Broke up with my girl but now i want her back but she needs space.

[jtincubus]

Hey guys i'm gunna try and do my best and explain what happened to me. Well i've been with my gf (now for about a month, my ex) for about two years. i'm 23 and shes 20 and we were extremely happy throughout our relationship. We genuinely got along in every aspect. i sometimes said things i didn't mean and she at times was too stubborn to admit she was wrong. we fought about things that frustrated us etc etc but nothing too extreme. we've been living together for about 7 months now after we decided to try something fun and new. I've always loved her so dearly but i've always thought that we weren't gunna be together in the future because of my constant nitpicking on her shortcomings. i've made a mistake when our fighting got too constant and i ended things with her on an impulse. Well about a month prior to me ending things i started talking to this other girl. me and her hit it off real well and she was giving me everything that my ex wasn't so it simultaneously happened to where i ended things with her and focused all my time with the other woman. my ex completely broke down and was begging on the floor for me that she would do anything and the ******* in me just said no. i said that we tried and tried but we never fixed things. she at first tried to spice our relationship to patch it back together but eventually she started finding someone else that would give her any attention. Well basically me and the other woman didn't work out because she was unsure what she wanted and i kept thinking about my ex with someone else. So i ended things with the other woman and i'm doing everything i can to win my ex back but she has very little trust in me and fears that i'll hurt her again. i tried to reassure her and at first i came off desperate but i'm starting to act natural around her and making things light and fun when we see each other since we still live together. she told me that she wants space now to decide what she wants and that she fell out of love with me. This hurts me so bad and i just want her back. i dont know if i'm scared to be alone or if i do want her back because i really did end it with her because she wasn't trying. i exaggerated to her about our problems and now i realize that they were petty fights and that i still love her and i want to try with everything i have to make things better but she tells me that alot has happened within this month and now she wants space. i'm just confused how you can fall out of love with someone you were begging on the floor crying your eyes out in only about a month. she fears that i'll leave her for another woman again(i did leave her to make a statement to the other woman but we did have problems. problems that i realize now weren't that serious) i know she's talking to this other guy that she kissed and told me she likes him more than a friend. she did tell me to give her a month to let her decide and that she wants to be with noone and wants to focus on herself and school. Throughout our relationship she was the one always chasing me and i was too ungrateful and i've told her all this. i need help and advice. i'll explain more if someone wants to listen so to speak. someone help!!!!!

[TheMastaPlan]

damn kid im int he SAME BOAT....except she broke up with me because i wasnt sure what i wanted a few months ago and then we stuck together but she said she didnt feel the same after i said that...i was ungreatful and took advantage of her being obsessed w/ me and her doing whatever i wanted....i lost my best friend, i miss her terribly and want her back...its weird, ive been NC for a week now and i want to text her, saying i miss her and how is she? im nervous about not getting a text back...i called her sunday to talk about our previous landlord and our secuirty depost because her too is going back to school online and needs $ for books so i figured id talk to her about what the landlord told me and ive still heard nothing back...ive been told to stay NC but also was told to say that i miss her cuz you dont want to take the chance of her fully moving on....i dont know what to do either, im in teh same freakin thing as you its very strange...hope everything works out...give her space to figure out what she wants...shell never know if she misses you unless you are completely gone for a little...which is why i wnat to text my ex and say i miss you and see what she says...id be doing it in sign language saying ' i miss my best friend, how are you, how is school' - she taught me some sign language because her brother is deaf but she has no idea that i know how to say that so im hoping it will make her miss me and be like wow hes the old guy i loved...best of luck my man, i could sure use a lot of it...luck i never on my side :/

[jtincubus]

yeah man thats very similar to my situation and she seems to like what i've been doing for her recently. last night in bed she told me that it really meant alot that i haven't tried to have sex with her. i told her ofcourse i wouldn't do that. i want to show you that i'm not lusting for you back, that this is more than physical and i want to make you the happiest woman alive. last night we playfully washed our dog and that made us a little closer i think. This morning i lost my cool and asked her why she keeps talking to him and she said its no big deal, its not like i see him. then i told her i'll lose my patience because i want her so bad from time to time and i was sorry then she kissed me and left for work. we met for lunch and i felt like telling her about my life and how i was performing tonight and she had to miss it. she seemed happy for me but i dont know how it'll help our relationship. we'll see i guess. i'll keep playing it cool. Do you guys think i should make her feel bad for missing something important, to do something she asked me to do. Like taking an online quiz for her and tell her that i missed my gig because i was studying and taking the quiz all for you. would that elate her or just backfire?

