werty Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 we all know that the reason why we just have to have a "no contact" relationship is because it would be much more easier for both to let go of the person... me & my girl is just starting this no contact relationship which is what she wanted bcause of her reason above... if she really means a lot to you,would u hold on to her decision just like that and accept it? now guys, how long have u been able to hold on to this kind of relationship? was it able to gv you what u really wanted or wat ur girl wanted which is the "let go" or getting over thing? are there situations here that even if the girl made that breakup & agreement somehow came back? for those who are still under this kind of situation, how far r u holding on to it now?is it giving u the best of the situation? thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
carra Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 werty- actually, the no-contact rule helps the dumper to acknowledge their feelings for the dumper after they have some time apart to think and miss them. it also allows both parties to grow as individuals from the time apart so they can bring more to the relationship when or if they reconcile. sometimes it's just healthier to take that "break" from aloved one instead of letting the relationship continue to deteriate. i think most often then not, the dumper generally comes back after some time, generally about a mnth or two. but you have to feel out the situation and look in your heart for the anwsers. Link to post Share on other sites
gwennebe Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Hi Werty. I feel your pain trust me. It's been a month and I still have trouble not contacting my ex. He has never said anything to me about no contat and gave me the whole I want to be friends and we can talk and now he's dating someone new. It seems that most of the times we've talked we have just fought over everything and he's confused me so much so I think i"m ready to let go and stop trying to talk to him. The only reason I wanted to talk was for closure because I figured it would help me get over it and I think he's being selfish by not giving it to me so I guess that leads me to just try and get it on my own. I'm angry because he made a big deal of not dating anyone that wouldn't let us be friends yet he doesn't seem to concerned with being my friend and if you read any of my posts you can see that he probably doesn't deserve my friendship anyways. I guess I'm just a sucker but that's stopping as of right now. I'm not putting up with anyones crap. It's a new year and It's going to be all about me for once. So good luck to you. In the past I have heard from exes anywhere from one week later, to 10 years later. It just depends on the type of person they are and the type of relationship you had. You have to just trust that everything happens for the best. I'm still trying to believe it myself. Luckily I'm starting to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author werty Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 well heres a brief thing that happened to us.. honestly i was the one being dumped and to add injury she wants a total "no contact" relationship... i offered friendship, she wont allow it. saying any contact with me would disrupt and may hurt her again... the reason she broke up with me is a bit lame. its about a secret that came out from i dont know where. she said she cant trust me coz we were the only one that knew about this secret.. but all of us know dat this is not the real reason.. we all know that the real reason is something that only the dumper knows.... i tried to explain,gv my opinion and nothing worked. i wanted her back but she was determined to end saying this is for the best i just dont understand why she wasnt contented with the break-up and have to do the "no contact" thing.. i hate it.. i hate this setup but all i can do is respect her and hope that the truth will set us both free do u think the dumper would somehow make contact with the dumpee after the dumpee would not make the contact first? just wana know... am i doin the right things? or what should be my best approach with this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 do u think the dumper would somehow make contact with the dumpee after the dumpee would not make the contact first? just wana know... am i doin the right things? or what should be my best approach with this situation? Yes, yes, and yes. Had my ex not contacted me daily after I asked for 'no contact' for some time, I would have gladly contacted him to see how he is doing. I broke up with him for good reasons, and knew I was not going back to him..You are doing the right thing by not contacting. Don't let yourself do it. Any contact with her let her know you are not respecting her wishes..Move on and do things to keep yourself distracted.. Link to post Share on other sites
gwennebe Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 I totally agree with Sarah. In my past when there have been breakups I usually just let it go. A lot quicker than this last one. I don't know why I'm holding on to this one. I guess I'm just under so much stress and feeling vulnerable and having somone around makes me feel more confident with my life which I realize now is wrong and something I'm working on. Anyways, in the past I have usually reconcilied with my exes even if it meant just being friends. I have a lot of exes that I am really good friends with now. What you have to do is get over the pain and hurt first before you can get to that level. In fact I am spending New Years with an ex. He has admitted he regrets everything that happened with us and wish we could get back together because at the time we were not at the right stages in life to make it work but he believes we are now, the thing is I don't feel that way about him anymore. He however knows this and respects that and doesn't put any pressure on me. I don't remember in every situation who contacted who, sometimes I believe it was me and other times they have called me out of the blue. Regardless there is absolutely no way to be friends until you have both had time to think about it and heal. I know it's hard. I'm dealing with an ex that said he wanted to be friends and it just doesn't work so shortly after breaking up especially if they have someone new which is my case So sarah is right in saying that if someone wants you out of their life at the moment it is best to give it to them. Most of the time they come around. But if you keep bothering them the chances get slimmer with each contact you make. Think about this also, if nothing really went terribly wrong in your relathionship then why wouldn't they want some kind of relationship with you down the road even if it is just a friend? Usually they do when they have time and you have time. So good luck to you. I'm still struggling to take my own advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author werty Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 thanks for your words.. somehow they make me move... its just that sometimes we get stuck at the "what if" loops and wonder if something else will happen.. