jennie-jennie Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 My H and I talked about our rings after dday and we came up with a little agreement that whenever we were thinking of doing something hurtful to one another or fixing to make a huge decision..we would look at our rings as a reminder of the bond we made that day..and how things will be affected on the other side of that ring. I never take mine off...but if i were going to sleep with another man and betray my H then that would be wrong to keep it on. does this make sense? Yes, thank you for your honest answer. I like the agreement you and your husband made. A good reminder of your bond together. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Interesting thread. My fiancee and I are picking out wedding bands right now (well, not exactly RIGHT now). At first, it was just a ring to me - I was honestly thinking, "Let's keep this reasonably priced. People who go overboard on the rings and wedding lose perspective of the marriage." But, it was in pre cana that we talked about the symbolism of the ring. That it has no beginning and no end. That it encircles your finger as a reminder that there is someone you told God you would always love and treat well. I would be crushed if my fiancee ever cheated. That devastation would be beyond all hurt he could ever put me through. I would hope that the ring would be a physical reminder to him about the commitment we're taking on and the promises we make both to each other and God. That he would look at that and do the right thing. If there was no relationship left, he could leave me and we could get an annullment. If there was a relationship, then he would sacrifice temptation for something more powerful that he and I built. So, if he wore the ring while cheating, it wouldn't matter to me. The deed itself is the act of a man without character. What he did with the ring after that would be entirely up to him. I just know he'd never see, talk or hear from me again... Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 I saw MM last week and he had it on. I'm not even sure he was aware of it as we only saw each other for a few minutes. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 I saw MM last week and he had it on. I'm not even sure he was aware of it as we only saw each other for a few minutes. Do all of you OW / OM constantly look for the ring? (Is it on? off? ...) Why? Does it matter? You know what you are involved and you are ok with it. You know that your AP is lying to his spouse - ring on or off. I just don't get this whole thing... Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 For those of you whom the removal of the ring is significant, I have friends who have their rings tattooed onto their fingers, how would that make you feel? CCL Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 For those of you whom the removal of the ring is significant, I have friends who have their rings tattooed onto their fingers, how would that make you feel? CCL So what do they do if they get a divorce? Get the tattoo removed? Personally a tattooed ring would not bother me, since it is not possible to take off. That would be just like a guy who has his old girlfriend's name tattooed on, who cares? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 So what do they do if they get a divorce? Get the tattoo removed? Generally when most people get married, they are not already planning the divorce Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Honestly, I think it would not bother me as much now as in the beginning if he had the ring on. I am secure now in his love for me. I know there is nothing left except legalities for the ring to represent. Link to post Share on other sites
LDR Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Generally when most people get married, they are not already planning the divorce Even if you get married with the intention of it being forever, divorce can happen. Lots of people who plan on staying married forever get premarital agreements too. So getting a tattoo with the name is not a bright idea imo. . . no offense to anyone:o Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Even if you get married with the intention of it being forever, divorce can happen. Lots of people who plan on staying married forever get premarital agreements too. So getting a tattoo with the name is not a bright idea imo. . . no offense to anyone:o I know divorce can happen (it's happened to me) and whilst I personally do not like tattoos, I do not think someone should not get one done just in case it does not work out. If that is how you feel then you should not get married. I also do not like the idea of pre-nups. Marriage is not a business contract. All seems a bit cold and heartless to me. Link to post Share on other sites
LDR Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Well, in my case I make more money than my bf, so I am getting a prenup if we get married. I don't want to end in an unhappy marriage, and not leave due to financial situations, as my parents. . . I do see marriage as a business/legal contract, that is what makes it different from cohabitation imo. I see it as being prepared in case of the worse or if that person does a 360 on you. Anyway, enough with the threadjack on my part. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I know divorce can happen (it's happened to me) and whilst I personally do not like tattoos, I do not think someone should not get one done just in case it does not work out. If that is how you feel then you should not get married. I also do not like the idea of pre-nups. Marriage is not a business contract. All seems a bit cold and heartless to me. What's cold and heartless is when the ex-husband takes a big chunk of your money at the divorce after treating you badly while married. I have seen this happen more than once, and am certainly going to encourage my daughters to get pre-nups. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 What's cold and heartless is when the ex-husband takes a big chunk of your money at the divorce after treating you badly while married. I have seen this happen more than once, and am certainly going to encourage my daughters to get pre-nups. Is that the ex-husband who has an affair with another woman for years???? Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Is that the ex-husband who has an affair with another woman for years???? Huh? No, none of them had any affairs while married. They just managed to treat their wives badly anyway. One of them, my BIL, was very adamant about my sister not getting a pre-nup because that would indicate she did not love him. She paid the entire down-payment on the house. Sure enough, when they separated he wanted half of her money. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Huh? No, none of them had any affairs while married. They just managed to treat their wives badly anyway. One of them, my BIL, was very adamant about my sister not getting a pre-nup because that would indicate she did not love him. She paid the entire down-payment on the house. Sure enough, when they separated he wanted half of her money. You obviously did not get my point. You complain about men treating their wives badly. Seems a touch hypocritical to me. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 You obviously did not get my point. You complain about men treating their wives badly. Seems a touch hypocritical to me. I still don't get your point. I never treated my men badly. I suppose you are talking about my MM. Well, I have always encouraged him to get a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I still don't get your point. I never treated my men badly. I suppose you are talking about my MM. Well, I have always encouraged him to get a divorce. LOL J-J...that was unintentionally hilarious. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 LOL J-J...that was unintentionally hilarious. That one is on me. Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 JJ - the couple I know who got the tattoos did it around their 10th or 15th anniversary, so well into the marriage. He did it because of his job he can't wear a ring at work, and she did it I don't kno why. I wouldn't ever do it. At least not a ring, as I do plan on figuring out something that symbolizes my H and having it added to my body. But I don't mind even if we do break up, he was is and always will be the a part of my life in some manner. I haven't a problem with prenup agreements either. I think done right it can protect both parties. CCL Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 JJ - the couple I know who got the tattoos did it around their 10th or 15th anniversary, so well into the marriage. He did it because of his job he can't wear a ring at work, and she did it I don't kno why. I wouldn't ever do it. At least not a ring, as I do plan on figuring out something that symbolizes my H and having it added to my body. But I don't mind even if we do break up, he was is and always will be the a part of my life in some manner. I haven't a problem with prenup agreements either. I think done right it can protect both parties. CCL Crazycatlady, you and I just have a similar way of looking at the world. I so agree with what I bolded above. I kind of think it was sweet of that guy to tattoo a ring when he could not wear one at work. Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 My MM always wears his wedding ring. He has only taken it off about 3-4 times (other than when he showers) when we’ve been together. He took it off the first few times he came to my place. I think he was trying to show some respect or consideration towards me. It actually surprised me because we’d been seeing each other for quite a while already and he had never taken it off before then, and I thought he’d see it as a little disrespectful to his W. But I guess it really isn’t any more disrespectful than he keeping it on. It doesn’t bother me that he wears it and I prefer that he does. It is a turn-on and was an attraction for me. But it wouldn’t bother me if he didn’t want to wear it either. Ring or no ring, it doesn’t change his martial status. Link to post Share on other sites
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