My on-going problem

[bananaboat11]

Erica hun... I will try to keep this as objective as possible (b/c you know how I feel about you hubba hubba j/k )

 

I am broken on the inside... but slowly, I mend the lacerations through my heart. And I stand before you (sitting on a computer screen), and I bare everything...

 

We all have wants, needs, desires, pleasures, necessities... we are lustful, infatuated, loving, caring, deceiving, manipulative, precarious, susceptible, delicate... we lie, we hate, we lust, we love, we hurt, we feel... we are human.

 

Our emotions drive us (as I've said time and time again)... and sometimes we are apt to controlling them, but, there are times where our emotions clout our judgment and predominate our actions. Rational thought is the last thing on our minds.... why do you think it's so easy to give advice, but not adhere to your own?

 

None of us may never know your true feelings... your mindset... and the path on which your heart treads, but I can say... forget your head and listen to your heart. He's pushed you out twice already... and now what? And these little lies? Too many shadows ... too many corners in your mind. There's so much to do to set your heart on track... and for him to prove his love to you. I'm not hearing any heart.

 

Only if you close yourself off to the outside world... do you suffer under the imprisonment of lonliness.... you've run the risk... you were hurt and now you're back. There is no sense living life without this. To not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived. Love, passion, obsession, all those things you're told to wait for... have they returned?

[EricaH329]

Beeotch2626472- I am so sorry for what happened to you, again. He does have serious issues, and you are much better off without someone like that in your life. The only person that can help him at this point, is himself. And he doesn't seem to be on the right track towards accomplishing that.

 

As for my situation, you are right. It is very hard to work on a relationship when so much has already gone wrong. It's hard to trust him the way that I used to. It's hard to give him everything that I can, which isn't fair to either of us. However, since we do love eachother so much, i'm wondering whether or not the trust can be rebuilt and the relationship become stronger. I don't know at this point. The doubt is haunting me. Every little thing he does, i'm wondering whether or not he is being truthful and what his intentions are.

 

I feel, though, that if I do not give this an honest effort, I will always be wondering 'what if', ya know? If it doesn't work this time around, then there is absolutely no way it'll ever work. I mean, this is the third time trying at this. If we can't work through our problems now, then we never will.

 

A lot of things about him have changed since he joined the military. I'm wondering whether or not i'll be able to deal with those changes. There's a lot to consider here.

 

Rob- You brought up some good points. Because he is my first love, and I love him dearly, I feel as though not putting in the effort would be cheating me out of something that could possibly be great.

 

I'm scared of allowing myself to open up the way that I have before. I'm scared he is going to do something to turn my life upside down again. I'm terrified of all of these things, and yet I still feel the need to work on our relationship.

 

That just sounds plain crazy.

 

I'm not sure where this is going to go, but at least I can say that I tried. And that fact alone will help me sleep better at night.

[HeavenOrHell]

My ex left me twice 9 years ago and the 2nd time he came back we worked on our problems and were stronger for it ( we were in a rut at the time), I never worried he would leave again, I wasn't insecure about it, we felt more solid than ever. Trusted him 100%.

But, silly me, he left me a third time, 9 years later, so I probably should have been insecure.

Feelings can change, nothing is solid or written in stone, so I will be doubtful and disbelieving if I have another relationship.

I guess the point is getting to the point in your life where you don't rely on anyone else, so that you're not devastated if you split up. Sad though as it's nice to feel loved and needed by each other

 

 

Disagree.

 

Starting fresh with someone new means there is no basis of doubt and distrust until proven otherwise.

 

Trying to make something work the second time around is much harder than the first....

 

The doubt will never go away completely. Ever. If they would walk away once, what's to stop them from doing it again?

 

Who wants to be in a relationship where the trust level is never at an acceptable level?

 

OP, if I were you, I'd probably walk away now....

[EricaH329]

I am going to give up. My hands are in the air. Maybe I don't deserve the love he is willing to give, or maybe I expect more than what he is willing to give.

 

Either way, after the past 2 years i've learned a lot about him. He has changed dramatically, and i'm not sure if the person he is now is someone I really want to be with.

 

Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful man. He has shown me (in the past month or so) that he is capable of loving someone to the fullest extent. I just don't think that the way he is living his life right now is the way that i'd be happy with. If that makes any sense.

