Heroes or villains?

[NoIDidn't]

Hey FA not responding to entire reply, although this is my take, and possibly not completely with RD because I can't remember any of her replies here....although, this is what I find: Some BS's have an agenda when talking on this forum...you go to the infidelity forum and their demeanor is completely different.

 

I see the hatred, the anger and resentment in the way we are talked to over here and it is just way uncool.

 

The infidelity forum is laced with anger and hurt...I feel bad, yet it is so hard read and most is not good psychologically for me right now.

 

Then you hear all of the "keylogging" stuff and it boarderlines on scary because it says that these peoples worlds are all wrapped up in their S's SO's whatever...this tells me that their own "worlds" are unmanageable at the time and need that other person to throw themselves into.

 

Then I hear the statements that I have befriended some OW...now this statement is as prejudice as it comes, kind of like ya, some (whatever race) is cool, I have some as friends.

 

I mean, it's like the OW have to walk on eggshells or something or they will get pounced....and it's true that the MM really get the a** end of the slinging match.

 

I will not go to the infidelity board and tell the BS's they are wrong for what they say about their WS...that is wrong, it is their board to release whatever and however they see fit. I will keep my opinions over here. I did say something over there that concerned me as I felt I was being maligned...but hey if the BS's want to jack their WS's, the OW, whatever, keep it over there and let the OW over here be themselves also in whatever they need to say. JMO

 

Please enlighten us on what you speak.

[pureinheart]

FA, I think you hit it right on the money and have some very sound thinking, this is mostlikely what MM really likes about you....

[pureinheart]

Please enlighten us on what you speak.

 

 

I just did and it proves my point completely...thank you!

[RedDevil66]

I get it just fine, that I called you on your ridiculous statements and now you want to deny that you made them.. I get all that very clearly.

 

I get that you come over to this forum to beat people down, and that when you are shown to be what you are, someone here with an agenda of hurting people and making statements with absolutely no basis whatsoever in fact, that you don't like it one bit. I get that very clearly.

 

I get that you can dish it out like a cafeteria worker in a highscool lunchroom.. but when it gets fed back to you, it makes you feel bad. I get that just fine...

 

Perhaps what you should get, is that you should think about things you say rather than just posting angry with the intent to berate and belittle anyone involved in an affair.

 

I get that you think it is wrong, I just don't care what you think.

 

of course you care what I think or you would not be zeroing in on me

Now where did I deny what I said? I never denied it!

You've created a whole dialogue amongst yourself in here.

 

I don't beat anyone down. That is how you perceive my advice because my words hit you deep. I never beat anyone down.

In fact, go check out IMiSSTHEKIss's thread and show me how I'm beating her down.

 

You know who I have ZERO tolerance for? Cheaters who feel entitled to break apart and hurt others and cheaters who encourage cheating and who are smug about the pain they cause others.

Then yep, you got it right, I beat them down.

 

But no matter how I dice and slice it, you're going to twist my words to fit into your warped perception of life.

 

You're making yourself look really silly with your "out of left field" accusations.

 

And again, please point out to me where I deny anything in here?

 

waiting....

[RedDevil66]

Hey FA not responding to entire reply, although this is my take, and possibly not completely with RD because I can't remember any of her replies here....although, this is what I find: Some BS's have an agenda when talking on this forum...you go to the infidelity forum and their demeanor is completely different.

 

I see the hatred, the anger and resentment in the way we are talked to over here and it is just way uncool.

 

The infidelity forum is laced with anger and hurt...I feel bad, yet it is so hard read and most is not good psychologically for me right now.

 

Then you hear all of the "keylogging" stuff and it boarderlines on scary because it says that these peoples worlds are all wrapped up in their S's SO's whatever...this tells me that their own "worlds" are unmanageable at the time and need that other person to throw themselves into.

 

Then I hear the statements that I have befriended some OW...now this statement is as prejudice as it comes, kind of like ya, some (whatever race) is cool, I have some as friends.

 

I mean, it's like the OW have to walk on eggshells or something or they will get pounced....and it's true that the MM really get the a** end of the slinging match.

 

I will not go to the infidelity board and tell the BS's they are wrong for what they say about their WS...that is wrong, it is their board to release whatever and however they see fit. I will keep my opinions over here. I did say something over there that concerned me as I felt I was being maligned...but hey if the BS's want to jack their WS's, the OW, whatever, keep it over there and let the OW over here be themselves also in whatever they need to say. JMO

 

Oh this is good!

 

I was a was over 10 yrs ago and I was also a Cheater OW like many of you.

Here's the difference hunny, I did it, I lived it, I accept it, I overcame it, I worked on my broken soul and never and would never do it again.

