Sam_I_Am Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Here's the background on me and my FWB, Jay: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t218151/ The last few weeks have been really weird with him. He's been contacting me more, and not just for sex. He goes out of town for work, and usually I don't hear anything from him till he gets back. Now he is contacting me even when he is out of town just to see how I am and what I'm doing. So I went to his house Thursday night and we were talking, drinking, and hanging out. This is pretty normal for us. The strange part is that we were talking about his situation (back with ex, knocked up another girl, and me in the mix). He was telling me that he regretted being with her (knocked up-girl) and wished it was me instead (not the knocking up part, the being with part). He was telling me about how even though his ex f*cked him over, he has to at least try one more time, because he still loves her. He said that the fact that she left him for another woman is going to always be in the back of his head. I told him it will, and that if he couldn't let it go, they will not survive it. I told him about the new guy I'm seeing and the look on his face said it all. He wasn't happy about it and was asking me what he looked like, who he was, if he knew him, I mean all kinds of stuff that really is none of his business. He was saying that if he broke my heart, he'd be pissed, and that was the F part of the FWB. We were talking "what ifs" and he told me that if him and his ex didn't work out, he knew exactly where he was coming back to and put his arms around me. It was so unexpected I just froze with a lump in my throat and had no idea what to say to him. I told him, "I don't know what to say" and I could tell that it hurt his pride at the very least because he changed the subject fast. Later I told him that what I meant to say was "I'll take you back with open arms" and he hugged me. I told him that I was "in like" with him and that I don't give my heart away that easy and that someone has to earn it. He's decided to move to where she is in a couple months, but told me he will be coming back to my state twice a month or so for work-related stuff. I told him I'd miss him but to let me know when he comes back in town. Sex was different this time: more intimate and touchy-feeling. We cuddled after and have never done that before. There was eye-contact also. I'm so spun by this new Jay that I don't know what to think. There is extreme chemistry there, not like anything I have ever felt, and it's the same with him. The thing is, I know in my heart that it will not work out this time with his ex and he will be back. I just don't know what to do in the meantime. The new guy is great, but that chemistry that I feel with Jay is not there with him, at least not yet. I guess what I'm asking is: Why is Jay acting like this now? Link to post Share on other sites
Match Factor Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 He wants things to be the way they were. He wants consistency. Looking to the past has a certain sense of predictability. You represent that for him. If he can have some sort of relationship with you, it will make him feel grounded. It's not at all healthy. I believe that love should be our drive for everything. He made a mistake and did something stupid. He is making it worse being with her if he really doesn't love her. He can still support her pregnancy and the baby without being with her. Either there is something else going on or he is lying. You need Chemistry with the new guy. If there is none this early, there won't be later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam_I_Am Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 He wants things to be the way they were. He wants consistency. Looking to the past has a certain sense of predictability. You represent that for him. If he can have some sort of relationship with you, it will make him feel grounded. It's not at all healthy. I believe that love should be our drive for everything. He made a mistake and did something stupid. He is making it worse being with her if he really doesn't love her. He can still support her pregnancy and the baby without being with her. Either there is something else going on or he is lying. You need Chemistry with the new guy. If there is none this early, there won't be later. I appreciate the feedback.... So I'm the one consistent thing in his life. That makes sense, because I don't ask for or want more than what we have now. I don't want more than a friendship with him because I know he can't be trusted. I just don't know how to handle what seems to be him possibly feeling more for me than I feel for him. There are actually 3 females in the mix: Me, the ex that he is working things out with, and the ONS that he supposedly got pregnant. It's a hard one, and I am trying to be understanding because I am his friend first. Link to post Share on other sites
Match Factor Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 You should stop sleeping with him. Intimacy is great and we all need it. If you are putting all this energy into a friendship - to include sex - then what is left for you? What about having the man you deserve? What about finding your great epic love? What about having a soulmate? Do you see that in your future? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam_I_Am Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 You should stop sleeping with him. Intimacy is great and we all need it. If you are putting all this energy into a friendship - to include sex - then what is left for you? What about having the man you deserve? What about finding your great epic love? What about having a soulmate? Do you see that in your future? I know I should and I will stop sleeping with him because I don't see any of this or a future with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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