]

seems like there's a lot missing in the trust department for some men in this topic, if you can't trust your woman to hang out with their guy friends, why date them?

 

My fiance doesn't hang out with her guy friends alone, but she does ask them to come and hang out sometimes, there's not biggie in that, if I had female friends i'd do the same.

 

If you can't trust your significant other, get out of the relationship and stay single.

 

If a man wanted a trustworthy woman he would have to date something that did not exist.

[Hot Carl]

If a man wanted a trustworthy woman he would have to date something that did not exist.

 

Your wife is not trustworthy?

[D-Lish]

If a man wanted a trustworthy woman he would have to date something that did not exist.

 

Your wife is not trustworthy?

 

Yeah, no doubt, that's what I was going to ask.

 

Geez Woggle, I thought you were getting over the hate stuff, It always boggles my mind that you have a wife at home that is awesome to you, but you still feel this way.

[Woggle]

I love my wife but I know that deep down she still has the potential to betray me. You guys want me to be like one of these men on the divorce board who gave in and trusted his wife only to be betrayed and that will not be me. I am not falling for it.

[crazy4you]

I too have fallen victim to this. It's the main reason I get so jealous and untrusting. My gf had this one work friend who she ALWAYS texted. I figured if she was just at work with him it was alright, but the texting hurt a lot. She often yelled at me and started fights.

 

Finally, one day I said alright you win, I won't complain anymore, I trust you fully. She started feeling really guilty and admitted that she liked him and was flirting with him. Then she dumped me that very same night. The next day, less than 24 hours later, guess who she was in a relationship with? That's right.. that other guy.

 

I really don't trust when girls say they're hanging out with another guy and then use the phrase "he's just a friend" it just points more fingers begging for a closer look.

 

I think if you're dating and you're serious in the relationship, you should have the common decensy not to let someone else interfere the way my gf did. By hanging out with other guys, you're introducing the possibility of something going on, and that possibility doesn't need to exist. Girls just don't get it though.. they get so defensive when you say something too.

[BG1985]

That makes no sense- you'd obviously tell your gf you were having lunch with your female friend.

 

I always bring my guy in to meet my friend group- because that's important.

 

It's only you:love:

 

Yeah, I suppose you're right on that. However, I was just playing devil's advocate. I just think you're unnecessarily opening a can of worms by doing the things you've been doing before the relationship. But still, let's say your friends don't understand the nature of the friendship that exists between your boyfriend and his female friend. Even if I knew that my girlfriend was out with her guy friend, what if one of my friends sees something out of context and then informs me that what eh saw wasn't so innocent? Even if it was innocent, how can he truly know if I wasn't there? I believe I'm making a legitimate argument here. If a friend insists that he saw my girlfriend acting inappropriately with a guy, I couldn't discount what this friend is saying completely.

[D-Lish]

I love my wife but I know that deep down she still has the potential to betray me. You guys want me to be like one of these men on the divorce board who gave in and trusted his wife only to be betrayed and that will not be me. I am not falling for it.

 

I don't want you to be anything you aren't.

But by your logic, based on YOUR gender, your wife should be just as worried about you betraying her.

[Hot Carl]

Woggle, you think "trust" is like "lie down on your back and bare your belly" puppy dog trust. Adults don't trust like that. Realistically, anyone can betray you. Trust is what you give when you know it, because you're an adult, but you choose to trust them anyway. The person who you really need to trust is yourself. What you define as trust I define as total stupidity.

[Woggle]

I don't want you to be anything you aren't.

But by your logic, based on YOUR gender, your wife should be just as worried about you betraying her.

 

Yes but I am in control of that.

[D-Lish]

Yeah, I suppose you're right on that. However, I was just playing devil's advocate. I just think you're unnecessarily opening a can of worms by doing the things you've been doing before the relationship. But still, let's say your friends don't understand the nature of the friendship that exists between your boyfriend and his female friend. Even if I knew that my girlfriend was out with her guy friend, what if one of my friends sees something out of context and then informs me that what eh saw wasn't so innocent? Even if it was innocent, how can he truly know if I wasn't there? I believe I'm making a legitimate argument here. If a friend insists that he saw my girlfriend acting inappropriately with a guy, I couldn't discount what this friend is saying completely.

 

So- someone is opening a can of worms by being friends with members of the opposite sex before ever knowing the futuristic partner to be?

 

No, you're argument still doesn't make sense to me. You trust the person you are with, or you don't. If you don't trust them- you shouldn't be with them. I am not going to give up a lunch date with my guy friend just because someone might see us, misread things, report back to my bf, cause a fight (my head is spinning, no one thinks ahead like that). What is the third party going to say? "OMG, I saw your gf smiling at this other guy while she was eating a club sandwich...what a cheating whore".

[BG1985]

Trust me, people have a flare for the dramatic when they think they have the potential to inform on someone who may or may not be cheating. For instance, my ex-girlfriend's brother married a girl who cheated on him with multiple guys, yet this guy still chose to marry her. Pretty much everyone knows what happened. Would it be wise for this girl to be seen out in public with another man, given her history? Is she not asking for one of her husband's friends to see her out in public with another guy, only to have her husband's friend attempt to play hero by informing on the wife?

[crazy4you]

I think BG has a point though, I mean I know a lot of you guys are saying you should trust your gf/wife or whatever, but in all honesty, I can say truthfully that knowing my gf is talking to another guy or hanging out with him makes me uneasy.

