stace79 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I have posted about my friend J in the transitioning forum before. I've known him for 12 years, since soph year of high school. We have been intimate before -- sorta FWB -- and then went through periods where we didn't talk at all b/c I was in a serious R. In the past few months we began hanging out after my bad breakup. He was cheerful, positive and lots of fun to be around. Good for me after the break up. We ended up getting intimate again, at which point he told me he'd always had sort of a crush on me, that he had been jealous of my ex-fiance, and other such things. I would date him, some time in the future after I've healed from my R breaking up. But, I started hanging out with a female friend that I met through J, and over several weeks she "confided" in me that she was dating him. I was furious. I can handle FWB but I do not want to be the "other woman". Plus, I like this girl and hoped to continue doing things with her. She came to my birthday party and we've invited each other out for drinks or whatever. She's nice. So I brought it up with J and he said that he was pissed she told me that, because he is not dating her and never had sex with her or anything. He told me he thinks she says that to people close to him to "scare off anyone who likes him". I have stopped being physical with him obviously. But she still thinks they are together. She posted a comment on facebook about her "boyfriend", and other things. It's hard to hang out with her or talk to her knowing that she thinks he's her bf, and not four weeks ago he was in bed with me. Also even though I told him no more sex, he still texts me things that are REALLY super inappropriate if he was in fact dating this girl. J does not say he's in a relationship with her, he got upset when I tagged photos of him with her from some parties, and he still insists he's never slept with her or that he wants anything from her but friendship. I want to trust him b/c he is my friend, and I'm not sleeping with him anymore so who cares right? But I feel bad for this girl if he really is telling me the truth. Plus my BS meter is telling me that the things J says to me are signs of a really, REALLY good player... am I just being paranoid? Should I not even care? Link to post Share on other sites
Miad's Princess Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I believe this guy is just telling you what "you want to hear", if you really want to know the truth, get the two of them together and ask..... Tbh if you like this girl as much as you say you do, I would tell her what "has" been going on with you and this guy, because if he is really dating her, she has right to know what a scum bag he is...don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyJake Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I believe this guy is just telling you what "you want to hear", if you really want to know the truth, get the two of them together and ask..... Completely agree with this... If I found myself in this situation I would no longer claim "J" as a friend, I would never speak to him again...not sure if I would say anything to the other girl or not...it would really depend a lot on the people involved and the specific circumstances, which only you can evaluate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stace79 Posted January 25, 2010 Author Share Posted January 25, 2010 I believe this guy is just telling you what "you want to hear", if you really want to know the truth, get the two of them together and ask..... Tbh if you like this girl as much as you say you do, I would tell her what "has" been going on with you and this guy, because if he is really dating her, she has right to know what a scum bag he is...don't you think? I have struggled with this, like "is it any of my business to tell her?" Also I didn't want to just appear like the jilted, jaded woman who's only telling her to spite him. However I have considered telling her. Completely agree with this... If I found myself in this situation I would no longer claim "J" as a friend, I would never speak to him again...not sure if I would say anything to the other girl or not...it would really depend a lot on the people involved and the specific circumstances, which only you can evaluate. I think I have decided to just blow him off. I'll still talk to him once in awhile IF he initiates it, but some clear boundaries are going to be established. Like I said, I do not want to be an Other Woman -- I think it's beneath me and it allows him to completely disrespect me. Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Most likely, yet. Either way, I would be very wary (and turned off) by this situation...it's all so dramatic and shady. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 One thing that's bugging me here is that it's essentially his word against his friend's......... Stace, you said you've known "J" for 12 years. Does he have a history of lying that you're aware of? It is possible that his female friend was just trying to scare you off, I've seen that sort of thing happen before......... Talking to both of them at the same time might give you more insight.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stace79 Posted January 27, 2010 Author Share Posted January 27, 2010 One thing that's bugging me here is that it's essentially his word against his friend's......... Stace, you said you've known "J" for 12 years. Does he have a history of lying that you're aware of? It is possible that his female friend was just trying to scare you off, I've seen that sort of thing happen before......... Talking to both of them at the same time might give you more insight.... He doesn't lie, but he certainly isn't forthcoming either. Lying by omission of facts, maybe? haha I hate to say it but my gut says that he is a bit of a player. I am just stepping back from him in general. If the drama persists by my hanging out with this girl, too, I may talk to her/him about it more. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 He doesn't lie, but he certainly isn't forthcoming either. Lying by omission of facts, maybe? haha I hate to say it but my gut says that he is a bit of a player. I am just stepping back from him in general. If the drama persists by my hanging out with this girl, too, I may talk to her/him about it more. my suggestion is to get them both together in the same room, at the same time, and then ask what's going on......... Link to post Share on other sites
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