[TheMastaPlan]

dont be like, oh you missed my gig...talk about it and be like dude my gig was a blast, blah blah, and she'll be like **** i forgot(dont be like wtf you werent there) you dont even want her to know that you knew she wasnt there...and shell try to make it up to you...what you need to have with your gf is TRUST, something i let my gf lose from me...and its the hardest thing to gain back my man....you need to respect the fact shes friends with this dude, but, BUT she needs to also respect the fact it makes you uncomfortable...there were people i talked ot before dating my ex that i did for a little while we dated and same with her, we both agreed to not talk to those people because of how we felt...try sitting down and be like i love you and we butt heads sometimes, liek all couples, but you and i are able to move past that and at the end of hte day we are always with each other and i love that about us. I want to tell you up front it makes me uncomfortable that you talk to this guy, if hes a good friend GREAT! maybe i can meet him sometime to see what hes about so he can see me and respect me as a GUY, not my ex's new bf. you cant jump on him cuz hes her ex unless hes like yo lets me up and beep beep. meet him, show him ur a good guy, guys get along better than girls so dont try to introduce ur girl to ur ex lol itll be a cat fight...but only do that if your comfortable, you want her to know that youre ok with it but you also have issues with it for the fact hes your ex. let her know shes in control of making the decision to cut ties with him and if she respects nad loves you she should tend to your wishes and needs. - anyways i contacted my ex today, im convinced shes bi-polar lolol...i sent her a message saying i miss my best friend how are you how is school...all in sign language she had no idea i could say that....she replied im fine, schools hard, if you were my best friend blah blah blah got pissed, remembered some stupid stuff i did to her...well i worked out then responded back and was like woah ok. she then said im not gonna lie i miss you too but i duno if we can work..i responded fate will lead us where we are meant to be and if its with each other itll happen, ive found a lot about my self lately...'good for you she says best wishes' then i replied back with something sarcastic, made her laugh, whatever...lol but anywas jesus girls are nuts man...just feel the situation out, talk to her NEVER YELL, let her yell if she wants, but proove youre more mature...sometimes honestly this seems lame, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, it relaxes you sooooo much, if you cant walk outside and walk around hte block. my gf and i were always arguing in the heat of hte moment and always regretted the stuff we did...take a step back and relax, honestly tho a real big deep breath will help...well ive rambled on for a while now i duno how many times i repeated myself or if i answered ur question...good luck lol

[TheMastaPlan]

woah you took an online quiz for her and missed ur gig...i misread that before...what the heck...wow thats crazy...DONT bring that up tho...if you do be like well whatever ur welcome for me taking that quiz and getting you a 100% or whatever and missing my gig...but i didnt say anything did i...thats only if she gets pissed at you about something and you feel you can sneak that in, that way shell feel bad OR could bring up more issues, i dunno man try and stay away from making her look bad at all costs, you want her to feel bad for you, but not have it directed towards her being a bad person...i duno you know her best

[jtincubus]

so i had the worst weak moment ever last night with her. I told her i didn't understand how you can fall out of love with someone in a month. I know i really hurt her and she's scared but i ask her if we'll be together in the future and her answer to everything is "i don't know". "Its not fair that i make you wait for me when i don't know what i want now". She said its the combination of having her heart broken, her being scared to be in a relationship and the fact that she has feelings for another. She said she just wants to be single and that she doesn't know about anything right now. She's really appreciative with everything i'm doing to show her i love her. She kept telling me i don't want you right now but you don't know in the future. I mean we still kiss so she told me theirs still something there and when i told her that we'd probably not be together in the future and i should just give up, she'd quickly say but thats not true because i really don't know whats gunna happen between us. I told her she was just saying that to not completely reject me so i wouldn't break down but she said she had no agenda to hurt me like that and that she was telling me the truth. I kept telling her that i'd never forgive myself for ruining my own life by breaking up with her. That i hate myself for this and how i felt like not even trying to win her back since it seems like wasted time because she's serious about being single for some time. At the end i told her i didn't care what she chose, i'd show her that she had a man in me that would never quit trying to win the love of his life back. Totally cheese ball but i don't care what i look like at this point. She needs to know how i honestly feel about her no? What should i do? Maybe attempt to move on? Bring back the fun and light times between us to eventually win her over? Should i act hard to get? The **** do i do guys?