 

This is seriously going to be the hardest thing i've ever had to do. He is the love of my life. I have compromised everything to be with him. It has gotten to the point, though, that i've realized that certain things about him I just cannot deal with.

 

Edit: Time to start grieving, once again...

[bananaboat11]

I am going to give up. My hands are in the air. Maybe I don't deserve the love he is willing to give, or maybe I expect more than what he is willing to give.

 

Either way, after the past 2 years i've learned a lot about him. He has changed dramatically, and i'm not sure if the person he is now is someone I really want to be with.

 

Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful man. He has shown me (in the past month or so) that he is capable of loving someone to the fullest extent. I just don't think that the way he is living his life right now is the way that i'd be happy with. If that makes any sense.

 

This is seriously going to be the hardest thing i've ever had to do. He is the love of my life. I have compromised everything to be with him. It has gotten to the point, though, that i've realized that certain things about him I just cannot deal with.

 

Edit: Time to start grieving, once again...

 

I'm sorry hun. You know I'm here for you

 

You were sitting next to an 'attractive guy' last night and didn't speak to him. What's wrong with you?!

 

You're saving yourself for me, right?

[EricaH329]

I'm sorry hun. You know I'm here for you

 

You were sitting next to an 'attractive guy' last night and didn't speak to him. What's wrong with you?!

 

You're saving yourself for me, right?

 

Of course Rob!

 

I did actually end up talking to him, we talked for hours and I was very surprised at how much we had in common! It was really refreshing to have the same opinions on a few things.

 

I talked to my ex this morning, and we sort of worked through things I guess. I don't know. I don't want to think about it right now.

[celluloid]

My boyfriend or former boyfriend left me four months ago. We were together SIX years.

 

He showed up at my doorstep last Wednesday begging for another chance. He really did a number on me - left me for another girl and all kinds of sh**.

 

Well, last Wednesday, he really wanted another chance, begged, cried. He broke down all the problems he knew he had at the time and how it was mostly all his fault. He said everything, I didn't have to put words in his mouth, so I agreed to reconsider reconciliation. We sort started out a little too fast and slowed down immediately - b/c we knew that to be the wisest thing.

 

Well, a few days go by and his contact, as your boyfriend did as well, went completely south and he is not even in the military - he lives 20 miles away. I mean you know. Well, my doubts start to increase rapidly and my mind really started turning. It ran away with me.

 

So I saw him this Monday, he came over. We watched TV, had pizza, and talked about what we did over the weekend. Well, he just plainly tells me how he went and hung out with this girl - THE GIRL HE LEFT ME FOR AND SLEPT WITH MULTIPLE TIMES during our time apart. I'm like what?! He says, I just want to be honest like we said and she is just a friend. - Fellow readers I am sorry, but no. Absolutely no way is he going to see her (also she still wants to be with him although he told her he didn't want her anymore) or keep that tie when he wants a relationship back with me. Am I out of line here? Because he thinks I am. I don't care what he says they are, I am not comfortable with it.

 

So, sadly, here I have opened myself up to another 'slashing of my heart.' I mean this really hurts. Why? I was so nearly convinced I was going to be able to work this out with him. I love him on a scale that I have never loved anyone and this is just, god, I can't believe I let this happen. I can't believe he is doing this to me again. Why can I not be enough?

 

Is this similiar to what he did? I mean - wanting and pleading for another chance then not doing the work? Why? Why would someone show so much humility and then refrain for the work? Like getting us to listen and reconsider was all they really wanted - like that was the challenge and now that it is over they can now relax - do these two men really think we are that ridiculously desperate to need them back in our lives? - well I take that back, I nearly am that desperate but not quite enough to let him see someone as 'a friend' he just finished screwing a month ago. I don't think so.

[Silver_star]

I have had to go thru getting dumped a few times before learning my lesson. I would take him back, have him "prove" to me he was different, and then be back at square one where he was pulling away from me once i let myself become emotionally attached again. Its a cruel game of cat and mouse. Unless a significant amount of time has passed..i dont think things will be different for u this time around. The only difference is that it will be harder because your doubt will consume you. He will probably do the same thing because he knows you are capable of forgiving him, and meanwhile he can be emotionally free to do whatever he wants. Im sorry ur goin thru this.

 

 

Trust your instincts, always.