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 I was thinking, how about we all make it our new year's resolution to not contact the ex! (at least not be the first to..) That's what I'm going to try..I really think it will work. I'm big on goals so this will be my first of the new year.. We can all do it! It'll be like a new beginning..starting things off fresh.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author werty Posted January 1, 2004 Author Share Posted January 1, 2004 i cant promise that... but in my situation, it of my best to not contact her since she was the one breaking up... lets see what happens... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Link to post Share on other sites
gwennebe Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 I think not contacting our exes sounds like a great resolution!! It definately works for me!! I just wanted to put out there I had a great New Years. The pain of my break up is getting a lot easier now as I realized how many good looking, fun, nice people there are out there. Which leaves so many opportunities!! I don't think I even want my ex to call. Now that I think about it, he mentally drains me. hehe. Link to post Share on other sites
Grace Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 Having been on both sides of the fence. From experience. Yes, it is possible for a girl to end the relationship and then want the guy back after time. I see it happen all the time, not just with me, but my friends. Right now, I'm doing the "no contact" with my ex boyfriend. He ended it (for the stupidest reasons) and I've respected his wanting his space. It's been about 3 months now. He contacted me on my birthday 3 weeks ago. That was the last I've spoken to him, but I will not give in and call him. If he wants me, he'll have to come for me. I'm sure he must be missing me a bit, if he even emailed me at all. It's the only way to really know if you love someone. Absence makes the heart grow fonder (when in love). Out of sight, out of mind (if you're not really in love). Take my advice and give this girl the space she's asking for. Read Kanuk's postings. His girl asked for space and he didn't listen, which pushed her away further. If you want to turn your ex on, DO NOT contact her. She ended it, she needs to pursue you....and I promise you she will. You'll look so attractive to her once she sees that you're not chasing her. That situation happened to my sister. After 3 - 4 months of not talking to her ex after she broke up with him, she finally called him. He was so casual when talking to her, that she started to freak out and wanted him back. She later found out he was seeing another girl and my sister lost it. She started to pursue and pursue him. It took her a long-time to get over him. Just relax and let things happen. They will. It will seem like an eternity to you (it certainly has been for me) but you'll be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
ojibwaywmn Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 Originally posted by sarah12 I was thinking, how about we all make it our new year's resolution to not contact the ex! (at least not be the first to..) That's what I'm going to try..I really think it will work. I'm big on goals so this will be my first of the new year.. We can all do it! It'll be like a new beginning..starting things off fresh.. This is one Resolution I am going to do. I miss my ex so much but he made the choice to go back to his former common-law wife and their two children. He wants to be friends but it is too hard with the way I feel about him. I sent him an email saying that I will not be making anymore contact with him. A part of me hopes that someday he will come back, but who knows. I have discovered somethings about myself and how I relate to ppl. So in the meantime, I am going to do everything possible to take care of myself. Maybe by the time he does make contact, I will be totally over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexa Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 I would like to say everyones experiences and views are very interesting and helpful to me. You see recently I too had a taste of the "no contact" case, and it sucked big time! Till this day I think that my ex broke up with me for a very stupid reason that only he knows till this day why he gave up on us so easily. He totally broke up with me cutting all possible contact, up until I confronted him in person when he least expected me, I needed closure!! He told me his little reason to break up with and for us to just be friends". I don't belive that I could be just friends, and was afraid that he would find someone else. He gave me his new phone number, but I have been very tempted to call, but have not. You see it's like somebody said in this thread that if the person really wants you back they will try. But I don't know some guys have to much pride???? You know that is the big question I ask, do you think this guy is missing me at all? Just a little bit? Do you think he regrets ever calling it off???? Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 You see it's like somebody said in this thread that if the person really wants you back they will try. But I don't know some guys have to much pride???? I always thought this too..if they want you back, they will come..but..some guys are scared/shy/don't know what to do..so I don't know about that anymore. And yes, some have too much pride. I think he is missing you a bit. How could you not miss the ex even a bit? Link to post Share on other sites
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