[TheMastaPlan]

homie i swear to god me and you are living the same lives...except my ex isn't looking for anyone else or likes anyone else (AS FAR AS I KNOW). i talked to her last night like i said and you know what you gotta do. GIVE HER SPACE...be her friend, DO NOT DISCUSS ANYTHING personal at all...do not say oh hey i was out with my boys last night and we got smashed or anything. do not bring up girls, dates, anything really....ive learned that from my ex. we are friends, at this point, and thats where it ends. she said she needs space because she needs sapce from you to decide if she really wants you. You got her on your side with the still seeing each other and kissing and all, but hey man LEAVE IT AT THAT. let fate happen. so look this is what i plan on doing, im gonna be my ex's friend, not discuss anything personal outside of me and her. when we hang out its no, have you hooked up with anyone, are you seeing anyone, are we gonna be together eventually...girls hate planning, they hate it. so be her friend, but DO NOT hang out with her if shes gonna be around other dudes cuz itll blow a fuse. hang out, be yourselves, you were friends first and she fell for you, stay friends, remind her whys he fell in love with you, do not bring up anythign in the past - stop living in the past and live for the future. dont put your life on hold because as she said shes not sure right now, but if you stay in touch with her and hang out and everythigns like it always was she will keep that in her mind when she meets other guys and be like you know what i like this guy im seeing but i cant get you outta my mind, youre always there for me, you really do love me, and i dont feel the same for him as i did for you even tho i think i like him. she "likes" this guy now because shes trying to replace soemthing she lost - you. she doesnt truly like him or any of that...my ex had the same thing going on i never questioned her about it and then one day she told me about it and how she was trying tio replace me and fall out of love but she cant. anyways lol im rambling again...keep ur head up, stay busy, live your life and if its meant to be itll be. go buy some cd's - HAPPY CD's no i will always love you whitney houstan **** cuz itll bum you out. if you liek hip-hop do yourself a favor and buy "the man of the moon" by kid cudi. i bought that and holy cow man it helps - that dudes been thru a lot and he shares it with you and gives you motivation to keep ur head up i love it, hes a great inspiration...i quote him "im not in the business for selling records, im in the business of selling hope" hes a genious and knows that people struggle out there and he shares his story, check it out im tellin you- may not be your cup of tea but listen to what he has to say...stop asking about the future, stop planning, itll push her away...stop asking how she can fall out of love with you in a month because she hasn't she still misses you and sees you and kisses you. dont over analyse the things she says, take things slow, be her friend because in the end everyone wants to be with their best friend, the person who has never left their side...so go out do your thing, meet people, and the more people you meet you and her will understand that no one can match the feelingsy ou had for one another and if you find someone better then you know its not meant to be, keep your head up man...dont lose compelte contact, but give her space so she has time to realize she misses you cuz right now she knows youre gonna be there every day, cut it to every few days to say hey how are you and leave it at that, dont respond back right away keep it short and simple. you wanna be there for her but only when she needs you, you gotta give her SPACE so she can realize that she really does miss you, if you dont give her space shell never know cuz youll always be around ya know...good luck

[jtincubus]

thats great advice my man. Thankyou for this bro. I only want to see her the happiest. I have so much respect for her now that she's not jumping back into a relationship. We've been hanging out alot lately and having a blast so i'll keep doing that because she's told me that she has plans with friends this week so i need to keep trying. Once i sense that she is getting comfortable i'll be shortand sweet so she can miss me. I've come to the point where i can accept what comes and react accordingly to what she wants. If she wants me fine. If she doesn't then fine. The only exception is if i don't believe she doesn't want me then i'll keep trying till she's mine. I'll always have the most respect for myself to not hurt myself if she's truly over me but i'll try my hardest to win her back. Whatever comes, i'm ready to accept. I only want to see her happy you know.

[TheMastaPlan]