[EricaH329]

Is this similiar to what he did? I mean - wanting and pleading for another chance then not doing the work? Why? Why would someone show so much humility and then refrain for the work? Like getting us to listen and reconsider was all they really wanted - like that was the challenge and now that it is over they can now relax - do these two men really think we are that ridiculously desperate to need them back in our lives? - well I take that back, I nearly am that desperate but not quite enough to let him see someone as 'a friend' he just finished screwing a month ago. I don't think so.

 

Oh my goodness! First i'd like to say that if I was in your position, I would be absolutely livid!!!!!! I can't believe he did that! And the reason for him not contacting you was because he was hanging out with this girl?! No freaking way!!! I can't imagine what you are going through, and you are absolutely CORRECT in being pissed off!! I'm pissed off just reading that!!! This needs to be a deal breaker. You cannot bend with this. He either stops talking to her (because you feel uncomfortable with it, which you have every right to be!) or you cannot allow the relationship to continue.

 

And you are absolutely correct in saying that they put themselves through the humility of begging and pleading for us back, only to put in minimal effort and act as though we are there to stay.

 

No! It's not going to happen like that!! I'd rather be alone then sit in misery every single day wondering what he's doing, or if he cares about me enough to be doing the right things.

 

Damn, I cannot agree with you more. That last paragraph you wrote really made me feel for you, I totally know exactly what you mean!! This is rediculous!

 

I have had to go thru getting dumped a few times before learning my lesson. I would take him back, have him "prove" to me he was different, and then be back at square one where he was pulling away from me once i let myself become emotionally attached again. Its a cruel game of cat and mouse. Unless a significant amount of time has passed..i dont think things will be different for u this time around. The only difference is that it will be harder because your doubt will consume you. He will probably do the same thing because he knows you are capable of forgiving him, and meanwhile he can be emotionally free to do whatever he wants. Im sorry ur goin thru this.

 

 

Trust your instincts, always.

 

You're right. This is something that takes a lot of time. I guess that's why I wasn't in such a rush to get back into this relationship with him. He is still 'proving' himself to me, and sometimes my doubts are so overwhelming. I try to talk to him about my doubts, and he does put in the effort... sometimes.

 

All I know, is that i'm not going to allow myself to be treated poorly anymore. If he thinks that he has me back again, he is wrong. I will not hesitate to walk away the minute I feel as though he isn't taking my thoughts and feelings into consideration.

[celluloid]

I am so glad that I have expressed my feelings on here, because, I will be honest with you, I almost had myself convinced that maybe I was out of line. I knew deep down that I wasn't. I have asked so many others already and they are telling me the exact same thing.

 

He and I are supposed to be meeting to talk more tomorrow, but I have not heard from him since Wednesday. Now whether that is just his way of thinking about the ultimatum I laid before him or what - but if he contacts me tonight or tomorrow morning confirming our meet, I think I will ask him plainly if he has anything new to say to me about the situation with her. And if he says no, then I am going to just tell him no that I do not want to meet with him.

 

I mean, I have no desire for him to tell me to my face that he will not stop seeing her. I don't care if she is just his friend or not. - I have already told him that I will never be able to be comfortable with him seeing her. I can not take him walking out that door and turning away from me again like he did four months ago. I have already been through enough.

 

Although the one thing I can not wrap my mind around is knowing and feeling the love I do for him and it being so unrequited through his actions. I know he loves me, but I don't understand why he is rejecting it. That is what will be the ongoing hurt. I just feel so used and so ridiculous.

[EricaH329]

I am so glad that I have expressed my feelings on here, because, I will be honest with you, I almost had myself convinced that maybe I was out of line. I knew deep down that I wasn't. I have asked so many others already and they are telling me the exact same thing.

 

Girl, I know exactly how you feel! Some guys have the power to make you feel as though you are over reacting about something, they actually make you doubt yourself! I'm in a similiar situation right now.

 

It's always good to hear from other people that you aren't in fact over reacting. That you have every right to feel the way that you do. Also puts things into perspective, that your priorities and concerns are totally different from theirs.

 

He and I are supposed to be meeting to talk more tomorrow, but I have not heard from him since Wednesday. Now whether that is just his way of thinking about the ultimatum I laid before him or what - but if he contacts me tonight or tomorrow morning confirming our meet, I think I will ask him plainly if he has anything new to say to me about the situation with her. And if he says no, then I am going to just tell him no that I do not want to meet with him.

