MousePotato Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Hi, First off let me say this a great place. I just found it. Now I'm not normally an emotional guy, at least on the outside, but the thought of my long lost love from highschool makes me pause and daydream. She was my first, and last(not literally). I dont think Ive ever gotten over her. I think about her when Im with other women, not sexually but when the relationship gets comfortable with the current one I think of her. Ive never been married or truely commited. I dont know what to do. And for a guy that hardly ever cries(it took me three days after my dads funeral to even cry)whenever I hear the song Try by blue rodeo I have to utrn it off(it was the song that was playing the first time we made love) and all blue rodeo songs make me think of her. It makes me feel so sad and pathetic even more.And I havent seen her for 15 years. What to do Signed: A big macho guy brought to tears by the thought of his his ex. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Awww, that sounds so sweet to me. The only thing I can tell you is that if I were you, I would try to contact her somehow. I wouldn't dive straight in and tell her everything you posted here. It might be awkward for her to hear if she's married or in a committed relationship. I would probably say something along the lines that I had been thinking about her recently and wanted to see how she was doing, what she was up to. However, I'm not male - so my advice might come off as somewhat corny if put to the test. Still, do try and initiate some form of contact with her. Unless some other posters have a better idea. Good luck with however you deal. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
Author MousePotato Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 I would like to contact her, but I have to break up with my current GF first. But thats another issue all together. Or maybe not. I suppose I could contact her and keep it casual. I dont want to betray my current GF even if I eventually break up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Just read another post by you. If you are currently seeing someone, don't do any of the above until you break it off with this person (if you plan to). Things don't have to be physical to be considered cheating. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
lil_miz_depressed Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 u have feelings 4 her? if so let them out find her!! tell her how u really feel it will make such a difference let her no how much she means 2 u if u luv her so much dont give up look & dont stop the saying set free the 1 u luv if they come back theyre urs if they dont they neva were who nos she may give u a chance remember not all women r cold & heartless actually theyre the opposite so long asu will be honest & trustworthy u will get on fine remember communication is a big part of relationships Link to post Share on other sites
Author MousePotato Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 The problem is that I feel that there is something wrong witn me for feeling this way after all these years. I suppose there is merit. In highscool I was very shy and ackward but attractive and girls called me sweet. But most girls went ut with the cooler guy's. I wasnt not cool,but I wasnt ...well its hard to explain really. I just wasnt a ladies man in highschool. Anyway I guess she saw past that, and saw me for whatever. Whereas alot of the other girls bypased me becuase I didnt smoke or do whatever cool kids did, she went after me(not slutty like), becuase i was shy and it really helped me. Otherwise I would have probably never had a GF in highschool. And she really liked me, and she was ironically one of the most beautiful girls in the whole school. Natural beauty, the other girls wore way to much makeup. She didnt dress to show off her body , but it was there and it was nice. And she was sweet as well not stuckup or had an attitude like the other good looking girls.She was a real quality girl that alot of other guy had tried and failed to get. And she was easy to get along with. Anyway she liked me and we went out together, and we were each others firsts. And I cant forget any of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MousePotato Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 And I suppose there is a big part of me that is afraid that I wouldnt meet up to her expectations be rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
Jiggly 2K3 Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 How long did you two date for, and why did you end up breaking up? Link to post Share on other sites
lil_miz_depressed Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 god i cant believe wat ur saying this is how it was wit me & my bf im telling u if it was me i would take u back but if u find her take it slow she will need time 2 get used 2 u again my bf was sweet we were each others first both luv & intamacy & distance seems 2 get in the way a lot but in ur case time did wat eva the reason give it a go find her if she was nice then wats 2 say she doesnt have the same personality ppl dont change their personality as much as their apperance Link to post Share on other sites
Author MousePotato Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 2 years and in highschool, at that age that's an eternity . Her father moved to another part of Ontario and she of course went with him. at that age I guess you do your best to keep in touch, but also at that age other things distract you and you dont have the independence or resources to pursue a long term relationship. I always wondered what would have been if she hadnt moved. I feel so jipped, like someting was stolen from me and I didnt even do anythihg wrong to desreve it. IT was really the way we parted that has left alot of unanswered questions confused feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MousePotato Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 Thanks all for the advice. I need to make some big changes in my life otherwise I feel I might get stuck in a rut like a broken record. Going over and over the same feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 dear mouse potato- the first love will always be special. you have to move on with your life. especially if she is now married with children. sometimes i read that we try to reconnect with the past loves in an attempt to reconnect with a simpler time of innocence and promise. when everything seemed so easy and magical. i too have the same dilemma you have i dated the guy for 5 years- age 16-21 which was a very long time for both of us. i too think that something is wrong with me as it has been 20 years since we parted. i think about him more than i should and the what ifs are abundant. in part because i left him at a time when i was still in love with him for the grass is greener only to realize much much later what i had was the best. my advice to you is to live in today. try not to dwell on memories or songs - it will only perpetuate this state that you are in. i am trying to take my own advice and it is very difficult. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 MousePotatoe, I think you should try and find her as well, just to get the answers to all your wondering. I am curious as to how many people feel this way about their first love? To me, this is scary because I ended my first love for valid reasons and would never think of going back to him. Also, we only dated a year, as compared to others who have dated their first loves for many years. I am asking this b/c this is one of my big fears - to date someone who has a long term first love. I am in my 20s and I fear that the person would go back to that ex sometime down the road. I feel that it is better to date someone without all that 'baggage'. Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 sarah you are correct for your opinion on first loves. i know that my ex knows that there will always be a bond there that can't be broken even by time. i have dreams of running into him. in the dream his wife is always on the periphery and basically withdrawing from the scene as we reconnect. i know this sounds like i am on a head trip. honestly though if we both were single and totally free there is no doubt we would reconnect. it depends on the person though as we both are successfully married now. i know he would never give up what he has now as i also would never dream of cheating on my great husband. i guess that is yet another part of him that i will always admire--integrity! Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 julieg - If your husband and his wife knew about the bond between you and the ex, what would they do? If I was the wife, I would definitely not be happy, and would probably rather my husband go and be with the one he truly loves. However, how do you know that if you reconnect now that things will be perfect? What was the reason for breaking up in the first place 20 years ago? The situation I am in, is that this guy I was recently seeing, had broken up with his ex of 5 years because he said they grew apart and he didn't love her anymore..We are still friends, and know that we have feelings for each other. However, I am scared..that if we do pursue something down the road..he may go back to the ex...He did not leave her for the grass is greener..he left her because it was unfair to be with her when he didn't love her..is it possible to fall out of love after being together for so long? I wish I knew what it was like..I feel so confused thinking about all this..we aren't even together right now and I am still thinking about it even though we only dated a very short time! Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 sarah, i dont know for sure that everything would work now- perhaps it is a fantasy. i broke up with him because sadly i had so much ambition and plans for my life and he seemed to be too complacent and content . i was not impressed with what he had planned for his future. i guess some may say that i truly did not love him then, but at 20 years old i felt that if i didn't look up to him in this respect it would end up destroying us later. i said goodbye truly hoping for him to find another "the one" girl to love. you have to accept that if your guy has been with someone for 5 years there has to be something there. he may think that he fell out of love with this gal and may very well never pursue or see her again but being the first girl he has spent 1/4 of his life with so far she will be a ruler to which he will judge others to for some time to come. it just makes sense. you sound like a bright gal and with a lot going for you. dont let any of this indimidate you. talk to him about her- you will be able to read between the lines if he is still on the rebound. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Thank you julie..I need to hear things like that.. I don't think he is looking for any rebound relationship. He has told me that he would never go back to the ex because they grew apart. He told me he cares for me a lot and really likes me. I am taking a step back now, trying to put him out of my life, but it is hard b/c it's not like there was anything wrong with us. I just don't want to get hurt down the road..I told him that I want to be friends and would like to keep in touch..but I think it will be too hard..I have never had such strong feelings for someone before.. I am also at that stage where I have plans for my life..and would like to pursue them..another reason I'm not sure I want anyone in my life at this moment..I want to enjoy being on my own...doing my own thing..and if he and I still have the same feelings down the road...I really hope that we can be together again.. As for you thinking about this ex..I had an ex who I broke up with b/c of a few reasons..but some are similar to the ones you've listed..I know that I cannot go back to him though b/c I think those differences are enough to keep us apart...so I don't think you should beat yourself up about this ex..I mean..really, you don't know if it could work or not..I always thought that if there was enough reason to break up in the first place..those reasons are probably still there..just my 2 cents though. Link to post Share on other sites
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