jnd2009 Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 When you were around your MM or MW-- did they wear their wedding rings around you? Just curious..... Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 (edited) When you were around your MM or MW-- did they wear their wedding rings around you? Just curious..... Never. He has forgetten it at rare occasions, but he knows I detest it, so off it went as soon as he realized. When he is with me, he is mine, he is not married. Well, of course he is married, but not in the keeping-his-vows sense. So off it goes. Anything less I would consider an insult. LOL I think last time I saw it on, he was totally naked, just the wedding ring on. I didn't say anything, but he realized shortly. I didn't see it come off, but he told me later he had pretended to turn something over, so he could get it off without me noticing. Kind of funny to see him dressed in just his ring. Edited January 27, 2010 by jennie-jennie Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 He didn't have one.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jnd2009 Posted January 27, 2010 Author Share Posted January 27, 2010 Sometimes mine has his on, sometimes not- depends on what he was doing prior to me seeing him. Lately it's after work and school for him so he has it. It doesn't bother me at all, honestly him having it on for some reason is a slight turn on for me . It doesn't seem to cross his mind either, never plays with it or attempts to take it off.... then again I don't see him as mine- I want him to go home to her, and I to my bf. We're more on the friends with benefits level, so we even talk about each other's SO's (however I ask questions sometimes about her, he never asks about my bf). Now I'm rambling on...sorry .... Link to post Share on other sites
jolenejolene Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 This was something I had been curious to know about in other's experience. In the past month, with no discussion, I noticed he had started to slip off his ring when we were together. Not everytime we were out socially, but when were intimate. It happened after we had had our first fight. The first time we came together after that and were making up, I noticed the ring was off. I tried to not think of it as all the important, but...it says a lot. I tried to not attach much meaning to it (meaning, I refused to see it as a sign of him making any change in his marriage), but...because of some other statements that were made, he seemed to be saying with the gesture "when I am with you, you have all of me and, in spite of the other circumstances of my life, there is nothing less than 100% love in what we (he and I) are (were) sharing". But, that appears to be over...another thread... Jolene Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 When you were around your MM or MW-- did they wear their wedding rings around you? Just curious..... When my H and his xW got M, they didn't get rings. It was "purely for tax purposes" (the M) and was registry office, no guests, no party afterward. Years later she suddenly decided she wanted a ring, and started dropping hints like crazy, but when he asked her directly if she'd changed her mind, she avoided giving a straight answer ("because she wanted him to buy her one without her asking for it" or at least that was what she told his sister... ) He finally gave his sister money and asked her to take the then-W to get the ring, which she did - and the then-W then produced a matching ring for him that she'd gotten ages back and gave it to him. He didn't want it, and so never wore it - he left it behind when he left her, and when we moved into the house after the D we found it lying here in the back of a cupboard. It's hideous - a tacky gold thing that wouldn't be out of place on a gangsta rapper going through an Iggy Pop phase - and I can see why he never wanted to wear it! When we got M, he insisted on rings - and so we have these indestructable ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 The only ring I have ever seen My MM wear was his military insignia ring, and he wore that everyday, until the day he put it on my finger.. when I took it off and tried to give it back to him, he asked me to keep it. So now I wear it. But if he ever wears a wedding ring, I have never seen it. *shrug* (I have never seen signs of one either ie. tan lines, or pressure marks from wearing one) Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 No, he didn't wear a ring which is why I didn't know he wasn't divorced/separated when I first met him. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 He didn't wear one when I met him because he was engaged then, not yet married (I didn't know for some time). The one time I met with him after his wedding, he fumbled to take his ring off as soon as he saw me . I ended it for good that night. Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBlue72 Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Nope, MM doesn't wear one. Link to post Share on other sites
atlnay Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 When you were around your MM or MW-- did they wear their wedding rings around you? Just curious..... Yup. We worked together, so it'd be dumb on his part to take it on/off As for when we met outside of work, he wore/wears it then too *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1962 Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Never. He has forgetten it at rare occasions, but he knows I detest it, so off it went as soon as he realized. When he is with me, he is mine, he is not married. Well, of course he is married, but not in the keeping-his-vows sense. So off it goes. Anything less I would consider an insult. So let me get this straight. You are ok with the fact that he is married and having sex with you but he cannot keep his ring on because this reminds you of the bond that he has with his wife? Ok. It's your life. I mean no harm. I just find it ironic that you can accept this man into your body knowing that he is married but his wedding ring freaks you out. Something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