 

Good idea! Is there a reason as to why you haven't heard from his since Wednesday? If that is a concern for you (not sure if it is, I know that it is with me), then i'd simply explain to him that part of working on your relationship is communication. That's a huge part! And without that, there is no relationship.

 

Reconciliation takes two people. Not one. Both need to be working on the relationship equally. The minute one begins to slack off, is when the questions need to come into play.

 

I mean, I have no desire for him to tell me to my face that he will not stop seeing her. I don't care if she is just his friend or not. - I have already told him that I will never be able to be comfortable with him seeing her. I can not take him walking out that door and turning away from me again like he did four months ago. I have already been through enough.

 

You go girl! Stick to your guns! You don't deserve to be treated like that! By anyone! And if he loves and respects you, he will make the change. If he doesn't, then I think you have your answer. As hard as it may be, it's easier to cut it off earlier rather than later.

 

Although the one thing I can not wrap my mind around is knowing and feeling the love I do for him and it being so unrequited through his actions. I know he loves me, but I don't understand why he is rejecting it. That is what will be the ongoing hurt. I just feel so used and so ridiculous.

 

Awww, i'm very sorry you feel that way! No one deserves to feel like that!

 

But I should add something. Everyone loves eachother differently. Just because a person isn't loving you the same way that you love them, doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care for you.

 

That being said, respect is HUGE! What he is doing, is showing you a huge lack of respect. This is something that should be a given, and since it's not, it's basically come down to you either demanding it or walking away.

 

I'd really like for you to keep me updated with this. I'd like to know how everything is coming along, if you don't mind.

[curiousnycgirl]

Erica - for what it's worth I was just having a conversation about facebook with a friend of mine the other day. She was showing up as online and active (green dot near her name in the chat list) - and I typed something to her. When she didn't respond I thought perhaps I had annoyed her.

 

Ends up she wasn't online at all. She had just moved houses and her internet wasn't set up yet, so there was simply no way.

 

Bottom line is - perhaps that is not THE issue you want to hang your hat on. OTOH who am I to say - I roll at the drop of a hat.

[EricaH329]

Erica - for what it's worth I was just having a conversation about facebook with a friend of mine the other day. She was showing up as online and active (green dot near her name in the chat list) - and I typed something to her. When she didn't respond I thought perhaps I had annoyed her.

 

Ends up she wasn't online at all. She had just moved houses and her internet wasn't set up yet, so there was simply no way.

 

Bottom line is - perhaps that is not THE issue you want to hang your hat on. OTOH who am I to say - I roll at the drop of a hat.

 

Oh I totally get what you're saying! I can never go by who is 'online' on FB, only because there are so many other reasons as to why they could be showing up online, even if they aren't.

 

The way that I had found out that he was online during that specific time, was because he was posting things on his page. Which include the time, and day that it had been done.

[curiousnycgirl]

Oh I totally get what you're saying! I can never go by who is 'online' on FB, only because there are so many other reasons as to why they could be showing up online, even if they aren't.

 

The way that I had found out that he was online during that specific time, was because he was posting things on his page. Which include the time, and day that it had been done.

 

Ok then I hate to say this, but wow what a dumba$$! Might not be "end it" worthy - but he certainly deserves a rash of sh*t! Why do people lie like that?! I'll never understand that.

[EricaH329]

Ok then I hate to say this, but wow what a dumba$$! Might not be "end it" worthy - but he certainly deserves a rash of sh*t! Why do people lie like that?! I'll never understand that.

 

I know right!! What confuses the hell out of me, is that he continues to do stuff like that. He already knows I look at his FB page... so why he continues to do things that contradict what he is telling me is seriously beyond my comprehension.

[EricaH329]

Oh my goodness... I totally forgot to mention this. I know it's off topic, but I figure it's worth mentioning.

 

Earlier today, while talking to him, he told me that someone had broken into his hotmail account, changed the password, got into his myspace page, and changed that password also.

 

What confused me is i'm wondering who would go through all of that just to look at his myspace page? Something that he never uses anymore. It has to be someone he knows. If it were someone that was just hacking into his myspace account, they would have just done that.

