were both scared to say things to each other!

[zingy'd]

this is really weird but today i found out from my boyfriend that he has been afraid to ask me things or bring things up to me for fear of me getting mad at him! example: the other day in vegas he wanted to do some karaoke but was afraid to bring it up even for fear i'd get bent all out of shape so he said nothing. today he was afraid to talk about going out on new years eve cause he figured i'd get mad at that too.

 

funny thing is that i feel the exact same way! i was afraid to ask him if we could stay home on new years eve just this once because we've been gone for a week now and i only want to vegge out. i also was afraid to ask him yesterday about something but i forgot now what it was.

 

i was really shocked that HE was afraid to bring certain things up to me as i am to him!!!

 

what an eye opener that was! i just have noooo clue as to what to do about it though but it has been that way for us both for quite some time and probably building up a lot of resentment for both of us!

 

then while in vegas i thought of the slot machines and how that intermitten gratification of winning a few credits is just enough to keep you putting more and more money into the machine.

 

the time we were there he was such an a**h*** and i dont even know why and i don't think he knows why either but he knew he was acting that way.

 

i was so ready to leave him so many times when we got back. i could not even wait to get home to get away from him!

 

then come evening again he would finally chill out and start acting nice and humane again.

 

then while we were there he spent alot of money on my sisters and dinner and he bought me some nice clothes as well then i felt like such a heel for thinking that way towards him again then he'd be right back acting like a jerk again!

 

that is how i thought of the slot machine analogy with him, that is how it is with him. he can be such a sweet heart then such a jerk, you just never know what is going to come out of him and that is the same with the slot machines..

 

geeesh no wonder i've been so confused for 3 plus some years since this started with him.

 

we both have counseling appt.s tomorrrow, how ironic huh? he started taking some sami today too, and i gosh i hope it helps cause i had to walk away from the slot machines because i was tired of losing more then winning and if i keep feeling more tired of losing with him too then winning i'm afraid i'll have to make a decision once and for all!

 

i thought about it so much in vegas that i got so angry about the whole mess with his moods, that i wanted to pound the hell out of something!

 

then today when he was acting like a jerk, and it is just his attitude not so much words but his whole attitude is sour, then we go grocery shopping and then for pizza and he was sweet as pie.

 

yeah he is just like a slot machine!

[zingy again]

i talked to the counselor today about all this and she asked how i handle his moods, and i broke down again and cried. i cried out of frustration with his moods, i just don't know how much of his moods are my fault and how much is how own problems, is there a way to tell?

[midlifecrisis]

His moods your fault? Never blame yourself for something like that.

 

The reason I'm replying to your post is that he sounds like me about 15 years ago. I would be afraid to bring up things that I wanted or was bothered about, and the result of bottling that up inside myself would be some fairly dramatic moodiness. It took therapy to break myself out of that cycle.

 

Talking things out openly is scary, because you may find out that you two don't want the same things. On the other hand, if you do end up seeing eye-to-eye, things can get WAY better in your relationship. So... its worth the risk in my opinion.

 

You are already getting professional help, so there's probably not much I could add -- but my suggestion is that you DON'T put up with his moodiness. It might be worth a minimum of effort to draw-out what is really bugging him, but in the long run, he has to improve his communication skills before he can contribute effectively to a healthy relationship

[AllyKat]

I dont think you should be in a relationship if you are not happy.

 

I cant tell from your postings how bad it really is. Are you happy with him?

 

You need to communicate, sit down and talk to him. You cant read each others minds!

[zingy'd]

it is not that bad, well it was but now it is better again but that is the nature of our relationship, up/down/back/forth etc... but i was just amazed at how much we felt the same and didn't even know it.

 

while in vegas though he was even stressed out because instead of saying "no" to this or that he acted simply like that things were okay.

 

i was surprised out to find out otherwise, but am glad i did...