pinkstar Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 It's about 11 Months that I am caught in a long distance relationship. I've never seen him in reality...We met online. I am deeply in love and can not forget him.The last time we talked, he said that he would not want to hurt me but there are miles between us and it's not easy for him ..then he stopped talking even removed my name from his friend list of skype. Anyways, there is another guy, I met him 2 months ago ( in reality) in that time, we broke up completely with that guy that I really love...Anyways, I went out with this guy once but...I was thinking about the love of my life and just wished it was him ...the point is, this guy asked me to become closer and I said no! and he left...then now, after 2 months, he reappeared and asked for second date. I really don't know what to do...Please Help! To be honest, I do not like him at all! but I think I need sth to feel better...to be able to forget my long distance love, What do you suggest? should I see him? or say no this time? Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Firstly, if you dont like this guy who is asking you out, don't date him. You can't date someone (and potentially lead him on if he really likes you) just because you want to use him to help you get over someone else. Secondly, regarding your LDR... that guy has showed you very little respect by blocking you on Skype, at the very least he could have remained friends when you've ben close for so long. I imagine he probably met someone else in the "real world" and that's why he ended your relationship so abruptly. Console yourself by thinking that you never really knew him... you never even met him... and he clearly isn't too bothered about keeping in touch with you. I think what you need to do is be alone for a little while... work on feeling better and forgetting about this LDR, then focus on finding someone in real life to date, someone you're actually attracted to and aren't just using to get over someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
nrmommie Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 i know you are really hurting, but can i put something out there for you to think about? i have been doing a lot of online dating in the past year. several times i have found myself falling for a guy just through the initial contacts- instant messaging, texting, some phone calls. because i am a single mom, i am not always free every weekend or during the week, so sometimes there was some time before we could meet. i thought these guys really had the potential to be "the one". then we would meet one on one, and.... well not so much! it is likely, especially with the way he rudely ended it, that had you met, you would see he is not what you thought he was... not your love. remember how you felt when talking to him and look for them in a "real life" man. they are out there.... and he is looking for you! Link to post Share on other sites
SuburbanOblivion Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 I'm not going to tell you what you had wasn't real, being in a LDR where we met online too ..But, you can love a jerk online jut as you can a jerk IRL, and this guy was nothing but a jerk. There is nothing healthy or respectful about being in an intensely emotional relationship, and then turning your back on it and blocking the person for no reason. Maybe in that sense it wasn't real, because while the feelings were real for you, he clearly did not feel the same way. If you have no interest in this other guy, don't date him. You don't want to lead him on the way the other guy did you. BUT, if you think you could have feelings for him and you just didn't give it a chance, maybe he's worth another shot. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 It's about 11 Months that I am caught in a long distance relationship. I've never seen him in reality...We met online. I am deeply in love and can not forget him.The last time we talked, he said that he would not want to hurt me but there are miles between us and it's not easy for him ..then he stopped talking even removed my name from his friend list of skype. Anyways, there is another guy, I met him 2 months ago ( in reality) in that time, we broke up completely with that guy that I really love...Anyways, I went out with this guy once but...I was thinking about the love of my life and just wished it was him ...the point is, this guy asked me to become closer and I said no! and he left...then now, after 2 months, he reappeared and asked for second date. I really don't know what to do...Please Help! To be honest, I do not like him at all! but I think I need sth to feel better...to be able to forget my long distance love, What do you suggest? should I see him? or say no this time? Fist of all, it's not a REAL relationship until you meet in person. There can be plenty of chemistry through words typed online, and words exchanged on the phone, but until you see this person face to face and know how he lives his life.. than this is nothing more that a fantasy. I learned the hard way on this.. so trust me here. If you want things to progress.. you need to meet and sooner not later. If he is serious he will come to you. Good luck. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) I will second the whole thing about falling in love online and then not hitting it off in person... people might look ok in photos, but then you meet them in person and they walk funny or they stoop, they have shocking teeth or bad breath or really bad dress sense, or they have annoying habits that immediately drive you crazy. I've done a bit of online dating and had romantic feelings for guys who seemed great via email and phone, but there was just no attraction in person. You cannot know that you would evr have hit it off with this guy. Plus there are the other issues like: Did he lie to you? (one guy avoided questions about kids and I eventually found out he had three). How dos he live his life, and is it compatible with yours? (I don't like guys who go out and drink a lot, or people who constantly make a noise). There are so many factors here, there's a big chance that it wouldn't have worked out with this guy even if you met him. You need to meet someone in real life so you can assess these sorts of things before deciding if you love them. I don't mean to hurt your feelings; I know what you felt was real, but I just wanted to point out that there are so many things you don't know about this guy that you can't know if you would have been compatible in real life. Plus he was kind of a douchbag in the way he just started ignoring you after a year, which tells you a lot about what he would have been like as a real life boyfriend! Edited January 28, 2010 by Eeyore79 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkstar Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 I am quite happy to post my problem in this forum. You really helped me. It was a great turning point in my life that I could remove his Id from my skype although he already did that. I am not sure if he ever lied to me or not. But he said that he never did. He told me frankly that he had some other relationships only for sex and not a committed ones and I did not appreciate that. The point is, when we first met online, I was in my own country and the probability of meeting was zero, because our countries are not in good political relations and impossible to get visa for both of us. But after 7 months, I got my visa to another country and the situation changed and he changed also. He began sending me emails everyday and ask to chat more, voice chat, video call and we become closer and closer and even he talked of meeting in person some where , probable in my new place. In that point, I fell in love. Then after 1 week, after my move, he sent me an email and said he was in a weird period of his life and couldn't be in touch and asked me not to send him any emails. I was completely devastated, shocked! I was in a cultural shock to be at a new place, away from my family, friends and when I needed him most, he went like that. I cried day and night for 2 weeks, then I found a job, and felt less miserable. Then after 2 months, he reappeared and said he could not take our distance, he fell for me and all these lies....I was in doubt to begin a relationship or not. I couldn't decide. It was the first time , he said that he could not stop thinking about me and you know all the nice words...we began talking on mic, I felt that I really hated him ! I couldn't forgive what he had done so far...but on the other hand, I was really caught in the situation. I felt that he might really like me and something like that. We talked for 3-4 days then I told him it was not fair to send me that email and he said that there are miles between us, you need attention and I can't give that! and then, removed my name from skype and I couldn't even reply, although he didn't block because I can send messages to him, but I do not want that, not ANY MORE! Anyways, I am quite happy that all of you give me those precious advice. About the second guy, I found him not my type. He asked to meet at my place as the first date and I said I do not want neither to see him nor to be in touch with him. So now, I am free and I hope I can forget that guy and as you told me, that jerk forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 I hope you didn't move to another country just so you might be able to get a visa to see this guy, and get stranded there when he started ignoing you It sounds to me as though he was fine with stringing you along while he knew that meeting was impossible, but as soon as it became possible (i.e. when you moved) he ran away. If the distance was a problem, it would have been a problem from the beginning... no, the problem was either that he met someone else or he got scared when it actually became possible to meet you. Maybe he didn't want to meet because he was lying to you or something, I don't know. Either way, you're better off out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkstar Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 No! I applied for immigration visa more than two years ago, even before I met him. I do agree with you that he got scared or had something that he hid from me, a wife, kids or sth else...Im going thorough a difficult time ... I hope I can just forget him very soon. Link to post Share on other sites
jb89 Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 it is impossible to be in love with pretty words on a screen. Go outside and get human contact. Sounds about right. Link to post Share on other sites
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