 

I'm not saying I would go over and ask her 20 questions and start a fight over it, but I would feel kind of awkward about it and maybe say something. And considering what happened to me, I'm more likely to not trust something now. Do I want to be like that? No.. but it happens..

[D-Lish]

Trust me, people have a flare for the dramatic when they think they have the potential to inform on someone who may or may not be cheating. For instance, my ex-girlfriend's brother married a girl who cheated on him with multiple guys, yet this guy still chose to marry her. Pretty much everyone knows what happened. Would it be wise for this girl to be seen out in public with another man, given her history? Is she not asking for one of her husband's friends to see her out in public with another guy, only to have her husband's friend attempt to play hero by informing on the wife?

 

Look, someone who isn't doing anything wrong has nothing to apologize for, that's the bottom line. You can't plan out or restrict your actions based on how other people might percieve your actions.

 

You're using personal and obscure examples to illustrate your point, but it's lost. You know of a woman who cheated, was recognized, and got caught- HER indiscretion is not transferable to the entire female gender.

[Woggle]

Look, someone who isn't doing anything wrong has nothing to apologize for, that's the bottom line. You can't plan out or restrict your actions based on how other people might percieve your actions.

 

You're using personal and obscure examples to illustrate your point, but it's lost. You know of a woman who cheated, was recognized, and got caught- HER indiscretion is not transferable to the entire female gender.

 

This would be true if women did not display this kind of behavior all the time. A man should pretty much assume the worst of any woman because chances are she will do it.

[D-Lish]

Honestly guys- there are situations where you should be concerned, and there are times to recognize your own insecurities and get over it. It's up to you as adults to discern who is worthy of your trust, and who isn't. This goes for women as well.

 

There are no guarantees in relationships- but if you can't trust the girl you are with, then you shouldn't be with her. People cheat, that's just a reality. If you treat every partner you meet as a potential cheater you have to keep on a leash- you're going to miss out.

 

Learn to trust your instincts.

[BG1985]

I'm not trying to apply her to the female gender. It's just that there is no reason for either a guy or a girl to put themselves in a situation where they can get themselves in trouble with a member of the opposite sex. Once again, people have their own agenda. They like to create drama where it doesn't exist. It's happened both to me and other friends. Some people get possessive over their friends. For instance, my friend's girlfriend has friends who aren't too keen on my friend. These friends go out of their way to get my friend in trouble with his girlfriend.

[Woggle]

So because cheating is a reality we should just be a doormat and put up with it?

[bluestraps]

You should be able to trust your boyfriend or girl friend in any situation. We all know without trust a relationship is nothing . but I think its kind of socialy unacceptable for a girl to go out with a guy friend without inviting the boyfriend too. Just as I as a guy would not go out with a friend who is a girl without having my girlfriend there too .

 

THats just how I see it Especialy afer what ive gone thru.

[BG1985]

Cheating is by no means rare these days. A lot of my friends have cheated on their girlfriends. A lot of my friends have been cheated on. A lot of my friends and I have been the "other guy." And again, my message is not one of whether you should be jealous of your bf/gf. My message is that you need to use good judgment so as to avoid the jealous eye of your bf/gf. Guys, don't give your girlfriend's friends a reason to tell on you. Girls, don't give your boyfriend's friends a reason to inform on you as well. If you are widely known to have cheated in previous relationships or even your current one, don't be seen out in public carrying on and having a great time with a member of the opposite sex who is not your bf/gf.

[D-Lish]

So because cheating is a reality we should just be a doormat and put up with it?

 

No, not at all, and that isn't what I meant and you know it. No one should put up with cheating.

 

An emotionally healthy, confident person, knows how to discern the truth from their own insecurities.

 

Some people cheat- that IS a reality. But on the other side of the coin, I've never been a cheater, and I shouldn't have to put up with jealousy and accusations that stem from an issue within my partner that has nothing to do with me... I shouldn't have to put up with that!

[D-Lish]

You should be able to trust your boyfriend or girl friend in any situation. We all know without trust a relationship is nothing . but I think its kind of socialy unacceptable for a girl to go out with a guy friend without inviting the boyfriend too. Just as I as a guy would not go out with a friend who is a girl without having my girlfriend there too .

 

THats just how I see it Especialy afer what ive gone thru.

 

Well you can't have it both ways- trust isn't conditional.

[Payden]

I have no tolerance for cheating... If my girl cheated..it would be over and that is as simple as can be.

 

I'd make sure she was taken care of...I mean I wouldn't try to make her feel extra extraordinarily bad about it and I'd make sure she had enough money or whatever to start anew, but it would be over between us. I would never seek out a new partner either..It would be like "been there done that" and never again.

[harmfulsweetz]

I think many women place a lot of sentimentality in their friendships, regardless of gender. If you've been friends for a number of years, you shouldn't suddenly relinquish that friendship to spare feelings. Or have the need to become a Siamese twin! Healthy relationships can't function with such restrictions.

 

And she may not at first complain, but eventually, it'll bug her that you don't trust her, and that is the issue. I like how many men here advocate placing their insecurities at their partner's door like it's their fault they feel such, rather than working through your issues.

 

Sure, some women cheat, but so do many men. It's up to the individual. Point is, if you don't trust any woman to not cheat, are you sure you're ready for a relationship? Is there any point if you're always looking over your shoulder every two seconds to make sure she isn't betraying you?

 

People who want to cheat will cheat, regardless of restriction. But by placing restrictions upon them, you are essentially speeding up the process and giving them an excuse to do so!

 

May I ask-I'm bi, so how does not seeing my friends alone work for someone like me?