 

I don't have any axe to grind, I just can't pallet smuggness and entitlement from people who get off on hurting others.

 

And people install keyloggers so they can control THEIR lives.

 

Smuggness is NOT pretty!

[RedDevil66]

I just did and it proves my point completely...thank you!

 

You prove nothing but your need to avoid!

[Fallen Angel]

I don't know how you reached this conclusion. Really, I don't.

 

I fail to see why it is so funny, when it is no where near what was actually said.

 

I quoted her post above, and other than your pointing out that she added "many", I don't see her saying what you assert.

 

Its not there is "black and white". You are twisting her words. The very thing you accuse others in this forum of, on a regular basis.

 

Thanks for this. She is just lashing out because I disagree with her in other threads. This is classic reflecting :-)

 

of course you care what I think or you would not be zeroing in on me

Now where did I deny what I said? I never denied it!

You've created a whole dialogue amongst yourself in here.

 

I don't beat anyone down. That is how you perceive my advice because my words hit you deep. I never beat anyone down.

In fact, go check out IMiSSTHEKIss's thread and show me how I'm beating her down.

 

You know who I have ZERO tolerance for? Cheaters who feel entitled to break apart and hurt others and cheaters who encourage cheating and who are smug about the pain they cause others.

Then yep, you got it right, I beat them down.

 

But no matter how I dice and slice it, you're going to twist my words to fit into your warped perception of life.

 

You're making yourself look really silly with your "out of left field" accusations.

 

And again, please point out to me where I deny anything in here?

 

waiting....

 

You are right, you didn't deny it, NoIDidn't denied you said it, and you thanked her for denying it for you. LMAO

 

I haven't twisted any of your words, and everyone with a brain sees that I quoted you directly.

 

And no, I really could not care less what you think of me, you have been targeting people that you percieve as weak, and once upon a time that included me. And I will not stand idly by while you berate and belittle people. Deal with it.

 

I have never encouraged cheating, I have always encouraged honesty. But I will be damned if I will sit back and let you attack people here who need compassion and not point out that when you throw stones at someone else's glass house from inside your own glass house all you end up with is two glass houses with big holes in them. You are no better than any woman who posts here, just because you are no longer in your affair. You obviously are still very bitter about how it went and are here to beat people when they are down. And THAT is a clear cut case about you being "smug about the pain you cause others."

[pureinheart]

Please enlighten us on what you speak.

 

Opppps...I did see the sarcasm NID, although did not see the bold...ok see what you mean...what I meant was and left out is that the demeanor with the OW is judgmental and condescending and with each other you guys are cool with each other....can't describe it exactly, although if the OW doesnot agree with BS's then you can feel the hatred towards them.

 

Like I said I don't read the infidelity board much, like maybe 1 time out of every 100 times while on LS, but that "one" time I can just feel the anger and hatred, although this is cool because it is for people with infidelity issues and anger is common. Some BS's bring that over in the OM/OW forum.

 

Ok most BS's hate cheating, well I say don't just hate OW and OM, hate all forms of cheating and lying...then reach an agreement that the one who hates cheating (in ANY form) must hate them self also, as we have all cheated in some form or fashion.

[pureinheart]

You prove nothing but your need to avoid!

 

I did re-reply btw saw my mistake in not seeing the bold...and I do not need to prove anything, just simply typing too fast. Not being uncool, are you a BS, just out of curiosity?

[pureinheart]

Oh this is good!

 

I was a was over 10 yrs ago and I was also a Cheater OW like many of you.

Here's the difference hunny, I did it, I lived it, I accept it, I overcame it, I worked on my broken soul and never and would never do it again.

 

I don't have any axe to grind, I just can't pallet smuggness and entitlement from people who get off on hurting others.

 

And people install keyloggers so they can control THEIR lives.

 

Smuggness is NOT pretty!

 

Oh, so you are a REFORMED OW...like an ex smoker....wow, gf...you got some real hatred goin on here, and it is the very thing I was talking about.

 

I think that if you read back concerning the majority of the OW/OM's posts, none of them have sounded uncool to me, in fact they beat themselves up so bad it is pathetic.

 

For me, I was a BS (a bunch of times), a WS, and OW. I was a REFORMED OW also and did what you are doing right now...I beat up myself, OW and MM and guess what....we all have issues.

 

What I began to see, I took some time off of PC and came back and saw things completely different when I was presented with the truth. I was angry which that in itself clouded my judgement, I saw the beating up of MM....anger in BS's....I saw myself in some of the typewritten stuff and I have to say it was ugly and I did not like seeing myself.

 

The truth is that anger, resentment and hatred kill. Let the OW/OM say what they want in their forum, and let the BS's say what they want in their forum....now how is that being uncool?

