Do I have a chance?

[Pr.Smith]

Just over a year ago, as a senior in college I was studying abroad in Spain. I met a young girl from the midwest who was quite amazing. At first it was a physical lust and as I got to know her it was just absolutely amazing to know how much we truly had in common. We dated a few times, went to drinks together over the course of our time there and when it came my time to leave she stayed for another 6 months. Nothing physical ever happened but since leaving and saying goodbye on a train platform upon my departure I have ever wondered what could have been.

 

For the remainder of her stay we stay connected via facebook and email keeping each other up to date on what was new and how things were going in our lives. But by the time she returned home things had diminished. Knowing that I was entering the start of my career and she was just going to be entering her senior year and we were separated by a several states, I had written her off as an amazing girl that could have been.

 

But this fall on a random weekend I got a call from her wanting to check in on me and see how life was going. From that point on we have been conversing quite regularly (at least once a week) and for in my mind long periods of time (1-3 hours). We can talk about anything and everything, and its just so easy and natural, something I haven't had with many people. In October I decided to take a chance, sent her flowers from my favorite designer with a little note seeing if I could take her to dinner. She said no, admitting that someone else was in the picture. I knew of the risk, she was honest no big deal. Im not the possessive or even get jealous type, or even the type that wants to take her to dinner with an expectation of sex or a relationship. I just want to hang out and get to know her better.

 

As weeks went on I learned she and the boy were no longer anything. And we continued to talk frequently. She found out over the christmas break that she had the opportunity to work in Germany so for christmas we exchanged gifts and sent her a lovely little cashmere scarf.

 

During her stay in Germany, she wrote to me frequently and with tremendous length which in my mind showed an interest and a care. We are talk 7-8 pages of solid text via email.

 

By the end of her stay (early jan) I found out that I as going to be out in that area around valentines day and it would be easy to catch a flight to her town for the weekend and thought it would be great opportunity to take her to dinner and get to know this girl better.

 

Needless to say no because she is scared of what a trip out to her might mean. That it implies the next level of our friendship/relationship. That she doesn't know where she will be after graduation in may and that she doesn't want to hurt me or damage what we already have. I say great, I understand I get it. And I truly do. hindsight says that valentines day weekend was a terrible one to choose.

 

I know the signs point to her just not being that into me in anyway other than friends. But her friends who live with her says that she adores me.

 

Am I just an easy comfort on the phone that makes her feel special?

 

Is there anything I can do to get her to take a chance, hang out, have a drink and see if things could possibly be real?

 

I don't typically fall hard for girls. I hate the notion of a long distance relationship. I hate the notion of being a reason she wouldn't pursue her absolute dreams. But since meeting her my heart has beat a different tune and I feel that there is to much to not find a way to take a chance. Is this just the desperate cry from a hopeless romantic? Do I just need to move on?

 

Please help.

[lordWilhelm]

I was once in a similar situation. For all it's worth, my advice is not to get too caught up in a fantasy because it's going to hurt (and it seems like it's already started to). Pages and pages of emails are not an indication that a relationship is viable; I think an LDR is only worth it if you've already got a strong basis and are trying to cope for a limited (sometimes longer) period of time with a set of circumstances that are keeping you apart.

[caplrwasel]

Hi..

In the same situation i am also facing in my life but as i am be calm and not to think much more and stayed busy in routine life.. so just try it..