Insecurity, Suspicion and Fear... reason or not

[lejla]

I guess, a little background info is needed in the order to explain the situation. We have met on line, and it was absolutely an amazing connection in so many ways and on so many different levels. Clearly, the long distance in addition to cultural differences were at play but we handled it well and communicated so very strongly. We have spent months on-line, skyping for hours on end until we finally met. I went to visit him and he proposed (we discussed it, so it did not come as a surprise). We are now engaged.

We have spent an amazing month together and had a really good time. He was consistent in his behavior and I just knew I wanted to spend my life with him.

Now, that I am back home and am supposed to dismantle my life as I know it and move across the world to be with him, things have changed and I am not sure that I know how to approach it or what to think of it.

I can be insecure:o and have a history of being suspicious and just acting really insecure.

Now, that being said since my return things have been dramatically different. We don't text/call/skype the same way we used to. There seem to be some distancing and I saw him on skype at 2am his time and when he saw me - he signed off. Further more, today I saw him on skype and I said hello - he replied that he needs some time and then shortly after he wrote that he is going out to dinner with his brother.

Later this evening he was again on 2 different chats, seeing me signed in and never wanting to talk to me.

He did call me twice today and we did talk but I cannot help feeling that something is wrong and think that he is talking to some woman.

He wrote me that he cannot wait for me to come there and for us to be together, after I asked him if everything is ok and if he is ok. He simply replied all is well, he is busy and that he just wants me to be there.

Yet, his actions at least on chat sites are just questionable or is just me being insecure and overly suspicious?

I just don't understand why things have changed so much, I have his ring on my finger but I miss things the way they used to be.

 

Am I just freaking out or should I be concerned?

Thanks so much.

[datingrev01]

Hello! I think you both really need to talk about the situation you must try to tell him everything that you feel and make him feel that you are still there for him that yuou also would want to be with him. coz maybe you just lack communication which is very important in a relationship. take a break, reflect and give time to talk to him..You will not know what's happening unless you could talk and its not yet too late do it while its hot..It's really hard to just assume things or doubt on something..goodLuck!

[lejla]

Thank you.

 

I did talk to him, I did not mention the skype avoidance as I don't want to sound so desperate.

 

I did tell him that I miss talking to him, and he said that everything is fine and that all he wants is for us to be together.

 

He calls regularly and he is a very nice guy, I just cannot understand who is he talking to at 1/2am and why is he avoiding me on skype.

 

Anyone else any thoughts, share.

[Citizen Erased]

Thank you.

 

I did talk to him, I did not mention the skype avoidance as I don't want to sound so desperate.

 

I did tell him that I miss talking to him, and he said that everything is fine and that all he wants is for us to be together.

 

He calls regularly and he is a very nice guy, I just cannot understand who is he talking to at 1/2am and why is he avoiding me on skype.

 

Anyone else any thoughts, share.

Ask him, plain and simple. If you don't feel comfortable enough to discuss your fears with him I suggest that you aren't ready to marry him.

 

Your insecurity is something you need to sort out, being in an LDR is hard enough. You aren't going to be able to do that unless you are both completely honest and open with each other. You are only going to drive yourself crazy with wondering.

[ukguy1985]

i was in well probably not similiar situation. met this great girl online but unfortunately could not meet her irl as the company i worked for went bust and 5 months later at the time i managed to get a job but it was over with her a month or so before.

 

looking back on it and this is my experience and as i said we never met in person though we wanted to at some point. i got worried she was losing interest etc, of course she was getting busy in her life where she lives too so there was no chance to talk as much but im certain me asking her if she is ok or losing interest pushed her to end it.

 

so my recommendation is just be careful in asking or in my case asking too many times . again its not a similar situation but these things can happen.

[nrmommie]

i think you do need to be careful about being too needy and desperate... and yet...

 

you have to trust him. trust is not a right, it is a privilege that a person earns. is actions are costing you trust and you need to address that. it maybe insecurities, but if he loves you, he will want you to feel secure in this relationship and this huge change you are making. you two should meet half way. in other words, he will do something to help ease these insecurities and you will have some faith.

 

but if you don't say anything he will not know.

 

if you do say something and it drives him away, then you know that you just saved yourself a lot of pain in the long run.

 

listen to your heart when it is trying to tell you something.