 

You have not overcome anything, it is still there. Also it is very controlling getting into someone elses business, such as keylogging, it is deceptive...the deception that you say you hate.

[jennie-jennie]

I did re-reply btw saw my mistake in not seeing the bold...and I do not need to prove anything, just simply typing too fast. Not being uncool, are you a BS, just out of curiosity?

 

RedDevil is a reformed OW. Oops, see you found that out yourself already.

[bittersweet memories]

I just did and it proves my point completely...thank you!

 

 

delusional...with all due respect.

[pureinheart]

You are right, you didn't deny it, NoIDidn't denied you said it, and you thanked her for denying it for you. LMAO

 

I haven't twisted any of your words, and everyone with a brain sees that I quoted you directly.

 

And no, I really could not care less what you think of me, you have been targeting people that you percieve as weak, and once upon a time that included me. And I will not stand idly by while you berate and belittle people. Deal with it.

 

I have never encouraged cheating, I have always encouraged honesty. But I will be damned if I will sit back and let you attack people here who need compassion and not point out that when you throw stones at someone else's glass house from inside your own glass house all you end up with is two glass houses with big holes in them. You are no better than any woman who posts here, just because you are no longer in your affair. You obviously are still very bitter about how it went and are here to beat people when they are down. And THAT is a clear cut case about you being "smug about the pain you cause others."

 

This has been my issue, and you spoke it....some donot understand the pain they are causing others because they see themselves as the victims and donot realise they have in fact become the perpetrators, and actually justify it. In this particular case it could be BS's/reformed OW.

 

IMO in the case of the "triangle" as many have referred to it as, I rarely, in fact in only one poster here have heard an adminition of not doing things so correctly concerning the BS's part....others have corrected me and said that there have been others who have and I am glad.

 

JMO again, BS's and reformed OW...you can be your own worst enemy...I am speaking in general and if it hits, then it does apply to you....why not let the OW/OM be and while I'm at it the MM too.

 

RD, I was where you are at, and I can tell you it is obvious that you have not forgiven yourself.

 

OW rarely break up M's....it is the H and W that do such a wonderful job at that....and I can say that as I have screwed up many times in my M's.

[skylarblue]

On that thread someone posted about a correlation between people whose lives were "out of control" choosing careers where they were in control, eg police, firefighters, etc. I wonder if there is some correlation between career and marital incontinence?

If it's not TMI, what type of career did the MM / MW in your triangle have? Do you think that had any bearing on their having an A? (And, if so, how?)

 

I think a lot of A happen by opportunity. People with careers that travel a lot or meet a huge variety of people everyday (businessmen, pilots, military, cops) whose A or encounter can’t be so easily discovered have a high number of cheating MM. Or a position where there is constant one-to-one close contact with the opposite sex or a position possible of infatuation or power difference (assistant, boss, counselor, professor). My MM’s profession definitely had a bearing on the A taking place. I have always been drawn to people in certain professions. I revere military and police/law enforcement. I have a hard time seeing them as anything but heroes. It’s been common for me to become emotionally infatuated with a teacher or counselor (which I hear is common) and pursue a R. Because of MM’s profession and military career I seem to overlook the things that I’d see as negatives in someone else and sometimes think its okay that he had an A because he’s done far beyond what most in the country have or would’ve done.

[Lizzie60]

All people who have 'power' (money or power) are cheating..

Power is very aphrodisiac to males (who are in those positions) and females who drool over those powerful men...

 

power = domination and any situation where the person (mostly male) has power over the 'ordinary' people.. (FF, police officers, doctors, lawyers, politicians, etc.).

 

IMO they're ALL cheating.. no exception..

[RedDevil66]

Oh, so you are a REFORMED OW...like an ex smoker....wow, gf...you got some real hatred goin on here, and it is the very thing I was talking about.

 

I think that if you read back concerning the majority of the OW/OM's posts, none of them have sounded uncool to me, in fact they beat themselves up so bad it is pathetic.

 

For me, I was a BS (a bunch of times), a WS, and OW. I was a REFORMED OW also and did what you are doing right now...I beat up myself, OW and MM and guess what....we all have issues.

 

What I began to see, I took some time off of PC and came back and saw things completely different when I was presented with the truth. I was angry which that in itself clouded my judgement, I saw the beating up of MM....anger in BS's....I saw myself in some of the typewritten stuff and I have to say it was ugly and I did not like seeing myself.

 

The truth is that anger, resentment and hatred kill. Let the OW/OM say what they want in their forum, and let the BS's say what they want in their forum....now how is that being uncool?

 

You have not overcome anything, it is still there. Also it is very controlling getting into someone elses business, such as keylogging, it is deceptive...the deception that you say you hate.