 

I think he began hinting towards the fact that he thought I did it, because he kept saying, "I don't know why they did that, I don't have anything bad on Myspace, so i'm not worried about it."

 

First of all, if I were to hack onto anything it'd be his facebook account since that is basically his life. Second of all, I don't need to hack into anything because he gives himself away all on his own!

 

But I am curious to know who would be so interested in what he has on his myspace page. I'm thinking crazy ex gf that keeps trying to come back into his life. Hmmm...

[curiousnycgirl]

Was he seeing anyone before he came back? And does she have a so (or ex)?

 

When my ex and I first met he had someone hacking his accounts all the time. The hacker would send email from him, mostly to the women in his contact list, basically trying to get us mad at him. Ends up before me he had dated a woman who had been separated from her husband, and the hacker was the husband.

 

Just speculation - truth is who knows. Interesting that he thinks it would be you - that is just bizarre.

[Art_Critic]

Boy EricaH329.. you really need to leave this guy behind you and make him part of your past and not your present..

 

You don't need a guy like him and if you would just let him go and find another you will see how bad he really is/was to you...

[EricaH329]

Was he seeing anyone before he came back? And does she have a so (or ex)?

 

When my ex and I first met he had someone hacking his accounts all the time. The hacker would send email from him, mostly to the women in his contact list, basically trying to get us mad at him. Ends up before me he had dated a woman who had been separated from her husband, and the hacker was the husband.

 

Just speculation - truth is who knows. Interesting that he thinks it would be you - that is just bizarre.

 

He knows i'm extremely truthful when it comes to everything. If I want to know something, i'll ask. If I feel like something is going on (especially to the point where I would stoop to hacking into his account) I would most certainly say something to him.

 

As far as I know (from what he's told me) he hasn't dated or even slept with anyone since me. We've been together on and off for a year and a half. Why someone would hack into his account now, is something I just don't understand. I trust him when he tells me that he hasn't seen anyone, and that he doesn't have any idea who the person that hacked into his account could be. I guess if he is lying the truth will come out in time.

 

I just find this situation very odd.

[annxxdisaster]

Boy EricaH329.. you really need to leave this guy behind you and make him part of your past and not your present..

 

You don't need a guy like him and if you would just let him go and find another you will see how bad he really is/was to you...

 

 

I agree with Art Critic on this.

[EricaH329]

Boy EricaH329.. you really need to leave this guy behind you and make him part of your past and not your present..

 

You don't need a guy like him and if you would just let him go and find another you will see how bad he really is/was to you...

 

I know, you are probably right. I just have an extremely hard time letting go of him because he is the first person i've ever loved. I've put up with so much crap from him, because I always thought the end result would be worth pushing through everything else for.

 

I keep thinking that we will be able to work through our problems and eventually have a strong, healthy relationship. But it's not looking like that. Then again... maybe these things take time? I'm not really sure how to handle this sort of situation, i've never been in it before. But I always hear people telling me "If you love someone, you will do anything to make it work." I guess i'm trying to live up to my part in that.

[annxxdisaster]

I know, you are probably right. I just have an extremely hard time letting go of him because he is the first person i've ever loved. I've put up with so much crap from him, because I always thought the end result would be worth pushing through everything else for.

 

I keep thinking that we will be able to work through our problems and eventually have a strong, healthy relationship. But it's not looking like that. Then again... maybe these things take time? I'm not really sure how to handle this sort of situation, i've never been in it before. But I always hear people telling me "If you love someone, you will do anything to make it work." I guess i'm trying to live up to my part in that.

 

First loves are great and they are also the hardest thing to give up or to clearly see when it's not working. But let me tell you, your next love will be WAY better. Personally, after my last ex, I wouldn't want to be with someone who hasn't experienced love before...I don't think you can fully appreciate what it is until you have to face losing it.

 

It seems like you're having too many doubts about all of this already.

 

Being THAT selfless ("If you love someone, you will do anything to make it work.") isn't the best way to go, especially if you don't feel like anything is being reciprocated. It seems the best way to think of this situation is, "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were."

 

Move on. Find someone else who isn't making you feel so doubtful or unsure. If your paths meet later in life, take it from there.