i agree you want her to be happy, but happy with you as she was before, i want the same for mine, she has NEVER kept in contact with her ex's before but with me its different, shes told me fromt eh first day shes met me everything has been different about me...i posted something about wanting to talk to my ex cuz i missed my best friend and i got nailed with negative feedback...it sucks when you come here looking for support and people bash you and call you a loser lol..whaatteverrr....im just letting fate take its path, just make sure you dont get caught up again, try to stay distant, and believe me this is soooo much easier said than done. i know my ex misses me and i know all i ahve to do is show her by my actions that ive changed for the better and im not that same guy, this will take time, nothing will happen over night or even a week or two...months for me - maybe a year, who knows...she does know that if she ever wants me back i will come back, well i think she knows that...bme being her best friend and wanting everything for her and always being there for her throughout whatever should show her ill always be there for her and ready when she is...now ill always have that in my mind that ill be ready when she is but hey man we cant wait forever ya know...well get hurt in the end - just dont get your hopes up. play it cool, you want to show her youre different not tell her, words dont mean anything in this case because well actions speak louder than words. im hoping to see her this weekend at my old college where a bunch of us are meeting up, not sure if shell have time cuz of school but im hoping i get a chance to meet her somehwere neutral and remind her why she fell for me, i know she willf all again when we hang out, but i will not pressure her to hang when we are there just be myself...that way another week and a half or so will go by and ill be like hey how are you i miss you wanna hang out if youre free on teh weekends from school...and ill keep it to something short like lunch, dinner may be a bit lengthy but i also may ask if she wnats me to make her dinner because we always did that together and 2 weeks ago when we did we had a blast and fell for eeach other again. she just needs time and space like all girls to clear their heads and stop thinking negativly about us, right now both our ex's feel what hte hell they didnt want me and since then i haven't felt the same. youve got to proove you want her but not go overboard, dont always give into everythign she wants either, otherwise shell know youll be under her finger whenever she wants, you want her to miss you and know you have a life, know youll be there for her when she NEEDS YOU, but not always when she wants to hang out cuz that will keep her mind ticking...just stay cool, be yourself, dont flip out, let her yell if she needs to but NEVER yell...stop yoruself and think about what the kid ont he fourms has been telling you...shell see ur more relaxed and poised and...becomming a better person..stay away from antyhing that could bring up bad memories...even if you want to be like well what hte hell you did this...forget it shell lash back with something worse and itll be a big mistake...good luck my man

[TheMastaPlan]

another thing....do you work out? if not START...i started jan 1 and have been working out and i wish i did during my relationship..it has helped me cool off nad release steam that i have built up at work or any type of stress from either thinking about her or worrying about whatever...i wish i did this because we used to argue sometimes after work when we were both stressed out from a hard days work...ive been a lot more relaxed and it feels GREAT to pump everything out at the gym...also this will give you less time to think about the situation your in...while ur working out for 45min-1hr mon-thurs or mon, tues, skip wed, thurs, fri...your ex will probably be wondering what you are up to when you dont respond and all that jazz...it also will make you more confident and will show her youre changing somehow. maybe she might find you more attractive now that ur more independent and taking care of your self...if you smoke cigs, QUIT, show her youre trying to become abetter person, like i said actions speak louder than words...do your thing, stay up, buy new cds - happy music, not sad...let me know how things pan out..wish i had these fourms when i had JUST broke up with my ex instead of begging for her back...let fate take its course, dont force anything...itll work out in the end if its meant to be, but concentrate on yourself..who the hell doenst like a guy with a sick bod...tone it up my man

[sedgwick]

i've always thought that we weren't gunna be together in the future because of my constant nitpicking on her shortcomings.

 

my ex completely broke down and was begging on the floor for me that she would do anything and the ******* in me just said no.

 

You don't deserve her back. I hope she finds someone better.

[jtincubus]

i completely understand that statement. and if i was in your shoes i'd say the exact same thing. The thing that you might have overlooked was circumstance and past history. well i've always been afraid of commitment and my constant nitpicking was a maturity attribute i had to grow up from. Does it mean anything to say now that her once thought about shortcomings are so very attractive to me now. I'm trying to be completely honest so i know not to hurt her again. I did break it off for a reason. we had problems that she didn't seem to want to fix and i was the only one trying it seemed to me. She's gaining my trust back little by little but this other guy is still in the picture. she told me details about them that i wish i didn't plead for her to tell me cuz i overeacted like i know i shouldn't have. i apologized and explained that it's sometimes hard for me to be cool when the woman of my life is with someone else. she forgave me and now she's gone for the weekend which will probably do us good. she said she won't make anymore moves with that guy until she know for sure she doesn't want me. we gave each other like 4 big kisses leaving which felt amazing. I told her that the thing with me was that i never wanted a committed relationship until i found a girl that was worth it. I ALWAYS KNEW SHE WAS WORTH IT BUT NOT FOR ME AT THIS STAGE IN MY LIFE. But now i realize that she is the perfect woman for me at this point because i'm not afraid anymore of committing. I can tell her that we can have a beautiful future without the maybe or the ifs and buts. I just need to be around people constantly because she probably wont be thinking about me as much as i her and that'll just hurt me. so i'll go with friends and occasionally text her. its looking relatively positive over here. not as depressed as before. i love this woman with everything that i have. I know now that she perfect for me. I just have to win her back. And i'm coming to the cold hard truth that it won't be overnight. This will take everything that i have. all my patience and focus.