 

 

This from a poster who says she never really read any of my posts. But thanks for the accurate analysis, my check is in the mail

 

[RedDevil66]

RD, I was where you are at, and I can tell you it is obvious that you have not forgiven yourself.

 

.

 

And where am I Dr Pureinheart?

[silktricks]

IMO they're ALL cheating.. no exception..

ahhh, come on, Lizzie. There are ALWAYS exceptions.

[GreenEyedLady]

I probably should just stay off this thread, but here goes...

 

My H is a FF. I think they fall into different categories; those who feel entitled and those that have been burned.

 

They spend alot of time away from home and can choose to spend TONS of time away from home if they work alot of overtime. It can wear on the R and not being together whittles the bond. Plus, they're FF for christ sakes and the fire flooozies are out full force.

 

Of course not all FF cheat. Some are very faithful. It's just the nature of the job. They have more temptation, more opportunities and they're around alot of younger, single men and it's a macho thing almost.

 

My H gave me his username and password to check his schedule if I ever needed to, without me ever asking (and which I have never needed to nor have done). And we agreed as a couple he only works two days of overtime a month to pay the bills only. Our agreement is that our R and our family comes first. And I know he wants us to work just by everything he's done in the R (with counseling, stepparenting and how he treats me etc.).

 

And Lizzie, I saw that you said you never had a FF because none were cute enough, but either you live in the wrong country or you just don't realize they DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!

 

My H is HOT and I love him no matter what his job is!!!

 

GEL

[MizzBlue72]

Well, I have to say that my job and MM jobs are both boring. Maybe that is why we meshed so well.

Not a FF or public servant.

Lot's of control.

But the one thing we both lacked at home was a connection and emotion from spouses.

[NoIDidn't]

And Lizzie, I saw that you said you never had a FF because none were cute enough, but either you live in the wrong country or you just don't realize they DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!

 

GEL

 

LOL. The FFs I know are very easy on the eyes. I still remember the one that installed my first infant seat, he was single though. He was absolutely dreamy.

[pureinheart]

And where am I Dr Pureinheart?

 

 

You're not in a good place...and in reply to your other quite sarcastic remark basically asking where I got my info concerning you and your anger...all one has to do is read this thread.

 

I think one of the other posters was trying to get the thread back on track, so I won't respond to anymore off topic postings.

 

 

Anyway, sorry for that O Woman....in an earlier reply I stated that I had an ex-fiancee that was going the the fire acadamy (he made it and has been a FF for over 10 yrs now)....during this one his major fears was becoming disabled due to that line of work and having someone to take care of him.

 

The fear that comes with a job like these is incredible...now he was not jacked up as far as the power thing, he was just a really nice guy who wanted to help people, he has always taken his job very seriously.

 

He came to a call at my daughters work (she worked at an adult day care place) and she said she wanted to say hi to him, although they both very concerned about the participant and there was not time....

 

I think it takes a very special mate, partner to handle the stress these guys face...I mean think about it, what they see on a "normal" basis would totally devaste the civillian.

 

I could see why the D rate is so very high....not easy.

[crystal_lostheart]

This is a spin-off from another thread where the MM was a firefighter. There have been a number of other MMs discussed on these boards who were firefighters, and, of course, there is that scene in Friends where, after leaving the girls on Valentine's, the one firefighter asks the other, "so, are you going to tell her you're married?" and the other replies, "no way - not even my girlfriend knows I'm married!" So there seems to be a bit of a stereotype of Firefighter-as-WS out there.

 

On that thread someone posted about a correlation between people whose lives were "out of control" choosing careers where they were in control, eg police, firefighters, etc. I wonder if there is some correlation between career and marital incontinence?

 

If it's not TMI, what type of career did the MM / MW in your triangle have? Do you think that had any bearing on their having an A? (And, if so, how?)

 

I think this is an interesting point. Although not a Firefighter, Police man etc...I believe xMM was all about looks and power. He was and still is a control freak. He is a business owner of a very popular gym, has flashy cars and is very well known in his industry. I can certainly see the correlation. Sometimes he would even talk about how people liked him so much. Like he had to keep proving something to himself... talk himself up

[unhappylady]

What an interesting thread!

 

My XMM was in the military all his life. His colleagues all cheated, in fact we were once discussing this topic and I asked him to name someone he worked with who had not cheated and he couldn't. It was almost a 'cheating culture' and it was hard keeping up with it all. I was horrified but then I was a part of it so was no better than them. Urgh!

[tami-chan]

And Lizzie, I saw that you said you never had a FF because none were cute enough, but either you live in the wrong country

 

I agree...I don't know about the firefighters in Canada, Lizzie, but in the US, most of them are HAWT! there is a reason why they have their own..er. eye candy calendar, you know.