NEVERINTENDEDTHIS Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 My MM never wore a ring no tan line nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 So let me get this straight. You are ok with the fact that he is married and having sex with you but he cannot keep his ring on because this reminds you of the bond that he has with his wife? Ok. It's your life. I mean no harm. I just find it ironic that you can accept this man into your body knowing that he is married but his wedding ring freaks you out. Something to think about. Leaving a M - particularly one of some length, or one with kids involved - is not a simple thing, and not something to be taken lightly. Taking off a wedding ring is a simple, quick but (potentially) very symbolic act. If a MM can't even be arsed to do that, some OWs think, how much concern is he demonstrating for the OW's feelings? It's a bit like having the W lying in the bed with you, perhaps - not participating, but just lying there... Not an issue for some, but a big issue for others. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Its just a piece of jewelry. If you know he is married and you can get past that...I dont understand why OW would put so much emotional value into a piece of jewelry, whether it is on or off. LOL. I know my H took his off because he was selling himself as a single guy...but you know, he has this great big indentation and skin discolorization on his ring finger. ( Like a tan line from a watch) The presence of the ring itself couldnt have made a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1962 Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Leaving a M - particularly one of some length, or one with kids involved - is not a simple thing, and not something to be taken lightly. Taking off a wedding ring is a simple, quick but (potentially) very symbolic act. If a MM can't even be arsed to do that, some OWs think, how much concern is he demonstrating for the OW's feelings? It's a bit like having the W lying in the bed with you, perhaps - not participating, but just lying there... Not an issue for some, but a big issue for others. How much consern does this man have for his wife since he is sleeping around? Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 I guess a wedding band is kinda like reality muscling in on the sweet little fantasy of 'he loves me, he wants to be with me, etc'. No matter how hard you block out the W, kids, life together, sleeping in the same bed every night....a wedding band is like...'here's a reminder that I am M, have a W, have a family, you're not a part of it.' Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Leaving a M - particularly one of some length, or one with kids involved - is not a simple thing, and not something to be taken lightly. Taking off a wedding ring is a simple, quick but (potentially) very symbolic act. If a MM can't even be arsed to do that, some OWs think, how much concern is he demonstrating for the OW's feelings? It's a bit like having the W lying in the bed with you, perhaps - not participating, but just lying there... Not an issue for some, but a big issue for others. How much consern does this man have for his wife since he is sleeping around? Sorry to break it to you, but you can't exactly say that my MM is sleeping around when he only has one sex partner - me. OWoman is as usual right on the money. My MM has a long and up until me faithful marriage behind him and numerous kids. I won't specify the number of kids he has, since that is too much information, but I can say it is more than five. His wife is a good woman. All these factors need to be taken into consideration before proceeding with a decision as big as a divorce. Taking off the wedding ring is, as OWoman says, a very symbolic act and yet it has much less impact on his family. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 I guess a wedding band is kinda like reality muscling in on the sweet little fantasy of 'he loves me, he wants to be with me, etc'. No matter how hard you block out the W, kids, life together, sleeping in the same bed every night....a wedding band is like...'here's a reminder that I am M, have a W, have a family, you're not a part of it.' Is that your experience, Torrance? I know you were once the other woman. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Its just a piece of jewelry. Its interesting that the MP wearing it seems to invoke jealousy/insecurity/anger in the OP just on wearing something that symbolizes their marriage. Whether the MP wears it or not, they're still married. Denial at play here? Link to post Share on other sites
outofthedark Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Once we became emotionally attached the rings came off. Occasionally he would forget but it didn't really bother me but once. I felt the thing as he was fingering me. It wasn't really about the ring being a wedding ring but it made me think. He was then more observant of not wearing it around me until he rushed home late after seeing me and forgot to put it back on. He had to get home for a big family photo. There he was, no ring. Big family photos and no wedding ring. OOPS I stopped wearing mine completely one month into the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 When I announced I was getting a divorced my ring came off. For my MW she took her's off when they first got separated and has been wearing a ring which I gave her Christmas '08 still. MW and H are still living under the same roof and no paper work has started. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 The ring symbolizes a bond that is now broken. Would it not be hypocrisy to wear it when continuing to break the vows behind it? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 The ring symbolizes a bond that is now broken. Would it not be hypocrisy to wear it when continuing to break the vows behind it? If he's still married, the bond isn't broken. He still goes home to her every day, unless he's out of town, I assume. He still pays the bills in that home. He is still legally married to her. And he likely puts said ring right back on when he goes home to live as married. I don't see the big deal on needing to make the ring disappear just to feel comfortable with being with a MM. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 If he's still married, the bond isn't broken. He still goes home to her every day, unless he's out of town, I assume. He still pays the bills in that home. He is still legally married to her. And he likely puts said ring right back on when he goes home to live as married. I don't see the big deal on needing to make the ring disappear just to feel comfortable with being with a MM. Yes, the bond is broken, it is not whole. Sure it is there, but it is damaged. Okay, lets turn it around. How would you feel if your husband after Dday wore a ring his OW had given him? Would you find it exciting to have sex with him knowing that he wore this ring or would you find it an insult? You know "your" husband would have had an affair whether or not the ring was on, so why would it matter? Link to post Share on other sites
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