My on-going problem

[annxxdisaster]

My first love relationship I didn't know when to pull the plug. I knew for a fact I wasn't happy with it. He'd go to bars once every weekend, I couldn't join since I'm not 21 and I don't have a fake. We dated for a year and a half and he never asked me to meet any one in his family. He'd forget to call, and I knew it really wasn't what I wanted out of a relationship.

 

I kind of, forced him to pull the plug on it, I called him one day really angry, bitched at him said something about us being over, but even when we had a face to face talk, I couldn't be strong enough to end it.

 

It's really hard when YOU'RE in the situation to see when you should call it quits, love is a really hard thing to give up on.

[EricaH329]

My first love relationship I didn't know when to pull the plug. I knew for a fact I wasn't happy with it. He'd go to bars once every weekend, I couldn't join since I'm not 21 and I don't have a fake. We dated for a year and a half and he never asked me to meet any one in his family. He'd forget to call, and I knew it really wasn't what I wanted out of a relationship.

 

I kind of, forced him to pull the plug on it, I called him one day really angry, bitched at him said something about us being over, but even when we had a face to face talk, I couldn't be strong enough to end it.

 

It's really hard when YOU'RE in the situation to see when you should call it quits, love is a really hard thing to give up on.

 

I feel like you and I handle situations like this the same way. We both know when something doesn't feel right about the relationship, we will even admit it... but that doesn't change the fact that we cannot bring ourselves to 'quit' on the relationship. Maybe you aren't that way anymore (and if that's the case, then good for you!!) but your previous relationship sounds a lot like my situation.

 

You are so right in saying that love is a really hard thing to give up on. It's almost as if you are willing to put up with all the crap because you love this other person so much. I guess it comes to a point where you aren't willing to put up with the crap anymore, but I suppose I just haven't reached that yet.

 

It's very, very hard at times. But I knew this getting back into this relationship with him. Him and I are thousands of miles apart, and to add onto that, we are currently working on something that was once very badly broken.

 

I think we both know that this isn't going to be anywhere near easy, but I feel like if one of us didn't feel like it was worth the effort then we wouldn't have even considered it.

 

I must give him credit. He is treating me better than he has in about 8 months. I think the time apart was something we both needed. I know that i'm fully dedicated to making this work. It all rests in his hands at this point. Whether or not our relationship survives or fails.

[annxxdisaster]

I feel like you and I handle situations like this the same way. We both know when something doesn't feel right about the relationship, we will even admit it... but that doesn't change the fact that we cannot bring ourselves to 'quit' on the relationship. Maybe you aren't that way anymore (and if that's the case, then good for you!!) but your previous relationship sounds a lot like my situation.

 

You are so right in saying that love is a really hard thing to give up on. It's almost as if you are willing to put up with all the crap because you love this other person so much. I guess it comes to a point where you aren't willing to put up with the crap anymore, but I suppose I just haven't reached that yet.

 

It's very, very hard at times. But I knew this getting back into this relationship with him. Him and I are thousands of miles apart, and to add onto that, we are currently working on something that was once very badly broken.

 

I think we both know that this isn't going to be anywhere near easy, but I feel like if one of us didn't feel like it was worth the effort then we wouldn't have even considered it.

 

I must give him credit. He is treating me better than he has in about 8 months. I think the time apart was something we both needed. I know that i'm fully dedicated to making this work. It all rests in his hands at this point. Whether or not our relationship survives or fails.

 

Nope, I'm still sort of that way. I mean, with my last relationship, I didn't really see a need to make it end like he did. Who knows.

 

I think distance helps with things like this, when you don't have the person physically there, it's a little easier to act with a clear mind. I hope he doesn't turn into a huge jerk, and treats you well miss!

[MySweetie'sGone]

Hi Erica,

 

I tried to go back and look at some of your older posts but couldn't really get a grasp of your situation. Why did you guys break up in the first place? (if u don't mind giving a brief recap:)). Did you talk to him in the period in between?

[EricaH329]

Nope, I'm still sort of that way. I mean, with my last relationship, I didn't really see a need to make it end like he did. Who knows.

 

I think distance helps with things like this, when you don't have the person physically there, it's a little easier to act with a clear mind. I hope he doesn't turn into a huge jerk, and treats you well miss!

 

Thank you!! I hope he doesn't either!!

 

And there are definitely positives and negatives to being long distance. Overall, though, I think it causes more problems.

 

Hi Erica,

 

I tried to go back and look at some of your older posts but couldn't really get a grasp of your situation. Why did you guys break up in the first place? (if u don't mind giving a brief recap:)). Did you talk to him in the period in between?

 

Yeah, my situation has been a long and confusing one, that's for sure!

 

We broke up twice, basically for the same thing. His lack of effort. Which eventually turned into disrespect.

 

After the first time we broke up (it was for a month) we talked for about 2 weeks, and then went NC for 2 weeks. Then he came back to me.

 

After the second time we broke up (it was for 4 months) we went NC for a month, talked for about 2 weeks, went NC again for a little while. It went on and off like that during the whole 4 months. Then he came back to me again.

[bananaboat11]

Erica - this'll probably be stupid of me, but as I scanned over your new(er) issues and the responses... first loves are always tough to let go. There are always the what if's that exist in your mind... and in his own. You shared a first kiss... a first love... a first bond... a first connection... a companionship... your first 'time'... and you truly want to believe that you are that fairy tale 'happily ever after' couple.

 

It's truly hard to decipher the true emotion from the fascination. The first time is truly the hardest... but if he is being his old self in any form.. the self that you left... and all you can try is talk and he will not listen, yet hear you and things aren't changing... unable to get through to him.

 

you may try to cross the vast oceans... climb a ladder into the heavens to try to reach him, but if you cannot... and you are feeling like a puzzle that cannot find the missing piece... and the comfort of that first love seems to just fit, but not perfectly and you're willing to settle. Even though that 'piece' covers half the board... or even if the piece doesn't fit...

 

The best thing you can do in your position is blind him to yourself... out of sight, out of mind. You're young. You're beautiful. You're sensible. You're smart. You're vibrant.

 

Sometimes our first loves are a valuable learning experience...

 

I'm not going to let a failed relationship completely reaffirm that I'm a terrible person, a terrible partner... and change the way I want to love. I know out there there is someone who is looking for me... as I long for their touch... their warmth of heart... as her eyes penetrate my soul and she can see me for all I am and be happy with that...

 

you. will. find. that.

 

I promise. Please, continue being you... the smart, strong, suave, sexy, seductive, sensual, siren that you are... you get to breathe your own life... you walk your own path. Pave a new road for yourself and walk it with pride.