[TheMastaPlan]

stay calm, tell her...look i know youre trying to figure out what you want, but right now if we are on the limb id like to not hear about this other guy...it'll make me jump to conclusions and i dont want to hurt what we already ahve started. listen to me, WHAT YOU DO NOT KNOW CANNOT HURT YOU...forget about what you think shes doing, WHO CARES. honestly if you LOVE THE GIRL you wont care as long as she ends up with you forever...am i wrong? think of it like this...you just met her, youre trying to win her and have her be your girl...ok yeah she talks to other dudes but you dont care as long as you eventually get her...it shouldnt matter what she does, unless she sleeps with a million guys or completely betrays you...do not set rules...you are not dating at the moment...setting rules will be like youre dating which she isnt sure she wants...let her do her thing...dont text every day...sit back and look contact her when you know she could be thinking about you...before bed....early morning, sometime when she is alone and she thinks about you...for example, when me and my ex broke up she said around 1030-11 every night shed cry and think of me...i made it a point every NOW AND THEN not every night to text "thinking of you, hope youre ok" or something like that...just to show her i still care...stay strong man...take it slow it wont happen overnight...gaining trust back will take A LOT of time...sit back, live your life...keep her included when NECESSARY, dont tell her EVERYTHING you do...let her try to figure out what youre doing...dont be sketchy tho and be liek well its none of your business...good luck - fyi my girl called me last night and i didnt answer...this was 2 days after it old her i was thinking of her and missed my best friend....things will come around if its meant to be...keep ur head up

[sunrae]

jtincubus,

 

Why dont you give her the space she asked for? She asked you for space, which you havent given her. If you keep pushing and asking questions, then you're just going to push her away..

 

Sadly you created this, you choose to end it, rather than working through the hard time, and run off with some one else.

 

I see where she is coming from, in her feelings. If my bf broke up with me and went to be with another women and it didnt work out and suddenly came back to me, WTF? Now you expect her to drop everything and come running back to you with open arms? Sorry, the ball is in her court right now.. And the first thing you can do is to give her the space she asked for (which again youre not giving her).

[jtincubus]

you guys are completely right and i truly appreciate you guys even listening to some dude pour his guts out. I will be patient and give her the space she needs. We live together so it makes it hard for me not to try and make the most of our time together with playful banter so she can remember how we got along great. I guess i'm struggling with finding the line in when to back off because i feel like since i left her, that i should just surrender to her and always tell her how wonderful she is. I can't just ignore her calls or texts at times, can i? because i'd fear that she'd hold that against me and lose the little trust i've worked so hard to gain back. At the same time i know that i should still be me and not fake and overly sensitive to things. She said, "i believe you want me so make me fall in love with you again". But she still needs her space which i have to respect. I know i'm an ******* for what i did. I got carried away like many a guy can do. Too f'en blind. Now i look like a complete fool! Its hard for me not to take advantage of any moment i have with her where i feel that i could make her feel special that i don't act on it. Every opportunity to show her i care, i feel like its my duty to show her because i'm the one with something to prove no? I won't harass her or anything but for example i have to take her some money at her job in a few minutes for her to spend this weekend(i'm not whipped, we share money lol) and i'm gunna take her a flower with a poem. Cheesy is my thang lol....but i hope she sees that i'm for real. How hard i'm trying and how i know i f'd up. I don't see stuff like this hurting my cause in my particular situation....am i wrong? SUNRAE, at first she kept saying she needed space but now she never brings it up. I know that may not mean squat but she's having fun with me now to where she's ok with us spending time together. Whether its right or not however, i'm still gunna follow her original wishes and give her space. I'll stop with the questions for sure though. Your right....even I was annoying myself.

[TheMastaPlan]

"i believe you want me so make me fall in love with you again"....think back to before you were dating, waht did she LOVE about you, she may not have said i love this about you but what did she pick on you about...BE YOURSELF if she said that...she wants you, she fell in love with you, be how you were in the beginning and keep ur head up...ppl on here say all sorts of ****....i talked to my ex today and actaully saw her she was very nervous but i could tell didnt want me to leave with a "come back" text...now im not gettin my hopes up, but we'll see what happens...you jsut gotta be you my man and im doing exactly what i do...being myself...trust your gut, dont do the flower and card, but thats MY opinion, rem that...i dont know ur girl personally so i cant judge, do what you think would get her feelin right...DONT BE SOMEONE YOU ARENT

[TheMastaPlan]

how r things lookin?