[EricaH329]

First loves are great and they are also the hardest thing to give up or to clearly see when it's not working. But let me tell you, your next love will be WAY better. Personally, after my last ex, I wouldn't want to be with someone who hasn't experienced love before...I don't think you can fully appreciate what it is until you have to face losing it.

 

It seems like you're having too many doubts about all of this already.

 

Being THAT selfless ("If you love someone, you will do anything to make it work.") isn't the best way to go, especially if you don't feel like anything is being reciprocated. It seems the best way to think of this situation is, "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were."

 

Move on. Find someone else who isn't making you feel so doubtful or unsure. If your paths meet later in life, take it from there.

 

I sometimes feel like an idiot when looking in from an outside perspective. I always remember my friends explaining to me that they are having a hard time leaving their SO because it is their first love. All I can remember thinking is, "What in the world are they doing!?". Now, the shoe is on the other foot.

 

During the four months that him and I weren't together, I had a lot of time to reflect. The first thing I learned, was that I was in no position to give myself to anyone else. It will take an awful long time for me to be able to heal fully and completely before being able to move onto someone new. I was alright with that, though.

 

Another thing that i've learned is patience. Some things take a lot more time and effort than others, and most of the time those are the things that are most rewarding.

 

The most important thing i've learned, I think, is something about myself that i'm not necessarily proud of, but good to know about myself. I am the type of person that cannot stand the idea of ruining something. I don't ever want to be the reason why something failed, or didn't work out the way it was supposed to. I give 110% and basically wait for it to fall apart because of someone else. If I were the one to quit (with anything) I would feel like I didn't give it my all. I have a lot of fight in me, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. I know the potential I have, and I strive to use all of it, all the time.

[annxxdisaster]

I sometimes feel like an idiot when looking in from an outside perspective. I always remember my friends explaining to me that they are having a hard time leaving their SO because it is their first love. All I can remember thinking is, "What in the world are they doing!?". Now, the shoe is on the other foot.

 

During the four months that him and I weren't together, I had a lot of time to reflect. The first thing I learned, was that I was in no position to give myself to anyone else. It will take an awful long time for me to be able to heal fully and completely before being able to move onto someone new. I was alright with that, though.

 

Another thing that i've learned is patience. Some things take a lot more time and effort than others, and most of the time those are the things that are most rewarding.

 

The most important thing i've learned, I think, is something about myself that i'm not necessarily proud of, but good to know about myself. I am the type of person that cannot stand the idea of ruining something. I don't ever want to be the reason why something failed, or didn't work out the way it was supposed to. I give 110% and basically wait for it to fall apart because of someone else. If I were the one to quit (with anything) I would feel like I didn't give it my all. I have a lot of fight in me, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. I know the potential I have, and I strive to use all of it, all the time.

 

I'm still working on the whole patience thing, I'm really awful at it.

 

And I'm totally with you on the not wanting to ruin something thing. You never know what MAY happen with a relationship but you do your best to make sure that you don't throw in the towel or at the very least, you want to make sure that you have given your all to someone or a relationship to see that it works.

 

Which that is important, but if both people aren't doing the same thing, no ones going to be happy. :\

 

But I definitely can sympathize with that, I do the same thing...and I have a lot of trouble letting that go after it's ended (I also don't know when to quit).

 

Whatever happens, I do hope that you're happy as an outcome.

[EricaH329]

I'm still working on the whole patience thing, I'm really awful at it.

 

And I'm totally with you on the not wanting to ruin something thing. You never know what MAY happen with a relationship but you do your best to make sure that you don't throw in the towel or at the very least, you want to make sure that you have given your all to someone or a relationship to see that it works.

 

Which that is important, but if both people aren't doing the same thing, no ones going to be happy. :\

 

But I definitely can sympathize with that, I do the same thing...and I have a lot of trouble letting that go after it's ended (I also don't know when to quit).

 

Whatever happens, I do hope that you're happy as an outcome.

 

Yes, exactly! I'm still trying to master the whole patience thing (if there is such a thing) but I have come a longggg way.

 

I, too, have the problem of not knowing when to quit. I believe it has to do with the fact that I don't believe in quitting, especially after i've invested so much into something. Sometimes that can be a good thing. Others (like this for example), not so much.

 

And thank you for wishing me happiness. I do honestly believe that no matter what happens, I will be happy. Either way, I have (and am continuing) to learn a lot about myself.