[jtincubus]

its not looking good. basically she's kind of known all along what she was going to decide. I didn't bring her flowers lol. i just got her a latte and told her to have fun that weekend. she didn't come back home till monday morning to put on her work clothes and hug me. I told her that i can't do this anymore because it was so hard and she said then don't. no hesitation whatsoever. The process has been hard for her to decipher because i wanted her back so bad and she had to think if i deserved a second chance or not. with all that stress and the fact that theirs someone else in the picture, she couldn't take me back. well later yesterday night i came home and we took a nap together than i woke up and cooked her dinner because she was tired. well later yesterday night we somehow got on the topic again. My plan was to for one more night, show her how much i love her and how sorry i was then step back from then on and give her the space she needs. i wanted to make sure she knew regardless of her decision that i really did love her and i wanted her back. she basically broke it off completely. she told me we're not trying to work things out because she made a decision. i told her i'd wait for her because i truly loved her and she said that it might take years because she wasn't ruling anything out. i told her again that i'll wait and she said but i might move on. i mean what i could i do at that point. she thinks i dont deserve a second chance and if their was once love then i figured you'd forgive that person if you saw that they were sincerely sorry and were doing everything to never make that mistake again. So now i'm confused to what i should do. I guess since we still live together and plan to stick it out till june, i'm gunna stop trying so hard and just be her best friend. everytime she thinks of from now on, i want it to be positive. I'm not gunna make it easy for her or any other guy that's in her life to not think of me and wonder if we still have something. I feel that she's the love of my life so it hurts that we're only gunna be friends. I told her to not be hasty and really think about her decision because i didn't want her to make the same mistake that i went through and just give me another shot. tonight we'll probably just touch up on it and then after that we'll be just friends. we'll hangout. have nothing but fun and we'll go out to friend dates and once june comes, hopefully she comes around when we pack up and split ways. thats my only possible plan it seems. I'm thinking of finding another woman just so i can temporarily get her off my mind. maybe i'll fall for someone else and we can both talk about our relationships. once she sees me happier than her than maybe that'll trigger something. i won't move on completely. i'll occasionally remind her that my heart still belongs to her and i'm still here waiting but i can't handle the rejection so i have to live my life because you don't want me. i'm so damn pathetic. i have no idea where to go from here. I want someone so bad right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Perhaps]

its not looking good. basically she's kind of known all along what she was going to decide. I didn't bring her flowers lol. i just got her a latte and told her to have fun that weekend. she didn't come back home till monday morning to put on her work clothes and hug me. I told her that i can't do this anymore because it was so hard and she said then don't. no hesitation whatsoever. The process has been hard for her to decipher because i wanted her back so bad and she had to think if i deserved a second chance or not. with all that stress and the fact that theirs someone else in the picture, she couldn't take me back. well later yesterday night i came home and we took a nap together than i woke up and cooked her dinner because she was tired. well later yesterday night we somehow got on the topic again. My plan was to for one more night, show her how much i love her and how sorry i was then step back from then on and give her the space she needs. i wanted to make sure she knew regardless of her decision that i really did love her and i wanted her back. she basically broke it off completely. she told me we're not trying to work things out because she made a decision. i told her i'd wait for her because i truly loved her and she said that it might take years because she wasn't ruling anything out. i told her again that i'll wait and she said but i might move on. i mean what i could i do at that point. she thinks i dont deserve a second chance and if their was once love then i figured you'd forgive that person if you saw that they were sincerely sorry and were doing everything to never make that mistake again. So now i'm confused to what i should do. I guess since we still live together and plan to stick it out till june, i'm gunna stop trying so hard and just be her best friend. everytime she thinks of from now on, i want it to be positive. I'm not gunna make it easy for her or any other guy that's in her life to not think of me and wonder if we still have something. I feel that she's the love of my life so it hurts that we're only gunna be friends. I told her to not be hasty and really think about her decision because i didn't want her to make the same mistake that i went through and just give me another shot. tonight we'll probably just touch up on it and then after that we'll be just friends. we'll hangout. have nothing but fun and we'll go out to friend dates and once june comes, hopefully she comes around when we pack up and split ways. thats my only possible plan it seems. I'm thinking of finding another woman just so i can temporarily get her off my mind. maybe i'll fall for someone else and we can both talk about our relationships. once she sees me happier than her than maybe that'll trigger something. i won't move on completely. i'll occasionally remind her that my heart still belongs to her and i'm still here waiting but i can't handle the rejection so i have to live my life because you don't want me. i'm so damn pathetic. i have no idea where to go from here. I want someone so bad right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Been in a similar situation as you, brother. I literally let her walk all over me because of the guilt I had.

 

My best advice is... be her friend - but don't ever let her treat you like dirt.

 

If she truly loves you, she'll come around. If she doesn't, you'll meet someone else who'll make you realize why it didn't work.

 

Good luck!

[TheMastaPlan]

Stop bringing up the relationship..bro do your thing...live your life..please start working out-buy a DVD series...lost just started again...buy CDs...come kn bro ur hurting urself...I'm not contacting my ex gf till next weekend when I'll see her in person...she wot know what u mean to her till ur gone...go out do ur thing e yourself..consistantly show u care but not every day...go to girlsaskguys.com n post **** there a well...I've gotten good advice as well...but live ur life don't plan I feel ur pain-a lot easier said than done...go out and do different ****-**** u don't plan on doing like a spur of the Monet thing-I just bought a snowboard ad I've been snowboarding once but u know what-it'll force me to go do it now an stay busy cuz hell I bought it and now I have to Use it lol...actions speak louder than words..stop sayin ull wait around otherwise ur giving her the uppe hand..be like hey fate is fate whatever happens happens I'm not fighting fate anymore...I'm glad we had what we had because I've learned a lot-wish u best of luck and leave it at that...remove urself from ur apt- rearrange things so it's nt te way it was when u dated...sorry for typos I'm using m iPhone and I'm not gonna re read this lol..change things up Al- I'm tellin u go o the gym and work on your appearance for summer - itl mak u more confident and ready for something new..good luck keep me updated

[Silver_star]

When someone leaves the way you did...it creates a huge void inside. She tried to get you back and fill the void (begging and crying and trying to spice it up) but you were already gone from the relationship and moving on with a new girl. You didnt care enough at that point to sit down and have a discussion about what exactly waas lacking in the relationship for you or for her and try to fix it...you just left for someone else. That is a kick in the ovaries for a female. It makes you feel inadequate. Now that you want her back she wants space (she may have never stopped loving you) but that void has been filled with questions now. How could you be who she thought you were if you could leave so easily.

 

Im not saying ur a bad person. Im just saying this is how shes going to be feeling likely. She misses you, but you made her numb from emotionally ****ing with her. So dont expect her to be happy about it, or want to jump back in. She likely wont "get over it".

[jtincubus]

so the story has become even more juicy. just when i thought i had no shot i just kept trying and i kept trying to be myself and not suffocate her with questions i started to just simply express my mind. In a way where what i said didn't demand any response. just simple words and i would leave. that has put her in a better mood and now she doesn't avoid as often. well last friday was one of our worst days and i told all i wanted to do is to show her i care so i walked to the kitchen bar and i sat there from 8 to 11:30 writing an 8 page letter to her. It was in deep detail and it was a timeline from the first day i saw her to present day. i told her exactly how i felt about being around her and wonderful of a woman she was. everything i always wanted to say to her. So the next morning i was real chill and was trying to be light with her and she heard me playing the guitar and came out and joined along. last saturday morning was the best morning we've had since we broke up. Jokes, target playing dress up, lunch and the occasional talks about how great we are together. well she was leaving for the weekend as usual and right as she was driving away i stopped her and handed her my letter to her. i sprayed some cologne and folded it in with a bow. looked pretty damn good i must say and the morning went perfect. I thought i had really done good. later that night she called me to come join her at a party and i knew that was a good sign of us getting closer to possibly get back together. she chose to see me instead of taking the easy route and seeing him since they already had plans. That night was so fantastic. it was the old us and still even yesterday we were talking about how we had so much fun. we slept together but no sex. we were becoming closer and i felt that she had to start being fair to both of us to see who she wanted. I understand that its not that just because another guy is in the picture, that its the only thing stopping her from taking me back. i hurt her so i kinda do and don't have an advantage. so sunday she went to see him to tell him how she feels. so now basically she told him that we were having feelings for one another again and he took it bad. He gave her a week to decide so now she's all stressed about who she's gunna choose. We get along better but i need more time to show her. She told him about the letter i wrote her and that a s s h o l e did the same the next morning. she told me he wrote her a 5page letter about how they first met and the time they kissed to when they slept together. I'm so livid about that last part but she had every right to do it but i still feel she shouldn't have done that. well now yesterday she came home from work and we had an awesome night. i wrote to her mom and her best friend and she tells her to choose me. i'm so excited but i'm scared also since she still seems unsure what she's gunna do. i have to be patient and keep the atmosphere fun. she gives me all types of clues and she lets me see her naked again(lol) and lets me cuddle with her all night. i'm so confused and as i write this i'm getting discouraged and now i'm feeling scared again.

Edited February 9, 2010 by jtincubus

[BigTenInchRecord]

I highly recommend going NC and moving on. You broke up with this girl because you met another girl who interested you more, you completely dismissed her pleas to get back together, and broke her heart. Now it seems like you only want her back because your new fling didn't work out, and all of the sudden you went from two girls, to zero girls. You may think that you've realized how much you really love her, but to me it sounds like your ego is damaged and now you want what you can't have, especially since she is seeing someone new. What has really changed though? Who's to say the same thing isn't gonna happen again if you meet someone else? I hate to be harsh about it, but hardly any time has passed for either of you to had make serious changes.

 

My advice is to leave the girl alone, and if it's really meant to happen it will. There's nothing you can really do or say that will bring her back. The biggest red flag of all though is the fact that she is having trouble choosing between you and another guy. Is this the type of relationship you want to be in? If she really loved you and wanted to be with you alone she wouldn't even think twice about anyone else. The fact that she has to take time to choose which one of you she wants is all the proof you need that your not her #1 priority. And even if she did choose you, that would always be looming over your head, knowing that she recently had enough feelings for someone else to contemplate being with them instead.

 

If she does decide to give it another shot, take it from there, but for the time being go NC and try to move on. It sucks at first but eventually you'll realize that you did break up with her for a reason.

[jtincubus]

hey i appreciate the advice. It's really cool having people with experience lend me their time and energy for a few minutes. Thanks everyone. So i've tried to be as fair as possible. To the point that i've personally thought about us in two years and wonder if i'd leave her again. I wanted to make sure i really wanted her back for the right reasons and not because i was lonely. I messaged her mom with a huge letter and that's why i made sure i truly wanted to be with her because i didn't want to involve her mother than i leave my girl again. I'd be just that guy who you could never be trusted if i left her again. I'm not that guy. I really love her man. Believe me. I would never do that again. OK so yesterday i came home with dinner and she said, "OK i made a decision. I know what I'm gunna do". i immediately put down everything and said ok lets talk. She told me i'm not picking him. And i'm not picking you. She wants to date me and be friends with him. She said i still need to prove(I completely agree) and that she just wants to be single. That makes perfect sense but it sucks because she's still gunna see the guy and promised me that they weren't having sex anymore. I've always trusted her but it's hard when i know they've had sex already. But so have we and she's definitely not a push over. i have to trust that and i have no leverage to tell her to not see him. I told her that if we start building something and we can feel it then i'd like for her to stop seeing him and she said ok. I was being a lil immature when she told me she was gunna stay single because i felt she just wanted both of us. Well that's not necessarily the case. Her bestfriend chooses me, her mother sees that she's basically made a choice that it's me and she openly tells me this. Also that the other guy really doesn't measure up to me. Her mother told her that he seems like the safety net because he's more dependable with money and because he hasn't made the mistake yet. So it's not about who she wishes she could be with. Its that she wants to be single and told me that i needed to be patient and that if i truly loved her like i say that all this is good news and i have the huge upperhand. That everyone sees that and that we'd probably be together if i kept doing this but not right now. She wants to have fun i realized. She said you know how we go through these party phases and i've never had that yet so i just want to be single and have fun. So it's good and it's bad. I mean if i already have her best friend on my side and her mother even sees that she's basically already decided on me but wants to make sure and wait for more of my proof then i'm in the best situation i could be in. I'm gunna lay back a little but keep showing her constantly how much i love her with little things. i'm gunna tell her to start getting in the routine to check where i am and look through everything i'm doing so she can start trusting me again. Am i handling this the right way???? She told me hey don't look down. This is a good thing. I didn't choose him! And you have the upper-hand. I'm in relief for that much at least. This morning we were very sweet to each other and she called me sweetie and told me i love you too...it seems like we're getting closer. I'm just gunna focus and have a packed next month with so much to do for me and the both of us. I think a roadtrip would help. maybe later but i'm not sure. Any help????

[jtincubus]

This is pathetic but we did get back together but i lasted for about 4 months. We kept fighting and the issues kept arising. We just were not on the same page. Either she thought she was right or i did and neither of us budged and i've done the no contact thing for 1week now and its killing me. She cried when i told her i was deleting her from everything that she still cares and all that. But she just wanted to try it on her own. We would fight over the little things in life. We lived together for most of the relationship so that took a toll on us. IT FEELS SO GREAT WRITING ALL THIS DOWN. Today was a bad day and i really want to know if she even misses me. I want her bad so badly but we did have our differences. She so dumb because she immediately went drinking with another guy and kissed and i came the next day to pick up all my stuff and that ****er was there still. I handled it very well and they both left but she came back and apologized for everything and that she compares everyone to me and that we'd probably be together in the future but for me not to use that as consolation because she just doesn't know. Now that i think about it she's still talking to that guy and i'm getting heated just knowing that she still talks to him even though she claims they are just friends. I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. When i workout i feel great but i get too depressed to do anything...should i keep the no contact thing going on if you want the girl back??? I don't know why i want her back when we've been through so much. I guess its because i just really want to know if we could ever make it work.